by Harlow James
“Yeah, well I didn’t hear you complaining about sticking your dick in me either, Silas. And guess what, apparently your sperm have super powers to get through a condom and the pill.”
“Chloe Pierce?” The nurse calls out from the door that leads to the exam rooms in the back of the office.
“Time to face the music,” she says to me before standing and waltzing off, giving me a perfect view of her ass that I may have fantasized about a time or two since our night together. But right now all that shaking of her hips is reminding me of how stubborn this woman can be.
Great, now we’re annoyed with each other right before what is supposed to be a huge moment in our lives.
“Hello there. Can you step on the scale, please?” The nurse motions to the corner where the scale is positioned as she directs Chloe over there.
“With the way I’ve been throwing up, there’s no way I’ve put on weight.”
“I don’t know…I saw you put down almost an entire platter of buffalo wings the other night,” I say, which has Chloe glaring at me again.
“Don’t worry. You’re going to gain a bunch of weight through this process. No sense in worrying about it right now. Just eat whatever you can, but maybe throw in a vegetable or two.” The nurse winks at Chloe.
“Celery sticks with my buffalo wings is about all I can stomach right now.”
“That’s better than nothing.”
The nurse finishes taking her vitals, has her use the restroom to pee in a cup for a pregnancy test, and then leads us back to an exam room. I wait outside while Chloe undresses from the waist down, fidgeting in my suit. I reach up and yank on my tie, relieving some of the tension on my throat just as Chloe calls out that it’s okay for me to come back in.
“You nervous?” I ask her, mostly because I want to know I’m not the only one freaking out about this.
“A little. Mostly because this just makes it so real.”
“Agreed.” I walk around the room, reading various posters on the walls about childbirth and breastfeeding, reminding me of how much I don’t know about having a child. “Are you going to breastfeed?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to do a natural childbirth, or do you want an epidural?”
“I don’t know, Silas!” she yells in frustration. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around this.”
I spin around and raise my voice right back at her. “Well, you need to figure it out, Chloe! There’s a lot to consider!”
“Don’t tell me…”
Knock, knock. The doctor pushes open the door after knocking, reading the tension between us. “Everything alright in here?” She shuts the door behind her and then moves over to her chair and the ultrasound monitor.
“Oh, just peachy. My baby daddy is just pointing out how unprepared I am for this,” Chloe says with a roll of her eyes.
“We are,” I correct her. “We are unprepared for this, Chloe. Remember, I’m in this with you and I don’t know anything as well.”
“Are you two not romantically involved?” Dr. Wilson asks.
“You’re looking at a one-night-stand turned surprise baby even with the use of protection, Doc,” Chloe declares as I shake my head. Seriously, what are the odds this would happen to us?
“Oh! Well, you’re not the first. Sometimes the human body is more powerful than contraception.”
“But to answer your question, no…we’re…not together. But we are planning to raise this baby together,” I add.
“Well, that’s exactly what I want to hear,” the doctor says. “Teamwork is essential in parenting. I’m Dr. Wilson, by the way.” She reaches out to shake my hand and then does the same to Chloe. “And I know that pregnancy and expecting a child can be overwhelming, but that’s what my staff and I are here for. We can help answer any questions you have, and help you prepare for the birth of your baby.” She opens up Chloe’s file and her eyes scan the paper. “Well, you are definitely pregnant. Your HCG levels don’t lie.”
Chloe snorts. “Neither does the vomiting and nausea.”
“I can give you something to help with that.” Dr. Wilson smiles and then puts the file on the nearby counter before reaching for a pair of rubber gloves. “Once we get your blood work back, we will be able to see a lot more, but for now I want you to start taking a prenatal vitamin every day and focus on getting some exercise and a well-balanced diet, as best you can.”
“I walk dogs for a living, so no worries about the exercise, Doc. But food is a challenge right now.”
She smiles again. “That’s great. Just listen to your body. A baby is going to change a lot about what you can and can’t do.”
“Don’t I know it,” Chloe mutters as Dr. Wilson takes a seat and pulls the ultrasound machine closer to the table that Chloe is lying down on.
“So, are you ready to see your baby?” she asks while putting a rubber condom on a giant wand that looks like a penis.
“What is that?” Chloe and I ask simultaneously.
“This is an ultrasound wand. Since you’re not far along, it’s better for us to do a vaginal ultrasound.” She squeezes lube on the wand and smears it over the rubber. Suddenly, I feel extremely uncomfortable and also kind of jealous of an inanimate object.
“Looks like this is the most action I’ll be getting for a while. Might as well enjoy it.” Chloe sighs and then lies back as the doctor gently reaches between her legs and inserts the wand.
I cringe at the thought of what that must feel like, but then Dr. Wilson clicks on the computer a few times and a black and white image pops up on the screen. Blurry white lines appear as she clicks again and moves things around, and suddenly a white speck materializes with a flicker in the center.
“Holy shit,” Chloe exclaims, sitting up on her elbows as I lean in closer as well.
“There’s your baby.” She does a few measurements with the computer program. “About eleven weeks along by my calculations. And everything looks good so far. Nice strong heartbeat.”
