by Harlow James
I was just about to tell her how much she means to me, how badly I want to be a real family with her before I answered that call from Erica. I was going to tell her how hopelessly in love with her I am.
I want to marry her, make her my wife, and the truth has been resting in my heart for weeks.
But then that phone call, the aftermath—it was like God was reminding me that I can’t have those things, that people close to me lose their lives, and allowing Chloe in completely plays against that risk.
But does that change how I feel about her? Not at all.
I know I still want her. But the question still remains if I get to keep her.
“Silas,” Nonna says, grasping my shoulder as I stare at the woman who fucking owns me, heart and soul.
“Yeah?”
“Come here, mio nipote.” She flicks her head down the hallway, asking me to follow her.
So I do. I let her lead me into her room where she closes the door almost all the way, leaving a crack, and then gestures for me to take a seat on the edge of her bed as she sits down next to me.
“Talk to me, Silas. What’s going on? Your aura is gray and heavy.”
I huff and then stare down at my clasped hands, leaning forward on my thighs. “It’s just been a rough week.”
“I’m aware.”
“And it just got me thinking…”
“About?”
“Life. What I want.” I lift my head and my eyes land on a picture of my parents sitting on top of Nonna’s dresser. Next to it is a picture of her and Nonno from their wedding.
And then my greatest fears come out. “I never wanted a family. I never thought I’d have one. This isn’t what I planned.”
“Plans are a type-A person’s demise, Silas,” she says matter-of-factly.
“I know.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I never thought I’d fall in love with her, Nonna,” I say under my breath, shaking my head as I stare down at the ground.
“But you did.”
“Completely. I’m so in love with this woman and our child, and he’s not even here yet.”
“And that’s a problem because …”
“We’re so different,” I cut her off, rising from the bed and dragging my hands through my hair. “I’m worried that down the line something will happen and I’ll mess this up, only it’s not only me that will be affected…our son will be too. And what if something happens to me? Or her? What if I lose them too, or they lose me?”
She grins knowingly with pride that is confusing me at the same time. “You two aren’t that different, Silas. Chloe is exactly the type of woman you need—bold, determined, and yet fragile. You need each other. What you haven’t realized is that you both need the same thing, and the only person who can give it to you is one another.”
“And what is it that we need?”
“Someone to put you first.” The moment she says the words, the puzzle starts forming a picture as all of the pieces start snapping into place. “Chloe has never had someone make her a priority, except for Shayla, but that’s a different type of relationship. And her coming into your life has made you realize that it’s time to put your life first.”
“But…”
She flashes me her hand. “No more buts, Silas. Your sisters don’t need you hovering anymore, and contrary to what you might think, I’ve been surviving just fine all these years. I haven’t said much since it seemed you needed some validation in being the man of the family, but I’ve always been the man of the house, Silas. I just don’t have a penis.” I let out a laugh, but she keeps going. “People die every day, but that doesn’t mean you should be afraid to love. You should be afraid of living and never having experienced love in the first place.”
“Would you chose differently if you knew Nonno was going to die like he did?”
She shakes her head. “Hell no. And if I did, your father wouldn’t have been here, and neither would you and your sisters. Did losing him hurt? Hell yes, but I wouldn’t give up the time I had with him, even if I knew it would end when it did.”
“I can’t live without her, Nonna. I thought it would be easy to just keep things casual between us, let us be there for each other in multiple ways while she was pregnant. But now? I can’t go back to a world where Chloe isn’t there, a life without that crazy woman in my arms.”
She smiles, growing emotional as she stares up at me. “That’s love, Silas. Sometimes the unexpected becomes exactly what we need.”
A rush of hot air leaves my lips, taking confusion and worry along with it. I know I have no control over what happens in this life. I can prepare and try to anticipate as much as possible, but at the end of the day, my story—our story—has already been written.
And I’m not ready to give up the chapters that we’ve created and risk never knowing what comes next.
“Have you two talked about what happens once the baby is here?”
“No. I tried, was just about to when Erica called me and told me what happened Saturday night, and then everything else ensued.”
Her head bobs up and down. “It’s a beautiful night out. Perhaps Chloe and you could talk on the deck before dinner is ready.” She stands and flashes me a wink before moving for her door.
“Thank you, Nonna.”
“Anything for you, mio nipote.”
When I follow her out to the living room, expecting to see Chloe sitting with Mia still, my brow furrows when I notice Mia is there all alone, biting her nails. “Where’s Chloe?”
Mia glances up at me before slowly standing. “Uh…she left.”
My heart feels like it slams into a brick wall. “What?”
“She…she went down the hallway to use the bathroom, but then came waddling back down after only a minute with tears in her eyes.”
“Did she say anything? Chloe cries a lot right now,” I suggest, hoping Mia knows more about why she left.
She shakes her head. “No. She just moved straight to the front door, threw it open and then shut it just as quickly behind her.”
