by S. E. Smith
That coldness sank deep into Sara’s soul, freezing her heart and giving her the strength to set off on her own path without looking back. Jaguin’s connection last night broke through that wall she built, showing that she was still the raw, fragile girl deep inside with the same fears and uncertainty.
“I can’t,” Sara whispered, shaking her head and breaking contact.
She stiffened when Jaguin stepped closer to her. She stared down at the tips of his boots. She didn’t look up at him and he didn’t touch her. He didn’t have to as long as she wore his symbiot. He could feel the pain threatening to rip her apart.
“I will not give up, Sara,” Jaguin swore.
“Why? Why?” She asked in a small, confused voice.
“Because once a Valdier warrior has found his true mate, he will do everything in his power to protect her, even if it is from her own fears,” he said before he stepped out of the room.
Sara’s shoulders trembled and she bit down hard on her bottom lip to keep the cry of pain from escaping. Tears streamed down her face and she struggled to draw in a breath. The pain was almost physical in its intensity.
She shuddered when the door behind her opened. Her vision blurred when Honey sat down in front of her and gazed up at her with a woeful expression. One of her small stuffed sloths hung by an arm from its mouth.
“Oh, Honey,” Sara whispered in a trembling voice. “Why does life have to hurt so much?”
The huge golden Werecat pushed the stuffed animal into her hand. Sara wiped at her eyes and grasped the sloth. She hugged it to her and walked over to the couch. A moment later, she and Honey were curled up on the couch. Sara’s arms were wrapped around the soft fabric animal, while Honey lay with her head on Sara’s lap.
Chapter 11
Jaguin swung the heavy battle sword again and again. The two men he fought slowly backed away from the savage blows. It was only when he whirled around and knocked Creon off his feet, pinning him to the ground with the blade that he backed off.
Sweat dripped from all three men and they were breathing heavily from the fight. Creon finally rolled to his feet and straightened as he drew in a deep breath.
“Program end,” Creon called out in a loud voice before turning to glare at Jaguin.
The thick forest around them faded as the computer shut down the training program. Gunner stared warily at Jaguin as he touched the corner of his lip. He grimaced when he saw the blood from where Jaguin struck him.
“I haven’t seen you this mad – ever,” Gunner muttered, waiting as his symbiot healed the numerous cuts and bruises on his body.
“This is training session, not a mission to kill,” Creon retorted, wiping an arm across his brow. “You have become more and more volatile over the last week. I hoped that a challenging workout would help calm you. There is only one thing I can think of that could cause this type of aggression, you are losing control of your dragon. What is wrong? You have a true mate, you shouldn’t be having this type of control issue.”
Gunner grimaced again and stared with a glum expression at Jaguin. “It must be the human female. Having a true mate is no guarantee that it will calm our dragons, especially if they don’t accept us,” he replied, sinking to the floor of the training room. He glanced at Creon with a wry look. “You should have warned us that human females could be this difficult,” he added with a sigh as he leaned forward and rested his arms on his knees, his gaze turned toward Jaguin.
Jaguin rolled his shoulders. He was still lost in the haze of battle and fighting for control of his dragon. Once again, he felt close to the edge of darkness. His dragon strained to get out. Rage, despair, and grief twisted through him. He wanted, needed his mate.
“Jaguin,” Creon warned, reaching out and gripping Jaguin’s arm in a strong, unbreakable grip. “Focus.”
“I… am… trying,” Jaguin bit out through gritted teeth. “It is my dragon. He is….”
“Calm him,” Creon ordered.
Jaguin drew in a deep breath. The scales of his dragon moved over his skin. He could feel the angry beast straining to get free. He lowered himself to one knee and breathed deeply, focusing on calming the primitive creature that was his other half.
You must calm, my friend, Jaguin soothed.
Mate hurting. I go to her, his dragon snarled savagely.
If you do not calm, it will no be safe enough for either of us to go near her, Jaguin replied, reaching deep to calm the pain of his dragon. We cannot give up yet. I know she needs us. We must give her time.
