by Katie Dowe
“I love you.”
His green eyes wandered over her face. “I feel the same way.” He smiled at her briefly before turning away and leaving. Skylar noticed that he didn't say the words back.
*****
“It’s midday,” Angela pointed out.
“And your point would be?” Skylar asked as she sipped the brandy.
“Honey, it's too soon for you to be drinking,” Angela told her as she sipped her orange juice. Deloris was out for the day and her treatment was going so well that she was cleared to go back to work the first week of May. They were having their usual weekly luncheon and Angela had picked the place.
“I have a lot on my mind.”
“Things not any better on the home front?” Deloris asked her.
Skylar shook her head. “The only time I get the chance to remember what it’s like with my husband is when we make love. So at night, in a desperate bid to bring that back, I initiate the lovemaking when I go to bed and even though he tries to resist he's unable to do so.” Skylar sipped her drink moodily and ignored the burger she'd ordered. “Apart from that we're like virtual strangers. He stays out late and when he comes home he eats the food I leave for him in the microwave and then takes a shower and comes to bed. We haven't been married a month and yet we're like an old married couple.”
“That’s a relief,” Angela said suddenly.
“What do you mean?” Skylar frowned at her friend.
“I saw you guys at your wedding and even before that and you made the rest of us feel bad. It's good to know that your marriage isn't perfect.” she explained.
“That’s a horrible thing to say, Angela!” Del told her.
“You think the same way, Del. Here we are struggling through our own marriages and Sky finds a man who behaves like he would walk on water for her. It wasn't easy to be around you two.”
There was silence at the table for a moment after that. “I had no idea you felt that way.” Skylar said as she stared at her friends.
“We do,” Angela said before Deloris could say anything.
“We're sorry you're going through what you are going through honey,” Deloris said hastily.
“But until you've been through the real issues in a marriage you haven't been through anything,” Angela said firmly. “I'm not minimizing what you're feeling Sky but you have a man who sees only you. You have enough money to buy up an entire third world country and a man who sang to you at your wedding. The only thing he did wrong was love you too much. The rest of us should be so lucky.”
Skylar heard the words and felt them ripping through her as skillfully as if they were bullets tearing through her bones. “You're right.”
Deloris shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “I suppose what Angela is saying is that you have it good. Marriages are incredibly hard on those involved. There are affairs and the damage of trying to stay afloat financially, not to mention trying to raise children and holding down a full-time job.”
“In other words, I have it pretty easy and never knew it.” Skylar emptied her glass. “The only fault I had with Blaine was that he was too loving and that he cared too much,” she said sadly. “How do I fix what I did, though? Is it fixable or have I destroyed the best thing that ever happened to me?” She stared at her friends. “I've been focusing on myself and haven't asked you guys how you are doing. I'm sorry.”
“It’s fine Sky.” Deloris reached over and touched her friend’s hand. “You're going through something.”
*****
She called him as soon as she left the restaurant. He didn't call her during the day anymore. He would usually call to check up on her and he'd stopped. He would call if and when he was going to be late and the conversation would be stilted and mostly one-sided.
“Hey,” he responded.
“Hey you. How's it going?” she asked him, determined to inject a note of gaiety into her voice.
“Good. How are you?”
“I just had lunch with the girls.”
“How's Deloris?”
“She's fine. I was thinking that we could go out to dinner tonight.”
He paused for a moment. “Where?”
She almost sagged with relief. “This restaurant uptown. Luciano’s. I hear it is very good.”
“Okay. What time?”
“About seven.”
“I'll be home by six.”
“Okay, that sounds good.”
“See you later.” He hung up before she could tell him she loved him and she noticed that he didn't say it either. He'd stopped saying it altogether. She closed her eyes and tried not to panic.
*****
“My dear, I want to thank you for finding that outfit for me,” the eccentric Mrs. Dana Fuller told her as she sipped the champagne she'd been offered as part of the service at the store. “It made quite an impression at the dinner party I had on Saturday.”
“I'm glad I was able to help,” Skylar said with a smile. It was late afternoon and the store was almost empty, except for a couple of browsers that her staff was handling. She usually liked to sit with her customers when she could and give them the personal touch.
“I must say that I am surprised that you're still running the store,” she said.
“Why is that?”
“You're married to a billionaire, dear, and certainly don't need the money,” the woman told her.
“I don't do it for the money. I happen to love what I do,” Skylar told her.
“And you're very good at it,” the woman said with a nod. “That husband of yours is a very talented man with a knack for picking winners. He took over the building where my son-in-law has his law practice and turned into a state of the art building that impresses me each time I'm there.”
“He is certainly talented,” Skylar said proudly.
“I'm familiar with the woman he'd been seeing before he met you,” she said casually. “She wasn't woman enough for him and I guess she's regretting giving up without a fight. I saw her at lunch with him the other day and noticed how she was touching him frequently. Be careful of that one, my dear. Women have a way of wanting a man fiercely when they're with another woman.”
