“That’s a done deal.” I merged into the right lane and cruisin’ towards the chicken and waffles joint a little ways down the road. The sexy hybrid orc girl beside me laughed, her smile flashin’ before my eyes makin’ me think about kissin’ her again right there and then.
When we finally got back to the apartment above the kobold sushi restaurant, we both walked up and inside actin’ like everything was normal, but I think me and her both knew somethin’ was different. We’re connected now, I mused, watchin’ the curves of her ass movin’ as she walked over to the table, puttin’ down the chicken and waffles meals and greeting Skreech and Alelicia, you don’t pull off a dangerous robbery with somebody and not form a special sorta bond, and for her to seal it with a kiss…
“Boss!” Skreech bounced over. “Boss, where the hell ya been?”
“Hey.” Alelicia waved, sidestepping Skreech, her eyes on mine, then darting over to Tyzee before settling back on me. “You were both gone all day,” she went on mildly, in a neutral tone, but I could tell by the way she was glancing out of the side of her eyes over at the little goblin, she was not pleased to have been left alone with him all day. Then her eyes became suspicious of me and Tyzee.
“Yea, well...” I nodded over at Tyzee, who had turned to look at me. “There was some work I needed her help with, some stuff I didn’t think you’d approve of gettin’ involved with.”
“Oh.” Alelicia turned to Tyzee, her bright blue eyes flashing viciously at the other girl. “So now you’re a criminal too?”
Skreech started to laugh, almost like a nervous tick.
Tyzee sucked her teeth, started to take a chicken and waffles basket from the bag she had placed on the table. “No,” she spat to the elf girl, “for your information, I’m not a criminal. But so what if I was? Why do you always have to be so judgy?”
“I’m not judgy,” Alelicia stammered, then, seeing my grinnin’, she asked, “what? What’s funny? I’m not seeing the humor in any of this.”
“You are kinda judgy, though.” I sat down at the table, snatching a chicken and waffles basket with crinkled french fries dangling out of it and startin’ to dig in.
“No, I’m not,” the half elf girl repeated firmly, then, seeming to come to some sort of realization, she watched Tyzee sit down in the seat next to me and peel off a hunk of fried chicken meat from a greasy fried chicken breast, poppin’ it into her pretty mouth.
“Okay,” Alelicia sighed, sittin’ down across from me. “Maybe, maybe, I’m a little judgy at times. But I don’t mean to be!” She noticed Skreech hop up in the chair next to her and reach over for a fried drumstick, taking an ambitious bite out of it the moment he wrapped his little dirty green hand around the greasy bone.
“Sure,” Tyzee grunted, goin’ the fuck in on her chicken and waffles, syrup drippin’ off her fingers. “Whatever you say, princess.”
Alelicia glared at Tyzee who pretended not to notice, seeming to focus all her attention on the food in front of her.
“Say, boss,” Skreech began, chewin’ loudly, “when are ya gonna take me out with ya? My trigger finger’s been gettin’ real itchy lately!”
I exchanged a quick, knowing glance with Tyzee. “Soon, Skreech, soon,” I swallowed down the last few bites of my meal, which I had been wolfing down. “Just take it easy, you’re doin’ a good job for me here, watchin’ the place.”
“That reminds me!” Skreech chirped, droppin’ his shredded drumstick down. “I heard the kobolds earlier, the ones yellin’ about the dragon god!”
“Ah, shit.” I’d briefly forgotten about the kobold cultists haunting my neighborhood. “When? How close were they to the apartment?”
“Huh?” Tyzee looked up from the bites of chicken and slices of waffle she had cornered on her plate.
“When? I didn’t hear that. I didn’t hear anything.” Alelicia forked some bites of waffle lightly dipped in syrup into her mouth.
“You were in the other room!” Skreech cried, pointing over at the bedroom, then turned back to me.“I heard ‘em, it must have been a little after noon, I’m not sure, but they was goin’ on and on and on about the dragon lord who will remake the world after he burns it down.” The little goblin rubbed on his chin, mimicking one of my habits. “But how’s that work?”
“How’s what work?” I snorted a laugh, gettin’ up from the table, reachin’ for a cigarette.
“If he burns it all down, how’s it gonna be remade?” Skreech wondered, soundin’ perturbed.