No more time, his dragon snapped, whipping around.
Jaguin felt the thin thread he held onto between him and on his dragon disintegrate. The hissing breath that he started to release changed to a roar as his dragon took control. The sounds of Creon and Gunner’s yells of warning echoed as if from a vast distance as he shifted. A red haze settled over him. His only thought was to go to his mate.
“Jaguin!” Creon snarled, his own body shimmering as he tried to get through the fog of pain radiating outward. “Take back control.”
Jaguin swung around, his tail snapping out with a deadly force at Creon. Creon saw the movement and dove to the side, shifting into his dragon as he did. Gunner, recognizing the danger of the situation, rolled and transformed as well. Jaguin jerked around, snapping at the other dragon.
I order you to stand down, Creon hissed in the language of the dragons.
I go to mate, Jaguin’s dragon snapped back, refusing to back down. Mate hurting.
She needs you, Gunner agreed. But, not like this.
I take her. She mine! Jaguin snarled.
Take control, Creon growled.
Jaguin charged Gunner, hitting him in the chest. The blow pushed Gunner backwards. Deep gouges formed on the metal floor as the impact forced Gunner to scramble for footing. He was still off-balanced from the attack and was unable to keep slipping. His back left leg buckled and he fell to the floor.
Jaguin took advantage of the other dragon’s vulnerability. His front left foot landed on Gunner’s neck, holding him down as he prepared to strike. Gunner struggled to break free.
Jaguin, Gunner choked out.
Jaguin’s savage snarl echoed through the room for a brief moment before it was cut off when Creon wrapped his tail around Jaguin’s neck and pulled him back with enough force to send him flying through the air. Jaguin flipped in midair and landed on his feet almost ten feet away.
Creon stepped between him and Gunner. Jaguin’s mind was burning with an intense rage. His tail flicked back and forth as his gaze moved over the two males standing between him and the exit to the room. Reaching forward, he dragged his front right claw along the metal. The loud sound of screeching echoed through the room in warning of his fury.
Jaguin, stand down or I will make you, Creon warned in a deadly voice.
The heated response of Jaguin’s dragon died in his throat when the door to the room opened. The red glow intensified as two figures hurried into the room. His front leg reached out again, his head lowered, and his gaze locked on the figure staring back at him in shock.
“Carmen, get out of here! He is out of control,” Creon ordered, shifting back to his two-legged form.
Carmen stopped, her right hand going protectively to her abdomen while her worried gaze moved back and forth between her mate and Jaguin’s enraged dragon. She started to step backwards, waving with her other hand for Sara to retreat through the open door.
The fire in Jaguin’s eyes flared again and he took advantage of Gunner and Creon’s distraction to attack. Striking swiftly, he wrapped his tail around Creon’s legs and jerked him off the ground. He tossed Creon’s body up in the air and swung around to slice his claws across Gunner’s exposed chest before returning his attention to Creon’s falling body.
“No!” Carmen screamed.
Creon shifted into his dragon again as he dropped to the floor. Jaguin twisted around and his tail swung outward to protect him from the dragon rushing toward hi
m. He curled the end around the slender column of Carmen’s neck. He held the female dragon for a split second before he released her and spun around.
Jaguin pushed back the black form of Creon’s dragon that had frozen, afraid to challenge Jaguin when he held Carmen’s life in his grasp. Gunner, who had also frozen, shifted back to his two-legged form. Jaguin ignored both of them as he moved to the far corner of the room.
A shudder ran through Jaguin’s large frame. The pain ripping through his dragon was heartwrenching for him. He had come very close to killing Carmen. Attacking a female dragon, especially one heavy with child, was an unspeakable act for a Valdier warrior.
“Carmen, are you hurt?” Creon’s husky voice echoed loudly in the sudden silence of the room.
“I’m fine,” she replied. “Jaguin….”
“He has lost control of his dragon. He will have to be confined until a decision can be made,” Creon responded.
“What kind of decision?” Sara asked in a soft, slightly uneven tone.
