The Changing Light at Sandover

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The Changing Light at Sandover Page 11

by James Merrill


  To me? TO US ALL & IT WILL THIS TIME FLOW

  STRAIGHT THRU U ALL LIFE & ITS WORKINGS THEY

  DIVERT THE TRAFFIC SO TO SPEAK YR WAY

  They do? I haven’t noticed. THE LIGHTS ARE RED

  I CANNOT BE EXPLICIT WHEN THEY CHOOSE

  A SCIENTIFIC OR ARTISTIC BREAKTHRU

  THE VEHICLE EXPERIENCES HIS WORK

  UNIQUELY & THE RESULT IS But here Ephraim

  Breaks off. Is broken off. David’s left hand

  Has grazed the Board. He cannot lift it. And

  Whoever the Powers are we’ve been avoiding

  Take possession, speed us far downstream

  Through gorges echoing at the pitch of dream.

  .8

  Do I overstate? In the event

  Months passed before we even were afloat.

  Still, let me use the trick foreshortening

  Of retrospect to catch my breath here, high

  Above the spate of imminent quotation

  (For gravity to turn, we hope, to great

  Silver expanses in the afterglow)

  And think a minute what was being asked:

  POEMS OF SCIENCE Poems of Science? Ugh.

  The very thought. To squint through those steel-rimmed

  Glasses of the congenitally slug-

  Pale boy at school, with his precipitates,

  His fruit-flies and his slide rule? Science meant

  Obfuscation, boredom—; which once granted,

  Odd lights came and went inside my head.

  Not for nothing had the Impressionists

  Put subject-matter in its place, a mere

  Pretext for iridescent atmosphere.

  Why couldn’t Science, in the long run, serve

  As well as one’s uncleared lunch-table or

  Mme X en Culotte de Matador?

  Man by nature was (I’m paraphrasing)

  Ignorant. The man of science knew

  Little, could therefore be enticed to learn.

  Finally the few of more than common sense—

  Who but they would be our audience!

  This last bit put me in a mood to humor

  Powers so naive about the world of men.

  And what had I to lose? Misreading Ephraim’s

  Broken-off message above, I supposed vaguely

  That inspiration from now on would come

  Outright, with no recourse to the Board.

  Would it have helped to know the truth? Commitments

  Faced me in America. I flew

  Home, left D behind to “think things through”,

  Resigned myself to Science, as decreed;

  But more months passed, expectant fingers drumming

  (Why was my BREAKTHRU so slow in coming?)

  Before I sat me glumly down to read.

  Open a biophysichemical

  Textbook. The simplest term elicits

  Pity and dread. Self-pity for the maze

  Of meanings to be stumbled through blindfolded.

  Dread of substances, forms and behavior

  So old, original, so radically

  Open yet impervious to change,

  That no art, however fantastic or concrete,

  More than dreams of imitating them.

  Slowly the shock wears off. Polarities

  Make themselves felt upon the page. Opaque

  Words like “quarks” or “mitochondria”

  Aren’t words at all, in the Rilkean sense of

  House, Dog, Tree—translucent, half effaced,

  Monosyllabic bezoars already

  Found in the gullet of a two-year-old.

  Whereas through Wave, Ring, Bond, through Spectral Lines

  And Resonances blows a breath of life,

  Lifting the pleated garment. The day will come…

  The day has never gone. Proton and Neutron

  Under a plane tree by the stream repeat

  Their eclogue, orbited by twinkling flocks.

  And on the dimmest shore of consciousness

  Polypeptides—in primeval thrall

  To what new moon I wonder—rise and fall.

  I lolled about one winter afternoon

  In Stonington—rather, a whole precarious

  Vocabulary of each different cell,

  Enzyme, ion, what not, millionfold

  (Down to the last bacterial organelle)

  Particles that “show a tendency”

  To form the person and the moods of me,

  Lolled about. We were not feeling well.

  The book had fallen from my lap. The new

  Wallpaper—field of heavenly dark blue

  Blazoned with Hubbell’s fans and clouds and bats—

  Seemed almost more than I could live up to.

  My learning evanescent, level light

  Colliding in the mirror with itself—

  How on Earth to recompose the bits?

