“Then why say it?”
I stuttered to a stop. It was a good question. Why had I said it?
“We were…” I trailed off, not sure what to say. I sighed. “Look. You’re right. We were rude and saying stuff we shouldn’t have.”
“I just think it’s shitty that you’re talking about her like she’s a piece of meat. She’s not. She’s a person with feelings and you made her sound so…” He trailed off and shook his head, scoffing as he straightened and dropped his arms to his side. “I can’t believe that I looked up to you and him.” He jerked his chin toward Alvarez. “I thought the two of you were super cool. But after hearing that shit, I don’t know why I did because you’re just like every other jock out there.”
Before I could say anything, he disappeared into the back.
“Well, fuck.”
12
Jacob
“Why do you look so pale?” Alvarez asked as I slipped back into my side of the booth.
I said nothing at first, sipping my coffee and trying to calm my racing heart.
I carefully set my mug down, and looked at my friend. “That kid overheard us.”
Alvarez grimaced. “I didn’t realize we were that loud.”
I sighed and scrubbed a hand over my face, remembering what we’d said. “He wasn’t happy. Put me in my place, too.” I winced at the next part. “He also said he couldn’t believe that he used to look up to us.”
It was Alvarez’s turn to wince.
“Damn,” he muttered, glancing toward the counter.
“You got that right,” I returned.
We lapsed into silence, and I glanced around the cafe, wishing Zoe would come out from the back. But I suspected she wouldn’t come out unless I left, or a customer walked in.
“I fucked up,” I said.
“We both did.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, okay. Both of us. I shouldn’t have said that stuff.”
Alvarez nodded. “Agree. Preston would have me by the balls if she knew I’d been talking like that.”
He scrubbed a hand over his face. “Fuck. I feel like an asshole.”
“You are an asshole.”
He glared at me. “I’m a reformed one.”
I wrinkled my nose. “Nah, you’re still an asshole. You’re just less of one.”
Alvarez looked thoughtful for a few moments before nodding. “Okay, I can concede that.”
I wracked my brain, trying to figure out how I could apologize to Zoe for what I said, even if she didn’t know.
Knowing the kid overheard me made me realize that not only was that inappropriate, but how I’d been thinking about Zoe was, too. I’d hate it if someone talked about a female family member that way.
I blew out a breath and checked my watch. “I guess I should head out,” I said.
Alvarez nodded and stood. I quickly drained my coffee and stood, laying a tip on the table.
I glanced toward the counter, which was still suspiciously empty, before looking back to my friend.
“I don’t know what to do or say,” I told him.
Alvarez shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you, man. If you want to apologize, figure something out.”
I grimaced, and Alvarez clapped me on the shoulder before walking out.
I sighed and shot one more look at the counter before walking out.
Once outside, I slid my sunglasses on and looked up and down the street. The Java Hut was in downtown Somerville.
And Somerville looked like it was from a postcard from a different era.
The buildings were brick and old. The streets were wide, with plenty of parking. I expected an old truck to go rolling down the street at any moment with fifties music coming from the speakers, a guy wearing a leather jacket in the driver’s seat with a girl wearing a poodle skirt beside him.
That didn’t happen, obviously. Instead, a loud F-350 went down the road, the roar of its engine drowning out all other noise until it was far enough away I could think again.
I’d never spent much time in downtown Somerville.
I never felt the need before now.
But I was at loose ends. I didn’t want to go home to my empty and depressing apartment just yet.
Maybe I should finally explore the town I’d been living in for the last few years.
I blew out a breath, stuck my hands in my pockets, turned to my right, and started walking.
The old-timey feeling continued as I walked the sidewalks. The stores had cloth awnings over their doors, chalkboard signs, and gaily decorated windows. It was a blast from the past seeing the mixture of older stores—women’s and men’s clothing plus a record shop—mixed in with the new—clothing boutiques, The Java Hut, a tea house, and a tattoo shop.
I walked up one side and down the other, looking in windows and making a note of places I wanted to come back to for gifts for family members. My mom would love some of these places and what they sold. I’d have to remember to bring her next time she was in town.
My phone rang, and I dug it out of my pocket, grinning when I saw it was my mother. I guessed thinking of her conjured her.
“Your ears burning?” I asked her after answering.
“No, why?”
“I was just thinking about you.”
“Your ears burn only when you’re being talked about.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “What’s up?”
“Must you talk like that?”
My mom, in a nutshell. Growing up had been interesting. She was very concerned with how we presented ourselves to the public. We had to be dressed nicely, not even a hair out of place. No sweatpants outside the house unless you’re doing yard work.
There was a whole list of rules she wanted us to follow.
As I glanced down at what I was wearing, I realized her lessons had likely stuck with me more than I wanted to admit.
As I’d gotten older, she’d loosened up. But there were still parts of her that wouldn’t relax, and speaking on the phone was one of them.