“I'm sure I have nothing to worry about.” Skylar strove to be casual even though her heart was beating furiously inside her chest. He'd had lunch with his ex and never said anything to her? Was it more than lunch?
“I'm sure you don’t, my dear. Your husband is a very handsome man but I see that he is totally committed to you.” She got to her feet, never realizing the damage she'd wreaked with her words. “Thank you my dear. I will be by at the end of the week. I have a gala to attend and the First Lady will be there as well. I need to make an impression.”
*****
Skylar couldn't help the thoughts tumbling around inside her head. Ever since Dana had told her about her husband having lunch with his ex, she couldn't stop the idea from flooding into her mind. The questions and the uncertainties and the anger churning inside her, making her sick. She'd come home at five-thirty and had spent half an hour pacing the length of the living room, barely stopping herself from calling him and demanding an explanation. She was spoiling for a fight and no matter the amount of breaths she'd taken, it wasn't enough to quell the anger and fear inside her.
He hadn't mentioned the lunch to her, as a matter of fact he hadn't mentioned much of anything to her in the past two weeks. If he was hooking up with her—she broke off the thought abruptly and, glancing at the clock, she realized that it was almost time for him to be home.
She went into the closet and examined the clothes there, finally deciding on a thin dark-green silk dress with a slit all the way up to her thigh. It had thin straps, which meant she couldn't wear a bra, and patches of material placed strategically so that there was a modicum of decency but barely that. She'd picked up the dress on a whim and had never worn it before. She stared at it uncertainly for a moment and with a defiant look on her face she decided that she was going to wear it. Let
him ignore her dressed like this!
She marched into the bathroom and was taking a shower when she heard him come in. Usually he would come and join her in the bathroom but he'd stopped doing that and she hadn't said anything. She came out naked and saw him taking off his watch. He stared at her for a long time before acknowledging her. “I will only take a minute.”
“Fine.” She stood there as he looked at her and then almost smiled as he tore his gaze from her and went into the bathroom. She had the dress on and was seated at the stool when he came back in. He had a towel wrapped around his slim waist and went straight into the closet to get dressed. She sat there putting on makeup and when he came back into the room she was standing in front of the mirror. He stopped short and stared at her.
She saw his eyes going down the length of her body, encased in the scandalous dress, before his eyes lifted and met hers. The emotion on his face was so intense that her breath caught in her throat. She saw him stiffen and school his features after a few minutes. He turned away and she knew he was fighting for control. She went to get the cashmere jacket he'd bought her and put it on.
“Ready?” she asked him softly.
“Yeah.” He cleared his throat as he went to open the door. He didn't take her hand as they made their way outside and she followed him as he went to the Porsche and held the door open for her to get in.
He got in and buckled up and started the car, pulling out of the lot as he made his way onto the street. “So, how was your day?” she asked brightly.
He glanced at her briefly before he responded. “The usual.”
“What’s the usual?”
He concentrated on the driving for a minute before he responded. “We got stuck with a lot of paperwork, which will take some time to sort out.”
“I thought you were scaling back?”
He shrugged. “I decided against it. I like what I do.”
“I was thinking we should take that cruise in the summer. It’s May now and we could do it for the summer. What do you think?”
“I’ll let you know,” he said briefly as he pulled up to the restaurant.
A valet came running forward to open the door for her and he came around and handed the boy the keys. He took her arm as they entered the building and let go as soon as a smiling girl came forward to take their jackets and lead them to the table in the corner. He ordered a bottle of Cabernet and they were given the gold-embossed menu cards to choose from. He ran his eyes over the list and made his order and so did she. The wine was brought to them and poured.
He leaned back against the soft seat and sipped his wine as he looked around. She knew he was avoiding talking to her but she was having none of that.
“You didn't tell me you had a lunch date,” she said casually after a few minutes.
“What?” He frowned at her..
“Someone by the name of Glenna? Your ex?”
His eyes narrowed as he looked at her. “It wasn't important.”
“The lunch or her?” She had a dangerous glint in her dark brown eyes.
“It was just lunch.”
“Was it? You didn't mention it to me.”
“Do you mention every lunch appointment you have to me?” he asked her with a tinge of amusement in his voice.
“Please don’t do that,” she told him coolly. “I know that things haven't been okay with us for the past two weeks, Blaine, but I'm still your wife. I certainly do not go around having lunch with the men I used to go out with it and if I did I would certainly tell you. Unless I had something to hide.”
He stared at her for a moment and sipped his wine. “It was innocent.”
“What did she want?” she asked.
“Are we really doing this?”
“Yes, we are.” She lifted her left hand and he stared at the rings on her finger. “See this? It means that I have the authority as your wife to know what's going on with you. I don’t want you seeing her again.”
He leaned forward and there was a hard look on his handsome face. He lifted her slim hand and looked at the ring before looking at her. “I'm going to be fifty-four in another five months and I make my own decision. I'm not screwing my ex because I'm committed to you. If I told you it was innocent I would hope that you think enough of me to know that what I tell you is the truth.” He dropped her hand as their meal arrived.
