by Laura John
The sun is setting and casting the perfect glow. Today couldn’t be more perfect.
I quickly glance at Dustin and smile seeing that he’s fighting back tears like the rest of us. Yes, even big strong rock star men cry.
When Tia’s dad hands her to Mikey, I have to cover my face because seeing Mikey crying is so bizarre.
The love that they have for each other is like none I’ve ever seen before. The way they look at each other is like the whole world disappears. I want that love one day, but I need to heal before I can love anyone like that.
“Thank you all for joining us today,” Jay’s wife, Melly, says, and everyone quiets. “Tia and Mikey already legally tied the knot back home, so this is all just a show.” She pauses for dramatic effect. “But the couple have prepared their own vows, so if you don’t already have Kleenex, get some now. You will not be leaving here today without shedding a few tears. Let’s start with you, hotshot.” She points at Mikey.
“Clearly, none of our friends should ever officiate weddings,” Mikey jokes.
The crowd chuckles.
“Tia,” he says, grabbing her hand. “I don’t deserve your love, but I’m so glad you have freely given it to me. From the first time I saw you in school, I knew you were special.” He pauses for a moment and closes his eyes, a few tears escaping and running down his cheeks. “Without your love, I wouldn’t be here today. You have shown me how to be kind and caring and loving and strong. You are the strongest woman I know, and you could have easily kicked me out and had nothing to do with me. But you gave me a second chance, and for that, I am eternally grateful. I will spend the rest of my days loving you and showing you that you are my one and only love. From now until forever, you are mine and I am yours.”
Everyone cheers while brushing away their tears.
“You’re up next, sugar tits,” Melly says.
Tia covers her face. “Oh, my God. First of all, I thought we told you to keep it PG?”
Melly shrugs.
“Second of all, how am I supposed to follow that? Mikey, I had the biggest crush on you when we were kids. You thought you failed me, but it was the farthest thing from the truth. You saved me. Our road has had so many ups and downs and we’ve gone sideways and loop-de-loop.” She pauses, and I hear her suck in a deep breath. “Even though our story wasn’t perfect, I am so glad we are here today.” She bites her lip, the tears streaming down her face. “You are my forever, and I wouldn’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else.”
We all clap, and I’m really praying the makeup is waterproof right now. If it’s not, I probably look like a clown caught in a rainstorm.
“You guys are so perfect for each other. Now kiss already so we can go and get drunk.” Melly says before making a face. “Sorry, Mikey.”
“It’s all good. Now come here, sexy lady, and kiss your husband,” Mikey says, pulling her by the waist.
“Shit,” Johnny interrupts. “We forgot the rings.”
He hands them the rings, and they each slip them on each other’s fingers.
“Hey,” Melly says, throwing her hands up. “I said I was a horrible choice for this role, but you guys insisted.”
Everyone laughs, and Tia grabs Mikey, giving him a big sloppy kiss.
“Now let’s go party!” she yells.
Everyone stands and cheers.
The music is loud, the food is fantastic, and the tequila is going down way too smoothly.
“Dance with me,” Olivia says.
Of course, I go. I don’t think I’m physically capable of saying no to her. We dance for what feels like fifty songs when Crystal struts over.
“Hey, honey, it’s time for bed,” she says, picking up the very tired-looking princess. “And you are going to be sleeping with CeCe tonight. Is that okay?”
Olivia nods sleepily into Crystal’s chest.
“I’ll be back in a little bit,” Crystal tells me. “You’ll be around, right?”
I smile. “Not going anywhere.”
I walk over to Chris and his wife and sit down.
“You sure can dance,” she says with a smile. “I’m Liz, by the way.”
I shake her hand with a smile.
“So nice to meet you. Chris told me a lot about you.”
She hits him in the arm. “All good, I hope?”
“Of course,” I tell her with a wink.
“So, was that the woman?” Chris asks.
I nod. “How could you tell?”
“The look in your eyes whenever she’s near,” Liz says, but she isn’t looking at me; she’s staring at Chris like he hung the moon.
“Well, it was nice to meet you,” I say to her as I stand up. “I’m going to grab a drink; I’ll probably see you guys later.”
They nod and wave as I walk off.
“Hey, sexy,” a female voice purrs.
I’m taken aback. I turn and see Chloe, the photographer who took pictures of us before the ceremony.
“Oh, hey. Enjoying the party?” I ask.
“Oh, yeah, it’s great!” she says, and stumbles a little, latching onto my arms to steady herself.
I quickly get out of her grip and grab my drink.
“Well, enjoy the rest of your night.” I nod at her and start to walk away.
“Do you want to come back to my room and make it really great?” she asks, touching my arm.
“I’m good, but thanks,” I mutter.
I turn and see Crystal staring at me.
Fuck.
She turns, but I chase after her. When I get to her, she pulls out of my touch.
“Don’t,” she whimpers, the hurt evident in her eyes.
“No!” I shout.
Her eyes go wide.
“I’m not letting you run this time,” I tell her. “Let me talk to you.”
She looks around, and our friends are trying to look like they aren’t eavesdropping.
“Come with me,” I say, grabbing her hands and heading to the sand.
