I speared him to the floor with my eyes. He visibly shrank back without moving an inch, his tone shifting. “She was looking for you about five minutes ago.”
Shoving through the bodies, I searched, something akin to fear pulsing through my veins. I didn’t understand it—the tightness in my chest, this gripping worry tangling with the desire Elizabeth had left me with when she walked away.
The room felt too confined, and I forced my way through the crowd, pushing and shoving and basically being a total dick.
But every second spurred something higher in me.
Faces glared at me in irritation. I didn’t even stop to apologize.
Elizabeth was nowhere in the living room. The kitchen was jammed with people, all except the one I was so desperate to find.
Frustration bubbled up. I wanted to scream.
Fuck.
I dug into my pocket to find my phone to call her. The little red light flashed.
I opened it to a message from Elizabeth. Relief slammed me. Thank God.
That was until I read what she’d texted.
* * *
Elizabeth: Sorry. Tired. Will CU later.
* * *
The worry I felt transformed and lifted. A throb of anger formed a lump in my throat.
What the hell?
She just left. Without saying a word.
Why would she do this to me? Did she have any idea how fucking worried I was about her?
I dialed, but it went straight to voicemail, her phone deadened. That only managed to piss me off more.
Pushing through the crowd and out the door, I stumbled into the empty hallway. I glanced at the illuminated lights on the elevator. The car was higher in the building.
Unwilling to wait, I took stairs, propelled by anger and confusion, all wrapped up in a cloak of anxiety that something might happen to Elizabeth as she walked home by herself.
What was she thinking?
In all the months Elizabeth and I had hung out, she’d never once pulled anything like this.
Reliable.
Thoughtful.
That was Elizabeth.
But what? She was fucking tired so she walked home by herself in the middle of the night? Without telling me first?
Cold air jolted my senses as I stepped outside. Crowds still coursed the sidewalk. Couples roamed, and groups headed to wherever they were going that night.
My head whipped to the left in the direction of her apartment.
She was already gone.
I started out a flat-out run. Dodging people and barely pausing before I raced across the intersections.
I was panting by the time I stood outside her building. Pausing for a split second, I glanced up to the second floor and saw her light blazing through her window.
She was there.
Anger and relief. They cut a path through my insides.
Flinging open the building door, I barreled up the stairs. Frustration and something that felt a whole lot like hurt ebbed out the worry. Five seconds later, I was pounding on her door. I shuffled my feet impatiently, knocked again when she didn’t answer after a couple of seconds.
Finally, movement stirred on the other side of the door, and I could feel her peering out at me from the peephole.
Metal slid as she released the lock, and Elizabeth cracked open the door.
Confusion and sadness saturated the visible half of her face.
I bit back the urge to yell at her and forced down the anger when I saw the affliction twisting up the corner of her mouth.
I blinked, trying to make sense of what had happened in the span of ten minutes.
“Elizabeth.” It was a plea. What did I do?
Because I knew she wouldn’t have left without saying goodbye simply because she was tired.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, averting her timid gaze to the ground.
“What do you mean, what am I doing here? I was worried about you.”
I nudged open the door.
Elizabeth staggered back a couple of feet. Everything about her was beaten down. Blonde waves fell around her saddened face.
My fingers twitched, wishing to push it back, to force her to look at me.
“What happened?”
“I just . . .” She shook her head as she slowly lifted her eyes to find mine. Sadness pooled in the depths. “I don’t know anymore, Christian.”
That feeling washed over me again, something that resembled pain, something foreign that made it hard to breathe.
I stepped forward and dipped my head to capture her attention. I couldn’t stand for her to look away from me. “Did I do something wrong?”
Cold, quiet laughter rumbled from her throat. “No, Christian.”
She raised both shoulders before she dropped them in defeat. “I felt out of place there, okay? I’m sorry I just took off, but I don’t fit into that world, and I guess I didn’t really feel comfortable seeing you in it, either.”
I pushed a strained breath from my lungs. The sound hung in the air between us. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I shouldn’t have taken you there.”
Her discomfort had been obvious, the way she continually fidgeted, her shy eyes downcast as she stood beside me.
Maybe it’d been selfish of me because I’d only been concerned about how good it felt having her standing by my side, that having her there had given me a valid excuse to relish in her soft skin against mine. Maybe I liked the way all the girls looked on her with envy. Maybe for a few minutes, I liked pretending we were more than what we really were.
Pretending was safe.
“I just wanted to hang out with you.”
Elizabeth shrugged like it didn’t matter and turned back to whatever she was cooking on the stove. She’d taken off her boots and jeans and had changed into these tight little gray leggings that showed off every perfect curve of her body.
Barefoot, she stirred the pot, stirring something inside of me. I probably should have tried to stop them, but my thoughts went straight back to earlier.
To how good her simple touch had felt.
The burn.
I suppressed a groan.
God, why did she have this effect on me? She was my best friend, and all I wanted to do right then was bury myself inside her.
For hours.
Again and again.
