“The life she wanted you to make for yourself,” he said, interrupting her from self-destruction. There was no way he would allow her to beat herself up. He didn’t know about her past as much as he wanted, but he didn’t need to know much to know that her mother had to have been proud of Kate, no matter the distance between them. “Please...”
The look she gave him in that split second ripped his heart out, stomped on it, and handed it back to him—a lost battle. His words were more than likely falling on deaf ears, but that didn’t stop him from saying them. He refused to allow her to self-destruct over the death of her mother. “Please stop blaming yourself for how things turned out. Please?”
Tears glistened as they streaked a path down her cheeks. He swiped them away with the pad of his thumb before they could make their way to her lips. Where they lead the path, he gently placed his lips. “Kate,” he whispered, looking into her eyes, afraid that she wouldn’t listen to him. “You can’t do this to yourself. You can’t blame yourself for things that were out of your control.”
Her eyes spoke a thousand words as they focused on him. She didn’t need to say a damned thing for him to know that she wasn’t going to take his advice. The sadness in her eyes, the way her mouth frowned before her lips trembled, and tears rolled down those soft faint red cheeks of hers.
Leaning back into the couch, he opened his arms, offering her to lean against him. Tonight, he would stay as long as she needed him to. He would be there in the silence that she was asking for without saying a word, until whenever.
Asking Jordan to leave had been the last thing she wanted to do, but she thought it was best to have him go, leaving her in the darkness of loss to fend for herself—as she had done for the majority of her life. He hadn’t wanted to go; she knew he had wanted to stay with her. She had to remind herself that it was for the best. She didn’t want to drag him through this hell with her, no matter how many times he told her he was there no matter what.
She was more than thankful for a man like Jordan to be in her life, but she needed to do this on her own. Driving to the airport had been the easy part, leaving on the plane had been the hardest.
She hadn’t told anyone she was leaving, not even Jessica. She knew they would figure it out in time, but for now, she was using the time they didn’t know, to get to Arizona.
She was ready to face whatever was waiting for her. Her plan was to be back in Le Claire within a few days. She’d be in Arizona just long enough to sign papers and bring her mother back home with her.
The Dramamine kicked in shortly after the plane left the runway, causing her to space out and her eyes to feel heavy. Within minutes, she gave in to the drowsiness and accepted much needed sleep. She needed all the rest she could get before landing.
* * *
Jordan knocked on the wooden door. Not seeing her car in the driveway should have been enough indication she was gone, but he wasn’t accepting it. Peeking in through the window before checking the knob, he realized she was long gone. She had left without so much as a goodbye, or see you later.
He understood why she left without a heads up. She knew he would’ve gone with her. Knowing this was about her and not him, he still felt a pit in his stomach. He had made arrangements to go with her, and now he was stuck worrying about her as he walked down her sidewalk toward his truck, which was parked in the street. Damn.
Pulling his phone from the pocket of his buttoned shirt, he dialed her number only to be greeted to leave a voicemail message. “Hey, Kate... It’s Jordan,” he said, hesitating as he debated on what to say next. “Can you give me a call to let me know you made it and that you’re okay? Please?”
Ending with a please before he hung up sounded desperate, but if that’s what caring about her made him, then that’s what he was. Desperate was an understatement when it came to Kate. He wanted nothing but the best for her. And even though he didn’t know Arizona like she did, he knew that the best for her was right here in Le Claire, Iowa—small town with a big heart.
* * *
Landing at the Tucson International Airport, the pilot announced their arrival, affirming that she had arrived at her destination—making it seem surreal as she stepped off the plane and headed for the baggage claim. Not that she had a lot to claim. She had only brought two small bags, enough space to pack a few outfits and the necessary items.
“Kate?”
Not wanting to turn around to face the familiar voice, she kept walking. The baggage claim was less than fifty feet from her and if she picked up the pace, she could quickly scoop it off the conveyor belt and head out onto the streets to hail a cab.
“Kate Dixon,” the familiar voice hollered behind her in an attempt to make her turn around. She ignored him and kept her focus on the conveyor belt up ahead.
It was just her luck that her baggage wasn’t there waiting for her, which gave the man she had no interest in talking to a chance to catch up to her. “Kate,” he said, reaching for her arm before she had a chance to shrug him away. Without making a scene, he smiled and said, “What brings you back to Tucson?”
Out of all the people who could possibly be at the same place at the same time as she was, it had to be her ex-husband, who in fact was still the same disrespectful asshole she remembered him being.
Ignoring him, she inched closer to the waiting area where a crowd of people had chosen to stand as they waited for their baggage. She could only hope that her bags wouldn’t take long. A minute with her ex by her side was too long.
Wishing now that she had allowed Jordan to come along, she pulled her phone from the pocket of her jeans. Swiping the screen, she realized she had a few missed calls. Turning to her ex, she said, “Excuse me, I have some calls to make.”
Whether she was actually talking on the phone or not, she was pretty damned good at pretending when she had to. She hadn’t done such a thing since her teenaged years when everyone had a cellphone and she didn’t. She had pretended to have a cell phone in order to impress her friends. It hadn’t mattered at the time that it was a cheap knock off brand that no longer had a battery.
