by Coralee June
"Why?" I asked once more, this time in a whisper. Gavriel took another sip.
"I told myself that the rule was necessary to prevent you from breaking us apart. I thought we'd fight over you. I didn't want to ruin what family I had. We all loved you, and even though I felt jealousy at times, it worked."
I thought back on our time in Chesterbrook. As a group, the guys sometimes vied for my attention, but mostly it was a fair dynamic. We all got along. We all loved one another, in our own way.
"I made the rule because none of us were worthy of you. I made the rule because we would have ruined it somehow. The only difference now is that when you left, you evened the playing field. You ruined it so that we didn't have to."
I closed my eyes, fighting the pain behind them.
"Fuck, Gav," I replied while rubbing my chest. It hurt. It all hurt so fucking much.
"Own it. We're not going to get past this until you do."
"How?"
Gavriel leaned forward, thumbing a stray tear that had fallen down my cheek. "First, tell us what the fuck happened. Then? Stop trying to pick back up where you left us, and make a fresh start instead."
As I sat there, pondering his advice, Gavriel rolled down the window separating the driver and us. "Liam, after we drop off Sunshine, we’re going to the Hilton."
"Yes, Mr. Moretti," the driver replied as the tinted partition rose again.
"What’s at the Hilton?" I asked.
"An after party for Boons," he replied. Gavriel’s fist was shaky, and it brought me back to the night I watched him fight. The adrenaline made him antsy, and his rigid posture made me wonder if he was preparing for a battle of his own. Gavriel took out his cell phone and made a quick call.
“Callum, meet us at the Beverly Hills Hospital,” he barked before hanging up without providing any further explanation.
I leaned back in the leather seat, closing my eyes as Gavriel answered another call. His harsh voice spoke into the receiver, “No, I have some business to attend to. Don’t think she can handle it.” I snapped my head up and stared at Gavriel, quirking a brow. He hung up the phone and met my stare head-on.
“You don’t think I can handle what, exactly?” I asked with a frown. Was he going to “teach Boons a lesson?” I giggled at the cliche.
“I can handle it,” I added defiantly while shifting in my seat. Gavriel didn’t look impressed, he drug his eyes down my stiff frame with a frown before sighing.
“Just because you can doesn’t necessarily mean you should. I have enemies. Most of them are too ignorant to do anything, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to expose you to shit that doesn’t concern you.”
When we pulled up to the hospital, I expected Gavriel to at least walk me inside. He was the overbearing, protective type. So, I was confused when Liam opened the car door, and Gav stayed inside.
"Find Joe," Gavriel said. I looked down at his fists and noticed that they were clenched. "He’ll keep an eye on you until Callum gets here. Be safe. Don't do anything stupid. And don’t you dare run off." Gavriel gave me a smoldering look, but there was a certain vulnerability in his gaze. He really was worried I’d disappear again.
“I won’t go anywhere, Gav,” I replied.
“Yeah, you said that last time, Love.”
Chapter Eighteen
Present Day
* * *
It didn't take long to find Gavriel's guard, Joe. With his black suit and broody expression, he stood out in the hospital waiting room. I made my way over to him and plopped down on one of the metal chairs along the back wall.
"Any news?" I asked, turning to look at him.
Joe cleared his throat before answering. "He's getting a scan right now. Should have a room within the hour." I nodded my head while sinking further into the chair. An awkward silence filled the space between us, and I wondered what one should talk about with a mobster.
"Have you worked for Gavriel long?" Joe looked up towards the ceiling, as if begging the world to swallow him whole. He was tall, at least six feet, and had tattoos along his neck. I got the sense that watching over Ryker and me was an inconvenience. Babysitting us was probably one of his more boring responsibilities.
"About a year, but I worked for his dad back before he went to prison." I nodded my head, not sure what else to talk about. Although I was curious about the business that Gavriel ran, I didn't think he would be very forthcoming.
After about thirty minutes of uncomfortable silence, Callum came bounding through the automatic doors of the hospital. Wearing a frantic expression, he stalked up to the nurses' station with a determined scowl.
