by Darcy Burke
Anthony snorted. He looked toward Felix. “So you think I’m a lunatic.” He transferred his gaze to Sarah. “And you think I’m a fool.”
Sarah stepped around the table toward her brother. “No, I think you’re sad and angry. I am too. I gave up on making hats after Mother and Father died. Felix has been trying to encourage me to start again. Today, I finally wanted to. Anthony, we can’t spend the rest of our lives wallowing, nor can we live under the pressure of making Mother and Father proud. We did that before, and I, for one, wasn’t happy.”
“So you don’t care what they think?” Anthony sounded beaten, his eyes glazed with defeat. “You’d dishonor their memory and take advantage of their death?”
Sarah paled, and she drew in a sharp breath.
Felix moved forward, instinctively wanting to protect her. “Of course Sarah cares what they think. Ensuring her own future happiness is something they would want.”
“Through marriage,” Anthony grumbled.
“And what if that isn’t possible?” Felix said, allowing his voice to rise. “We can’t force someone to marry her, and we shouldn’t force her to marry.”
Anthony glowered at him. “You said ‘we.’ Do you think you’re somehow involved in what happens with Sarah?”
Hell and the devil. Did he? He had been involved when he’d played matchmaker for her. He inwardly winced at that word—now even he was using it. “I offered to help her,” he said evenly. “And I still will, if she wants it.”
“Anthony, I do still want to marry.” Sarah took another step toward him, her gaze and tone compassionate. “But I’m also going to make hats and open a shop in Vigo Lane, and that’s final.”
Anthony stared at her for a moment, the tension in his shoulders lessening. He massaged his forehead. “I don’t know…” He let out a soft growl, then spun on his heel and quit the room.
Sarah watched him go, her face creased with worry. “I thought he was feeling better being here, but perhaps I was wrong.”
“His guilt is immeasurable,” Felix said. “He thinks he should be dead, not your parents. Absent that, he thinks he has to take over where they left off, particularly with you.”
“He’s just not the Anthony we know.” Her voice was soft, anguished.
Felix moved toward her, but was careful not to get too close. He knew what happened when he tried to comfort her physically, and he needed to keep his distance—for her as much as for him. “He will be again.” Felix didn’t know when, but it would happen. It had to. He wasn’t going to let death and grief crush his friend the way it had done his father.
Sarah stepped toward him, and Felix’s body came alive with awareness. She was close enough that he could reach for her, but he didn’t. Instead, she reached for him, touching his sleeve.
He stepped back, and her eyes widened for a brief flash. He glanced toward the open door, worried that Anthony could return at any moment even though he was unlikely to do so. “Sarah, we should keep our distance.”
She nodded in agreement. “We should be more discreet.”
“That’s not what I meant,” he said, resisting the urge to smile. “What happened last night… It can’t happen again.”
“All right.”
He’d expected her to argue and was surprised when she didn’t. He was also a bit disappointed.
“Good. I’m glad we’re agreed.”
“As you said, there are other things, and we should move on to explore them. I meant what I said.” She gave him that seductive look of promise again, and his body reacted. His muscles grew taut, and his cock began to lengthen.
“Sarah.” The word was a low growl. “I’m going now.”
“Yes, leave me to my hat for now,” she said, moving to retake her seat.
The fact that she wasn’t pressing the issue made him want to do so. His body was practically screaming for her.
In the end, he turned and left. As he made his way to his chamber, he prayed Beck and Lavinia would arrive soon to distract them all. If not, Felix feared he would give in to temptation. Again.
Chapter 10
Sarah hesitated outside Anthony’s bedchamber. What if he didn’t want to see her? He probably didn’t, but she couldn’t let him suffer alone. And she absolutely believed he was suffering.
Why else would he treat her the way he had earlier?
Gathering her courage, she lifted her hand to knock on the door. It suddenly opened, surprising her and making her take a step back.