Distracted by pretending to be on the phone, the drop of her bags on the nearby conveyor belt went unnoticed for more than a few minutes. “Kate,” the annoying voice of her ex-husband came before a tap on her shoulder. “Your bags are ready.”
Rolling her eyes before telling the imaginary person on the other end of the conversation that she had to go, she shoved her phone into her pocket and made her way to the conveyor belt, with her ex trailing behind her. Dammit. He was never good at taking a hint.
“So, you never answered my question,” he said, insisting that she answer him as he trailed along, too close for comfort. “Why are you back in Tucson?”
Punching someone was frowned upon, but she had never wanted to as much as she did now. Only when ignoring him had failed and she was to her limits of patience, she stopped abruptly in the path to the street and turned on him. If looks could kill, he’d have been dead a dozen times over again. “I’m not sure why that is any of your business.”
The hiss in her voice should have been enough warning to leave her alone, but he didn’t get the hint and continued to follow her out onto the open sidewalk. Praying for a cab to not only stop for her, but to run his ass over in the process, she whistled for the closest cab as she waved it down.
“There’s the Kate I remember,” he said, finding this whole situation amusing.
The cab pulled up alongside the curb a few steps away just as he said something about catching up later and putting the past behind them. It was ridiculous for him to even think there would be such an opportunity.
What bothered him the most about Kate flying back to Arizona wasn’t the fact that she had left him behind, but the fact that she was alone. He didn’t know what city her mother had lived in, or whether Arizona was really where Kate took off to. He didn’t know because she didn’t tell him.
There was no reason for him to be upset. He kn
ew Kate well enough to know that she would always do what she felt was right. Knowing and understanding her still didn’t calm the nagging feeling that he had.
He couldn’t help but think about her and wonder if she was okay. He knew she could handle her own, but also knew that she was far from okay a day after her mother’s death.
Walking into work was the last thing he wanted to do this morning, but he had been left with no other choice. If he’d stayed home any longer, he would have gone stir crazy with his constant thoughts.
“Hey, Jord,” Paul’s voice boomed from behind the counter. “I thought you’d be in Arizona by now. Change of plans?”
Running a hand through his hair, he decided to call it like he saw it. “She left before I got there.”
Paul’s bulldog look fit him well as he frowned at the news. “Man, I’m sorry. Maybe she just needs some time alone right now.”
Paul was never good with advice, but this time he was onto something. Kate was a strong woman. She didn’t need a man by her side in order to get what she wanted. He didn’t have to know her too long to realize that about her.
“I’m sure she’ll be fine,” Paul assured, patting a firm, calloused hand against Jordan’s shoulder. “I’m guessing she’ll be back as soon as everything settles down. She’ll have her family there with her until she decides to come back here.”
He wasn’t sure she had family there, or anywhere for that matter. She had never brought anyone up in their conversations. As far as he knew, Arizona was the home of Kate’s ex-husband and her mother, no other family.
“Give her a call if you’re that worried,” Paul said, with more of a grunt than words.
“Yeah, I’ll do that later,” Jordan said. Continuing on his way to the back office, he knew that would be easier said than done.
* * *
Out of all the things that could possibly go wrong, she didn’t expect her ex to be at the airport upon her arrival.
The last person she wanted to see had been him. He had been another bullet point added to the list of things she had grown to hate about Tuscan.
She had ignored him the best she could as she climbed into the backseat of the musty, overused cab. He had no idea why she was back and that shouldn’t have bothered her as much as it did. Not that she cared about him, because she didn’t—not at all. It was that her mother had died just yesterday, and everyone around her had gone on with their lives as though nothing tragic had happened.
Another reason she hated Tuscan, or any big city for that matter. It wasn’t small town Iowa where everyone knew everyone and everything. Where a death wasn’t just something you read about in the obituaries, but instead it affected you because it was your sweet old neighbor, your waitress at the little café on the corner, or the mailman who wasn’t afraid of the overly aggressive Chihuahua next door because he knew that its bark was bigger than its bite.
The thought of Le Claire had crossed her mind more in the last few hours than it ever had before. Something was trying to prove to her that she shouldn’t have taken things for granted. Well, now she was paying attention and no longer cared to take things for granted—knowing all too well that what’s here today may not be here tomorrow.
Digging her cell phone out of her pocket, she turned it on. In her head, she replayed the scene at the airport as she waited for her phone to come to life. It had been a last resort—a last ditch effort—to ignore her ex. She would like to think that it would’ve worked, only if he had taken the hint and buzzed off.
A bright screen followed by a few random beeps brought her attention back to the here and now. Several messages and voicemails waited to be checked. The thought of one, or more, of those being from Jordan made her heart sink. She should have brought him along with her. There was no real reason why she hadn’t—only lousy excuses.
“Kate, it’s me. Please let me know you’re okay.”
The sound of uncertainty in his voice left her feeling emptier than she had before. Jordan was such a sweet guy. He had everything to offer her and here she was, in Arizona without him by her side, and only herself to blame.