I sit down and pull at Crystal’s hand.
“Sit,” I tell her.
She sighs, but complies.
It’s dark and you can barely see the ocean, but the moon is bright, and the lights from the party are casting a slight glow on us.
“I know that looked bad, but I swear, Crystal, she was coming on to me, and I was turning her down.”
I try to reach for her hand, but she pulls it away. She won’t look at me. She’s just staring at the ocean.
“I understand why you’re upset. If I saw some guy putting his hands on you, I would want to punch his teeth out. Hell, at your birthday, I almost did, to that one guy you were dancing with.”
This gets her attention, and she looks at me through her lashes.
“He’s just a friend,” she whispers.
I nod. “But you kissed him.”
“You and I weren’t a thing then,” she mumbles, turning her attention back to the ocean.
“And we aren’t now,” I remind her.
Her shoulders rise as she takes a deep breath, but she doesn’t say anything.
“Crystal, I love you. And I’m sorry if you don’t want to hear that right now. I am so proud of you for taking this journey to find yourself and love yourself. I think it’s important, and I will be here for you in any way you need me. But you have to have a little trust in me. I’m going to wait as long as it takes until you either come back to me or tell me that you don’t want me. So, the ball is in your court. I am your friend and I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to.” I reach for her hand, and this time, she doesn’t pull away.
“This is why I need to take that journey, Dustin,” she says, and I hear the tears in her voice. “I’m not strong enough yet to be with you. I do trust you, deep down, but my insecurities keep popping up. One day, I hope that I will be able to look at things with a more level head, but I’m not there yet.”
I give her hand a squeeze, and she squeezes back.
“And I will
be here waiting until you are ready,” I tell her. “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to push you, so I need you to come to me when you need me. No matter what it is, I’ll be there for you, but I won’t be hovering over you either.”
She nods and wipes away a tear. Scooting closer, she leans her head on my shoulder.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
I kiss the top of her head and wrap an arm around her shoulder. We both sit still, just watching the ocean.
“Do you want to go back to the party?” I ask, letting my fingers caress her arm.
“Not yet,” she says.
I hold her a little tighter.
“Whenever you’re ready,” I tell her, and those words have so much meaning behind them.
“So, how was it?” Shae asks the second we get in the door.
“Amazing!” I tell her with a smile.
Olivia runs off to her room, and I go to the living room to collapse.
“But I’m exhausted. I thought we would be relaxing a lot, but man, I was wrong. Between the wedding and the excursions with Olivia, I barely had any time to put my feet up,” I whine.
“How was Dustin?” Shae asks, giving me an evil smile.
“Really?” I ask, raising a brow at her. “I haven’t even been home five minutes and we’re already bringing him up?”
She nods like a little kid.
“Well, he looked like temptation at its finest, as usual. And damn, why does he have to be so understanding? I kind of freaked out because another girl was touching him, and he just calmly talked me off the ledge.” I reach for the remote, not really wanting to relive those memories.
“You still love him,” she states.
I nod. “I know that. I never doubted my love for him. I don’t think it will ever go away. But I am not mentally in a place where I can date someone right now. I hope it doesn’t take too long, but I’m not going to date him again until I know for sure that I’m ready. It’s not fair to anyone.”
“So, what now, then?” she asks, stealing the remote from my hand and putting on a cooking show.
I snatch the remote back and put on the Kardashians. “First, you learn that this is my house, and I control the TV. Second, I guess I just keep going to therapy. I need to work on myself.”
She grumbles something and nods.
“How was Karl while I was gone?”
She lowers her head and picks up a pillow to cuddle. “He didn’t visit the kids once. I don’t know what to do. They asked about him a lot, but he wouldn’t even answer his phone. How am I supposed to work if he won’t co-parent with me? Someone needs to watch the kids, and I need an income.”
“I’m more than happy to watch them, and I know Katerina would be more than okay with taking them while I’m at work. What does your lawyer say?”
“He’s an idiot. I need to call Leah and see if she knows someone else who is a better family lawyer,” she says, and I see a tear roll down her face. “This is just so tough. I never thought that at twenty-one, I would have two kids and be going through a divorce.”
“Well, I am here for you. We won’t let a man take you down.”
She leans on my shoulder and nods.
“Oh, Tia said the job’s yours if you want it,” I tell her with a smirk on my face.
“Oh, my God, thank you!” she says, hugging me.
I laugh. “She’s going to call you when she gets back from her honeymoon. In the meantime, you are not allowed to pay me rent, and I will cover anything you guys need. You can pay me back when you start making money, but only if you want to.”
She squeezes me so hard, I think my spleen is going to rupture.
“You’re the best.” She gives me a sloppy kiss on the cheek, and I push her to the floor.
“Don’t push your luck,” I say, giggling and wiping my cheek.
“So, how is your self-love coming?” Dr Rahn asks me.
“I know I’m not perfect, but I love who I am. I dealt with a past no one should have to deal with, but it doesn’t have a hold on me anymore. Every day, I focus on my self-talk and make sure that I am talking to myself the way I would speak to a friend. I no longer beat myself up about things I can’t control,” I tell her.