Shaking my head and stridin’ over towards the door and the walkway, I lit up an after dinner smoke. “I don’t know, pal.” I grinned back at him. “Why don’t you ask him?”
“Huh?” Skreech looked at me stupidly. “But how am I gonna do that, boss?”
The cool, lazy breeze of the night air caught me as I stepped out onto the walkway, feelin’ good. I took a deep puff on my cigarette and watched the evening traffic winding and honking its way along route 13. Rubbing a palm into my tired eyeballs, thinkin’ over the events of the day, the robbery, plantin’ the bullshit evidence back at the tiefling junkie’s townhouse, those moments with Tyzee, kissin’ her, touchin’ her, I nearly jumped outta my fuckin’ skin when Tyzee’s hand slid down my back, breaking my revery.
“Fuck!” I huffed, turnin’ to her, nearly droppin’ the cigarette.
“Sorry.” She giggled. “Didn’t mean to—”
“Don’t sneak up on me like that.” Seein’ hurt touch her eyes, I recalled our kisses from earlier, mumbled a “my bad,” then passed her the rest of the cigarette.
“Why are you all jumpy?” Tyzee puffed on the cigarette. “What’s going on with you? Did I do something? Did my breath smell when I kissed you or something?”
“No! No, absolutely not.” I moved closer to her, putting my hand on her shoulder, inwardly cursed myself for lettin’ things get even this far with her. “You’re a very beautiful girl...”
“Yea?” She smiled at me knowingly, confidently. “I’m aware, so what’s the issue…?”
I was starting to get annoyed, I mean here I was tryin’ to be a decent guy, tryin’ to do the right thing by her and she was giving me a hard time, really breakin’ my balls. “You barely even know who you are.” I turned away from her. “You’re kissin’ me and rubbin’ your fuckin’ paws all over me, what if you got a man back where you’re from?” I was blurting out all my deepest fuckin’ fears at this point, at least in regards to her. “What if you got kids for all I fuckin’ know?”
“I…” Tyzee began, lookin’ real startled, her light green skin getting a little paler. “I don’t know… But…” She shot me a confused, angry look. “If that’s what’s been on your mind then why did you even kiss me? Why even...”
Putting a red hand up near her face, I gave her a hard, stern look. “Wait, I ain’t sayin’ I regret it.”
“What the hell are you saying, then?” Tyzee’s eyes narrowed as she impatiently played with her pretty hair.
“I’m sayin’ I got a code.” I shook my head, feelin’ defeated somehow.
“A code?” she asked, lookin’ at me like I was a fuckin’ whack job.
“Yea, a code.” I lit up another cigarette since the fuckin’ girl commandeered the rest of mine. “And part of it goes like this: you don’t fuck with another guy’s lady. If she’s spoken for then I’d be in the wrong, I’d be the one dishonored for layin’ with you.”
“Whoa, stop.” She pulled away from me, her eyes wide and her cheeks starting to blush. “What the hell are you even talking about? Dishonored? Layin’ with me? And who said that’s what we were going to do?”
I shook my head, shot her a dubious look. “We’re both grown, ain’t we?”
“Meaning?” Tyzee asked rapidly.
“Meanin’ where’d you think all that kissin’ and heavy pettin’ was gonna lead?”
She shook her head, her wavy long black and purple hair shaking violently with her. “I don’t know, okay? I didn’t have it
planned out… not everyone sees ten steps ahead,” she muttered, not meeting my eyes.
I grunted at the mildly backhanded compliment. “Alright, well, I didn’t either…” I looked away from her, facing the night sky, feelin’ uncomfortable as an awkward silence fell on us. As it dragged on I just kept stoically lookin’ out at the cars, watchin’ the traffic die down some, then lookin’ up at the stars, scannin’ the sky ‘til I spotted Nomog the Young dimly lit, having shifted a little northeast of where he had been the nights previously.
“Hey,” Tyzee said in a shy, demure voice, reaching for my hand. I was about to tell her something as her fingers grazed my hand, but then Skreech came runnin’ out the front door.
“Boss!” Skreech squealed. “Boss, you gotta see this shit, these cops and news vans are goin’ crazy!”
“What?” I asked, a little alarmed, sharing a quick glance with Tyzee.
Skreech shook his head. “Just come watch!” He abruptly turned and ran back inside, leaping up on to the futon.