Anthony stood on the other side of the threshold, his hair tidy, his clothing immaculate. He smelled as if he’d just bathed. His face was nearly impassive. There was just the faintest crinkle around his mouth and eyes to indicate he even registered her presence.
She clasped her hands in front of her waist and offered him a sunny smile. “Good evening. I wondered if you might want to dine with me? Alone. Without Felix, I mean.”
“I had meant to dine alone, in fact. But I was going to drive into Ware.”
“To The Golden Bear?” Sarah asked hopefully. “I could go with you. Is the chef really French?”
Anthony’s brow furrowed. “Is the chef—?” He shook his head. “I have no idea.”
“But didn’t you and Felix go there the other night?”
“Yes, I suppose we did. But I scarcely remember the food.” His skin turned pink just above the top of his collar. “Er, never mind. Perhaps tomorrow we can go for a ride,” he suggested. “Alone.”
“Anthony, I’m not letting you leave after what happened earlier. I understand this is a challenging time, but I don’t want us to fight. I don’t have enough emotion to be upset with you in addition to everything else.”
His gaze softened, and he took her hand. “I’m sorry, Sarah. I don’t know why I reacted like that. Even so, you must agree that you opening a millinery shop is rather outrageous.”
“Perhaps.” She wasn’t sure she would say outrageous. “It’s definitely unusual.”
The corner of his mouth ticked up. “You are nothing if not unusual—and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.”
“Thank you.” She exhaled. “Who knows if I’ll actually open the shop? Right now, I’m just trying to get back to something I enjoy, which is making hats.” Doing so also distracted her from Felix—the other thing she apparently enjoyed. And wasn’t that revelation perhaps the most confounding thing about her emotions right now?
Not that she was working terribly hard to distract herself from him. No, she was actually looking for ways in which they might find themselves alone together. But he was right—they shouldn’t. And so her brain had driven her here, to her brother. To safety.
“I’m glad you enjoy it,” Anthony said. “That doesn’t mean you need to profit from it. I will ensure you are always taken care of.” His gaze was sober and intent. “Even if you’re a spinster.” He cracked a small smile then, and she laughed softly.
“Well, that’s a relief. I do think you should apologize to Felix.”
He winced. “Yes, I probably should.”
“Ahem, yes.”
Sarah turned as her heart skipped over itself. Just the sound of his voice was apparently enough to provoke a response from her. Felix stood a few feet away. He was also perfectly groomed, as if he too had just completed an intensive toilet. She could smell the soap he’d used, and the scent did scandalous things to her body.
“You can’t seem to help but eavesdrop today,” Anthony said.
“You two can’t seem to stop talking about me today,” he said jovially. “Should I be concerned?”
Anthony shook his head, smiling. “You’ve saved me the trouble of finding you. I’m sorry about earlier. However, I must ask that you cease anything to do with this millinery shop.”
Sarah snapped her attention back toward him and opened her mouth to protest, but he held up his hand. “Only because if anyone is to help Sarah, it will be me,” he said.
“Then I should tell you I already leased the shop in Vigo Lane
,” Felix said, drawing Sarah to whip her attention back to him.
“What?” She hadn’t known he’d done that.
Felix shrugged, his expression just a bit sheepish. “I did so a fortnight ago—just in case.”
Sarah was thrilled but also annoyed at his presumption. “I didn’t ask you to do that.”
“No, but I wanted to do so as a precaution on the chance that you would choose to open the shop. If the property was gone and you wanted to open the shop, you might have been disappointed. I didn’t want you to have to deal with another…” He glanced away. “Well, you know what I mean.”
Sadness. Devastation. Defeat.
“Thank you,” she said softly. “That was incredibly thoughtful.” Her chest expanded with warmth, and she couldn’t think of anything else to say.
Felix cleared his throat. “I came this direction to see you, Anthony. I was going to apologize as well. I didn’t mean to overstep into your family business.”
“It’s all right,” Anthony said. “In a way, you are family. Like our brother.”
