by JA Huss
SESSION #191
INTERVIEW WITH INDIE - AGE 24
SESSION #191
DONOVAN: OK, Indie. You know the drill. Tell me what we’re doing.
INDIE: Oh, for fuck’s sake, Donovan. We all know what we’re doing.
MCKAY: We need to hear it from you, Indie.
McKay, you’re not supposed to say anything. Indie, say it out loud or we can’t get started.
Fine. We’re doing hypnosis so you guys can help me remember what I’ve been doing and where I’ve been for the past four years.
OK. Tell me the last thing you remember from your twentieth—
I… I just don’t think this is a good idea.
McKay, you are to keep quiet. Or you will have to leave.
I just—
It’s fine, McKay. I need to know this stuff. It’s time. I can’t go on like this. And I know why Adam isn’t here.
Why do you think he’s not here, Indie?
Because he’s afraid of me.
Is that the only reason?
You guys—
McKay! Shut up! … Go on, Indie. Are there any other reasons why Adam would not want to see you right now?
I mean… I’m sure he’s maybe… upset with me.
Why would he be upset?
Because I disappointed him.
Can you think of any specifics? What exactly did you do that disappointed him?
I dunno. But he’s like that. He’s not like you, McKay. You never walk out. Adam does. And so do you, Donovan.
OK, we’re getting off track here. So let’s focus on the main reason we’re doing this. I’m going to hypnotize you now, Indie. And then I’m gonna ask careful questions. If at any time I feel like you should not continue, I will pull you out of it. I will take care of you, do you understand?
And I’m here too.
McKay, if I have to tell you one more time—
I’m just saying. She knows I won’t let anything harm her. No matter what she finds inside her head.
Fine. Do you understand, Indie?
Yes. I do. And thank you, McKay.
You’re welcome, Indie.
OK, try to relax now. Let your whole body go heavy… let your mind become dark and blank. Take deep breaths with me. In and out. Slowly. Yes. And I’m going to count backwards from ten.
….
Ten. You are in the swamp, Indie. You are ten years old. Muddy, and tired, and hungry. But you’re happy because Nathan St. James is cooking you fish on the beach.
…
Nine. You are eleven years old, Indie. You are out in the back learning to defend yourself with McKay. He is hard on you, but you don’t mind. Because he’s gonna make sure you’re a tough little girl who can handle herself.
…
Eight. You are twelve and on a job with Adam. Something goes wrong. But that’s OK. Because Adam is there to protect you. You come home and you are just fine.
…
Seven. You are thirteen and you’re getting better at this. You can fight now. And every once in a while, you can pull one over on McKay and take him down.
….
Six. You are fourteen and you just got home from a very dangerous job. You could’ve died if you made a wrong move. But you didn’t make a wrong move. You did everything right.
…
Five. You are fifteen and the Company has fallen. But they didn’t get you. You were with us.
…
Four. You are sixteen. You and Nathan are closer now. More than just friends. He holds your hand in the woods and you like that. He makes you feel special. All your jobs are much easier now. You do them well and you make your own money.
…
Three. You are seventeen. Your jobs take you far away sometimes. And you might even leave for weeks or months. But you always succeed and when you get home, we are always here for you. You bought yourself a truck and have more freedom because we trust you.
…
Two. You are eighteen. Maggie is born. The birth was hard for you. It took fourteen hours but when it was over, you forgot all the bad things and only thought about the good. You are very happy, even though Nathan went away to college, because you still have us.
…
One. You are nineteen and Maggie is one. You are happy and so is your daughter. Adam can’t put her down and McKay is constantly shopping for educational toys on the internet.
…
OK. Indie. We’re here. Your twentieth birthday. You were keeping some secrets that day. Secrets about Nathan. Do you remember who Nathan is?
Why are we here again?
You know why we’re here, Indie.
No. But why this birthday? I don’t want to—
Indie. This is where all your problems started. We have to go back and see it more clearly. So you can deal with it and—
No, it’s not. They didn’t start here. They started back when I was fifteen. When Angelica left me.
…
Uh… I know I’m not supposed to say anything, but—
It’s OK now. She’s under. But be quick.
Is this going the way you thought?
Not exactly.
I know we just started, but what the hell happened at fifteen that we missed?
Let’s just keep going, McKay. This might be important. Indie, can you still hear me?
Yes.
Good. What problems did you have after Angelica left you?
Well… when she left, he didn’t.
Shh. McKay. Let me do this. Indie. Who didn’t leave? Are you referring to me, and McKay, and Adam?
