But I keep reminding myself: I told her exactly what I needed from her, so it’s up to her to come through.
By the time Friday night rolls around, it feels like an entire year has passed. My crew and I have worked around the clock, perfecting my movements and getting me comfortable on the bull again.
“You ready?” Dad claps my shoulder.
“Born ready.” I give him the same cocky grin I always do, and with Dad on one side and Linc on the other, we wind our way through the back pens.
“You scored an 89.87 on that last ride.” I punch Linc in the arm. “I’m proud of you, fucker.”
He grins but doesn’t say a word. He’s struggled the last few years, and he doesn’t like to talk about it. I make a mental note to celebrate his success tonight when we go out after the event.
If we go out after the event.
I had plans to celebrate with Mo, bringing her out with the guys, but if she doesn’t show up, I might be nursing a beer by myself in the hotel room.
Linc has offered several times to check and see if Mo is here, but I’ve refused. If she didn’t, I don’t want to know until the very last minute. That way I can channel all of the anger and pain into the ride. And if she did…well, that’ll just give me the reason I need to go out and do my best.
I survey the full stadium, purposefully looking away from where the riders’ guests sit. Like all the times before, I climb up the fence, swing my leg over, and position myself on the bull. Ruckus thrashes to the side, unhappy that I’m on his back. We wait for him to settle, and then I wrap my hand in the rope, take a deep breath, and look up. It only takes a second for my eyes to find Mo. She’s exactly where she should be—perched on the edge of her seat, her eyes wide, hands clasped beneath her chin—and my heart soars.
Seeing her in the stands, sitting with the rest of the wives and girlfriends, is all I need to get my adrenaline pumping. Whatever she’s decided about her future, I know it includes me. She stepped out of her comfort zone to be here tonight, and that tells me more than words ever could. Suddenly I’m like a caveman banging on his chest, desperate for his girl to see him succeed.
Her face lights up with a breathtaking smile, and I give the nod.
The gate opens, and Ruckus flings himself into the arena, twisting every which way, bucking and jostling my body from side to side, but I hold on.
It’s the longest eight seconds of my entire life, this first ride back, but finally the buzzer sounds. I release my hold, wait for the right moment, and jump off.
Ruckus flings himself around the stadium, kicking up dust, but my eyes aren’t on him, they’re on Mo. She’s jumping up and down, clapping, her hair a wild mess around her head, and I’m absolutely mesmerized.
“Rhett!”
I blink, jerking my head to the right just in time to jump over the fence before Ruckus rams his horn up my ass.
“Shit,” Linc laughs. “You got a death wish or what?”
“Or what.”
“What were you looking out at there?” Dad asks.
“Mo.” I grin.
Linc doesn’t.
Neither does Dad.
“You need to keep your head in the game, son. You can’t get distracted out there or you’ll get hurt.”
“I know that.” I’m laughing even though it’s not funny. I can’t help it. I’ve never been this happy. When I walk out of this arena tonight, I’ll be walking away with Mo—with the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.
My next ride is similar to the first, only this time I’m on Bruiser, and he isn’t nearly as accommodating as Ruckus. His kick is higher, the twist faster, and I only make it seven seconds before I’m flung into the air.
I land on the unforgiving ground with a loud thud that feels like it echoes through the stadium. The force is enough to knock the wind right out of me, and it takes a second to catch my breath. Bruiser is corralled, and when I’m certain I can stand up without passing out, I get to my feet. My head spins, tilting the world to the left. I stumble, but Linc and Dad are there to catch me. Scanning the crowd, I find Mo. She’s standing up, one hand covering her heart, the other tucked tight against her stomach as though she’s keeping herself from being sick.
There’s not much I can do to ease her fear, so I tip my hat in her direction to show her I’m okay. I hope she understands. I can’t go to her or comfort her, and that kills me. I glance back at her several times as Linc and Dad lead me out of the arena. When I make it safely through the gate, she falls back into her seat.
I have a little time between rides, but I have to spend it getting checked out by the house doctor—which also pisses me off because I miss Linc’s final ride. When I get the all clear, it’s time to make my way back the chutes.
The third ride is much more like the first than the second. Demon kicks and spins, doing his best to throw me off, but I manage to hold on until the buzzer. When my feet are safely on the ground, I look for Mo, expecting her to be cheering along with the rest of the crowd. Except she isn’t. She’s sitting down while everyone around her hoots and hollers on their feet. Our eyes connect for a brief second before I’m dragged away.
“Awesome ride, brother. You are killing it tonight,” Linc says, guiding me through the back pens. When we hit the locker room, Dad stops.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“You good for a few minutes?” he asks, looking between me and Linc. “I’m gonna step out and call your mother, see how she’s doing.”
That’s odd. Dad doesn’t usually check in with her until the event is over, but whatever. “I’m good,” I assure him.
He nods and walks off. Linc and I go into the locker room and grab a drink while we watch a replay of my rides tonight.
“Can you pull up my last ride with Lucifer?” I ask.
“Sure can.”
Linc punches a few buttons, and I watch again as I’m thrown from the bull. This time, when I see myself lying on the ground, all I can think about is Mo hurdling over the bar and crying in Coop’s arms.
