by Coralee June
I was going to die. They were going to die. Everyone. Everyone I'd ever cared about.
"Come back to me, Baby," Callum's voice said. Another hand on my back. A kiss on my cheek. A tear wiped from my face.
"He's gonna find you," I whispered. "He's gonna find me." The darkness became too much, and I welcomed the overwhelming panic. Slipping into my own personal hell, I closed my eyes and prayed that when I opened them, Paul Bright would go back to being a distant memory.
Strong arms carried me back to the limo, and I was crushed against a chest as soft words were spoken over me.
“It’s okay, I’m here. Take deep breaths.”
Slowly, I waded through my panic and grounded myself in my setting. We were in a car. We were moving. Ryker was holding me. Callum was stroking my hair.
In the corner, Gavriel was on the phone, demanding something. “I need a doctor now. I don’t care who you have to kill to get one at the mansion in the next half hour. Make. It. Happen.”
I nuzzled into a strong chest and inhaled the woodsy scent. “I don’t need a doctor,” I mumbled. Beneath me, Ryker shifted, exposing my face to the center of the limo. When my eyes connected with Gav, I flinched as blood filled my vision.
“Fuck, clean yourself up,” Ryker growled as I twisted back towards his chest.
The limo smelled like rust, and I ground my teeth, letting the last ounces of paranoia leave my system.
“I’m ready,” I whispered.
“Ready for what, Sunshine?” Blaise asked. I felt a calloused hand over my forehead as I shut my eyes.
“I’m ready to tell you everything.” My voice was hoarse but unwavering. I wasn’t ready, but time was no longer a luxury we had. If Gavriel’s and my mutual enemies were teamed up, our problems were bigger than I’d ever imagined. “Just promise you won’t hate me for being a coward.”
Chapter Twenty-Five
Five years ago
* * *
The sheets around me felt light on my skin. My bed was moving, like waves almost. Something next to me radiated heat, and when I shifted, an ache deep within me made my eyes shoot open in surprise.
Last night.
Ryker.
"Don't move," he groaned while pulling me closer. Beneath the covers, his strong arm was wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly to him. I sunk into the pillow, debating between having the inevitable freakout now or later.
I'd fucked Ryker—no—Ryker and I made love.
"Mmm, never slept so good," Ryker murmured while nuzzling my hair. I curled backward, pressing into his hard erection. "You feel so good."
I let out a shaky breath while snuggling closer and thinking about last night.
He'd been perfect. Attentive. Loving. He'd brought me bliss again and again before claiming his own release. With each kiss, he showed me how much he treasured me. With each caress, I felt his patient longing. He ignited my skin with his tongue. Conducted my pulse so that it matched the rhythm of his heart. He throbbed within me and made my night memorable. Unforgettable.
Jarring me out of my daydreams, he rocked into me, pulling me flush against his body as the morning sun filtered through the window. I wanted to roll over and explore more of the sensations from last night, but the doubt started to creep in.
What did this mean? Ryker and I had been drinking. I was reeling from the rejection of…
Gavriel and Blaise—oh God—Gavriel. Blaise.
My muscles stiffened, and I felt Ryker stir behind me. "Is this the part where you start to regret last night?" he asked bitterly. Sensing the insecurities blooming within me, he pulled back, and I missed his warmth.
"No," I choked out, my throat dry. "I'm not—promise."
"Where's your mind at?"
I sat up, gathering the sheets around my chest. I wasn't sure why I was feeling so modest, Ryker had already seen—and tasted—every inch of me. He gave me a hard stare, and I immediately thought of his admission last night.
Everyone leaves me.
I lifted my hand, preparing to stroke his cheek when a loud voice outside the boat made me pause. "Ryker?! Sunshine?"
Icy fear flooded my veins as steps pounded on the deck, through the door, and towards us. I glanced at Ryker, but he seemed unfazed. Relaxing within the sheets, he was prepared for whoever and whatever came. I just wasn't sure I was ready to be as confident.
"Ryker, we can't find Sunshine," Blaise shouted while throwing open the door. The force of it made the wood slap against the wall and bound back. Blaise held out a palm to stop it from hitting him in the face.