“And what about listening to others?” she asks.
“That’s still a work in progress, but I’m trying. I make sure to stay in the moment with my friends and really pay attention. The part I’m struggling with the most is listening when what’s being said is hard to hear,” I admit.
She gives me a big smile. “You have come a long way.”
I smile. “I never thought I would get here. Every day isn’t easy, but I’m finally content. I accept the bad days for what they are, but I move forward. I focus on my happy place, and the dark thoughts don’t have a hold on me anymore.”
She smiles her warm smile again and nods. “I will be here when you need me, but I think this is your last scheduled session.”
I nod. That thought would have terrified me six months ago, but now I know I have the skills to deal with anything life throws me. I’ll continue to work on myself every day, but I know I can do this.
I stand up and give her a hug. I’m not sure if that’s allowed, but she doesn’t push me away.
Dr. Rahn has gotten me to open up and take a long, hard look at myself, which I was afraid to do in the past. Without her, I wouldn’t be where I am mentally. I no longer cry myself to sleep, and the nightmares are gone. When I finally opened up and stopped blaming myself for what happened, the past no longer had a hold on me. It was like a weight was lifted off my chest and I could finally breathe.
“How was it?” Shae asks.
“Good. I’m done!” I cheer.
“Really?” she asks with a grin.
“Yep. We both agree that I have the coping mechanisms to get through pretty much anything. I’ll be able to go back if I need to. When you have anxiety, you have to deal with that for your entire life, and times may be hard. I may have to go back one day, but for now, I’m good.”
She pulls me in for a tight hug, and I melt into it.
“I see it in you. You’ve let your guard down and you genuinely look happy.”
I smile. “I am, and it’s because of you. It’s because of all of my family.”
I had on blinders for years. Even when I broke free, I still thought something bad was going to happen. Like that was all I was allowed in life. So, I kept the guard up and kept people at arm’s length. But, with the help of Dr. Rahn, I’ve let down my guard and for the first time, I’m truly happy.
“How’s work?” I ask her, still kind of hating talking about myself.
She lights up, and her smile is so wide. “Amazing! Thank you so much for getting me in. I was a little scared about Ace, and honestly, I didn’t know if I could do the job or not. But I think I’ve got a real knack for it. You know I like bossing people around, and after Damon showed me all the ins and outs, I feel like I’m doing really good. And all the guys are great! I think that self-care center really helped Ace. Everyone has made comments about how they have never seen him this happy before. I’ve made a couple of mistakes here and there, but no one made me feel bad. They know I’m new to this and they’re really making me feel welcome.”
I squeeze her tight. “I am so glad to hear. When does their tour start again?”
“Three weeks. I’m so nervous,” she says, standing to go to the kitchen. “The past five months have gone by in a blur. They have mainly been in the studio with a couple shows here and there, but a tour is still a lot of responsibility. I think I have everything sorted out for the most part, but you wouldn’t believe all the last-minute details that go into a tour. I’m also happy this isn’t a major tour, and we are mostly sticking close to home. Gives me something to ease my way into things. I’m exhausted, but happy. It keeps my mind off of other things.”
I nod. “How are those things going? Your new lawyer is better, right?”
She sighs. “Yes,
he’s awesome, but things are still so slow. Karl seems to want nothing to do with the kids in real life, but is fighting for them with his lawyer. I honestly want nothing from him. I would love for him to step up to the plate and share custody with me in a reasonable manner, but he hasn’t shown any signs of that in real life. I hope that by showing a judge that I can support our family on my own, maybe he’ll lean more toward giving me more custody. Of course, I want our kids to see him, but he hasn’t even shown up once for them since we broke up. Do you know how hard it is to explain to a four-year-old that Daddy can’t come again? And of course, I make him out to be the good guy. Something came up, work got busy, a friend needed him. Never the real truth. He forgot, or he didn’t feel like it today.”
She grabs the bag of Oreos and slams the cupboard door closed.
“I hope he starts manning up soon. His kids need him,” she says before shoving a cookie in her mouth and plopping back down on the couch.
I turn toward her and see a tear rolling down her face. Quickly, I pull her in for a hug.
“I’m sure he will.” I tell her, praying that’s the truth. “Oh, my God! I almost forgot!”
I push her back, smiling like the Cheshire cat.
She narrows her eyes at me. “What?”
“If I told you, I’d have to kill you, but go get ready and look extra sexy.”
She doesn’t move; she just raises an eyebrow at me.
“Hurry!” I exclaim. “Carol will be here in like three hours, and I know you like to take your sweet time getting ready.”
She rises slowly, shoving another Oreo in her mouth.
“I don’t trust you,” she mumbles.
“Nor should you, but you still need to get ready. Go!” I scream.
She jumps. “Fuck, don’t use your mom voice on me.”
“I wouldn’t have to if you would listen the first time.”
She shakes her head, mumbling something as she walks off to get ready.
Me: She’s getting ready. Is everything set up?
Damon: Aye, aye, Captain.
Me: Good. See you in a couple of hours.
“Thank you so much for watching the kids.” I say, hugging Carol.