I walked in with Tyzee following behind me, and I noticed that Alelicia was still sittin’ at the table, her eyes hittin’ me with a deep, intense gaze as soon as I came into her view. Suddenly I heard a news anchor nervously warbling, “If you’re just joining us folks, we’re here on the scene at the Dozen Diamonds Townhouses—” my eyes shot over when I heard that, “where there’s already been so much controversy, which now seems to have taken a tragic turn.” The news anchor went on, sounding very serious and solemn, raising his voice over the din of a small crowd of angry voices behind him, police car radio chatter, “as the couple the Racial Discrimination Organization championed are alleged to have perpetrated a vicious robbery at the nearby liquor store in the early evening hours tonight.” The anchor, a harried, sweaty overweight elf in an impeccable suit held a finger to the little radio ear pierce in his left ear. “PRB Philadelphia just learned that the police were able to identify the suspects almost immediately, having received an anonymous tip from an upright civilian...” I snorted a laugh at that. “The two individuals who are alleged to have robbed the liquor store are suspected to have been under the influence of narcotics during the crime. When the officers arrived and investigated the townhouse, there were drugs and drug paraphernalia within the home. The evidence of the would-be Bonnie and Clyde’s ill-gotten gains were also sitting there next to them, in a brown paper bag…”
The cameraman zoomed in on the tiefling junkie and his human skank, who were now wide awake and lookin’ a little tuned up in the back seat of one of the cop cars, the tiefling’s nose bleeding profusely, him spittin’ the blood on the window, the girl with him, her red hair lookin’ real wild and frazzled, was shrieking like a fuckin’ banshee. I couldn’t help laughin’, the news anchor was sayin’ now how the R.D.O. van had pulled up, saw the police were on the scene and the couple was already in cuffs and bein’ shoved into the back of the police cruiser, and so they promptly left, leavin’ the couple without all their bullshit social justice protection.
“Bunch of scumbags, the whole fuckin’ lot of ‘em.” I nodded at the television. Tyzee smiled briefly and nodded, but Alelicia was lookin’ at me strangely, her eyes going from me to the television, then to Tyzee and back to me.
“Did you have something to do with this?” Alelicia shot over at me.
“Let’s just say it was for the greater good, alright?” I nodded over to her, then turned back to the television.
“Was it though?” Tyzee chortled, causing Skreech to join her without exactly knowin’ what she was talkin’ about.
I had terrible dreams throughout the night, mostly about Tyzee; not necessarily nightmares but the kind that were just too fuckin’ good to be true, such as her ridin’ my dick like one of them rodeo bull machines on some beach paradise, the kind with the soft powdery sand and the clear, delicate blue waters, then she looks down at me and murmurs, “I usually only fuck for five hundred or more, but I’ll give it to you for two hundred,” just like that stripper said, and then I woke up, sweatin’ and sittin’ there with a hard on like a motherfucker, I was all bricked up yet as I came back to reality, Skreech’s pug dog snores breaking the late night silence, the beach fantasy with Tyzee evaporated into thin air and my dick quickly deflated. Great, now I’ll be walkin’ around feelin’ like I got molten lead in my balls after a hard on like that comin’ and goin’ with no nut.
The sun was just starting to grace the horizon, a crack of bright light forming at the bottom of a great dark indigo dome, and for some reason, as I looked out the window, I got the ridiculous image in my head of a giant opening his tired, hungover eyes to face the bright sunlit morning after a night out on the town with his giant pals. I closed my eyes and dozed off for another couple hours, though when I woke up again, a little later in the morning, Skreech was still passed out and the girls hadn’t come out of the bedroom. Stretchin’ as I stood up and then shrugging my shoulders as I eyed the snoring little green goblin on the couch, I grabbed my shit, my keys, and dipped out quietly. Now that the girls had a few dollars they could fend for themselves, grab their own damn breakfast from across the street or send Skreech out instead. Today was somethin’ of a big day for me, I had successfully gotten the two junkie shitbirds outta the townhouse with no real violence, no one got hurt and there’s no way it could be traced back to Big Fat Ton and his orcs, so I shoulda been ridin’ high as I headed towards Big Fat’s playground, and yet… I wasn’t.