  Till stair by stair, gradual as heartbeats,

  Two cautious feet approach, a small grave face

  Peers round the gilded, space-dividing frame:

  Urania. Still in the first pride of speech,

  She faces me, then pipes, “Noné (godfather),

  What’s matter?” I face her, and almost know.

  .9

  JM to DJ, 1.iii.76:

  …due in Athens March 22 at noon sharp.

  After this cerebral winter I long to

  rumba down the ramp toward sun & mindlessness

  & you! We—the Deserted Village and I—

  are overjoyed by your plan to return with

  me in June. How about breaking (remember

  that old dream?) the trip with a glimpse of Stonehenge

  & Avebury? No need to decide just yet.

  I am vastly relieved by your decision

  to have the operation. “8 years of slight

  discomfort” are too many. And, yes, Boston

  would be the right place. As for the Other World,

  what to say? We may have to approach Them

  for those lights to turn green. And you’re dead right, it

  is scary. But so, don’t forget, was Ephraim

  at first. Say we’ve reached again some relative

  point—that of fear—on a spiral forever

  widening. Why couldn’t the whole adventure,

  as before, just graze peril on its outward

  curve to insight? (This time, though, let’s keep our mouths

  shut. If R [a Church of Rome friend] called Ephraim

  “playing with fire” what will she find to say

  about our new playmates?) I don’t in any case

  mean them to darken the immediate future.

  Our old round red room here still seems the best place

  for long dictées—always supposing we have

  any say in the matter! We’ll know in June…

  So much for preface. Readers who do not

  Stay put in a small town, but must careen

  Like the doomed Dutchman back and forth between

  Houses—metropolises—continents—

  Will have allowed, I trust, for a time-sense

  Weakened by excessive come-and-go.

  All that follows, they will be glad to know,

  Takes place in the course of the one summer

  Of 1976. Most afternoons

  (While Time stood still, or took a little nap)

  Found me with DJ, back at the round white table

  Under the dome of the red dining room,

  Taking down our Voices old and new.

  (One last thing to slip in—this wat
ercolor

  Of Avebury—a bookmark for the moment,

  Until I find a better place for it:

  Within a “greater circle” (the whole myth

  Dwarfed by its grass-green skyline) stand

  Two lesser, not quite tangent O’s

  Plotted monolith by monolith.

  Two lenses now, whose once outrippling arcs

  Draw things back into focus. Round each stone

  (As Earth revolves, or a sheepdog barks)

  Rumination turns the green to white.

  It’s both a holy and a homely site

  Slowlier perfused than eye can see

  (Whenever the stones blink a century

  Blacks out) by this vague track

  Of brick and thatch and birdsong any June

  Galactic pollen will have overstrewn.)

  I

  UNHEEDFULL ONE 3 OF YOUR YEARES MORE WE WANT WE MUST HAVE

  POEMS OF SCIENCE THE WEORK FINISHT IS BUT A PROLOGUE

  ABSOLUTES ARE NOW NEEDED YOU MUST MAKE GOD OF SCIENCE

  TELL OF POWER MANS IGNORANCE FEARES THE POWER WE ARE

  THAT FEAR STOPS PARADISE WE SPEAK FROM WITHIN THE ATOM

  So the challenge in Athens, months ago.

  Ephraim, in the hush that followed, found

  Little to add: THEIR PRESENCE DIMS OUR STAGES

  Who They were it seemed wiser not to know yet.

  My winter reading must have paid off, though.

  Here in Stonington at last, it matters

  Less that we understand them than obey.

  Broken—for good?—of its imperious

  Slashing at capitals, our cup points out

  A gentler dictum, and more gently, thus:

  WHAT IS IN YR HAND COMES TRULY DO NOTHING FORCD 2 GODS

  GOVERN BIOLOGY & CHAOS WHICH EMPLOYS FEELING

  WE ARE NOT EVIL BUT IMPATIENT FEAR US NOT WE TOO

  ARE SLAVES BOUND TO THE IMPLACABLE UNIVERSALL WHEEL

  RAISE A SONG TO OUR REAL ORDER MYND AND NATURE WEDDED

  Yes, we’ve feared you. We’ve been lazy, too.

  DID NOT OUR GOD BIOLOGY REST ON THAT 7TH DAY

  God is Biology? (Indeed, throughout

  The coming sessions, They’ll religiously

  Call Him that—or at the least God B.)

