He thinks I won’t choose him. That he’s not worthy.
My heart hurts. I grab his shirt, holding him closer, opening my mouth, and letting his tongue inside. I pour everything into this kiss, hoping he feels it and that it reassures him.
Conscious of the others, I break the kiss, because I don’t want to prolong their agony. Taking Saint’s hand, I drag him over to the couch. We sit down beside Galen, and Caz distributes beers.
“You know I’m not one for sugarcoating things,” I start. “So, I won’t beat around the bush.” I let my gaze rake over each one of them. “I love you all. So fucking much. Choosing to marry only one of you was killing me until I realized I was overlooking the most important thing.” I grab hold of Galen’s and Saint’s hands, fixing my gaze on Theo and Caz who are seated on the couch across from us. “I’m not just marrying one of you. I’m marrying all of you.”
“What do you mean?” Caz asks, looking perplexed.
“I want a commitment ceremony with all of you, and it will be as binding as the legal marriage ceremony to me.”
“What’s a commitment ceremony?” Saint inquires.
I twist around so I’m facing him. “I researched it in the early hours this morning. It’s what a lot of people do in polyamorous relationships. We commit our love in a ceremony that binds us together in our hearts.” Nerves jangle in my chest. “It won’t be legal, but I would view it in the same way. It’s for us and only us.”
I don’t care whether society views our relationship as wrong, and I sure as fuck don’t care that they wouldn’t recognize my other three husbands. All I care about is us doing this together as a commitment of sharing our lives together. To me, doing this is more permanent than any marriage certificate because we are willingly choosing to commit ourselves to this relationship.
“I love it,” Caz says. “And I don’t need to think about it. I’m in.”
“It’s perfect,” Galen adds, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I want to do it.”
“I already know I’ll love you till my dying days,” Theo supplies. “And I want to commit to you.”
Air whooshes out of my mouth in grateful relief, and I smile as I probe Saint’s face. “What are your thoughts?”
“We’re already committed as far as I’m concerned.” He grips my chin. “But if this makes it more formal, then hell yeah. We’re doing it.”
The guys share grins, and my heart swells to bursting point. “Good, because I’ve already been talking with a lady who conducts these ceremonies, but I didn’t set anything up, because I didn’t want to presume anything.”
“None of us have any doubts,” Galen says. “You are it for us.”
I’m choked with emotion, and my voice trembles as I speak. “And you are it for me.”
“What about the legal wedding?” Saint asks.
“I would be happy to marry any of you. I hope you all know that.” They bob their heads. “I’ve thought about it nonstop since you brought it up yesterday, and I have my reasons for the decision I’ve made. I’m not getting into it, unless any of you need to know.” I don’t want to hurt anyone or force Caz and Theo into discussing their feelings, when they’ve only just agreed to set those aside until Theo feels more ready to confront them, so I’d rather not elaborate on my decision, unless I have to.
“Just tell us,” Saint says, squeezing my hand tighter.
Anticipation bleeds into the air, and I swallow over the lump in my throat as I twist around so I’m looking Saint directly in the face. Our knees brush, sending a jolt of electricity shooting up my leg.
“I want it to be you.”
I peer deep into his eyes. Shock splays across his face, and he goes deathly still. He stares at me like he can’t believe I just said that. I’m smiling as I clasp his face in my hands. “So, what do you say, Saintly? Wanna marry me?”
CHAPTER 14
HIS LIPS MELD to mine as he scoops me onto his lap, kissing me frantically as pure, liquid emotion seeps from his lips to mine. “Really?” he asks, pressing his forehead to mine when he breaks the kiss.
“Really.” I stare into his awestruck blue eyes. “I love you, and I want the world to know I’m yours.” I lift my head from his, glancing over my shoulder at the others. “That I’m all of yours.”
I inspect their faces for any hint of upset, finding none. In fact, I’d almost say they are relieved. These guys are as close as brothers, so they know what it would’ve done to Saint if I hadn’t chosen him. They are happy I’ve made this decision, and another layer of stress lifts off my shoulders with that realization.