I close my eyes. “Turn it off.”
“I can’t believe you agreed to this,” Linc says. “You’re crazy, you know that? No man in his right mind would willingly get on Lucifer—especially again.”
I look up at him. “I have to.”
“You don’t.” Linc shakes his head.
“If you’re trying to prove something, forget about it,” he continues. “It isn’t worth your life. Did you see what happened to Rodriguez out there earlier tonight?”
“No, and don’t tell me. I’d rather not know.”
“It’s not too late to back out,” he offers.
“I’m not backing out.”
“Is this about the money? Because you don’t need the money.”
I’ll always need the money, but that’s not what this is about. “I need to do this for me.”
Linc takes a deep breath and looks around. When his eyes return to me, they’re full of spit and fire. “Then you better stay on that bull for the entire eight seconds. So help me God, if you don’t walk out of that arena, you’ll wish you’d never accepted this ride. For the first time since I met you, you’ve got something more than the bull and buckle to go home to, something to live and breathe for, and she’s a whole hell of a lot more important than conquering some bull.”
“I know.”
I realize that the bonus ride is a needless risk now that Mo is back in my life, but I have to do it anyway, for myself. Her showing up tonight is all I needed to confirm that she’s in this just as deep as I am, and I’m ready to walk away if that’s what we decide is best. But it’s a decision we’ll make together. I’m ready to hang up my rope and hat and help her chase her dream and our future, whatever that may be.
“I’m going to be fine,” I assure him.
“I sure as hell hope so. Come on, we’ve got to go get you ready.”
Five more guys ride, and then the bonus event is announced. The crowd goes wild, people r
ising into a standing ovation while I get myself into position on Lucifer. Slinging my leg over his back, I let it slide down his side. His eyes dart back, locking on mine, and it’s as if the damn bull remembers me. Thrashing to the left, he slams us against the gate. My crew lifts me up before he can crush my leg. He continues to thrash around for several seconds before finally settling down, and that’s when I realize my dad is still gone.
“Where’s my dad?” I holler to Linc.
He glances around and shrugs. “He’ll be here. Get yourself situated.”
It takes a little longer than normal to get my hand positioned in the rope. Adrenaline rushes through my veins, causing my arms and legs to tingle. I shake my free hand out, wiggling my fingers as though I’m warming up, and that’s when I realize it isn’t excitement that has me riled up. It’s fear.
In that moment, my whole life stops.
What if something happens? What if I get thrown off, kicked in the head, and have permanent brain damage? What if I never get to see Mo’s beautiful smile again, or hear her laugh?
What if I never get the chance to tell her I love her?
I can’t breathe.
I can’t speak.
All I can do is frantically search for Mo in the stands, because I need to see her. I need to know she’s still here.
“What’s wrong?”
I hear Dad’s voice behind me. I want to ask him where he went and what took him so long, but I can’t focus on anything but Mo.
“Where’s Mo? She isn’t in her seat.”
“Don’t worry about Mo,” he says. “She’s fine. You need to concentrate, because you’re about to ride this bull, and you have to focus on what you’re doing.”
I hear him. His words float around me, but they don’t register because all I can feel and think about is the incredible sense of dread weighing down my stomach.
“Come on, Rhett,” Linc hollers. “Snap out of it. They’ve already announced the ride. They’re waiting on you.”
I blink, searching the crowd one last time, and when I come up empty, I turn to Linc. “When I get off this bull, you better have a path clear for me to get straight out of this goddamn place, because I’m going after my girl.” I’ve got to find out why she left.
“Not sure you’ll have to go far, but okay.”
Tightening my grip on the rope, I lift my hand and nod.
Lucifer flies out of the gate with a frenzy only he’s capable of. The muscles of his back shift beneath my thighs as he bucks and thrashes around, tossing me from side to side. The roar of the crowd is deafening as I squeeze my thighs together, hell bent on staying on his back.
It feels like a lifetime, but the buzzer eventually sounds. The crowd goes wild, and in a not-so-graceful dismount, I fall to the ground. Lucifer jumps, charging for a rodeo clown as I scramble to my feet.
Rhett
As promised, Linc clears a path, and I rush through the gate, weaving through the back pens and ignoring the announcers and fans calling out for me. My head spins with all the places Mo could be, and I just want to find her and hold her and tell her how much I love her. I also need to apologize for getting back on Lucifer.
I’ll do whatever it takes, because now I know for sure that all I want in this life is Mo’s happiness.
I turn a corner and run right into her.
“Mo.” Relief rushes through me, and I yank her into my arms. “God, baby, I thought you left. I looked up in the stands, and you weren’t there.”
“I’m sorry.” She shakes her head, and I notice the tear stains on her cheeks. “I tried to watch, but I just couldn’t. I think your dad realized that, because he came and got me.”
“Wait. What? My dad came and got you?”
She nods. “I need you to listen to me, Rhett. I know this is what you do…what you love, but it was so much harder to sit there in the stands than I thought it would be.” Her words come out in a rush, along with a few fresh tears.
I wipe them away. “I know, baby.”