Felix’s gaze drifted to Sarah, and a flash of heat broke over her. He was nothing like a brother to her. Not anymore.
“I thought we could go to dinner at The Golden Bear,” Sarah said, eager to change the topic and to plan for an evening in which she wasn’t alone with Felix. Which she would be if Anthony went into Ware alone.
And being alone with Felix was both exciting and terrifying. Mostly exciting. Actually, it was only exciting. She ought to be terrified, but she just couldn’t muster that particular emotion. Not where Felix was concerned.
“An excellent idea,” Felix said. “I’ll have the coach brought round.”
“Then I’d best get dressed,” Sarah said, taking herself off. She vaguely heard Anthony saying something about how that would be fine with him and wondered if she detected a note of sarcasm.
All sense of sarcasm had been forgotten by the time they’d reached the final course of their elaborate dinner at The Golden Bear. The inn did have a French chef, and the food was absolutely divine. Sarah hadn’t eaten so much in weeks. Since…well, since.
“Would you excuse me for a few minutes?” Anthony said, excusing himself from the semiprivate dining room they shared with two other parties.
Sarah watched her brother go and realized she was now alone with Felix. But not alone-alone, so she could rest easily. Perhaps not easily, since she couldn’t seem to be in his presence anymore without feeling a seductive pull in his direction. She looked at him, and all she could see was his head bent at her breast. He spoke, and all she could hear was him telling her that her use of the word cock was arousing.
“Anthony seems in much better spirits this evening,” Felix said, apparently immune to the desperate attraction she was suffering.
“He does. But I understand how that happens. One moment, I feel fine, and the next, I am awash with sadness.”
“In time, the sadness will fade.”
She turned to Felix, who sat on her right. “Will it? Is that what happened with your father?”
“As I’ve told you, it was different. Honestly, I don’t really remember.”
“That is both a blessing and a sorrow. You said you don’t miss your mother, which I understand since you never knew her. Do you miss your father?” He’d evaded that question before. Maybe he would answer it now.
“Not particularly. He’s been gone more than half my life, so in some ways, it’s the same as my mother. My memories have faded.”
Sarah looked at the half-eaten syllabub in front of her and suddenly felt a bit sick. She was more than eager for the sadness to dissipate, but to think her memories of her parents would go with it was painful. Perhaps she’d cling to the sadness a bit longer.
Felix reached for her but stopped short of touching her, perhaps deciding it was best if he didn’t. He dropped his hand in his lap. “Sarah, you knew your parents as an adult. I have to think your memories will last a lifetime, unlike mine. You shouldn’t worry about losing them.”
Her mouth lifted in a half smile. “You discerned that’s what I was thinking?”
“It wasn’t hard. I know you quite well.”
Yes, he did. And he knew her now better than ever before. He was perhaps realizing that too, for he directed his attention to his wineglass.
A serving maid—a different one than they’d had for dinner—came forward to refill Felix’s wine. He looked up at her with a smile and thanked her.
“My pleasure, Lord Ware.” Her answering smile was warm and plainly seductive as her gaze dipped over Felix.
A flash of possession flared through Sarah, and she leaned toward him, picking up her own glass for a refill. Which was a bit silly because it wasn’t empty. She quickly drank the contents, then held it up for the maid with a toxic smile. “If you please?”
The maid refilled Sarah’s glass and turned her attention back to Felix. “Will you be staying tonight?”
“No, my home isn’t far.”
“Pity, we had such fun the other night.” She laughed, then took herself off, her hips swaying.
Sarah pursed her lips and glowered at Felix. “I thought you said you didn’t come to Ware for women.”
“I didn’t. At least not with Anthony the other night.” He took another drink of wine, looking distinctly uncomfortable. “When she said the other night, she meant several months ago.”
“So you have come into Ware for women? In the past.” She was torturing herself with this question, but the jealousy tearing at her insides was a ravenous beast.
“Sarah, I’ve done many things in the past. As you yourself have noted, I’m a bit of a rake.”