“Whether he should be given the mercy of death or confined for the rest of his life. A dragon out of control, especially one as powerful and deadly as Jaguin’s, can leave a path of devastation,” Creon replied in a grim voice.
Jaguin didn’t turn. He knew Creon was right. He was dangerous. Pulling away from the others, he focused on his grieving dragon.
Calm, my friend. I know your pain. It is mine as well, Jaguin murmured in a soothing tone.
I no good for our mate, his dragon grieved.
It is just as well she turned away from us before it was too late. The weight of what happened is not only on you. My own feelings are tied to yours. What happened could not transpire if my own anger had not magnified your own, Jaguin replied in a tone filled with remorse.
I no want to live without mate, his dragon informed him in a mournful tone.
Jaguin released a tired sigh. As much as he hated to admit it, his dragon’s behavior showed him that the fragile hold he had on his other half was too frayed to mend. He was a danger to everyone – including his own mate.
*.*.*
“Sara, go to him,” Carmen urged, recognizing the pain in Jaguin’s eyes.
“Carmen,” Creon started to warn before he glanced at Sara. “Be careful, Sara. If he tries to attack, understand that Gunner and I will do whatever is necessary to protect you.”
“He won’t hurt me,” Sara whispered, staring at Jaguin. “I’d… I would like to be alone with him. Please…,” she added, glancing at Creon and Gunner with a pleading look.
Sara watched as Creon opened his mouth to protest only to close it and nod when Gunner touched his arm and shook his head. Worry darkened his eyes, but Sara knew deep down that Jaguin would never hurt her. She turned when the door opened again and Honey quietly entered. The intense sadness in the symbiot’s gaze tore at her. The last week had been sheer torture. Swallowing, Sara waited until the other three left, leaving her, Honey, and Jaguin alone.
Drawing in a deep breath to steady her nerves, Sara quietly walked across the large room to where the dragon stood. A tentative smile of uncertainty curved her lips when she saw it glance at her quickly before looking away. In that brief glance, she caught the intense sadness. Her heart wrenched at the thought of hurting something so beautiful.
A startled gasp escaped her when Jaguin suddenly shifted. One moment, she was focused on the dragon, the next she was staring into the dark, troubled eyes of the man. Sara paused, unsure of what to do or say.
“You shouldn’t be here. It is not… safe,” Jaguin stated in a sharp tone.
Sara tucked her hands into the front pockets of her jeans and stared back at him in silence. He looked tired. He also looked like he lost some weight. He wasn’t the only one. She knew she looked just as tired and the little weight she gained had evaporated. Tandor had been giving her lectures on it almost daily.
“You won’t hurt me,” Sara replied with a wry confidence.
“My dragon might,” Jaguin bit out in a husky tone.
Sara shook her head. “No, he won’t,” she said in a soft voice. “What happened? Creon seems to think you're out of control.”
“I am,” Jaguin snapped, lifting his hands to run them through his hair in aggravation. “I can’t control my dragon any longer. When a warrior gets to that point, it is too dangerous to allow him to live.”
“So, just because of a little loss of control, you think you should be executed?” Sara asked in disbelief.
Jaguin shook his head and tiredly ran a hand down his face. He dropped his hand down to his side and turned away from her. Sara was shocked by the slight droop in Jaguin’s powerful shoulders.
“It is for the best, Sara. A warrior craves to have a mate to call his own, but a dragon… A dragon needs his mate to survive. The loneliness eats at him. You have to understand, for him to know he has a true mate, but never to claim her… Death would be more merciful.”
Sara scowled at Jaguin’s back. Her lips tightened and she clenched her fists for a moment as her mind raced wildly to process what he was saying. It was ludicrous to give up so easily. Reaching out, she touched Jaguin’s arm. He immediately stiffened. His shoulders rolled and she could feel the muscles under her fingers flex.
“Change back,” she ordered.
Jaguin slowly turned toward her, his eyes filled with surprise. “What?” He asked warily.