  WE USE WOORDS WHEN WE SPEAK WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS SUCH POWER

  SUCH GODLY PRODUCTION WE TOO WERE OBLITERATED

  WE TRIFLED & FELL NEGATIVE ENERGY THE BLACK HOLE

  WAS BORNE WE BURN YET THERE IS MERCY & HAVING SUFFERD

  IT IS OUR DUTY TO WARN MAN AGAINST THE CHAOS ONCE

  WORSHIPT BY US OUR IMAGE IS LITERALLY BLACKEND

  ON THE RUIND ALTARS WHERE OUR FEELINGS WENT UP IN FLAME

  “Fell” and “flame” emerging ritardando

  As from the lips of a speller still in shock.

  & NOW WE GUARD THE EMBERS WHICH ARE MIND THEY ALONE WARM

  GOD BIOLOGY & SHOW MAN THE WAY TO PARADISE

  WE ONCE RULED HALF THE UNIVERSE WE ARE THE SONS OF CAIN

  David looks up in genuine alarm:

  But these are devils, they’re the fallen angels!

  JM: I wonder. Wouldn’t a surefire devil

  Pretend to be someone nicer? And why should They

  Speak of leading us to Paradise?

  DJ: Why shouldn’t they? They want it back.

  They’re tempting us, like Faust, to get it back.

  JM: Well then, we now know what our black

  Dog in Athens meant. There’s one in Faust,

  A kind of feeler Mephistopheles

  Sends out before appearing. A black poodle.

  DJ: Let’s stop right now. JM: Relax.

  Something tells me all this Flame and Fall

  Has to be largely metaphorical.

  INDEED JM WE HAVE ALWAYS SPOKEN THROUGH THE POETS

  YET PARADISE WAS NO FIGURE OF SPEECH BUT A FRESH WORLD

  IF ADAM WAS A FISH HE SWAM IF EVE WAS LAND SHE BRED

  THE DEVIL HAS BEEN DRIVEN FROM US INTO MAN WE NOW

  MUST DRIVE IT OUT OF HIM OUR TOOLS ARE MIND WORDS REASON LIGHT

  BLEST DJ BLEST JM YOU ALSO ARE OUR MASTERS FEAR

  NOT RETURN TOMORROW THIS EXPLANATION OVERDUE

  GONE AN AGE MES CHERS WE TREMBLED FOR U

  BUT THIS TIME THE DARK CLOUD SPILT RADIANCE

  MM SAYS GARDENING WEATHER Did you hear

  What They were saying? NO NOR DO WE WANT TO

  BLACK SQUEAKERS QUITE REPULSIVE ENTRE NOUS

  1.1

  I’d like to set each lesson down intact

  If space permitted. This is not an act

  Calling for timeskip and gadabout,

  Like Ephraim. But one benefit of doubt,

  As of credulity, is its tiresomeness.

  Let ours, then, be the first thing I suppress,

  Or try to. Look how the baroque cliché’s

  Foreground manikins—“in dull amaze”

  Reacting to (though one with what they see)

  This view of Naples, that Nativity—

  Have dwindled. How grave doubts we entertain

  In mid-eruption fall asleep again.

  How cloudhead, fulguration, crimson ash

  Are, at a brushstroke, flattened to gouache

  As, night by night, these aching grimy dreads

  Sink into ever softer feather beds.

  There’s no choice, really. Don’t think we decide

  To take in with a single horrified

  Shrug—Good? Evil? is it all the same?—

  Such revelations as our teacher’s name:

  1.2

  BEZELBOB SYLLABLES THAT TO A CHILD SPELL WICKEDNESS

  BUT WE LEFT THE WORK OF CHAOS WHEN WE SHED OUR FEELINGS

  Have you some chronology for this?

  PREHISTORY WE MADE PARABLE & MYTH IN HARD

  BIOLOGICAL TERMS ADAM & EVE ARE IMAGES

  FOR DEVELOPMENTS IN THE VERY NATURE OF MATTER

  A WORLD NEGATIVE & POSITIVE DWELLS IN THE ATOM

  EDEN A STAGE THE EXPULSION THE DRAMA THE MISTAKE

  TO BELIEVE THAT KNOWLEDGE IS EVIL THAT MISTAKE PERSISTS

  There had been once a different kind of matter?