Blaise stared at us, and I watched his expressions evolve. When his eyes roamed where the sheets covering my breasts had fallen, his hooded stare took in my curves, making me shiver. But then, he saw Ryker beside me, and his brow furrowed in confusion.
I knew when it clicked in his mind. He balled his fist, and a red flush covered his tanned cheeks as he realized what he’d walked in on. "What the fuck is going on in here?" he asked.
I fumbled out of the bed, clutching the blankets to my body while I searched for my clothes. "Sunshine, you don't have to go," Ryker said with a sigh while shuffling off the bed and putting on a pair of maroon boxers. His hair was a messy cascade of waves along his shoulders. He looked tired, but happy.
I patted my hair, feeling the wild mass of curls and winced. Rubbing my thumb beneath my eyes, I wiped away the excess mascara. Black streaks coated my thumb. "No, it's okay. I should get home," I choked, emotion clogging my throat.
"Actually, I think you should stay," Blaise said, crossing his arms over his chest. He was angry. For so long, we danced along the line, knowing there was something more, but wordlessly agreeing not to ruin anything by acting on it.
I’d ruined everything.
He watched me fumble with my dress, slipping it over my body, and I felt clumsy beneath his stare. I heard a sigh of appreciation when the blankets shifted, fully revealing my breasts and torso, but I wasn't sure if it came from Blaise or Ryker. I was too nervous, to embarrassed to say anything. I just frantically covered myself while avoiding eye contact. "Is this a thing now? Are you both dating?" He gestured between us, and my head pounded.
Oh God, what had I done?
With one night, I completely ruined the Bullet dynamic.
Ryker stepped into his wrinkled jeans while biting his lip. "Maybe," he said. "We haven't exactly talked about it yet. Was hoping to take her out for breakfast before declaring my undying love."
Maybe? I knew he’d said more, but the insecurities within me clung to that word. Apparently, Blaise had caught that too because he then barked, "Maybe? Don't you think you should have had more to go off of than a fucking 'maybe' before you both took this step?" Blaise asked as another yell came from outside.
Gavriel.
I squeezed my eyes shut. I'd crossed the line for a “maybe.” There would likely be consequences from my fearless Bullet leader. Gavriel had expectations for the group.
Within seconds, Gavriel was entering the bedroom, sidestepping Blaise to look at me. Storming forward, he cupped my cheeks in his hands, peering into my eyes with a troubled look. "You were gone for hours, I was worried sick..."
His eyes locked on my neck, and he abruptly pushed my hair aside to get a better look. "What is this?" he asked, snapping his gaze to Blaise. I whimpered, remembering Ryker's kisses the night before. At the time, I'd enjoyed the feel of him sucking on my neck, but now I wasn't so sure it was worth Gavriel's angry stare. If I had a mirror, I was sure I’d see a purple hickey.
"Don't look at me! That's all Ryker," Blaise exclaimed. His tone was harsh and laced with hurt. I wanted to close the distance between us, hug him to my chest and apologize for breaking our dynamic, but I couldn't. I was a coward, unable to own up to what we'd done.
If only I could borrow some of Ryker's calm collectedness.
"Sunshine is fine. After the two of you ditched her, we spent the night together," Ryker explained.
"I think
what you meant to say," Blaise began while stalking forward, "is you fucked Summer while she was drunk and vulnerable.You took advantage of the situation!" Blaise wound back and punched Ryker in the jaw.
Ryker absorbed the hit then rubbed the stubble along his face. Glaring at Blaise, he wiped blood from the corner of his mouth. “I’m impressed. Actually got a good hit in,” he said with a dark grin.
"What?" Gavriel asked, his tone curt. His voice went dangerously soft. It was a tone he reserved for people he hated. Oh God—did he hate me now? "What do you mean he fucked Sunshine?"
“We don’t have to explain ourselves,” Ryker said, continuing to rub his jaw.
"Guys, I just want to go home. Please take me home," I whispered as tears streamed down my face. Gavriel, who still had his hand on my neck, stared at me.
