However, on the evening of the day (our time) that Bryce was born, Karin lost her battle with cancer. She was barely into her 60s. She was diagnosed just a few weeks before and the end came rapidly. Perhaps that is a blessing. Frank was spared having to watch his mate for the better part of five decades suffer for months. She went quickly.
Frank and Karin’s story is full of memorable years together. And so it was more than appropriate that a memorable recording was played at her funeral. A Danish singer called Kira recorded a soulful version of “I’ll Be Seeing You” in the style of Billie Holiday. That recording was played at Karin’s funeral. If you have never heard this recording, I recommend that you download it immediately, particularly if you are a fan of jazz.
My cousin Frank Terranella and his wonderful wife Karin
The words of the song are so poignant that I will never be able to listen to it again without thinking of Karin. And it seems to me that this song expresses universally the longing for a lost mate that is so much a part of life for many of us over 50.
The song by Sammy Fain and Irving Kahal begins:
I’ll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day and through
In that small café
The park across the way
The children’s carousel
The chestnut trees, the wishing well
While the song became popular during World War II as GIs went off to war in Europe and the Pacific, what widow or widower cannot embrace these words? The lives of married folk are filled with little moments like this – a cappuccino at a small café, a picnic in the park. How could we not see our loved one after they are gone in all those old familiar places? The song continues:
I’ll be seeing you
In every lovely summer’s day
In everything that’s light and gay
I’ll always think of you that way
I’ll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I’ll be looking at the moon
But I’ll be seeing you.
Morning, noon and night we constantly remember a lost loved one and live with the pain of separation. But the beautiful memories of a life together can bring us through. So farewell Karin, you were taken from us much too early. But we’ll be seeing you in all the old familiar places and we’ll smile.
There’s still time to be an “activist”
February 2014
I was reading and listening to obituaries of Pete Seeger recently and noticed something peculiar. In many obituaries, Seeger, who made his living as a musician, was identified as an “activist.” I wondered what exactly the 94-year-old composer of “Turn, Turn, Turn” had done to earn him the title “activist.” And is that title meant as praise or damnation?
So I first consulted the dictionary and found that activist is defined as “an especially active, vigorous advocate of a cause, especially a political cause.” Since every public cause is a political one, I think that the definition would encompass anyone who is a vigorous advocate of any cause that affects more than a person’s immediate family and friends. So advocating for proper care for your father who has multiple sclerosis would not make you an activist, but advocating on behalf of everyone who has the disease would. It’s a lot like the job of “community organizer” that was sneered at an election or two ago.
Seeger’s obituary in the New York Times noted that “He sang for the labor movement in the 1940s and 1950s, for civil rights marches and anti-Vietnam War rallies in the 1960s, and for environmental and antiwar causes in the 1970s and beyond.” Clearly, for his active involvement in these causes, Seeger earned the title “activist.” Seeger cared about others. His motivation was the polar-opposite of greed.
But what about the rest of us? Shouldn’t we all be activists? Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young told us: “We can change the world, rearrange the world.” It was the “Age of Aquarius.” Well, sadly we all know how that turned out. Self-interest trumped community involvement.
In the ‘80s many embraced George Bush’s “A Thousand Points of Light” – a sort of “separate but equal” approach to community activism that stressed individual action. It was sold as an alternative to group action, particularly group action using community tax money. And what happened? Income inequality, crumbling cities, and two optional wars.
But some people like Pete Seeger, Tom Hayden, Martin Luther King, Cesar Chavez, Al Gore, and even Bob Barker recognized the importance and power of organizing community action. They saw that people working together supercharged their efforts. They didn’t fear government action; they saw that the ultimate community tool was government action. They worked hard to pass civil rights, labor and environmental laws that express the desire of the community for a better world. They all earned the title “activist.”
But is “activist” an honor or an epithet? I think that depends on which side of the particular cause promoted by the activist you favor. There are certainly activists for both conservative and liberal causes. Frankly, I respect them all because even if I don’t agree with the cause they are promoting, I can respect the fact that they took the time to try to help the community.
As we move toward our “senior” years we have one last chance to be activists. If we don’t, we face the prospect of an obituary of someone who was shamefully a “passivist.” And that’s not someone who advocates against war.
Living in the moment should be the rule
March 2014
When you’re young, it’s easy to put things off to some unspecified future time. After all, when you’re younger than 40, you probably have more future ahead of you than you have past or present. It seems like there’s a lot of room in that attic for storage of dreams. But as we pass the age of 50, the amount of future time left to us begins to shrink to a point where the idea that putting off things (such as pleasure) to a future time is no longer a viable plan. Those of us in the 50+ club have to live in the present.
I was reminded of this in church, of all places, as I attended services this week. While there’s some silly stuff in the Bible, there’s also a lot of wisdom. In fact, there’s a whole book in the Bible called Wisdom. And there’s also a book of Proverbs. It seems to me that a lot of the purpose of the Bible was to write down the collected wisdom of the herd. Unfortunately, some of the thoughts of the lunatic fringe made it in as well.