“Is that the heart?” Chloe asks, pointing at the flicker in the center of what I’m assuming is his or her chest.
“Yes. Would you like to hear it?”
“Please,” Chloe chokes out, and in a few seconds, a loud thumping noise rings out from the machine.
“Wow,” I say exasperatedly, not sure what to think at this moment as the sound of life echoes around us.
That’s my baby, and the sound of its heart. There’s a person inside of this woman that is part of me and part of her. It’s one thing to know that I’m about to be a father, but an entirely different feeling seeing my baby in black and white and hearing the evidence that it exists.
A sudden rush of pride rolls through me, followed by nerves.
This is truly happening. Will I be a good father? Can I be present like my parents were, but not fall short in the ways they did as well? Will Chloe and I be a team through this, or will she fight me every step of the way?
“What are you thinking?” she asks, pulling my attention to her glassy eyes. She looks so goddamn beautiful right now with the vulnerability she’s showing me.
“I’m thinking we made a baby, and I’m not sure what to think of that.”
She turns back to the monitor before replying, “Same. Although I do know one thing…”
“What’s that?” I ask through the emotion clogging my throat.
“That’s going to be one good-looking kid,” she says proudly, which has me grinning.
And then I chuckle. “Yeah. At least we can agree on that for now.”
I grab her hand and squeeze it, which brings her eyes back to mine. And for just a moment, I wonder what it would be like to raise this child with Chloe, not just together, but while being together—a notion that I’ve been forcing out of my mind since she and I crossed paths. I’ve never had to shove an idea out of my head so hard until her. There’s always been women I’ve been attracted to, but no one has caught my attention like Chloe has.
I wish I could just let myself live in the moment instead of constantly worrying about the consequences of letting people in—like you do in relationships—because then I have someone to lose. The pain of losing someone you love has prevented me from taking many chances in my life, but it’s safer that way. It’s that fear and resolve alone that prevents me from diving in and owning these feelings running through me.
My eyes dip down to her lips as I contemplate pressing mine to hers in this moment. Recalling what it felt like to kiss her before has my body reacting in ways that are probably inappropriate given our location and the circumstances. But I see her eyes dip to my mouth as well, so apparently I’m not the only one contemplating our next move.
Why does this woman draw me into her in not only an intellectual way, but also on a carnal level?
“Alright,” Dr. Wilson says, breaking through our moment and bringing us back to reality. “Like I said, everything looks good. We will see you in four weeks for your next appointment. In the meantime, here are some pamphlets to read, and remember to take care of yourself. Listen to your body, try to educate yourself on what’s to come, and if you have any concerns, feel free to contact the office.”
I stand tall once more and reach out to shake Dr. Wilson’s hand again once she removes the wand from Chloe, cleans her up, and removes her gloves. “Thank you. I’m sure you’ll be hearing from us.”
“Can I get a picture of the ultrasound?” Chloe asks almost desperately.
“Of course.” Dr. Wilson prints off two pictures, one for each of us. “See you in four weeks.”
With her parting words, she exits the room, leaving Chloe and I alone. Chloe sits up all the way on the table and heaves out a harsh breath. “Holy shit. This is… real.”
“Yup.” It’s all I can say as my mind becomes even more overwhelmed.
“So, I should probably put my pants back on.”
“Oh. Right. I’ll give you some privacy.” I turn to leave, but her saying my name has me pausing.
“Silas?”
“Yeah?” I ask, twisting back around to face her.
“Thank you for being here.” She fiddles with her hands in her lap.
“I’ll always be here, Chloe. I don’t want you to ever think otherwise, alright? I know this is a lot to take in, but I want our child to know that they are loved, even if we aren’t…together.”
“Same. That’s…that’s really important to me.” Her eyes flick up from her lap and give me a glimpse into her soul. There’s a chip there, and I’m surprised I didn’t see it before—a chink in her armor. You can only see it when the light hits the metal just right, but she’s showing it to me right now without coming right out and admitting it.
“We’re going to get through this.”
“I think so too,” she replies, and then her eyes widen. She leaps off the table and takes a few steps to the trash can, where I watch her empty her stomach, or at least dry heave over the container.
I rush over, smoothing her back as she calms after throwing up whatever she can.
“Ugh,” she says when she stands up again, brushing her wild curls from her face. “I hope that stops soon.”
“We probably should have asked the doctor that, huh?”
“Probably. All I know is this kid better be really fucking cute to have me throwing up like this.”
I can’t help but laugh. “I’m sure it will be. And just think, when he or she is older, we can tell them all about how you threw up in the doctor’s office after your first appointment.”
“I’m going to keep a list of all the instances that this child is already torturing me and use it for blackmail/leverage for later.”
“Sounds like a plan.” I kiss her on the forehead again and then move to leave the room. When I shut the door, I lean up against it, resting my head on the wood behind me.
“I’m going to be a dad,” I say out loud, but barely at a whisper in case anyone is around me.
I’m going to be a dad. And I’m attracted to my baby’s mother.