I called his name, "Callum, over here." He immediately snapped his attention towards me before fast-walking across the waiting room. Joe let out a groan as Callum arrived in front of me.
"God, I was worried," he cried out while bending over and lifting me up from my seat. I wrapped myself around him and nuzzled into the crook of his neck. "What happened?"
I grabbed Callum’s hand, and we both sat down. Joe shuffled on his feet. I wondered if part of his job was to stand watch for the entire duration of our time at the hospital. Before explaining to Callum what all had happened, I turned back to Joe.
"You can sit if you want to," I offered while gesturing towards the chair next to me. He slowly turned his gaze in my direction, as if shocked that I was once again wasting the air around us by speaking to him.
"Gavriel would sooner kill me than see me sitting on the job. And I'd rather take a bullet to the chest than be responsible for anything happening to you. Let me do my job, and pretend I don't exist." Joe gave Callum a pointed look before continuing, "I don't need a jealous Gavriel on my hands either." Directing his eyes back at the sliding doors of the emergency room, Joe continued his rigid stance.
I rolled my eyes at his gruff nature before finally addressing Callum's concerns. "Gavriel's an ass," I said. I swore I heard the hint of a chuckle coming from Joe. But the sound that escaped his lips was long gone before I could analyze it. "I'm sorry he didn't explain what happened," I said.
Callum reached over and grabbed my hand, encouraging me to continue. "Ryker lost the fight. Well, more like he gave up on the fight. He has a concussion and is here to get a scan as a precaution. He's here to get looked at, and Gavriel had some business to attend to. I guess we’re supposed to stay here until further notice."
Callum leaned back in his chair and let out a slow sigh. "It's strange, you know?" Callum rubbed his hand over his scruff as if contemplating what to say next. "Before, I'd only seen Gavriel once a year. We met up to talk about you, actually. I knew he was…controlling…But I had no idea how much influence and power he has."
I nodded my head, understanding what he meant. Back in Chesterbrook, Gavriel commanded the attention of the entire town. Even as a teen, people feared him. His very existence demanded respect. A trait he inherited from his family. You couldn't grow up with a mob boss for a father without inheriting a few rough characteristics.
"It's still strange for me to think that you’re all friends now—or even acquaintances," I said. In my mind, Callum had always been a separate entity from the Bullets. They were two opposite sides of the coin. Two halves of my soul.
"Yeah," Callum began while looking over at a woman who was consoling her crying toddler. "I didn't expect to befriend them either. We bonded over our mutual love for you, but it was more than that. I guess I liked the makeshift family they'd established." I could relate. Although I had two parents, I was very alone. The Bullets were more than friends, they were family. I could understand why Callum gravitated towards their group. I think it's why he went to dinner at our house all those times. He craved a sense of community.
"I care for them, you know? I feel a sense of responsibility for them almost," Callum said. I watched as his hands drifted over his chest. I wondered if it was a habit he created while on the force, brushing over his breastplate where his badge usually sat. "But I don't think I could spend my l
ife at Gavriel's mercy."
The unpredictable nature of Gavriel’s personality and power would make any normal person nervous. But I saw things differently.
It was the consequence of his love.
I knew deep down that it was a price I was willing to pay, but I understood why Callum felt uncertain. For as long as I'd known him, Callum craved a routine. He liked knowing the expectations of a situation. He approached life with reason.
Callum did everything by the books. He grew up in a police officer's family. He knew the difference between right and wrong because he lived it. Being a part of Gavriel's world would mean accepting the gray areas of life.
"So tell me more about yourself," I offered. I wanted to change the subject to something more lighthearted as we waited for Ryker's results. I felt like I knew Callum on a bone-deep level, but I still craved to know what he had been up to. "Are you seeing anyone?" I asked. Maybe the girl he once knew would've danced around that question, but I was more confident. I didn't skirt around my intentions, and I had every intention of exploring Callum.