Theo clears his throat, his eyes popping wide and head nodding as he stares at Saint.
“Stand up,” Saint says, all traces of disbelief gone from his tone. I let him pull me up as Theo, Galen, and Caz come around to stand beside Saint. I spot Theo subtly passing something to Saint behind their backs.
As one, they drop to their knees before me, and a gasp leaves my mouth.
“We did this all wrong yesterday,” Galen says. “This is how it should’ve gone down.”
Saint produces a little black box, popping the lid, and I can’t stop the tears from flowing as I stare at the stunning ring. It’s not a traditional engagement ring with one diamond but a row of five deep-blue stones, rimmed in tiny fine diamonds, set within a thick platinum band.
It couldn’t be more perfect.
“Oh my God. I love it,” I exclaim, wondering if they can hear how fast my heart is beating.
“I love you,” Theo says, taking my hand. “From the first moment you entered my world, you breathed life into me. The way I feel about you is unparalleled, and I never want to experience what it’s like to lose you again. I want to live my best life with you. Now and always.” He kisses my knuckles before passing my hand to Caz.
“You blow my mind, babe,” Caz says. “You’re my every fantasy come to life and then some. Nothing has ever felt as right as holding you in my arms, and now I get to do that forever.” He kisses my hand. “Love you.”
“You’ve challenged me from the minute I met you, and you make me a better man,” Galen says, clasping my hand. “Thank you for giving me a second chance, and I promise to prove I deserve it every day for the rest of my life. I love you.”
Tears spill down my cheeks as unbridled emotion consumes me. Saint squeezes my hand, never taking his eyes off me as he brushes his lips against my knuckles. “I fell hard and fast the second our eyes met at thirteen, and there has only been you from that moment on. I don’t know what it’s like to love and be loved, but I promise to never stop fighting to give you what you deserve.” He stands, and the others rise behind him. Saint removes the ring from the box, sliding it on my finger. “I love you, Harlow June Westbrook. We love you. Marry us?”
I grab them all into a group hug, and sobs wrack my chest as emotion literally oozes out of me. The guys look a little teary-eyed too, but they wouldn’t be the legendary Saints if they didn’t hold it together.
We laugh, kiss, and hug, and then the champagne is flowing, and they give me the biggest bunch of roses, and I know everything will be okay, because they’ve got my back and I’ve always got theirs.
_______________
“I think we should celebrate in style,” Caz says a while later as we are lounging on the couches, finishing the champagne.
“What do you have in mind?” I ask.
“I think it’s time we tested our new bed out, don’t you?” Caz waggles his brows.
“An engagement fuck fest,” Galen says, rubbing his hands. “I like the way you think, dude.”
Caz rubs the bulge in his jeans. “I’m always thinking with my brain,” he quips.
“I hate to rain on our parade,” Saint says, tugging me in closer to him, his fingers running back and forth across the ring on my finger. “But we need to get back to Giana.”
“Saintly’s right. I need to get Mom to safety, so as much as I’m down for fucking your collective brains out, we
’ll have to take a rain check.”
“Has Diesel called?” Saint asks.
“Not yet, but I can’t wait for him. He could be on a new mission for all we know.”
“Let’s run through our options.” Theo leans forward on his knees, setting his tablet aside. He was lodging an online application with city hall so Saint and I can get married on Thursday. Thankfully, you can get a license and get married the same day. I’ve messaged the lady I was talking to about the commitment ceremony to see if she can fit us in on the same day.
Other than that, I know nothing, because the guys want it to be a surprise. They are insisting on organizing everything, and I’m happy to let them work away. I’ve never had set ideas about my wedding day, and I trust the guys to plan it to perfection.
“Lo.” Theo calls my name, dragging me out of my mind.
“Sorry. I got distracted. What were you saying?”
“Options for Giana.”