Anyway, the Bible reading was from the Gospel of Matthew. The evangelist quotes Jesus as saying to his followers: “Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself.” (Matthew 6:34) And if I was in a more evangelical kind of church, I would have shouted, “Amen.” But Catholics aren’t into public displays of emotion and so I remained silent.
But it seems to me that these are words to live by for us over-50 folks. We need to be present. We need to not put off anything we can enjoy now to the future because the future is growing short and what there is, is not guaranteed.
Now, I know that Fleetwood Mac urged us “Don’t Stop Thinking About Tomorrow.” But the message of that song was not to dwell on the past because “Yesterday’s gone.” It’s the same sentiment that Little Orphan Annie expresses in her “Tomorrow” where the sun will come out. It’s okay to look to tomorrow optimistically; it’s wrong to worry about it.
Recently I was looking out at the backyard of my mother’s house in suburban New Jersey. Suddenly about ten deer appeared, all foraging for food in the snow. Sadly, this has become an all-too-common sight as human developments have encroached on traditional deer habitats. But these deer live day-to-day. They don’t worry about tomorrow. Finding food today and staying warm is their focus in these winter months. And it occurs to me that our cave-dwelling ancestors did likewise. They may not have lived as long as we do now, but I’ll bet they enjoyed every minute they had when they weren’t working to feed and clothe themselves.
I know that s
ome people can’t help worrying about tomorrow, and everything else. Will the 401(k) be enough to live on? Will Medicare allow me to see the doctors I want to see? Will I be able to stay in my house? But even those people can resolve to enjoy today and be present enough to notice the details like the beautiful scene the snow has created in the trees or the rosy cheeks on a three-year-old playing in a park on a cold winter’s day. Being present means enjoying what is before you and not thinking about what’s next. Because tomorrow will take care of itself.
Travel may be the fountain of youth
March 2014
The beauty of travel is that it breaks the monotony that life can become. We are all creatures of habit and our natural tendency is to do what we have done before. Travel takes us away from what we always do and challenges us to adapt to something new. It’s not really hard since human beings are kinda great at adapting (when we have to).
Recently I had to travel to Europe on business. The great part is that I have relatives in Copenhagen. So after the business was done I was able to enjoy some time with them.
Early on the morning of my last day there, my cousin picked me up at my hotel and we headed north from Copenhagen about 45 kilometers to a town that English speakers call Elsinore, but the Danes call Helsingor. If the name Elsinore sounds vaguely familiar, it’s probably because Shakespeare set one of his most famous plays there. Elsinore is the hometown of Hamlet, fictional prince of Denmark. And the Danes have accommodated tourists by actually building a castle there. But that wasn’t the principal reason for us to go to Helsingor. It’s a charming little village with lots of very old buildings, stores and an ancient church to visit. And it has a twin city in nearby Sweden.
So since I had never been to Sweden before, we first got on the ferry to Sweden. The ferry was named (wait for it) the Hamlet. It’s only a 20-minute ride and the town in Sweden where you land is a village called Helsingborg (apparently some guy named Helsing was a big shot around these parts).
Helsingborg features a medieval-looking fortress at the top of a hill from where we got a great view of the town and the harbor. Of course after that much exercise, two 60-something guys were ready for lunch. We could have played it safe with burgers at the Helsingborg McDonalds or KFC, but we opted for the challenge of local fare instead. We found a tiny restaurant that had a sign outside advertising their Swedish meatballs special. So we went in and ordered it. Now I had never before had the opportunity to have Swedish meatballs. It’s not common fare where I live (outside of my local Ikea). And truth be told, I am not a very adventurous eater. But I couldn’t pass up the chance to have my first Swedish meatballs in Sweden. Of course they were absolutely delicious. We were both glad we decided to take a chance.
My trip to the twin cities of Helsingore and Helsingborg brought home how valuable it is for people our age to put ourselves into situations that force us to break out of the everyday way of doing things. And of course it wasn’t just the Swedish meatballs. It’s not everyday I climb a fortress in Sweden and tour cities that were around in Shakespeare’s time. It’s unusual for me to be in two countries where the native languages are ones I do not speak. And during the business portion of the trip I taught a seminar in English to Danish-speaking students. For me it was a step outside my comfort zone because I don’t normally address an audience in my job.
However, I think that doing these sorts of things keep us young. So there was a real therapeutic benefit to the trip. And in addition to eating Swedish meatballs in Sweden, I got to eat Danish for breakfast in Denmark!
Higher taxes for free healthcare: A quid pro quo I can support
March 2014
I filed my income taxes this week. I have always thought that the two most patriotic things that most Americans can do are vote and pay your taxes. These days, most Americans don’t vote and the common wisdom for the past 40 years is that income taxes are too high. This despite the fact that the richest Americans today pay less than half what they paid in the 1950s. The ridiculously low income tax rates we have today account for the reason why our health care system is in a shambles.