Callum laughed. "I've dated, but there's no girlfriend." I released the breath I was holding. "I guess no one measured up to your ghost," he added.
I opened my mouth to respond, yet Joe's loud sigh brought me back down from the cloud I was dancing on. It felt good to know that Callum missed me. "What about you?" Callum asked. "What have you been up to? Are you seeing anyone?"
I was almost embarrassed to respond. Callum was ambitious. He had his entire life planned out by the age of 16. I didn't have any achievements attached to my name, no goals met. I survived, but that was it. When it was just Phoenix and me, that was enough. But now, it felt inadequate.
"I've been on the run," I answered honestly. I wanted to tell Callum that I had achieved something—anything—but the truth was my single most valued possession. "I didn't go to school. I didn't get a good job. I ate out of dumpsters and stripped for a few months." It was embarrassing, laying out my life at his feet. I needed him to know the road I had been down, because if he couldn't get past that, there was no point in giving him my heart.
"I'm a little intimidated by you," I said. "You're a federal agent. You went to school. I strayed so far from the path that I don't even know who I am anymore. You were always so proud of me, you always said I would do amazing things. I guess I'm just sad that I didn't live up to those expectations."
"Baby," Callum began. He looked around and leaned closer. "You're here. You're alive. I don't care about anything else."
A small tear ran down my cheek. "Is it enough to just survive, though?" I asked. Regret about the last five years was beating me down. I used to have dreams. Ambitions.
"There's still time to do everything you wanted to. I'm going to do everything in my power to give you all the things you missed out on. And, Baby?"
"Yeah?" I answered, wiping my nose on the sleeve of my jacket.
"You didn't just survive. You fought."
Callum’s eyes locked onto mine, and for a moment we stared at one another. I swam in the depths of his adoring gaze. Callum didn't see me as an accumulation of my failures. He saw my heart. My intentions. He saw everything I could be and more.
A nurse approached us, and it wasn't until she coughed loudly that I was able to tear my eyes from his.
"Yes?" I asked.
"Mr. Hill is in his room now," she said. "If you'd like to see him, you can follow me."
Up until this point, it didn't occur to me that I would have to see Ryker again. I was still angry about our reunion earlier, and I wasn't sure I was ready to see him in a vulnerable state. I wanted to cling to my anger, not feel sorry for the man in a hospital recovering from a fight.
I gave Callum one last glance and stood. "I'll go." I needed to do this alone, and judging by Callum's expression, I knew that he understood. Joe rolled his eyes and took a step forward. I guess it was too much to hope for a little privacy. We followed the nurse down the hallway and passed a few partitions of curtains. At the end of the hall, right across from the nurses' station, she stopped. After triple checking the chart attached to the nearby wall, she flung open the curtain and walked inside. We followed behind her, and I wrinkled my nose at the sweaty clinical smell of his room.
Unlike before, Ryker was awake. His eyes were half opened and shoulders slumped in lazy contempt. But he was much more conscious now than when Gavriel and I last saw him. He looked at the nurse and Joe with a neutral expression. Joe situated himself in the corner of the room as the nurse checked Ryker’s vitals. But when his gaze locked on mine, there was nothing but fire within his green irises.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice a growl.
“Checking on you.” I walked closer to the hospital bed, making sure to avoid the bustling nurse beside him. “Gavriel told me to stay here.”
“That didn’t take long. Already following Gavriel’s orders like a sad little puppy.”
The nurse looked between us then down at his hand. In one swift movement, she ripped the tape from around his IV, making him wince.
“Sorry,” she exclaimed. “Looks like you need a new bandage.” She then looked at me and winked, before applying a new bandage to the IV port, making sure to pat it down roughly.
"Look," I began while sitting on the edge of the bed. "You're tired, I'm tired. We could spend tonight looking angrily at each other. And you could say a lot of stupid, hurtful shit that won't do us any good. Or, you could get some rest, and I could eat some ice cream."