I pushed down the unwelcomed lust. Now was not the time for it. Instead, I waited for the response I could feel Elizabeth working up to.
Slowly, she rocked while I watched her from behind. One hand gripped the pot handle while she gentled the spoon through the soup with the other, her head tilted to one side.
My gaze traveled the flawless span of her body.
Swallowing, she straightened, her hair swishing across her back. She released an audible sound of distress, and she seemed to have to force her voice through it. “Didn’t you want to stay there?”
Honesty flowed from my mouth in a soft whisper. “No . . . not if you’re not there.”
It was true. There wasn’t anyone I’d rather be with.
“But . . .” Elizabeth trailed off, a heavy implication seeded in the word.
My steps were slow as I crept up behind her. I stopped an inch of my chest brushing her back. Everything closed in around us, as if the small space separating us no longer existed. “But what?”
If I wasn’t paying such close attention, I would have missed the way her muscles tensed, the subtle flinch as she dropped her head.
“I saw you with that girl.” Her admission flooded from her mouth as a trembled whisper, and swells of resentment emanated from her body, rushed in waves across mine, her shallow breaths distinct in the otherwise silent room.
Elizabeth was jealous.
A selfish satisfaction permeated my being, and something overpowering rose up in the pit of my stomach.
It was wrong, but unstoppable.
Over the last few months, she’d done her best to hide her attraction. But I’d seen it, foun
d it in the way she looked at me when she thought I wasn’t paying attention.
How her eyes would roam and skim, spurring a tension between us that slowed our movements.
Every time, it would feel like the air in the room had been compressed.
In those moments, I’d glimpsed in her what I’d been trying to hold back in myself since the second I’d seen her.
But this . . . I wondered if she felt anything close to what I felt when she’d admitted to me a month ago that she’d slept with some guy. That someone had touched her.
Possessive envy had roiled through my veins, and I couldn’t tell what I wanted more—to kill this guy for what he’d done to her or show her how good I could make her feel.
“Elizabeth . . .” I leaned in close to one side of her shoulder, my mouth near her ear. “Did you really think I would ditch you for Rachel?”
How could she possibly think that?
“She’s all over me every weekend, and I’ve never even touched her. You can’t just take off because you assume something is going on when you have no idea what’s really happening. Do you think I’m such a jerk that I’d take you to that party and then leave with Rachel?”
My voice softened. “You scared me.”
The last came with the residual of my fear. Yeah. I wanted her. But she had to know it went so much deeper than that.
I cared about her so damned much and wouldn’t know what I’d do if anything ever happened to her.
I saw the remorse in the sag of her shoulders.
“Elizabeth—”
“No. I don’t think that. I just . . .” she mumbled. “I’m sorry.”
Waves fell to one side, a gentle sway of her body that I matched. Her wide-collared shirt had slipped off the cap of her delicate shoulder, teasing me with the honey-kissed skin. Her movements were all innocent and sad.
I had the sudden, overwhelming need to mark her.
Claim her.
I descended on her before I could stop myself, my mouth gentle as I kissed her below the slope where her neck and shoulder met, my hands firm on her hips.
She tasted like heaven.
My entire body hardened as I pressed myself along the length of her back.
For a moment, Elizabeth melted, a supple yielding as her head lolled to the side in a second’s submission before she froze and spun to untangle herself from my hold.
Lines forged a path of betrayal across her face, and tears gathered in her eyes. “What are you doing?”
I stumbled back, my body still reeling from its first taste of Elizabeth. And all I could think was I wanted more.
Our chests heaving, we just stared, lost in desire and indecision.
“Elizabeth,” I breathed across the space.
Her eyes flashed with the sound of her name.
I couldn’t stop this, whatever insanity she had brought over me. I inched back toward her, raised my hand, and caressed my fingers down her cheek.
Her eyes fell closed and her lips parted.
My hand slid around to palm her neck, while I wove the other arm around her waist. I tipped her head up at the same time as I pulled her flush against me. The fire I’d kept inside for so many months licked at my insides, seeking a way out.
Elizabeth gasped and her eyes flew open. The honeyed amber liquefied, her expression so soft and unsure. Shaky hands came up to rest on my chest.
She wanted me as badly as I wanted her.
I knew it, could feel it as a tremor rolled down her spine and spread out beneath my palms. I didn’t know how to handle this, had no idea what I felt other than how fucking amazing she felt wrapped up in my arms.
I searched for hesitation, but all I found was her willing me to do it.
To cross the line she’d put in place.
I dipped down and pressed my mouth to hers. With just the slightest touch, desire ripped through me, spiked in a place I’d never felt before.
The hands on my chest fisted in my shirt, and Elizabeth lifted up on her toes.
Needing to get closer.
My head spun as I intensified the kiss. My mouth became desperate as I moved against the sweetness of her lips, coaxing, begging.
A tiny moan vibrated up her throat, and Elizabeth surrendered. Her mouth opened, and our tongues met in an eruption that had been building for too many months.