Chapter 20
As far as I could tell, my troubles were just fuckin’ starting, and I wanted to get this shit squared away with Big Fat Ton so I could know what I was gonna be workin’ with, and also so I could go put the squeeze on that sniveling sneaky snake prick Mikey, let him know that my services ain’t free, old Teek ain’t runnin’ no fuckin’ wiseguy’s charity for scumbag landlords, and if he thinks I’m playin’ games, he’s gonna learn real quick that he better have my money ready for me when I tell ‘em to, and that means from now on, in fuckin’ perpetuity as far as he’ll be concerned, but just to make sure he don’t come cryin’ to Big Fat about it, I’m gonna let the obese orc know off the bat that Mikey and the Diamonds will belong to me after what I just fuckin’ went through and he’ll either okay it or tell me to go fuck myself, but that was a negotiation for me and him to have, and one Mikey fuckin’ Delolo definitely wouldn’t be privy to. And, if I was gonna be real honest with myself, I didn’t like the way things turned a little south with Tyzee last night, and as I was pullin’ up to the Dunkin Donuts, grabbin’ some coffee and donuts and gettin’ eye fucked by the human kid workin’ the register, I got an ugly feeling that perhaps now that she had had time to think about it, maybe she wasn’t feelin’ me as much after the excitement of the heist wore off, and after I had stupidly caught a case of fuckin’ verbal diarrhea, lettin’ her know too much, lettin’ her know that I’m fuckin’ stressin’ over some phantom boyfriend or husband of hers that may or may not even exist. Sighing and becoming agitated as I turned back onto route 13, sippin’ on my hot coffee and smokin’ a cigarette while cruisin’ down to the orc’s fucked up park, I really couldn’t help but think of somethin’ an old hobgoblin acquaintance once told me, that when it comes down to it, broads are just sweet feelin’ holes to bend over and stick your prick into, don’t get too caught up on any particular one, my boy!
I had immediately rejected that nugget of ill-wisdom upon hearing it, but now, there was times I wasn’t so sure. The cold, rational, logical parts of me were sayin’ that I was bein’ a fuckin’ fool, these broads weren’t worth it, the trouble and the ball breaking, the danger to my own fuckin’ life, but then it was like another voice, newly formed since leaping up from my subconscious after I went in the train car container that night and came back out, singular but very strong on its own, tellin’ me that I had to protect these hybrid girls, no matter what, that our lives had now become inextricably linked to one another, and to try and break such a bond now would potentially be ruinous for me, bey
ond ruinous even. Grimly considering this as I pulled up and parked by Big Fat’s playground, I got out and right away I noticed there was some sort of party goin’ on for the orc kids dominating nearly a third of the entire park. As I walked over purposefully, and as I was stealthily and compulsively checkin’ to make sure my modified .40 caliber Smith & Wesson was tucked into my waist and under my shirt, I looked over at the opened section of the chain link fence that served as an entrance and noticed two unfamiliar orcs, neither of which were there the previous times I had come through to talk to Big Fat. They were shootin’ the shit, passin’ a fat dark blunt back and forth between ‘em, though when I had come into their view and was coming up closer to the chain link fence, they stopped chattin’ and eyeballed me, waitin’ to see if I was really actually headed their way, as it seemed like I was.
Since they clearly didn’t look like they were expectin’ me, I figured I’d do what I did with the other two when I first showed up the other day, and so I held my hands up in front of me and approached slowly, showin’ ‘em that I came in peace, that I wasn’t comin’ there to start no shit.
“Yo, whatchu want, man?” The bulky orc on the left jutted his chin out at me, with his bright red baseball hat that had a cartoonish bulldog face stitched into it tilted uselessly all the way to the left side catchin’ my attention, making me think for a moment, somewhat absurdly, about how the orcs just universally didn’t seem to give a shit about functionality.
“Fellas,” I began, tryin’ to sound as friendly as possible, despite my mounting irritation, “I’m here to see Big Fat Ton.”
“Oh, shit, hold up.” The chunky orc with a bristly chin strap on the right leaned forward, lookin’ like he was tryin’ to get a better look at me outta hazy, bloodshot eyes, his overabundance of cologne mixing in with his sweat assaulting my nose in waves, making me almost ask him if Giorgio Armani had soaked himself in his own damn cologne for three days then crawled up the orc’s ass and died. “Are you here for the kid’s party? I think I heard about you.”
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