“Why didn’t you go after her?” My voice booms as anger builds inside, anger laced with fear. She took off and I have no idea where she went. We drove here together, so she couldn’t have gone far, unless…
My legs carry me to the front door on instinct as I yank it open and run outside, searching the area for the woman that is running from something right now, and I don’t know what it is. “Chloe?” I yell, hoping she’s around the corner, hiding out and getting herself under control. “Chloe?”
But I get no response, and instantly my mind starts to wander.
Where the hell could she have gone? What the hell happened that caused her to run?
I locate my phone from my pocket and try calling her, but it only rings once and then goes to voicemail, which means she ended the call. She didn’t want to answer. She doesn’t want to talk to me. But why?
Desperate for any information, I think of the next person that would know where Chloe is or at least what she’s thinking, so I pull up Shayla’s number and hit call immediately. The line rings three times, bringing me closer to the edge of insanity, before Shayla finally picks up.
“Silas?”
“Shayla? Where is she?”
“What the hell happened, Silas?”
“What?” I swivel my head around, desperately trying to make Chloe appear out of thin air. “I don’t know. Did she call you?”
“Yes, and I could barely make out what she was saying.”
“Where is she?”
“I guess she called an Uber and is having them take her here.”
“Why?”
“Like I said, I don’t know. She was borderline hysterical.”
“Fuck!” I pull on my hair, anxiety and rage running through my veins.
“I’ll let you know if she says anything to me, okay?”
“Please, Shayla. I’m freaking the fuck out over here.”
“I can tell. Jus
t breathe, Silas. We know where she’s at and where she’s going. She’s probably overreacting about something right now. You and I both know that her hormones are all over the place lately.”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Yeah, I know. Fuck, Shayla. I hope something’s not wrong. I just can’t for the life of me think of why she would just run out of my grandmother’s house like that.”
“You guys were at Nonna’s?”
“Yeah, and I was in the back room talking to her. When I came out, she was gone.”
Shayla sighs and then hums in thought. “I don’t know, but like I said, I’ll keep in contact with you. I’ve got her.”
“Okay, yeah…sounds good.” I end the call and then stare out at the horizon, admiring the sunset, thinking about how I should be telling Chloe that I love her right now with the orange sky as the backdrop—not wondering what the fuck just happened as the sun moves down in the sky, my hope sliding right along with it.
* * *
I’m lying in bed, staring up at my ceiling when my phone vibrates on the nightstand beside me. I scramble to pick it up, hoping that it’s Chloe, but when I see Shayla’s name, I figure that’s the next best person.
“Shayla?”
“Hi, Silas,” she whispers.
“Is she okay?”
I hear a sliding door open and close and then her voice rises. “Ummm, yes and no.”
“Where is she?”
“She’s sleeping, finally. It took a while for me to calm her down, but then she pretty much cried herself to sleep.”
“What the fuck happened?”
“She’s freaking out right now, Silas. She’s convinced that you don’t want her or the baby anymore.”
“What the fuck? Why would she think that? That’s the furthest thing from the truth, Shayla.”
“She said she heard you say that.”
“But I didn’t….” And then it clicks.
“I never wanted a family. I never thought I’d have one. This isn’t what I planned.”
Fuck me. She must have overheard that part of my conversation with Nonna, listening to those words at just the right moment to make her think they were true.
And they are, but my mind is suggesting that perhaps she didn’t hear what I said after that—the fact that I fell in love with her and now I want those things more than anything.
“Shit.”
“Care to explain? Because I just spent the last hour trying to convince my best friend that she didn’t hear those words come out of your mouth.
I let out a long sigh and then share with Shayla what I think happened, including the fact that if Chloe would have kept listening, she probably wouldn’t be devastated right now and we’d be celebrating our future together in this bed instead of apart.
“I knew it. I knew you loved her,” she says proudly once I’ve finished.
“I love her crazy ass so much, Shayla. Please tell me she will still believe that.”
“I’m sure she will. I swear, I’ve known Chloe a long time, and I know she can be dramatic—but I’ve never seen her react to something this strongly before.”
“She’s been a little on edge for weeks, but now that she’s this close to delivering, I think there’s just too much going through her mind and body.” And then my heart lurches. “Should I come get her?”
“No. Like I said, she’s finally asleep. Give her the night, then show up here bright and early and whisk her off of her feet, prince charming style.”
“The woman does love her Disney movies.”
“Yes she does. And she deserves her own happily ever after.”
“I want to give that to her.”
“I knew you two were meant to be. The moment I saw her pout because you denied her, I knew there was something there.”
I smile, thinking back to that first night. “Turning her down was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I think deep down I knew she would alter my existence.”
“Well, you’ve definitely altered hers.”
“Can you make sure she tries to relax and takes her pills in the morning?”
“Does she have them?”
“I stuck an extra pill case in her purse months ago, just in case.”