"You want to go home? Fine. Go. Go home." He pulled his hand back as if it burned him to touch me. "Did you think I'd be upset? Did you think I'd care? Is this your childish way of getting back at me because I didn't kiss you back—"
"You kissed her?" Blaise asked incredulously.
"Don't even, I saw you and Brooklyn practically fucking on the hood of your car," Gavriel replied. "We made a pact that last night was about Sunshine. We weren't going to fuck around."
"Well, I'm the only one who actually made it about her," Ryker said. His blond hair had fallen around his shoulders, and he stared angrily at them while putting it back up in a bun.
"I said make it about her, not fuck her," Gav growled.
I clutched my chest, embarrassment and pain coating a layer of tar over my heart. They made it sound so cheap. I’d known that they used up girls, but I’d never wanted to feel like one of those girls. Outside, laughter filtered through the windows as people got ready to enjoy a weekend at the lake. I looked down at my ring.
This was exactly why I shouldn't cross the boundaries. I'd ruined everything. "I'm so sorry, guys," I cried as more tears fell down my cheeks. From the corner of my eye, Ryker winced, like my apology hurt him. I didn’t regret my night with him, but I regretted that I made a choice in the moment.
Before, if I'd apologized, everything would be forgiven. My friendship with the Bullets was easy. One of the things I valued most about our dynamic was knowing that no matter what, they'd forgive me.
But now? There was something definite in the way Gavriel, Blaise, and even Ryker looked at me. I sensed that there was no coming back from this.
We'd never be the same.
"Get out," Gavriel said. "Blaise will take you home. I need to talk to Ryker."
I exchanged a look with Blaise. Even though I felt shame, sadness, and guilt, I willed him to know what I needed once more. I needed him to stay behind with Ryker and Gavriel to make sure they didn't kill each other. I needed him to keep the peace, it was what he was good at.
"I'll meet you outside. I'm going to stay here for a minute," Blaise grit out, and I sighed in relief. I sensed that he wanted nothing more than to let Gavriel kill Ryker, but once again, he did what I needed.
Ryker pushed passed Blaise and came up to me, dodging Gavriel's shoulder as he passed. "I'm going to walk her outside, and I'll be back," he said, clutching my wrist. I wanted to feel comforted by his gesture, but I felt like it just put more distance between him and the others.
We made our way to the deck, my heart pounding. Unlike before, as we passed through the lavish houseboat, I didn't take in my surroundings. My mind was in a hazy fog. Was this the end? Was this how I lost them?
Outside, the sun was rising over the water and families on boats got started for a day on the lake. I stared off into the distance, avoiding his gaze when Ryker cupped my cheeks and turned me to look at him. "Do you regret this?" he asked.
I closed my eyes, breathing in the fresh air and thinking for a moment about his question. Despite the pained look in Blaise's eyes and Gavriel's anger, I couldn't bring myself to regret my night with Ryker. He'd been perfect, everything I'd wanted for my first time. Being with Ryker was special. I completely trusted him with my body, and he treasured that trust by taking good care of me.
"No," I whispered. "I could never regret this." I sucked in a deep breath, and the hope that flooded his expression made my chest go tight. He saw a future with me. He saw our life together, flashing before his eyes as I affirmed that I wanted last night—wanted him.
But I couldn't feel the same happiness. Though I'd never regret our night in the houseboat, there was still too much standing between us. I'd never be able to fully give Ryker my heart because it also belonged to Gavriel, Blaise, and even Callum. How could I love them all? "Ryker," I began, knowing that my words would crush him. He’d predicted this moment. I'd deliver a blow neither of us could recover from.
"This can't happen."
I choked on a sob as he went still. This was killing me, but in wanting to salvage what was left of our friendship, I knew it had to happen. Ryker said that eventually everyone left him. The Bullets felt bigger than me. Bigger than us. If I wanted him to have something that lasted, it would have to be them. Because I’d ultimately hurt him by not being able to choose.
Rubbing the back of his neck, I watched as Ryker gave up on me. "I see," he said. He leaned forward and gave me a slow kiss on the cheek, lingering to prolong our contact for as long as possible. "I'm so sorry," I cried out as he pulled away. With one last look, he made his way inside to fix his friendship with Blaise and Gavriel. Sobs crashed within my chest as I watched his retreating form. I knew it was the right thing to do, but damn, it hurt.