“Okay, yeah. Well, the cabin is the obvious choice, but it’s isolated, and it’s too far from school. I don’t like the thought of her being there by herself, and I don’t want Sinner to discover that place.”
“I agree,” Saint says, running his finger across my ring again. “We need a safe place to escape to if the need arises. Sinner knows the location of all the safe houses The Sainthood uses, and your mom suspects he knows about this place, so we need to protect the cabin.”
“We could always move her into my house, for the time being,” Galen suggests.
“Sinner and his cronies are in and out of your house with their shipments all the time, and it’s probably one of the first places he would look,” I say. Besides, I’m not sure Mom would want to live in the same house as her former best friend, knowing she had an affair with her husband and got knocked up with his baby. A baby Alisha later aborted in favor of drug money.
“We could hire protection for her. Like, use a legit security firm,” Caz suggests. “That might hold Sinner at bay for a couple days until we can find someplace else to stash her.”
“That might work,” Theo says. “But we’re forgetting one very important thing. What if Giana doesn’t want to go?”
“Then I’m done with her.” A muscle clenches in my jaw. “I mean that. If she doesn’t walk away now, I can’t help her.” If she has such little regard for her own life, I can’t be a part of it anymore.
“Let’s go talk to her.” Saint stands, removing the car keys from his pocket and handing them to Galen. He only had one glass of champagne so he’s the only one fit to drive.
_______________
Thankfully, Sinner’s truck is absent when we arrive back at the house. Diesel messaged me en route, offering a better solution than Galen’s house. He’s on standby until I give him the go-ahead. I just need to convince Mom this is the right call to make.
The house is quiet when we step inside. Eerily so, and that frightens me. I race through the kitchen and out into the hall, slamming to a halt when I spot the four guys sitting on the floor, wearing Sainthood cuts, blowing cigarette clouds into the air as they smoke while staring at their phones.
“You can leave,” Saint tells them, coming up behind me.
“Any problems?” Galen asks, coming up on my other side.
“She hasn’t come downstairs, and no one has gone up,” the tall, dark-haired guy says, and I vaguely recognize him. I think he might go to our school.
“Thanks, man.” Saint slaps him on the back.
“Anytime.” He nods before looking at me. “We were sorry to hear about Sariah. Those bitches should burn in hell for what they did to her.”
“Thanks. I’m pretty sure county jail is hell on Earth, so they’ll get what’s coming to them.”
“Bank on it,” Saint says, slinging his arm around my waist. “We’ve already put the word out.” I squeeze Saint’s waist in a show of gratitude, glad he’s organized that. The case is coming before the court next month, and everyone knows they’re going down. What Beth and the other two girls don’t realize is The Sainthood has planned a “Welcome to Jail” party to end all parties.
Couldn’t happen to more deserving recipients.
The guys filter out the front door, and I race up the stairs, eager to get to Mom.
My guys congregate in Saint’s bedroom while I slip into my bedroom, where Mom is holed up. The curtains are still drawn, and it’s dark as I pad over to the bed. “Mom.” I sit down and switch on the lamp, biting back a hiss when I spot the bruised skin around her throat and her wrists and the raised lash marks on her upper chest. Her eyes bore into mine, confirming she wasn’t sleeping. “It’s after three.”
“Is he here?” she croaks, and I don’t miss the flare of panic that crosses her face.
“No. He left last night and hasn’t been back.”
“Good.”
“But you know he will, and we need to make plans.”
“I already have a plan.” Her tone is neutral, and the expression on her face gives nothing away.
“Are you going to explain that?”
She shakes her head. “Nothing has changed in that regard. It’s still safer if you don’t know.”
I sigh in exasperation. “You need to get out of here before he comes back.”
Silence greets my statement, and I’m lining up arguments when she opens her mouth, shocking me. “I know.”
I stare at her, examining her face to ensure she’s not messing with me. “You mean that?”
She nods. “I thought I could do this, but I can’t, and I’m adjusting my plan accordingly.”