Shayla laughs. “I think it’s time to remove her ‘If found, please call Shayla Mitchel” sticker from her I.D.”
“You think?”
“Yeah. You’re her person now, Silas.”
Fuck yeah, I am. And I’m going to be her person until either one of us takes our very last breath.
Chapter 16
Chloe
“Chloe? Are you okay?”
“No! I’m not okay, Shayla!” I storm through her front door, waddling as fast as I can to the back of her house, into the same living room I’ve been in numerous times before.
I guess you could say that I’m borderline hysterical right now, but the words that Silas spoke are playing on repeat in my mind, and each time they echo, my heart cracks into two more pieces.
“I never wanted a family. I never thought I’d have one. This isn’t what I planned.”
Just when I thought we were on the same page, just when I had fully handed my heart over to him, he goes and slices through it with a blade so sharp that the sting stole the breath from my lungs.
“Okay, just breathe.” I can hear her footsteps behind me, but all I can do is wipe the snot flowing from my nose onto my sleeve of my red sweater and then plop myself down in the chair, letting the true sobs wrack my body now.
I held back in the Uber, although by the looks the driver gave me in the rearview mirror, I still don’t think I looked sane. Right about now, I’m the definition of a hormonal and distraught pregnant woman who just realized that the father of her baby doesn’t want her, but I seriously don’t give a fuck. My entire world just came crashing down.
Shayla crouches in front of me, her hands holding mine between my legs. “Breathe, Chloe.”
“I…I…can’t.” The struggle to take in air is building as everything that’s going to happen now comes rushing through my mind.
I’m going to have to find a place to live, someone to watch the baby while I work, or maybe I’ll take him in a stroller with me—I see moms do that shit all of the time. At least now I won’t have to worry about shared custody since Silas blatantly said that he never wanted a family. Maybe he’s decided it’s too much work, too much effort to put in…
“Chloe, you need to stop.” Shayla shakes me a little, pulling me out of the whirlwind I was just in. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re rambling.”
Great. Apparently I was speaking out loud just now and didn’t realize it.
“Silas doesn’t want me or the baby anymore, Shayla.”
“What?” she shrieks, standing tall and staring down at me in disbelief. “That’s impossible.”
“Then why did he say that?”
With narrowed eyes, Shayla concentrates on me. “I think he misspoke, or you’re taking what he said out of context. That man cares so much about you and this baby. What you’re telling me doesn’t even make sense. I’ve seen the way the man looks at you, how everything he’s done for you over the past seven months screams that he’s in love with you and your son. There’s no way…” She shakes her head again.
“He said that to Nonna. Why would he lie to his grandmother?”
“Did you ask him?”
“No…”
“Why wouldn’t you ask him?”
“Because as soon as I heard him say that I ran out of the house and called an Uber.”
Shayla widens her eyes at me. “Chloe Pierce! You didn’t!”
“I wasn’t about to stand around and pretend everything was okay when I’m heartbroken.”
Shayla bends down again. “Chloe, you know I love you, and I have your back one-hundred percent. But, I seriously think you heard him wrong.”
A hiccupped sob runs through me as I sniffle more and wipe under my nose and eyes. �
�I know what I heard, Shayla, and I knew that this was a possibility. I should have known better than to fall in love with him. This fucking sucks!” I scream through my tears.
“Do you remember when I saw Wes outside of the Wings & Wheels Facility with Lydia and Nolan?” I nod my head. “And do you remember how I thought one thing, but their connection turned out to be something completely different?”
“Yeah…”
“And do you remember that you were the one that told me to hear him out? That there had to be an explanation because Wes was in love with me and there was no way he would ever be unfaithful?”
I sigh and cross my arms over my chest. “Uh huh.”
“Well, I’m going to do that for you right now.” She playfully smacks me upside the head, causing my jaw to drop open.
“Did you just smack a pregnant woman?”
“No, I smacked my best friend who’s acting crazy, trying to knock some sense into her.”
“I am not crazy!”
“You’re sure acting that way. Chloe, you know I love you, but you are so damn stubborn sometimes and I know that your hormones aren’t helping the situation right now. Silas is one of the best men on the planet. He is devoted, protective, confident, and handsome, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he plans on making the three of you your own little family unit.”
“Why did this have to happen now, after I finally admitted that I’m in love with him and this is what I want—the house, the kids, the happily ever after, the Sunday mornings lying in bed, tickling our son, the two in the morning feedings where we’re both exhausted but he still will kiss me on the forehead and remind me that we’ll get through this, the feeling of having someone I can depend on for the first time in my life other than you.” I gesture to Shayla with my outstretched hand as she tilts her head at me.
This man is who I’m meant to be with, a notion I never thought I’d find until I saw him that first night in Vegas. I was lost out at sea, swimming aimlessly just trying to make it somewhere alive and not realizing that I was really just going in circles—but Silas gave me a home, gave me a purpose, and showed me the possibility of being open to accepting love from someone else.