No. The other one.
What other one?
The big one. With the dark hair and dark eyes.
…
Does he have a name, Indie?
Mmm-hmm.
What is his name?
Carter.
…
I don’t know a Carter, Indie. Can you tell me who Carter is?
He’s Angelica’s… Adam.
McKay. Let me do this. Indie… Carter… he… runs her? He’s Angelica’s handler?
Mmm-hmmm. He brought her to me.
What the fuck is she talking about?
Shhh. McKay. Please. Why would Cart—why would this guy bring Angelica to you, Indie? Tell me. Why?
Because he knew Nick Tate was after her. And he was hoping Nick would take me instead.
What the actual fuck, Donovan!
McKay. If you interrupt me one more time, I swear to God, I will throw you out. Do you understand? She’s trying to tell us. Let. Her. Talk. Indie. You’re breathing very hard right now. Can you take deep breaths for me?
I’m not supposed to tell anyone. It hurts.
What hurts, Indie?
My head hurts. Like… someone is squeezing it.
…
OK. I’m gonna bring you out—
The hell you are! Indie. Did this man tell you something? Did he… did he give you a secret?
McKay!
Shut the fuck up, Donovan. Someone got to her. Nine fucking years ago! And you didn’t even know! One hundred and ninety times you’ve done this and you didn’t even know! Indie. What did this man tell you?
Secrets.
Did he give you a word? Did he tell you a word, Indie? A word that would… make you do things?
My head hurts.
That’s enough, McKay. I’m gonna bring you out—
Indie. Did you ever see this man again?
Yes. He came all the time.
When?
He came that day. Just a voice. Just a voice on the phone.
I’m gonna count to ten now, Indie. And when I get to ten, you will be awake and you will not remember—
Fuck you, Donovan! Indie—
One.
Indie. What was the word? Tell us the fucking word!
Two.
I can’t tell you. He’ll know.
Three.
He’s not gonna know, Indie. I promise.
Four.
Stop counting, Donovan!
Five.
He called me to tell me happy birthday. And that it was going to be a wonderful day. That I would have all the love I could ever want if I just did as I was told.
Six.
What did he tell you to do?
Seven.
He said I needed to hand Maggie over to Nathan. And then—
Eight.
Donovan! Shut the fuck up!
—and then he would take over.
Nine.
Take over what? Indie? Take over what?
Me.
Ten.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR - ADAM
PRESENT DAY
She baked cupcakes.
I know that’s a stupid place to start with all the other things that happened that day. But I’ve thought about her twentieth birthday for four years, trying to force it to make sense, and it all goes back to the cupcakes.
Indie didn’t cook. She might’ve tried a few times when she was living with Nathan those few months before Maggie was born, and she did try to cook Thanksgiving once after Maggie was born, but she was no cook. McKay took her feeding seriously. He did almost all the cooking. And Indie was too busy playing in the swamp to take much notice of what he was doing or how he did it.
And as far as I could remember, never once did she bake.
But she put the dress on early too. A birthday dress.
It was a gift I had been giving her since she turned eleven. I think it was maybe McKay’s idea, at first. But it became my thing over the years.
He and I were still trying to understand this girl and how best to raise her up to be able to do the things the Company was asking her to do, but also the things we’d want her to do, if we ever did manage to take the Company down.
And yes. She was my weapon. But I didn’t want to hurt her. I wanted her to be as well-adjusted as she could. Live a nice, almost-normal life in between jobs.
It was hard. I’m not gonna lie. It was very hard. McKay had brothers, but he was the youngest. Population control was something the Company took seriously so the how the McKay family got three boys, I never did understand. Nor did I ask. Probably should’ve. But it didn’t matter in the end. McKay’s whole family was killed when the Company fell. Gun dealers were one of the first targets. Supply chain and all that. But that wasn’t the only reason they were first on the list.
Anyway. Back to the dress and the cupcakes…
Everything about that day was weird from the start. Indie’s birthday was a big deal for us, as well as her. Ten was young by anyone’s standards. A ten-year-old wasn’t much use in our line of work. A smart, capable twelve-year-old like Sasha Cherlin—that was something else entirely. But Indie was no Sasha. She would never be Sasha. Sasha’s father took very good care of her from day one. I wouldn’t go so far to call that man one of the good guys, because he went along just like everyone else and Sasha was dragged into this fucked-up life by his actions, but he did his best and his best was damn good.