“I’m sorry. What is the purpose of your call?”
“Don’t sass me.”
I laughed out loud. I couldn’t help it. There was no winning.
“I was calling to see if your father and I could visit in a few weeks.”
I was already nodding. Though they lived only a few hours away in the mountains, that was a large distance during the season, and it was hard to see them for six to nine months out of the year.
“Yeah, that should be fine. I have that spare room, if you want it. If not, I can book you a room.”
“I’ll speak with your father and let you know. If we get a hotel, we’ll book it, though.”
I grinned. “Okay. Anything you want to do while you’re here?”
“No. I just want to lay eyes on you and you father wants to see you play before the season kicks off. I’m sure he’ll want to talk baseball with you for hours.”
My lips twitched. “If that’s the case, I can get you a spa appointment.”
I was staring at a sign for Somerville Spa, and the sign in the window boasted manicures, pedicures, facials, massages, and a few other things.
“There’s not a spa there. I’ll find something.”
“Nah, there is. I’m looking at the sign for it now.”
“There is?”
I nodded, though she couldn’t see me. “Yeah. I’m downtown and decided to walk it since I’ve never checked it out. There’s a spa here.”
Mom was silent for a few moments before saying, “All right, then. I’ll let you know dates and you can book me in.”
“Awesome.”
We chatted for a few more minutes while I walked back to where I’d parked my car outside the Java Hut.
I hung up as I passed the front window and I couldn’t help looking inside, noting that the teen boy was bussing tables again and that Zoe was at the counter laughing at something another barista was saying.
I stood there, watching her for a few moments, taking in the j
oy and openness on her face. She was stunning.
And I’d fucked it all up.
I sighed and turned away before she noticed me there and walked to my car, wracking my brain for anything I could say or do to apologize to her.
13
Zoe
“He’s gone,” Noah said.
My shoulders jerked up to my ears, but I forced myself to relax as I turned to look at my nephew. My nephew who looked like someone had kicked his puppy and then him.
“You okay?” I asked him.
I wanted to walk over and pull him into my arms, but I didn’t think Noah would appreciate it.
Noah raised his shoulders jerkily.
I studied him, noting that he looked as tense as I felt.
“What happened?”
He said nothing as he walked over to the dishwashing station and started loading everything into the sink to be rinsed before being run through a cycle.
“Noah…” I wheedled, coming to stand next to him, watching as he sprayed plates down.
He worked in silence and I didn’t push him, though I wanted to. Badly. But he’d tell me when he was ready.
Once he had the first load going, he turned to look at me. “I overheard those two baseball players talking about you,” he muttered.
I stared at him, waiting for him to say more. But he remained silent.
“Okay…” I drawled. “That’s not surprising. It’s not the first time I’ve seen Alvarez or Jacob, for that matter.”
Noah’s brows went to his hair. “You’re on a first name basis with that dick?”
My face scrunched in confusion, laughter threatening to bubble up after hearing Noah call someone a dick. “What are you talking about?”
The dishwasher dinged behind him, and he turned to unload it, putting another load in.
“I overheard them talking about you and they weren’t saying nice things.”
I nibbled on my bottom lip as I listened to Noah recount what he’d overheard. Hearing what he had to say explained what Jacob was talking about when he came up.
Once Noah finished ranting and telling me what he’d said in return, I reached out to place a hand on his, making him stop what he was doing.
“Noah, look at me.”
His chest heaved as he glared at the wall behind the sink before he cut his eyes to me.
“Thank you for standing up for me. I appreciate it. But you have to remember that people talk and don’t always mean what they say. Is that hurtful? Yes. But it’s a way of life. I’m so proud of you for standing up for me and yourself. But I think Jacob realizes you overheard. He said something to me.”
“I just…” he started, huffing and crossing his arms. “I just can’t believe that they would say something like that.”
“Kid, people say things all the time. If you take all of them to heart, you’re going to give yourself a heart attack before you’re twenty-five.”
Noah huffed again. “This isn’t funny. I looked up to those guys.”
And that was the main issue. I knew he was upset about what Alvarez and Jacob had said about me, but it really boiled down to two of his idols saying something about me and ruining the pedestal he’d placed them on.
In the blink of an eye, two baseball players held in high esteem had come crashing down.
“Everyone is human, even the ones that you think are above it. For what it’s worth, I do think they were sorry.”
Noah grunted and glowered at the floor. I stifled my sigh. It was at moments like these I wished Jewel were here. Or even my mom because either of them would have to be better at handling this than me.
I didn’t know what to say to Noah to get him to relax and move on.
“Let’s get to work. I’m sure you’ve got some stuff to do out front.”
He nodded and grabbed his cart, loading it with his things before rolling it out of the kitchen.
His shoulders were still bunched around his shoulders, and I could see the tension in his back.
I wished I had the magic words to get him to relax, but I didn’t. This was something he was going to have to learn to deal with on his own.