Ryker gave me an incredulous expression. He wasn't expecting the nonchalant words pouring from my mouth. The girl he remembered was complacent. Cautious. I'd grown in that sense. I just prayed he didn't see the way my fingers trembled, or hear the emotion in my voice.
There's nothing I craved more than resolution. I wanted to just pick back up where we started. But Gavriel's advice echoed in my mind. I needed to stop thinking I could go back in time, and start creating a new dynamic.
Ryker still didn't respond, so I turned my head towards Joe who was staring at me with an amused expression. Maybe there was hope for the angry bodyguard, after all. "Hey, Joe?" I asked, immediately causing his expression to slip into sour discontent. "I don't have my cell phone, do you think you could ask Callum to go get us some ice cream?"
Before Joe could respond with an angry retort, I added, "No need to look so hungry, Joe. You can get some ice cream too. Let me guess, your favorite flavor is cotton candy?" I gave him a cheesy smile, hoping that my joke would dispel some of the tension in the room. Joe didn't respond. He simply pulled his phone out of his pocket and used his pudgy fingers to send a text.
"It's on its way," he finally said with a frown.
I once again turned my gaze to Ryker as the nurse shined a flashlight in his eyes. She'd been listening to our conversation while wearing a mischievous grin. I found myself wondering if she made a habit of eavesdropping on her patients. Maybe I'd like being a nurse?
She finished up her tasks and exited the curtain before giving Ryker one last hungry stare. It seemed that she, too, suffered from an attraction to assholes.
"So, how are you feeling?" I asked in a teasing voice. I was forcing myself to be the young, playful Sunshine he once knew. "What did the doctor say?"
I hoped that Ryker would play along, but he didn't. I guess I should've known better. Ignoring my questions, he asked, "So, Gavriel said you're in trouble?"
I rolled my eyes. "You're so breaking the rules of my ice cream date." I didn't want another serious conversation. Today and yesterday were physically draining. I couldn't handle another gut-wrenching talk about how I'd ruined someone else's life.
"Look, I've been on the run. Gavriel found me and offered me protection." My explanation felt hollow even to my own ears. He looked at me, his bloodshot eyes fierce and unwavering. The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end, and I knew that Joe was staring.
"Gavriel's offered to protect you?" Ryker asked. "In exc
hange for what?"
My heart began to race. It seemed that everyone knew Gavriel's protection came at a price. And by the look in Ryker's eye, something told me that the price was high.
"I don't really think that's any of your business," I barked. Ryker had completely demolished my idea that we could just sit in quiet while he recovered.
"Oh, but I think it is." Ryker sat up in the hospital bed and fumbled for the remote that controlled the electric settings. For moments, we silently watched him press the buttons until he was in a seated position. I looked around the room and found a pillow to prop behind his back. We worked seamlessly together, despite our arguments. "Ugh, my head is killing me," he groaned.
"Does your side hurt, too?" I asked, remembering the bruises.
"No. Just my head."
He leaned forward wordlessly, and I stuffed the plush pillow behind his lower back. I remembered that he had an old injury from when he was twelve that made it hard for him to lay down for long periods of time.
I remembered everything.
I sat back down on the bed, waiting for more questions.
"How long have you been in town?" Ryker asked. His voice sounded forced like he was mad at himself for asking me.
"Blaise found me three days ago. I've been here in LA for two days." Saying out loud how long I'd been here made me realize how much had happened. The Bullets were like a tornado. Even though my time here had been short, my interactions with them had been destructive to my heart. I spent five years building up my confidence and my emotional barriers. I never let anyone in except for Phoenix. Three days was all it took for all that progress to crash and burn.
I saw a glimmer of pain reflected in his green eyes before he asked, "Two days, huh?" Instead of answering, I nodded yes and shifted on the hospital bed. Groans and creaks from the old metal frame filled the room.
"So, you're a fighter now?" Although it was a question, my voice sounded more like a statement. Seeing Ryker in the ring was surreal. I knew he was brutal and devastating at a match when he was eighteen, but he had perfected the art of destruction. Despite his momentary lapse in skill today.