As I edge my way ever closer to Medicare eligibility, I have to marvel at how dysfunctional America is when it comes to health care. The news from Washington is that 6 million people have signed up for Obamacare while a new poll shows that 41% of Americans would like it to be repealed. After spending some time recently discussing health care with people in Denmark I am convinced we are on the wrong track. And the tragedy is we could have avoided all this by simply phasing in Medicare for everyone over a 10-year period. But that might have required raising taxes.
Denmark, like most other developed nations, provides basic health care for free to everyone. It is paid for out of taxes. And if you want to see a Dane get agitated, mention income taxes. They pay roughly double what we pay. But ask them if it’s worth it and they will tell you that by and large it is. Oh sure, there are waiting lists for some elective surgery. But when a medical emergency hits, Danes know they don’t have to worry. It’s going to be paid for. They will not be bankrupted by a long hospital stay.
In fact, the only bad thing Danes seem to say about their health care system is that it’s too good. By that they mean it’s so good that people from poorer countries like Romania are flocking to Denmark to take advantage of Danish generosity. As I listened to some Danish women explain this to me I immediately thought about the way some Americans talk about immigrants, particularly from Latin America, who come to the United States to collect welfare. The difference is that in the United States we have just about dismantled the welfare system and people are falling through economic catastrophe without a safety net. And we have an army at our Southern border with orders to stop anyone who tries to cross without a visa.
Meanwhile in Denmark, no matter how much they resent poor people coming to their country for the social benefits, they have not dismantled their social safety net. And because they are part of the European Community, they can’t legally stop the immigration. And some Danes actually see value for their country in allowing immigration. It provides talent and ambition that have always been the lifeblood of any progressive society. They see what America has done as akin to cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Obamacare will not solve America’s health care crisis because it starts from the wrong premise. It doubles down on the system we already have where insurance companies are given the role of health care gatekeeper. Capitalism is so out of control in this country that many Americans actually believe that it’s a good idea to have profit-making companies in a position to decide what medical test you can get. They complain bitterly about a government takeover of health care and actually prefer to have insurance companies in charge. Danes look at this and shake their heads. Why would anyone want a company that has an interest in allowing you as little health care as possible be in charge of health care, they asked me. These companies have a conflict of interest. Isn’t it better to have a neutral government official in that role?
I could not defend our system except to say that it works very well for rich people. Those who can afford the best insurance here will get excellent health care, better than they would get in Denmark. But for the rest of us, the present system sucks and Obamacare is not likely to make it much better.
After my conversations in Denmark, I am convinced that the only solution is higher taxes. That’s right, higher taxes. Americans have to get over the hysteria about taxes and see the long-term benefits of not having to worry about a tsunami of a co-pay that we all are one illness away from. And while we’re raising those taxes, let’s make state universities free for eligible students and liberate young people from a lifetime of debt. That’s another good idea we could borrow from Denmark.
Weather provides high anxiety out west
April 2014
One of the prime benefits of travel is to experience the unfamiliar. For example, if you want to see what it would be like to drive on the lef
t side of the road you need to travel to a British Commonwealth country. And if you want to see the Aurora Borealis, you need to travel to the far North. Well, if you want to see mountains you need to travel west of the Mississippi.
Living in the New York area, we are accustomed to little variations in altitude. No matter where you start from, you never experience more than about a thousand-foot variation in altitude within 50 miles of New York. Even traveling to the nearby Pocono or Catskill “mountains” does not significantly change things. These are mere foothills compared to what they have in Colorado. In fact, the entire city of Denver is at a higher altitude than any of the peaks in the Catskills or Poconos.
So since New Yorkers have no concept of altitude, we don’t think of weather as depending on altitude.
This was brought home to me recently while traveling in Northern Arizona. We were driving from the Grand Canyon to Zion National Park in Utah. As we started our drive, it was raining lightly. This was fine for several hours, but then we began to climb up towards Zion and suddenly, as we crossed over 7,000 feet, we were in a ferocious snowstorm. This lasted only until we descended to 5,000 feet and then it was light rain again. We were seeing first-hand that weather is vertical. That’s why out West the weather forecasts don’t simply say that such-and-such an area will have certain weather. They say that the weather will be X but above 6,000 feet it will be Y and above 7,000 feet it will be Z. And this is all in the same town! We just don’t have weather like that in the New York area. Our weather is horizontal, not vertical. It depends on the path of the weather and not the altitude.
The next day, it was a beautiful sunny day as we began our drive in Zion National Park at an altitude of about 6,000 feet. We were on a short drive to a mountain lake. As the road began to climb we noticed that the temperature was dropping. At 6,000 feet it was 55 degrees. By the time we got to 8,000 feet it was 34 degrees. But the biggest shock was that in 30 minutes the terrain went from a green springtime pasture to a snow-covered winter wonderland. The road actually became impassable with snow and we had to turn around and go back or risk being stuck there.
Tales of the Tarantula Page 8