  ONE THAT IS EVEN NOW TESTED BY BIOLOGISTS WILL

  IT YET AGAIN BE LOST IN THEIR OLD CONTEST WITH CHAOS

  FOR NOW THE PHYSICIST IS DRAWN IF UNWITTINGLY TO

  FIRE EXTINCTION THAT ANCIENT GLAMOR & COULD AGAIN

  WRECK THE LAB THE BIOLOGIST SEEKS THE FRUITFUL UNION

  So. You ruled half the world. Cain’s sons. You also

  Represent a force—the negative—

  Within the atom. What’s the corresponding

  Positive, on-the-side-of-order force?

  OUR UNCLE ABEL OUR HUSBANDMAN GOD BIOLOGY

  Abel is God? And Adam was the fish

  His father? Now we are confused. I wish—

  THE WARRING PRINCIPLES PRODUCED WARRING HEIRS SO EVIL

  PREVAILD IN YR AGE IT BEGAN AD 1934

  WITH FERMI URANIUM FISSION WRECKD THE GREENHOUSE ONCE

  500 MILLION YEARS AS YOU KNOW YEARS AGO GOD B

  GAVE US A 2ND CHANCE MAN FROM THE COOLING SEA EMERGED

  & THIS TIME SAT CHASTEND & ATTENTIVE ON HIS THRONE WE

  INVENTED THE SCRIBE WE TOLD HIM THAT ANCIENT HISTORY

  And he wrote Genesis? Oh I mean to say…!

  1.3

  Tell us, are you the Powers described by Ephraim

  In Section P, as “men before mankind”?

  Whose Gothic spelling (now
outgrown) and gruesome

  Manners chilled our blood in Section U?

  YOU WOULD NOT KNOW US AS MEN WE HAVE ONLY A DARK SHAPE

  WE ONCE FLEW WE ONCE SOARD

  Take it easy. Now: who are your really?

  CIRCLE YR CARPET WATCH YR WALLS

  DO YOU IMAGINE YOU CHOSE THAT CARPET THAT WALLPAPER

  Our bats! The gargoyle faces, the umbrella

  Wings—of course, of course that’s how you look!

  A dash of jitters flavors the reply:

  NO WELL PERHAPS JUST A BIT IS IT AN UGLY NOTION

  DJ (immensely affable): Why, no!

  Don’t bats, er, symbolize eternity?

  WE ARE ETERNITY WE ARE 00 BEYOND THE NINE

  THOSE STAGES ARE OUR LAB & YR DEAD FRIENDS OUR WORKERS WHO

  ALAS WILL MISS THE EARTHLY ETERNITY WHEN IT COMES

  When it comes, they won’t be part of it?

  ALL WILL BE USED ALL A GLOW OF PARADISE DO NOT SCORN

  OUR POOR LYRISM THE ATOM IS THE KEY WE TIRE YOU

  One thing. Why don’t Ephraim and our friends

  Hear these talks? Why should they be excluded?

  THEY ARE NOT EXCLUDED BUT WE MUST SPARE THEM THE SAD NEWS

  THAT THEIR ENERGIES WILL ENDOW BEINGS THEY CANNOT BE

  This doesn’t fit, the thought flits in and out,

  With something we were told once…Let it pass.

  JM: Just as the souls of animals

  (Ephraim, Section O) endowed our own?

  & THAT MUST END WE WANT THE STUFF OF MAN PURE TOO MANY

  FRACTIONAL HUMANS ON EARTH THE NEXT RACE WILL BE OF GODS

  We used rather to love our animal natures.

  Now we’ll be phased out, too, because of them?

  NOTHING IS EVER EVER LOST THE WATERFALL WILL HOLD

  YR 2 BRIGHT DROPS & YOU WILL SPLASH INTO THE GREAT CLEAR POOL

  Ah, you’re developing a way with words.

  In fact you sound like—maybe you are Ephraim?

  WE ARE U YOU ARE WE EACH OTHERS DREAM

  But are you good—what we mean by the word?

  What if D put his hand down on the Board now?

            IT WD BE BLEST

  KISSD HE IS OUR PEN WE HURT HIM TO GET HIS ATTENTION

  LIKE THE TEACHER WITH THE RULER & AS GOD B GOT OURS

  DJ: I hate this role. I really only

  Like Ephraim and his crowd. You ask so much

  And I resent it. Is that wrong of me?

 

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