Sara gave him an intense stare. “I want to talk to your dragon. I need you to change back into him,” she said.
Jaguin shook his head. “Sara, I do not believe that is wise,” he responded, taking a step back so that she couldn’t touch him again. “I barely have him under control. The only reason I do is because of his remorse at almost killing Carmen. If I let him out again, I’m not sure I will be able to restrain him.”
Sara gazed back at Jaguin with a calm, determined gaze. She wanted – needed – him to know that she wasn’t afraid of him or his dragon. She also wasn’t going to stand by and allow Jaguin to just end his life. She wasn’t ready to move their relationship forward yet, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t working on it.
“Change back, Jaguin,” Sara whispered, stepping forward. “I need to talk to him.”
“Sara…,” Jaguin’s guttural groan filled the room at her pleading gaze. “I will do what I can to keep him under control. If… If I can’t, you have to promise you will get out of here as quickly as you can.” His gaze moved to his symbiot where it sat watching them in silence. “You must protect her at all cost, do you understand?”
Honey sneezed. The symbiot’s head bowed in acknowledgement and its body shimmered. Sara took several steps back when Jaguin shot her a look of warning.
Her lips parted in wonder when Jaguin closed his eyes and released a deep breath. His body shimmered, much like the symbiot, before he transformed. Sara’s eyes softened when she saw the hesitant look in the dragon’s eyes as it looked at her before quickly looking away.
“Jaguin,” Sara murmured, stepping closer. “Hey, big guy. I see you’re having a bit of a rough time.”
The large silver body shivered before the dragon turned back to gaze at her. Twin flames burned in its eyes, but for some reason, Sara didn’t feel worried about them. She gave the dragon a rueful look and reached out to touch one nostril. Her hand paused when the dragon jerked its head away and turned.
Sara watched as the dragon moved away from her. Ten feet away, it glanced back at her before it turned its back to her and lay down. Sara sighed and her heart melted when it stretched its long neck out and rested its chin on the hard metal floor. She slowly walked forward. Stopping next to Jaguin, she released another long sigh and sank down onto the floor next to his head. She didn’t touch him. Instead, she drew her legs up, wrapped her arms around them, and rested her chin on her knees.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she began in a soft voice. With a low groan, she buried her face against her knees. “I’m so screwed up right now I don’t
know what to do.”
Tears burned her eyes. She knew she needed to get her own life sorted before she could deal with anything else. She was still having the horrible nightmares. Those, combined with her having to open her mind and deal with her own baggage before her captivity, left her feeling shattered, confused, and second-guessing her decisions until now. Sara angrily wiped the moisture from her eyes and lifted her head. The dragon was staring back at her with such a woeful expression that Sara couldn’t contain the dry laugh that escaped her.
“We’re a mess, aren’t we?” She asked in a somber tone. “Me with my insecurities and demons and you with your….” She shook her head, unsure of what to call it – mate problems? “I just need a little time to think things through. You know, sort them out. I miss our time together, it’s just… I need to figure all this out.”
Sara slid her legs down when the dragon nudged her arm. She scooted closer and wrapped her arms around Jaguin’s broad head. Leaning forward, she pressed a kiss to his brow and sighed. Her fingers absently caressed his right ear.
“So, what made you all huffy puffy earlier?” She asked in a soft voice.
A giggle escaped her when Jaguin blew a smoke ring and snorted. A long series of low rumbles, growls, and snorts escaped Jaguin. Sara could tell he was talking to her. She hummed and hawed as if she understood him, nodding when he paused and looked at her before he continued. She felt like she was Pete listening to Elliott the dragon. All that was needed was for him to disappear on her or toast a few apples while she burst out into song.
Almost ten minutes passed before the dragon finally became quiet again. Something told Sara that even Jaguin was surprised by his dragon’s behavior. She continued scratching him behind the ear, laughing when his back leg thumped when she hit the ‘magic’ spot as she liked to think of it. She grimaced when he stared back at her in silence, knowing it was her turn to share.