Shouts erupted, and I flinched when the sound of glass shattering filtered towards me. I climbed down the ladder, aching to put space between their anger and me. But when I looked up the path, I remembered Blaise's Mustang and what had happened on the hood of it. Brooklyn’s body as she reveled in his kiss. His hooded eyes. The way he couldn’t hear me. Blaise didn’t owe me an explanation for last night, especially not after what I’d done with Ryker, but for some reason, I craved it nonetheless. Couldn’t I have just one night?
I couldn't handle the reminder of him and Brooklyn. So instead, I walked the banks of the shore. I had no sense of direction, I just knew that I had to keep moving. I had to escape. For so long the Bullets had been a source of comfort for me, and now they were the source of all my turmoil.
They say fear reveals what you care about most, and I feared losing the Bullets. I feared not having Blaise's cocky grin or Gavriel's overbearing protectiveness. I feared not hearing Ryker's wisdom or spending my nights hiding from the world with the three of them. They were my safe haven.
They understood that hell hides in plain sight.
Even so, what I'd told Ryker was true. I couldn't bring myself to regret my night with him. How could I ever look at Ryker again without feeling his hands on my skin, his lips on mine, and the love he poured into every thrust? How could I move on?
I walked.
I walked until the sun was high in the sky. I walked until the sun beating on my back made my skin burn. I walked until the lake crowd grew scarce, and the sounds of cars on the highway far and few between. Tree's towered overhead as I continued in a numb haze, ignoring the phone in my pocket. It'd finally died an hour ago, saving me from seeing Gavriel’s, Callum’s, and Ryker's names pop up with each call.
I traveled along the banks of the lake, then turned down a woodsy trail, seeking the shady comfort of the forest. Each step, my bare feet grew scuffed and bloody, marking my trail. I accepted the pain, owning my punishment as I lost myself in the woods.
I deserved this, didn't I? Ryker and I both made the decision to have sex, but I was the one that kissed Gavriel. I was the one that wanted more with all of them. I felt so ashamed. I told Ryker that I would never leave him, and then I did.
A house in the distance drew my attention. It wasn't a special house. Nothing about it was spectacular, just a cabin in the woods. But there was an ominous sense of foreboding about it that drew me closer. Every nerve ending wit
hin my body stood on end as I approached.
In the drive, a familiar car made me pause. Dread pooled in my chest. What was Dad doing out here?
No sooner had I thought it than the front door opened and my father emerged from the house. His suit was rumpled and his hair a mess. He seemed frantic, jogging towards the car. Something told me not to shout and reveal myself. Although admittedly lost and stranded in the woods, my gut told me to hide.
I dodged behind a tree, staring off into the distance as he reversed down the drive and sped off.
Gnats swarmed around me as I slid down the trunk of the tree, scraping my dress and back against the bark. With my morning now pushed to the back of my mind, I debated on going to the cabin. Could I explore? Could I finally know where my father snuck off to each night?
Or like with the Bullets, would knowing be worse than the unknown?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Five years ago
* * *
I sat there for what felt like hours, staring at the cabin in the distance. I listened for movement and kept my eyes glued to the windows, watching to see if the drapes shifted or if a light turned on.
The sun was low in the sky when I built up enough courage to explore the interior of the cabin. I told myself that if I got caught here, I'd have an excuse. I was nothing more than a lost teen looking for someone with a phone. I wasn't snooping.
I twisted the doorknob, but it didn't budge. Every hair on my neck stood on end as I moved over towards a window. After wiping away the dust, I cupped my hands around my eyes and peered in.
Although dark, everything appeared normal. A floral couch. Small tv. A kitchen table sat in the corner with two chairs. I circled the building until I found a bedroom with another window. With my back against the exterior wall of the cabin, I sucked in a deep breath. Every tingling sense in my body was on high alert as I calmed my racing heart. There was a heaviness in my chest, making it feel like someone was standing on me. There was something bad about this place, I just couldn't place exactly what.