“No.” Her head shakes. “You don’t. It’s different than when we were younger. When we were sixteen, we were invincible, with the entire world at our feet. I don’t see things like that anymore.”
“What do you see?”
“I see a future. I know we’re not there yet, but I see babies and a tire swing in the front yard. I see family dinners and a golden retriever and teaching my daughter how to ride a horse. But when they announced the special event, all of that went away. All I could see were the ways that future could be ripped away from us. I had visions of you getting thrown off again, kicked in the head, trampled on, and I realized I can’t do this.”
Her voice splinters, along with my heart. She tries to pull away, but I don’t let her.
“I can’t sit here and watch you put your life and our future on the line.” Brushing the tears from her face, she blinks up at me, her big, beautiful eyes full of so much love and pain.
All the blood drains from my face. A wave of dizziness washes over me, and I reach for her arm. “What are you saying, Mo?”
“I can’t ask you to walk away before you’re ready, but you can’t ask me to watch.”
Oh, God. She’s leaving me.
“No!” I shout, my grip on her tightening. “You can’t leave me. You don’t have to ask me to walk away. I’ll just do it. I’ll walk away and never look back. I’d do anything for you—you can’t break up with me again.”
“Break up with you?” Confusion clouds her eyes.
My words continue to come out in a rush, my brain not exactly processing her question. “My life doesn’t work without you, so if bull riding is a hard limit, I’ll stop. I’d do that because I love you.”
Mo sweeps a hand up my cheek, curving her fingers around the back of my head. “What did you just say?”
“I love you. I’ve never stopped loving you, and I’m sorry I didn’t say it sooner, I just—”
Slamming her lips against mine, Mo shuts me up. And when she steps back, she’s smiling like she won the lottery.
“You love me?”
“More than I’ve ever loved another human being.” I press my lips to her forehead, lingering there while I catch my breath.
Mo grabs my hands and brings them to her heart. “The first time you gave me your heart, I broke it, but I swear it won’t happen again. And I know that means my life is going to change, but I want that, I’m ready for it. Dad and I talked a lot this week, and there are some things I want to run by you when we get home.”
Home. “Does that mean you’re sticking with me? Because I don’t think I could handle life without you. When I climbed on Lucifer and didn’t see you, all I could think was what would happen if I got hurt and never got the chance to see you again, or tell you I love you, and that scared the shit out of me. I’d rather get trampled by a thousand bulls than feel the pain of not having you with me.”
She smiles. “You’re stuck with me, cowboy.”
The weight on my shoulders lifts, finally making it easier to breathe. “But you said you couldn’t watch me put our future on the line.”
“I can’t,” she says. “Every time you climbed on one of those bulls, I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I left the stands because I couldn’t physically watch anymore. I support you, and I will be here for as many shows as I can, but I can’t be in the stands. I’ll wait in the wings. The less I see, the better. Your dad said your mom was the same way. It’s one of the reasons she doesn’t come to your events.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“That’s okay with you, right? If I’m here but not in the stands?”
“That’s more than okay.” I kiss her once, and then again. “But that doesn’t change what I said. Your support means everything, but I want our future, too. I want us to move forward together, make choices about my career together. I promise not to shut down when you offer your opinion, and when we get home, we’re going to talk about my retirement.”
�
�Rhett.” Her eyes widen. “I don’t want you to give up your dream. I would never ask you to do that.”
“I know you’re not, and I’m not giving up my dream. I’m adding to it. I finally have reason to heed the doctors’ warnings. Everything I do moving forward I’ll do for you—for us.”
“Oh, Rhett.” She tangles her fingers in my hair. “It’s not going to be easy, and we have a lot of things to work out, but I’m going to start living my life again, make the choices that are right for me—for us.”
Warmth flows through my veins as a smile stretches my face. “You’re worth so much more than the buckle or the bull or the adrenaline rush. I can live without those things, but not without you. You’re it for me, Mo.”
“Rhett.” She chokes back a sob. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too, baby. I promise I’m listening. We’re in this together, all the way.”
“Together.” She presses her lips to my heart.
I take a step back because I’m covered in dirt and sweat, and I probably smell like a damn bull. “Careful, baby. I’m dirty.”
“You’re sexy.” With her arms around my neck, she hops up to wrap her legs around my waist. I catch her, cradling her ass in the palms of my hands. “And now you’re going to take me home, and we’re going to make dirty, sexy love.”
“I like the way you think.”
Rhett
Mo’s face is smashed against the passenger side window. Her hair is a wild mess, and I’m pretty sure she’s drooling, but I’ve never been more in love with her than I am right now. In fact, I think I fall more in love with her with each passing moment, although I don’t know how that’s possible.
“Babe, wake up.” I brush the hair out of her eyes. She stirs in the seat, blinking as she sits up.
“Are we home?” she asks, yawning.
We had a late night last night. After the event, Linc, Dad, and I took Mo for a much-needed drink, and then I took her back to my hotel room, where I kept her up until the early-morning sun filtered through the windows. We made love more times than I can count, and about the time we drifted off to sleep, the alarm went off, and we had to get up to make our flight back to Houston.
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