Indie, on the other hand, didn’t have that kind of upbringing until she came to live with us. And the first year was mostly us trying to calm her down. Tame her into something that resembled a child. So we did holidays right and by the time her eleventh birthday rolled around she was making good progress.
McKay was planning a party. He wanted something special because we couldn’t do anything big. She didn’t go to school so her only friend was Nathan.
Back then we were much more tolerant of Nathan. He was a very good influence on her in those days.
We came up with this idea that her birthday would be a garden party in the pavilion, which had quickly become her favorite place once McKay was done building it. She would lie on that swing all summer long in the evenings after dinner.
I hired a seamstress to make Indie a special dress for her birthday. And every year we would dress up and have a nice dinner outside. Then we would go down to the lake and float candle boats across the water and send paper lanterns up into the sky.
It was quite magical, even for a cynic like me.
Her twentieth birthday would mark the tenth time we had this little celebration and I’m sure she was excited about it. Maggie was there and she had a special dress too. One made from the same fabric as Indie’s.
But this was a nighttime thing. We didn’t do it in the morning. And Indie never baked anything for her birthday. McKay always bought a cake from a bakery a few towns over. I can’t recall a single time we had cupcakes.
So I should’ve known.
Everything we did for Indie was based on consistency. That was why she had to be home for dinner every night. That was why she had to go to church every Sunday. That was why she had a bedtime and a ritual to go with it.
Same was good. She did well with same. She needed a routine. We made her wake up at the same time every day, even on the weekends. We made her do her lessons at the same time every day. This was how we kept her in check and maintained control.
And everything about her twentieth birthday was… different.
She woke up earlier than usual. And I don’t know why I woke up. Maybe it was the sweet smell of baking cake that drew me up from sleep, or maybe it was Maggie’s laugh drifting up the stairs.
I threw the covers off and got out of bed, not even bothering to put a shirt on. When I opened my door, I saw Donovan sleeping in his room. I don’t know why that guy doesn’t close his bedroom door when he sleeps, but he doesn’t. It’s weird, I think. To sleep with your bedroom door open. But whatever.
I rapped on his door. “Get up. Indie’s already downstairs.” And then I went down the hallway to McKay’s room. His door was closed, but not locked. So I opened it up and paused for a moment.
He was sprawled out diagonally across the mattress with the covers all twisted up in his legs. Face buried in his pillow, hands underneath.
“Get up, McKay. Indie’s downstairs cooking or something. She’s trying to start this day without us.”
He moaned and rolled over. And I waited. Because he wasn’t wearing a shirt either and for a dude, McKay was kinda nice to look at. I have been wishing for that man’s abs for as long as I could remember. He had like a… twenty-four pack. And that fucking asshole didn’t hit the weights half as hard as I did.
But he made me smile. McKay kept everyone happy around here. Not just Indie.
He cracked one eye and looked at me, his face all lopsided from the effort. “What?”
“Get up. She’s downstairs doing something in the kitchen. Can’t you smell it?”
He made a big production of sniffing, then turned back over. “I’ll be there in a minute.”
I was just about to head downstairs when I noticed Indie’s room. She had the smallest bedroom on the second floor. There were lots of other bedrooms in the house. Two on the west side on the first floor. We didn’t really use that wing. And then another one up on the third-floor attic. We didn’t use that space, either. So when Maggie was born she just moved into Indie’s room. We put the crib along the longest wall where there was no window. And she had just recently grown out of that so now she had one of those little toddler beds. I didn’t even know that was a thing until a couple months ago when McKay and Indie came home with it.
She was into Disney princesses back then. So she had princess shit everywhere. Sheets, and pillow cases, and a quilt I had made for her specially by the dressmaker seamstress last Christmas.
But that was when I realized that Indie’s dress wasn’t hanging on her closet door like it should be. That’s where I always put it. Every year I had this dress made. And I would hide it from her until the night before her birthday when I was sure she was asleep. And then I would creep in and hang it up on her closet door so she would see it first thing when she woke up.
The hanger was there, but the dress was not.
So the smell of cake was my first clue, but that empty hanger was the second.
Because she put the dress on before bre
akfast and that was not how this day was done. This day was done with McKay waking Donovan and me up first, and then Indie, who was a late sleeper.
She even fed Maggie something different that day. Cereal from a box.
McKay did not buy cereal from a box when he went grocery shopping. Cereal to him meant oatmeal. Which we didn’t eat often because… oatmeal.
But when I went downstairs and walked into the kitchen there was a box of Cocoa Puffs on the kitchen counter. It looked so out of place I stopped at the island to just stare at it for a moment.