Skylar couldn't make the meal go past the blockage in her throat. She'd never seen him like this before and he'd certainly never spoken to her like this. It was like he was determined to drive a wedge between them. If he didn't display such raw passion when they made love she would think that what was between them was gone.
“How long?” she whispered as she looked at him.
“How long what?”
“How long are you going to punish me for what I said to you all those weeks ago?”
He continued eating before he answered. “I'm not punishing you, babes,” he told her softly as he looked at her. “I'm trying to be the man you want me to be.”
“You think I want you to be this man?” she asked him incredulously. “I want the man I married. The man who would call and ask me how my day was going. The man who would come home and take me into his arms and kiss me until I was dizzy. The man who wanted to know and be involved in every area of my life. I want that man back!”
“That man crowded you.” He put down his utensils and looked at her. “And you know that. I can't be that man again. I'm sorry.”
“So where does that leave us, Blaine? Because I certainly can't continue to live like this,” she told him quietly, suddenly feeling tired.
“Maybe we should separate for a while.”
Skylar stared at him and felt as if her heart was breaking into a million pieces. “You don’t mean that!” she whispered.
“I think it would be best. Just for a month or two.”
“What would that prove?”
“That I can live without you without falling apart,” he said shortly. “That I can be on my own again without you. That I can actually do without you.”
“Do you want to be without me?” Skylar was fighting the tears as she stared at him.
“No,” he shook his head. “I just need to get some perspective.”
“When?” she whispered.
“Tomorrow.”
She nodded, her pride coming to the fore. “Let’s do this the proper way. You don’t call me and I don’t call you.”
“We don’t have to go that far—”
“Let’s go that far,” she told him frigidly. “Please.”
He stared at her and then nodded. They finished the rest of the meal in silence and on the way back they didn't say anything to each other. She changed her clothes and went into the guest bedroom to sleep without saying anything to him. She'd tried so many times and had failed. Maybe they weren't meant to be.
She had no idea that he stood on the other side of the door with his head pressed against it as he wondered if he'd gone too far.
When she woke up the next morning he was already gone. She'd cried herself to sleep last night and this morning in the empty apartment she sat at the counter and cried for a long time. With a determination that was inbred she got up and went about making herself some coffee and trying to force herself to get ready for work.
*****
Blaine sat in his vehicle for a very long time as he parked outside the apartment building he had recently acquired. Feeling the weariness invading his body. He hadn't slept much last night and this morning he had drank enough coffee to sink a mid-sized ship. But it hadn't done much good because he still felt as if he'd been hit by a truck. He 'd told her that he needed space and he knew now that he'd been wrong. He'd wanted so much to take back control of his emotions that he suspected that he'd gone too far.
But he couldn't get her words out of his head and his pride had been wounded. But it was more than that. He'd heard her words and remembered what his dad had told him about not wanting him and that he'd been a m
istake. He'd heard her words and had been driven right down that deep, dark part of his life again. He hadn't been wanted and he had no idea how much that had damaged him until he'd heard her tell him that she was suffocating. His hands gripped the steering wheel as everything she'd told him came rushing back into his mind. He couldn't forget and he'd tried to force himself to stop loving her, but that hadn't happened and he knew that it could not happen. He couldn't un-love her.
His life was so wrapped up in hers that he had no idea how he managed without her and that was where the problem was. He had to somehow try and be without her. Even if—he sat back in shock at the word if. He was thinking in terms of not going back to her. He groaned at that and closed his eyes tight. Why was he thinking that? Surely they would be able to come back from this?
“Oh God!” he whispered. What if they weren't able to?
Chapter 14
Skylar was determined to prove to herself and others that she could make it without him. She'd spent the first night without him walking aimlessly around the apartment they'd shared for months. He hadn't taken all of his clothes and she found herself arranging and rearranging them and sitting in the closet staring at his shirts until she'd concluded that she was being ridiculous.
She hadn't told anyone about the separation, not even her close friends, and pretended that everything was okay. Her aunt had called her and invited both of them to dinner but she'd made up excuses. She didn't know what to tell anyone. She'd picked up the phone to call him and put it down again. She had her pride and he'd made it clear that he wanted space so she was giving it to him.
She went to work and stayed at the store until late. She would sit in her small office and will her phone to ring with a call from him telling her that they should stop the foolishness and that he would come back home. It was the end of the week before she knew that he wasn't coming.
*****
Blaine sat in the darkened apartment and drank steadily. He'd been doing that for the past week; as soon as he got home. It had never been home to him and it was even worse now that he'd experienced living with Skylar. He could never go back to being who he was after her and he acknowledged it. The separation was killing him slowly and he knew that he couldn't be without her. He stared into his drink with a frown. How was she doing? he wondered. He was so used to calling her that he would find himself reaching for his phone just to check if she was okay and if she'd gotten home safely. He missed her cooking and the way she would tell him funny stories about her day. What the hell was he doing? He could go back to her and tell her that he wanted things back the way they were before. Nothing was wrong with the way they'd been before, but her words kept haunting him and he couldn't get them out of his head.