by Amy Star
“No.” Finn took a long sip from the cup and sat down. He picked up a long, straight stick from a stack of similar ones and started carving it into a point.
“So, where'd you learn…” She reverted to trying to solve the riddle that was Finn.
“Look, is this necessary?” He threw the stick down.
“Did I do something to offend you?” She scowled at him, glancing over at Vincent.
“This… pretending like you give a fuck about any of us. I know that you've had a shitty couple of days, and you're probably wondering if you've lost your mind. But let's be honest. You don’t want to be here. You're going to get the hell out of Dodge if you know what’s good for you. And to keep your sanity, you’ll try to forget that any of this ever happened.”
“Is that what you think?” Jillian’s expression softened. “Do you really think I could forget any of this? If it weren’t for the three of you, I would have been dead like three times now. Maybe this has been a normal week for you, but for me…”
“I’m not saying I blame you.” He clenched his fist around his metal coffee cup. “Go ahead and get out as soon as you possibly can. I would if I were able to blend in with normal fucking people.”
“That’s not even…” She started to contradict him, but he cut her off.
“Let's not kid ourselves acting like we're going to be friends or something.” He tossed the rest of his coffee onto the ground before storming off toward the meat-shed.
“I'm sorry about that.” Vincent continued serenely, turning the spit. “He shouldn't be taking out his abandonment issues on you.”
“Is he always like this?” She rubbed her forehead.
“When I was first getting to know him,” Vincent shrugged, “yeah, he was always kind of a prickly critter. It’s not all his fault.”
“I have to hand it to the guy. He doesn't tolerate any bullshit.” Jillian rubbed her arms. She could almost feel the sun dip below the mountain range.
“Yeah, he is one of the realist people you will ever meet.” Vincent shook his head with a nostalgic smile. “I like to look back and see how far he’s come. But there are some things I don’t think will ever change.”
“I wouldn’t want him to change.” Jillian picked up a stick and poked the logs on the fire. “I'd still like to get to know him, even if I don't plan on staying here forever. He seems like a cool guy when he's not being a moody butthead.”
“Yeah, he's not the easiest guy to get to know.” Vincent laughed softly. “But he's grown into a good man.”
“Excuse me really quick.” Jillian stood up.
“You should let it go.” Vincent sighed. “He walks away when he needs space.”
“I promise I won’t instigate anything.” She walked off. “But I owe him an apology.” Jillian stood and headed back toward the meat shed. This time she didn't go inside after knocking.
“You don’t know how to take a hint, do you?” The door swung open.
“Don’t be mean.” She held her hands up. “I can see you have a different way of interacting with people, which is cool. I didn't realize that small talk was a trigger for you.”
“It's not a trigger for anything.” He huffed. “It’s stupid. What's the point?”
“Is it so hard to believe that I want to get to know you?” She folded her arms, twisting her torso with a playful smile.
“God, people are all the same!” He paced away from the door, only to come right back. “I should have been able to tell by looking at you. You and your perfectly bleached blond hair and your manicured fingernails and expensive-ass jeans. You know those cost enough to feed a small country?”
“Hey!” She furrowed her brow at him.
“You show up here and crash into our lives, and on top of turning everything upside down, you want some superficial conversation to pass the time. Well, that’s more Conner’s department. So, if you can leave me alone until you actually have something to say…” He stopped ranting long enough to see Jillian looking down at her feet. He let out a heavy sigh. “Look, I’m not a nice person, okay. I didn’t mean all that.”
“No,” she sniffed and shook her head, “it only hurts because it’s true. Well, this is my natural hair color, but pretty much everything else was true. My life is full of fake people and superficial conversations. I wish I could say you’re wrong about me, but…”
“No,” he put his hands on her shoulders, “I was a dick. If I were really so far above all that superficial bullshit, I wouldn’t have passed judgment on you based on how you look, even though you do remind me of the mean girl from every teen drama I’ve ever seen.”
“Does that mean you think I’m pretty?” She smirked with a sniffle, and he arched an eyebrow. “I’m kidding.” She nudged him, and he cracked a smile.
“Don’t take it personally. I’m a jerk to everyone.” He shook his head. “I don't like to put energy into relationships with people when I know they’re not going to stick around.”
“A friendship doesn't have to last forever to be meaningful, you know.” She put her hand on his arm, and the energy in the air shifted. His eyes gave off an amber sheen in the twilight. “My friend Elaina goes on these Buddhist retreats where she learned about impermanence …” She closed her eyes and pressed her lips together, realizing that she was doing it again.
“What?” He smiled.
“You know what, never mind. You're right; this is stupid.” She let go of him and turned around, muttering under her breath.
“No.” He frowned. “Wait.”
“I'm sorry for bothering you.” She shoved her hands into the pockets of her hoodie.
“Wait!” He reached out and grabbed her arm. “I never met my real parents.”
Jillian blinked, turning around slowly to face him. Finn stood as tall as he could, taking a deep breath as if working up the courage to finish his story.
“I grew up in the foster system.” He glanced downward. “That meant I had a lot of families, most of which weren't good. When I was thirteen, I ran away and spent almost a year on the streets picking pockets and shoplifting.”