I blew out a breath and shook my head before pushing away from the counter so I could head to the front as well.
At least I didn’t have to worry about Jacob since he was gone. But his presence lingered, and I couldn’t help looking to the booth where he’d been sitting with Alvarez.
I shivered at the memory of how good he’d looked today, then forced it from my mind. I wasn’t going to dwell on Jacob or anything that had happened with him today. I was going to forget all about him.
Of course, that was easier said than done.
Later that night, I told Cass everything that happened while Noah played X-box in his room and I sat on the back porch with a blanket around me and a glass of wine with my phone propped on my knee and on speaker.
“He said that?” Cass confirmed.
I sipped my wine. “Yep. I explained why he came up to me looking like a kicked dog.”
Cass snorted. “Too true. I’m really trying to figure out why they were even talking about that. Jacob was married for so long and has only been divorced for a few months. And Alvarez, even when he was on the scene, wasn’t an asshole. Yeah, he was a one and done, but he was at least respectful to everyone.”
I hummed in my throat. “I don’t know. I know Noah wasn’t lying, though. You should have seen his face. He looked like he was going to be sick.”
The way he looked earlier was something I’d never forget, that was for sure. I hadn’t seen him look like that since Jewel died, and I swore then that he’d never look like that again. But I had no control over today—and wouldn’t over any other day—so I didn’t know what to do.
“Is he still upset?”
“Yeah. He was quiet during dinner. Instead of joking around and fighting with me after eating, he cleaned everything up, washed the dishes, and then went to his room. Without me saying anything.”
“Yikes. What happened to the smart ass?” Cass joked.
“Jacob Vaughn,” I told her seriously.
“Maybe it’ll blow over?”
I shrugged, even though she couldn’t see me, and picked at a pill on my blanket. “Maybe. I don’t know. We’ll have to see. Dad is supposed to take him to a pre-season game this week. I hope Noah doesn’t refuse or whatever. He loves the Spartans.”
“That would suck…”
We lapsed into silence, and I wanted to change the topic, so I asked Cass about her day.
A short while later, I finished my wine and hung up with her.
After coming back inside and putting my things away, I went upstairs to check on Noah. He was still playing games on his X-box and didn’t even look at me when I poked my head in.
He looked more relaxed than he had earlier, which I counted as a win. But I couldn’t help worrying about how today would impact how he felt about baseball and the Spartans.
I quietly closed the door and walked to my room, walking immediately to a framed photograph I had on my dresser of me, my parents, Noah, and Jewel, his mom and my sister.
It was one of the last ones we’d all taken together. Jewel was pale and thin in a hospital gown, laying in a hospital bed. There were balloons behind her—it was her birthday, the last one we celebrated together—and there were smiles on our faces undercut by the lingering sadness of watching a loved one die from cancer.
Tears blurred my vision, but I didn’t need to look at the photo to know what it looked like.
I sucked in a breath and blew it out shakily, swiping at my cheeks as I talked to Jewel.
“I wish you were here to tell me what to say or do. Today is one of those days that this all feels impossible. I don’t know how you did this for thirteen years without breaking a sweat or breaking down daily.”
There was so much I wanted to say and to hear from her. But all I had were these stolen moments with her ghost when I allowed myself to grieve her pass
ing.
I turned from her photo and wiped at my face, giving myself an internal pep talk.
“She picked you,” I said out loud. “She wanted you to help shape Noah. You can do this.”
I repeated that to myself as I got ready for bed and crawled beneath the covers.
Maybe if I repeated it enough times, it would finally sink in.
14
Zoe
The next weekend, after dropping Noah at the Java Hut for his normal weekend shift, I ran errands and cleaned the house.
As much as I loved that kid, he was messy as fuck. Minus the night the weekend before when he’d washed up without my needing to say anything, he constantly left glasses and dishes throughout the house.
The worst was when I had to venture into his room to find anything. He had a tendency to get milk and bring it to his room, only to forget the glasses until I came looking for them.
I won’t talk about how much I gag when I find them littering his floor.
Since I was already in his room gathering dishes, I quickly opened his window to air his room out—why do all teenage boy rooms smell like a jockstrap?—and gathered his laundry, being careful of what I picked up.
After a gross discovery the year before, I was careful with how I picked things up and tried not to think too hard about what he may or may not be doing in his room without my knowledge.
I shuddered at the memory of the crusty sock, and forced myself to move on, grabbing everything and taking it back downstairs.
I was finishing up laundry and getting ready to start dinner when I heard the door open.
“Aunt Z!” Noah called out.
“In the kitchen!” I replied, pulling out what I needed to get started.
“You’ll never guess what happened today!” Noah sounded excited and when I flicked my gaze to him, he looked it, too.
“Santa came?”
“Really? That’s the best you got?” He bumped me with his hip before opening the fridge and grabbing a water.
I shrugged and started chopping veggies. “You know I don’t like this game.”
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