Of course he was. Who else but a rake would kiss her as he’d done in the closet at Darent Hall? Or pleasure her as he’d done last night? Her body flushed with desire, banishing the jealousy.
“Except since Darent Hall,” she said, vaguely aware that her voice carried a rather sensual quality.
“We shouldn’t discuss that.” He kept his voice low and drank more wine.
For whatever reason, she enjoyed provoking him about it. He was always so self-assured, so commanding. And talking about whatever was happening between them set him completely out of kilter.
“Pity. We had such fun the other night.” She parroted the maid’s coquettish statement, which earned her a sharp stare and an intake of breath from Felix.
Before she could continue the flirtation, Anthony returned and ruined the entire thing. Burying her scowl, Sarah sipped her wine.
“Shall we return to Stag’s Court?” Anthony asked.
Felix practically leapt from the table. “Yes, let’s.”
Sarah sat beside her brother on the ride home. She’d hoped Felix might take the front-facing seat with her, but should have known better. He spent the short journey evading eye contact and just looking generally uncomfortable.
When they arrived, Seales informed Felix that George and Vane had arrived. Sarah knew that George was his secretary but had no idea as to the identity of Vane. “Who is Vane?”
“My valet.”
“Felix?” A strong, feminine voice came from the room just off the entrance hall, and Felix strode in that direction.
Sarah, curious as to who else might have arrived, followed him along with Anthony.
“George!” Anthony exclaimed as he stepped forward and took her hand. “It’s good to see you.”
Wait, George was Felix’s secretary. And she was a woman? Not just a woman, but a beautiful one at that. She was tall—taller than Sarah by several inches—with pale blonde hair and light blue eyes. She looked as though she belonged at Almack’s or in the middle of a grand ball at Clare House in London, not in a sturdy dark blue traveling costume, bearing the title of secretary.
Sarah recalled what Felix had said at The Golden Bear: I’ve done many things in the past.
Did any of those things involve an exquisitely handsome woman who was now in his employ?
That terrible beast—jealousy—reared inside Sarah once more, and she realized she was in real danger if she didn’t rein in her emotions. It was one thing to flirt with Felix and to delight in the pleasures he offered, especially now, when the diversion was most welcome. She could not—must not—expect more than he would ever offer. Jealousy had no place in her relationship with Felix.
“George, allow me to present Miss Sarah Colton,” Felix said. “Sarah, Mrs. Georgiana Vane, my secretary.”
Mrs. Vane. “Is Felix’s valet your husband?” Sarah blurted.
“Why, yes, he is,” she said, her eyes sparkling.
“Is that how you came to be Felix’s secretary?” Still, it was odd that Felix would have hired a woman. Sarah didn’t know any gentlemen with female secretaries. Now that she’d pushed her jealousy aside, she found the idea rather wonderful and wasn’t the least surprised Felix had done it.
The others in the room were looking at Sarah, and she realized she was being rude with her questions. “My apologies,” she rushed to say. “I’ve never met a woman secretary before. It’s fairly fabulous.”
Felix chuckled. “George is my steward’s daughter. I’ve known her my entire life. When I hired Vane, the two of them fell madly in love.”
George smiled. “It’s true.”
“So you’re the person behind all of Felix’s elaborate plans,” Sarah said with a bit of awe. “I should have known you would be a woman. It makes perfect sense now.”
George laughed. “They are his ideas. I simply execute them.”
“Better than I ever could,” Felix said. “Now if you’ll excuse me, George and I have some business to discuss. I shall see you on the morrow.”
And with that, Sarah felt dismissed. She supposed she could barge into his bedchamber later, but she wouldn’t. Having set her jealousy aside, she decided it was past time to be cautious. And probably past time to let her…flirtation, for that was the only word she was willing to acknowledge, with Felix go.
If she could.
No, she must.
She didn’t need him to distract her from her grief. She had her hats, and she’d decided long ago that they would be enough.