“Finn.” She took his hand.
“Then one night I picked the wrong pocket, snatched a watch that cost more than most people make in a year. The guy and his security detail caught up to me and dragged me into an alley between this pawn shop and a sleazy hotel.” His eyes drifted downward, and he stopped talking for a few seconds.
“You don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to.” She pulled him in for a hug, and slowly his arms closed around her.
“I’ve been beaten up before.” His heart pounded against her as he conjured up the memory. “But I remember thinking that that time was it. I was gonna die.”
“How did you get away?” She let go and took a step back.
“It so happened that there was a full moon rising that night. I don’t know if I blacked out from getting kicked in the head or if it was the fear. The first time shifting is different for everyone, but… The animal kind of takes over if you don’t know how to control it.”
“Do you remember what happens or…”
“Now, I do. The bear and I sort of work together.” He shrugged. “But from that night, I only remember bits and pieces, and I had no control at all. I woke up to a bloody mess. I’m not even sure if I killed all of them or if someone got away.”
“And you were only thirteen?” Jillian shuddered. “I can’t even imagine.”
“I was so scared. I didn’t want to hurt anyone else, so I took off. I traveled all over the place, till I met this crazy old trucker who said he saw a bear the size of a bus when he was driving through Hemlock park. I figured the guy was probably nuts, but my gut told me to check it out. One thing led to another, and I met Vince and Finn. He’s the one who taught me how to fish and hunt. He knew how to live off the land. And when I realized that he was like me, he taught me how to turn without hurting anyone.”
“So, he was already living out here?” S
he looked back at the cabin. “How old is he?”
“He’s forty-two this October, I think.” Finn closed one eye as he thought about it. “I don't know if I buy into all his spiritual bullshit, but I owe him my life.”
“He’s your family.” She smiled.
“Well, he's the closest thing to family that I've ever had.” Finn let out a long breath and looked back at her. “Is that what you wanted; to learn about how I grew up?”
“I'd say it's a pretty good start.” She hooked her arm through his. “It’s no wonder you’re so fearless. You’ve been fending for yourself since you were little.”
“You’re braver than I could ever be.” He shook his head as they started to head back toward the firepit.
“Why is that?” She kicked a pinecone.
“I don’t do well with change.” He looked out into the woods as the crickets started to sing. “You seem like you’re hungry for it.”
The fog of a vision surrounded her, but this time she wasn't as afraid as before. Her eyes glazed over, and she suddenly clung to Finn to avoid falling over.
“What’s wrong?” He studied the blank expression in her eyes.
“I’m seeing something.” Safe in his arms, she used him as an anchor, grounding herself as images flashed through her mind.
A deer sifted through the leaves on the ground with her soft muzzle, looking for any green sprouts that might be growing under the carpet of autumn leaves. The sharp snap of a twig made it lift its head and freeze, eyes darting from shadow to shadow in search of what predator was lurking in the dark. The creature’s heart raced, and her legs trembled as she prepared to bolt into the underbrush. Too late… the flash of a gun barrel from a nearby tree-blind shattered the silence of the woods.
Jillian’s hand instinctively reached for the side of her neck as the pain gave way to a warm wet cough. Her legs went limp as her eyes filled with tears as she gasped. A murky coldness closed in all around her.
“Jillian!” Finn’s voice pulled her back from the darkness. “Are you okay? What the hell is going on?”
“He shot her.” Jillian locked eyes with Finn as soon as she was able to focus. “She died.”
“Who?” He shook her.
“The deer.” Jillian pointed off into the woods. A loud bang in the distance made them both jump. Finn’s eyes widened his logical mind questioning.
“I saw it.” Jillian walked toward the dark tree line. “I saw her get shot before it happened.”
“You see what I mean?” He put his hands on her shoulders and directed her back toward the house. “If this kind of crazy shit happened to me, I’d be running for the city as fast as my legs would carry me.”
“It wasn’t just seeing.” Jillian shivered, still reeling. “I felt everything. I felt her die. I don’t think I could run from this if I wanted to.” She pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes and crouched down.
“Or maybe running just isn’t in your blood.” Finn squatted next to her.
“I can’t go back yet, Finn.” She opened her eyes, shaking her head. “I have to figure this out.”
“If you want to stay.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Then stay. Just know that the deeper you go down this rabbit hole, the harder it’ll be for you to go back to whatever your version of normal was before this.”
He made a valid point, but it didn’t do a thing to help her make up her mind.
Something about this place is changing me. I don’t know if it’s in the air or if it’s a force running through the fabric of reality itself. For all I know, it has something to do with being near the three of them. Whatever it is, it feels like I’m waking up… Like I’ve seen the world through a smokescreen all my life, and for the first time, the world around me is filled with colors I never knew existed.
CHAPTER SIX
With the meal prepared, the fire was doused, and the four of them gathered inside around the table. Another gunshot made Jillian jump, and her eyes got glassy with tears.
“Deer season is only a couple more weeks.” Vincent shook some salt onto his potatoes, reaching for a dish full of fresh jalapenos. “We need to be careful out in the woods. No shifting unless it’s an absolute necessity. Conner, that means you. Too many people out there.