Chapter 5
Chloe
“Who on earth could that be?” I traipse down the hallway toward the sound of the doorbell after leaving the shower I needed desperately after my morning dog walks. The heat has me sweating like a whore in church, even early in the morning, so a cold shower after my morning clients is entirely necessary. Add on the sprinkle of perspiration I’m sporting each time I throw up, and I basically look like a wet dog walking around most of the day right now.
When I open the door, anticipating seeing someone, I’m confused by the stack of boxes sitting on the doorstep instead.
“I didn’t order anything,” I mutter out loud, reaching for the top box and being relieved it’s not very heavy. I take it over to the kitchen counter and set it down, repeating the process for the next two boxes. I take a pair of scissors and puncture the tape on one, slicing through it and then ripping open the tabs. “What the hell?”
Bottles of prenatal vitamins are lined in rows, enough to medicate an army of pregnant women. The next box contains bags of ginger candies that apparently help fight nausea, and then the last one is large and lined with Styrofoam. I lift off the lid of the Styrofoam cooler and see bags of frozen buffalo wings lying inside.
“Wow.” I chuckle and then pick up my phone, pretty sure I know who this delivery is from.
Me: Apparently you can subscribe and save on Amazon for prenatal vitamins, ginger candy, AND buffalo wings.
Silas: Only the first two. The last one was a gift from a supplier who owed me a favor. Normally, I would recommend making your own buffalo wings from scratch since they’re healthier, but I know that requires time and energy that you probably don’t have right now.
Me: You’re right about that, Mister. But do you seriously think I need this many vitamins? I only take one a day.
Silas: Studies show that prenatal vitamins are beneficial to take after the baby is born as well, filling in on any loss of nutrients you experience before and after giving birth. Plus, they’re supposed to be great for your hair.
Me: Okay, Dr. Silas. Well, thank you, I guess.
Silas: You guess?
Me: I didn’t ask for this.
Silas: I know you didn’t, but I told you I would be here for you and the baby. And part of being a good dad is taking care of the baby’s mother as well.
Me: I know how to buy vitamins on my own, Silas.
Silas: I didn’t say you didn’t, Chloe.
Me: But I guess I should thank you for helping out with my buffalo wing bill. Wing Stop will be sad though to miss out on the profits they’ve been earning from me.
Silas: You’re welcome. And try the candies when you’re nauseous next time. A lot of women said they help.
Me: Did you call a pregnant lady hotline for that tip?
Silas: No. It’s called research, reading information online. You should try it. There’s a ton of knowledge out there about being a parent and navigating pregnancy, Chloe.
Me: I never knew that.
Silas: Why are you so sarcastic?
Me: It’s part of my charm. Thank you though. I’m going to go throw these wings in the air fryer and eat until I pass out and have to go back out for my evening shift of walks.
Silas: Enjoy, and take it easy, please. Talk to you later.
I drop the phone on my counter, just as there’s another knock on my door. My head is spinning with Silas’s display of responsibility and dare I say affection, but I barely have a second to process it.
“Miss Altman? How can I help you?” My neighbor stands with her arms crossed outside of my door as soon as I open it.
“I saw a bunch of boxes on your doorstep. Are you getting another roommate?’’ She speaks with detest in her voice. Miss Altman is the classic cranky neighbor that complains about everything, but also wants to be all up in your business.
“Oh, no. It was a delivery for me from…”
Do I tell her about Silas? Abo
ut the screaming baby that will be here in roughly seven months that I’m sure she’ll be thrilled about since we share a wall?
“From?”
“A friend,” I reply, realizing that I don’t have to tell her shit about my life if I don’t want to, but also that I won’t be able to hide it soon enough and should probably take advantage of that detail as long as I can.
“Oh. Well, that was nice.” Her smile is anything but.
“Yes, it was. But I was just about to make some lunch, Miss Altman, so…”
“Oh, fine. Just, keep it down will you?”
“The only time I go down is on my knees. Bye, Miss Altman,” I say with a five-finger wave before closing the door in her face slacked with shock.
I laugh and then move into the kitchen, ready to binge on some buffalo wings courtesy of Silas De Luca. Is it sad that I’m more enthusiastic about the buffalo wings than anything else he delivered? And second of all, why did he do that? Does he not think I’m responsible enough to get my vitamins on my own? I was there at the doctor’s appointment. I heard what she said.
Chloe, the man was trying to do something nice for you. Don’t be a bitch about it.
Fine sub-conscience. You’re right. I should be grateful, at least, the man cares about me and his baby and I’m not doing this entirely on my own.
But then that reality hits me.
Alone.
I’ve always been alone, except for Shayla. I’ve never had someone looking out for me, except for her. And now, there’s this guy who’s concerned for my well-being.
It unnerves me, makes me feel anxious, makes me feel like I need to keep him at arm’s length because he will walk away one day.
They all do.
No one sticks around forever. And if there’s anything I’ve learned in my life about family, it’s that.
* * *
“Seriously? Again, Sir Frances?” I watch the cocker spaniel squat and take yet another shit while I wait for him to finish. Luckily I had enough sense to take a walk today where there are plenty of opportunities to partake in shade, but right now I’m standing out in the blistering heat with the sun blaring down on me and my breakfast rolling around in my belly.