Listening to the remaining messages before she dialed his number, she hoped more than anything that he would understand.
The ringing of his phone distracted him from the count of his inventory. Having just enough time to get an order in today for it to ship and arrive here by the beginning of next week, he wanted to get his counts done before noon today.
Disappointment flooded through him as he saw his brother’s number instead of Kate’s. Swiping a quick thumb across the screen, he answered, “Hey, what’s up?”
“How’s everything going in Arizona?”
“I don’t know, she hasn’t called me back,” he said, the sound of defeat and disappointment evident in his voice. There was no use trying to hide how he felt.
Hesitation on the other end of the line told him that his brother was slowly putting the pieces together. “Huh? I thought you were going with her,” Howard said. Jordan could picture him scratching his head as he always did when confused and trying to figure something out. “You didn’t go with her?”
“She was gone before I got there this morning.”
“Damn, that sucks,” Howard said. “I have some news to tell ya, if you’ve got a minute.”
Hearing more bad news was the last thing Jordan wanted to hear, but since he assumed it involved Kate and her future with this school system of theirs, he decided to allow his brother to share whatever news it was he had to share.
“What’d you find out?”
“I talked to Mr. Richards and he said that he would allow Kate to fill in temporarily as my para. He also stated that Mrs. Evans and Kate had never really seen eye to eye and he thought it was best if he kept the two of them away from each other. Without facing the chance of losing Kate, because she’s a damned good para—his words, not mine—he thought that she would do well assisting me with my classes.”
At first, he should’ve been happy, overjoyed, but instead he was a bit surprised. This wasn’t the news he had expected his brother to share with him. The thought of Kate working with his brother was great. His brother had an aptitude for taking on any challenge and making it turn out in his favor.
“But,” his brother interrupted before Jordan had a chance to say a thing. Jordan had learned throughout life that there may always be a but following close behind too-good-to-be-true news.
“I’m listening,” Jordan said, irritated with the fact there was a but in this equation.
“She has to wait to come back until the start of the new year, this fall,” Howard said.
Jordan could tell his brother had been careful with his choice of words. Where his brother was concerned about it being a bad thing, it was the exact opposite. He was sure Kate wouldn’t mind taking this extra time away from school in order to focus on her own life—she had even told him so.
“That’s great. I’m sure Kate will be more than happy to hear the news,” Jordan confirmed. “Thanks, bro.”
He ended the conversation only to notice that somehow he had missed a call from Kate. Why his phone hadn’t notified him of an incoming call while he had been on the phone with his brother was beyond his explanation, but it certainly annoyed him.
Hitting the callback feature on his phone, he waited for her to answer—hoping more than anything that she would.
* * *
Having Jordan miss her call had felt like a punch in the gut. She wanted more than anything to talk to him. She needed to talk to him. She needed to tell him the reason he was there and she was here. Whether her reason was good enough would be determined when she finally got the chance to talk to him.
The vibration in her pocket followed by a low echo of her ringtone caused her to stop in her tracks, leave her luggage on the ground next to the trunk of the cab, and grab it from her pocket as quickly as she possibly could with fumbling fingers. There was a possibility that the cab driver was irritated with her, but
at the moment, she couldn’t care less. She needed to answer this call, especially if it was Jordan who was calling.
A nervous excitement flooded her emotions as she pulled the phone from her pocket and recognized the number on the screen. Answering it as fast as she could, her thumb swiped the screen.
After fumbling it to her ear, she answered, “Hello.”
“Kate?” the surprise evident in his voice. “Finally, I can talk to you.”
“Yes, this phone tag stuff is really for the birds, isn’t it?” It had been her failed attempt at bringing some humor into this melodramatic situation.
“How are you holding up?”
Leave it to Jordan to give cut to the chase. He wasn’t one to beat around the bush. Instead, he was a straight-forward, call it like he saw it, kind of guy. She liked that about him, except for moments like this. She hated to be upfront and honest in a time of heartache.
“I’m doing okay, I guess,” she said, her voice quivering against the emotion before deciding to crack.
She had just arrived in Arizona, and even though she was more than a thousand miles from Iowa, she felt the comfort of him surround her. She wasn’t exactly sure how long she would stay here in Arizona. She didn’t have a plan. Everything was sudden and unexpected and she had been prepared for this day to come, but unprepared at the same time.
“I wasn’t expecting to still be in Iowa today,” he said, his tone calm but his words cut deep. “Kate, I...”
“Jordan, I’m sorry,” she interrupted him. It had been her fault. She shouldn’t have involved him like she had. He barely knew her. He knew nothing as far as her past was concerned and she had pretended fairly well as if her life was far from messed up. It was more like far from perfect. “I just needed to come here on my own. It wouldn’t have been fair to drag you away from your business to deal with my life in Arizona.”
After a few minutes of silence, Jordan sighed in defeat. She could hear the disappointment in the silence. “As long as you know that I’m here for you. No matter what.”
Kate's Forever (Thistle Do Flowers Book 1) Page 5