“I didn't think it was legal to hunt here.” Jillian hugged herself.
“It wasn't always.” Conner said between bites, “But ever since that dickhead Congressman passed that bill three years ago, this place has been crawling with hunters.”
Jillian choked on a sip of water, tensing up at the mention of her father.
“What's wrong?” Conner squinted.
“Is it happening again?” Finn whispered.
“No.” She cleared her throat. “I need to throw something out there in the spirit of honesty.”
“Congressman James Lox.” Vincent sighed, cutting a piece of snake meat with the edge of his fork. “Her name is Jillian Lox. Come on, boys. Keep up.”
“I feel like an idiot.” Conner set down his fork.
“No, you are an idiot,” Finn murmured.
“I’ll be the first to admit that my father isn’t a saint.” Jillian folded her hands on the edge of the table.
Finn scoffed, and everyone looked at him. “Sorry.” He went back to pushing the food around his plate.
“Okay.” Jillian’s posture straightened. “You know what, it’s true. My dad is pretty much evil incarnate. He’ll do just about anything to get more votes, and he’s even shadier when he’s raising money to campaign.”
“Don’t apologize for your father’s mistakes.” Vincent wiped his mouth with his napkin and returned it to his knee. “That’s not your cross to bear.”
“It’s not about apologizing.” Jillian leaned forward. “It doesn’t matter who’s fault it is. I’m not self-deprecating by acknowledging what he’s done. What matters is how we fix it.”
“We can’t fix it,” Conner spoke with a cheek full of food. “All we can do is stop it from getting worse.”
“What happens if someone stumbles onto your place out here?” Jillian took a bite of the roasted tomato. The fire had blackened part of the skin, and it made a satisfying crackle as she bit into the juicy flesh.
“Nothing good.” Vincent swallowed a bite of snake meat. “Worst case scenario, we have to leave the cabin. Other than my family journals, all this stuff can be replaced. What we need to worry about is people finding the Circle.”
“What happens?” Jillian’s eyes widened. “Will it cause an earthquake or unleash a curse or something?”
Conner chuckled.
“No.” Vincent shot him a warning look. “But this place would be swarming with journalists and archaeologists.”
“Wouldn't that be a good thing.? I mean, at least if people knew there was a sacred religious site, people would care about it. Someone would take measures to protect it.”
“Sure.” Finn reeked of sarcasm as he finally took a bite of food. “They'd probably block it off… charge people to get in.”
“Wouldn't stop the tourists from trampling the rest of the forest to get here.” Conner rested his chin against his fist.
“Conner, get your damn elbow off the table.” Vincent turned back to Jillian. “It would turn into another Stonehenge. They’d give tours, and when no one is looking, people would be breaking off pieces of rock, taking it home to display on their mantle.”
“Still, that’s preferable to the drilling company coming in here and tearing the place up by the roots.” Finn’s shoulders slumped.
“Well, if Ted's dad gets his way, they'll be drilling here by summer.” Jillian finally got the courage to try the snake. It was flakey and well-seasoned, making her realize just how hungry she had been.
“Who?” Vincent frowned.
“Ted… You know the guy who was trying to kill me? His father owns the drilling company, and it's my father who has the power to let him in.”
“You still think it's a coinci
dence that she's here?” Conner nodded to Finn, who responded by kicking his shin under the table.
“Honestly, would it be so bad if the circle got destroyed?” Finn lifted his shoulders toward his ears.
“You can't mean that.” Conner’s fork clattered onto his plate.
“Why not? We’ve been waiting around this place to find the oracle. Here she is, and she doesn’t want to stay. Look, our species had a good run, but what if the humans were right? Maybe the modern world doesn’t need shifters. We don’t serve a purpose. Would it be so bad if this generation were the last?”
Jillian’s heart clenched. The thought of an entire species of magical beings facing extinction because of her stubbornness was almost worse than feeling like she wasn’t in control of her destiny.
“I guess it wouldn’t be the worst thing.” Conner sighed. “No more people getting mauled on full moons because their kids didn’t know what they were.”
“In old times, our people knew what to expect.” Vincent sat up straighter. “When I shifted, I knew what was happening, so I wasn't afraid, and no one got hurt.”
“It’s not just about the extinction of shifters. You know that, right?” Jillian glanced around at them and was met with three blank stares.
“What do you mean?” Vincent stopped eating and gave his full attention.
“The spirit spoke to me before she saved me. If our world loses its connection to the spirit realm, it will eventually lead to the end of all life on this planet. She said even the sun would burn out.”
“Did you know about this?” Finn looked at Vincent.
“No.” Vincent sat back. “But I’m not surprised. For all the wonders man is capable of, they did not create life.”
“Well, we did a fine job of fucking things up.” Conner drank the rest of his water, and another gunshot made everyone look out the dark window.
Vincent got up, closed the curtains, and turned the knob on the side of the green-glass kerosene lamp that sat on the table. The flame dimmed, shrinking the circle of light around them.
“It's not too late for us to save it.” Jillian broke the silence that hung thick in the warm little space.