I could almost taste her inexperience.
She explored my mouth so tentatively, as if she were seeking something without knowing what she was looking for, telling me something when she didn’t have the words.
Indistinct murmurings melted as they met my lips. I swallowed them down, kissed her deeper. Fingers threaded through my hair, and she gently tugged to bring me closer.
A thrill shot through my body.
“Elizabeth,” I murmured at her mouth, pulling away for the smallest second to anchor my fingers in her hair, to look at this girl I still couldn’t understand—one who scared me yet made me so insanely happy all at the same time.
My fingers spread out, and I held her head in both hands.
She lifted her face to me.
Nothing had ever felt like this, this need that coiled and pooled and pulsed.
I needed her. Needed her in a way I’d never needed anything in my life.
I captured her mouth again, and I dropped one hand and smoothed it over her shoulder and down her side.
Chills shot through Elizabeth, and she shook as I snaked my hand just under the hem of her sweatshirt. My thumb teased across the bare flesh at her hip, testing how far she wanted this go.
Elizabeth only nipped at my lip and tugged it between her teeth.
I almost lost it. The ache I’d been dealing with for months multiplied and transformed.
“Oh shit, Elizabeth.”
Her bare skin scorched me as I glided my palm up her back. I was met with no barriers, her skin smooth as I explored the soft expanse along the length of her back.
“Christian,” she whispered, clutching me just as tightly as I clutched her.
Her fingers dug in deeper, her body imploring. “Christian, I need you.”
This girl, my best friend. My best friend. And I knew I was a fool, so stupid to push her. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her, but I couldn’t stand the thought of not having her, either.
I didn’t want it to end, so I pushed it further and slid my palm around her slim waist. A tiny shudder escaped Elizabeth, and she flexed her stomach as she sucked in a shocked breath.
But she never let go.
The soft ridges of her flat belly enticed me further. My hand jerked as I inched it up. The hand in her hair tightened, and the force of my kiss bowed her back.
Her weight rested on my forearm as I supported her head, my body nearly hovering over hers.
How many times had I imagined this, what it’d be like to touch her?
I skimmed over her small, round breast, my thumb flicking across her nipple.
Elizabeth whimpered and pushed herself further into my hand, emitted this sound that tickled my ears and spurred me forward.
“Shit . . . Elizabeth,” I mumbled, quick to edge her back. Desperate, I pushed her up against the small counter and ground myself into her. Maybe I’d have thought to Elizabeth it’d be the most obscene gesture. Instead, it evoked the most seductive sound to roll from her tongue.
I pulled away for a breath, and Elizabeth searched for air as she lifted her face toward the ceiling. She held onto my shoulders, her chest heaving and her heart thundering.
“Christian . . . I don’t . . . please.” It was all throaty and warm, discordant, her thoughts as jumbled as mine.
I buried my face in her neck, kissed her down to her collar bone, then up to the hollow behind her ear. Her skin was so sweet and her pants were so thin, and I was consumed by this feeling, too much confusion and disorder and need.
Fuck.
I wanted her, and I felt like I was going crazy because there was no possible way I could get enough o
f Elizabeth.
A haze surrounded us, desire and lust.
Would she let me? My mouth was at her ear as I bit at her skin, whispered, “Please, Elizabeth, I want to fuck you so bad . . . do you have any idea how badly I want you? Let me inside this sweet body.”
My hands traveled to her hips, and my fingertips burrowed into her flesh as I shamelessly pressed myself into her again so she’d make no mistake of what she did to me.
She had to know she was the only one who’d ever done this to me, this void she’d created that somehow only she could fill.
Beneath me, Elizabeth froze. Every muscle in her body stiffened before her hands slid from my shoulders to my chest.
She shoved me off her.
Hard.
I was caught off guard, and I floundered back.
Her expression doused me in cold. Extinguished the fire.
Lines of hurt and disgust twisted her face. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks, and she blinked for the longest moment, before stunned eyes turned up to stare at me.
Shit.
Had that really just come out of my mouth?
My heart pounded too fast, and I tried to catch my breath, to calm my screaming body. I tugged a frustrated hand through my hair. A storm of emotions tore through my consciousness.
“Do you know nothing about me, Christian?” I could see her struggling to hold it in, but more tears fell. “Do you really think that’s what I want? To be fucked?”
Just like I knew I would, I hurt her, without even knowing it.
“Is that what this was?” she wheezed, wrapping her arms around her stomach. She took a pained step back. “You came here to fuck me?”
“Elizabeth . . .” I lifted my hand, wishing to reach out and touch her, knowing I couldn’t. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?” It was an accusation.
I searched for an explanation, how to describe what I felt. I couldn’t find the words because I didn’t know myself.
A wounded cry worked its way free from Elizabeth, and she squeezed her eyes shut and turned her face down and to the side, hugging herself tighter.
My chest constricted with the need to comfort her, to take her in my arms and just hug her, and tell her we’d work it out, but touching her was what had caused all of this to begin with.
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