“No.” I shake my head, tipping her chin up gently so she’s looking me in the eye. “You aren’t going to do anything else. You need to heal and rest and let us take care of him.”
“I can’t ask that of you. You’re a child.”
“I’m eighteen, Mom, and we both know I stopped being a child at thirteen.”
“I never wanted this for you,” she whispers. “I was supposed to protect you, and I’ve failed so badly.”
“You don’t need to worry,” Saint says, and I jerk my head to the door. It’s slightly ajar, and only his head is visible. “We’re here to protect Harlow now.”
I gesture him inside, and he closes the door after him.
“Do you promise to keep her safe, Saint?” Mom drills a hole in his skull.
“We do. You just focus on extracting yourself from Sinner’s noose.”
She sits up, clutching the covers around her chest, hissing and gritting her teeth. She lies back against the headrest. “We both know no one willingly walks away from Sinner Lennox.”
“Which is why we have help,” I supply.
“Help from who?”
“A good friend, Mom. Someone who knows how to hide a person and keep them safe.”
“I won’t leave the state, Harlow. I can’t.” She wets her chapped lips. “At least not yet.”
I want to quiz her on that, but we’re making great progress, and if we start arguing, she might change her mind. “Okay. I’ll tell my friend that.” I pause for a moment, licking my lips. “What do you want to do about the house?” I ask, because we’ll be moving permanently to the barn tonight and I don’t want to give Sinner free rein to do what he pleases here. Knowing him, he’d turn it into a drug house or a brothel.
“I want to sell it.” She takes my hands. “I know you grew up here, but I can’t bear to live in this house without your father. Especially now that bastard has tainted it by his very presence.”
“I agree, Mom. You should sell it, and when all this has blown over, you should buy something new. Start afresh.”
Saint has been tapping away on his cell while we’re talking. “Theo has a guy on his way over to change all the locks, and if you like, he can get someone to install a high-tech security system with mounted cameras along the front wall and a new front gate that can only be accessed via a code. That way you can keep Sinner out until the house is sold.”
“Ask Th
eo to set that up, please.” She smiles at Saint. “He was always a resourceful young man. What is that?” Mom adds, noticing my ring, and I curse my lack of forethought. As much as I’d love to tell her I’m getting married, I can’t. A, she’d probably freak, and B, I still don’t trust her fully.
“A promise ring,” I lie. “The guys just gave it to me.”
She lifts my hand under the lamp, admiring the ring. “It’s beautiful. You have good taste.” She smiles at Saint, but it doesn’t meet her eyes. She looks like she wants to say more, but her lips remain clamped shut.
“We should pack,” Saint says, standing. “And get out of here as fast as we can.”
I pull out my cell. “I’m on it.” I tap out a message to Diesel as Saint leaves the room, telling him we’re a go, asking that he house Mom somewhere within the state so she’s close by.
I help Mom get dressed and packed, taking only essential clothing and personal belongings, while she retrieves some papers, cash, and her jewelry from the safe in her bedroom. By the time we finish, the guys have already packed up my stuff along with theirs and they are in the process of loading up the cars while a guy works on changing all the exterior locks.
Theo’s boots thump off the tile floor in the hallway as he walks toward us, carrying a paper bag. He hands it to Mom. “Something to eat and drink, and there’s some pain pills in there.”
Tears pool in her eyes as she takes the offering. She kisses his cheek. “I’m sorry if I was less than welcoming when you first arrived.”
“It’s okay. I understood.”
The screeching of tires outside has all of us turning our attention to the open front door. Adrenaline surges through my veins, and I withdraw my knife, ready to swing into action if that’s Sinner or any of his perverted friends.
But it’s a friendly face, one I’m not expecting.
“Lincoln?” Mom’s brow puckers as she stares at my dad’s former work colleague. “What are you doing here?” Mom’s head whips around to me. “Is this the friend you were talking about?”
The Sainthood : A Dark High School Romance (The Complete Series) Page 67