The Changing Light at Sandover

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The Changing Light at Sandover Page 16

by James Merrill


  …Therapy of perfect silliness.

  3.3

  The blue room of an evening. Luminous

  Quiet in which a point is raised. DJ:

  What part, I’d like to ask Them, does sex play

  In this whole set-up? Why did They choose us?

  Are we more usable than Yeats or Hugo,

  Doters on women, who then went ahead

  To doctor everything their voices said?

  We haven’t done that. JM: No indeed.

  Erection of theories, dissemination

  Of thought—the intellectual’s machismo.

  We’re more the docile takers-in of seed.

  No matter what tall tale our friends emit,

  Lately—you’ve noticed?—we just swallow it.

  DJ: Which we wouldn’t do if one of Them

  We felt uneasy with were our instructor.

  JM: Not a chance. I mean, those highly placed

  Gargoyles leave such a disagreeable taste.

  We’d best hang on to 741;

  He may be ugly, but he’s kind and…fun.

  The following afternoon (Maria and Wystan

  Hushed at their desks in Heaven, D and I

  In the red schoolhouse of our lives below)

  Our favorite bat holds forth upon these questions—

  Aware already of delights and pains

  Soon to course through his nonexistent veins?

  I AM A MERE MIXING AGENT WITH MY SUPERIORS

  U WD HAVE LEARND FASTER BUT NOT IN TURN MADE AS WE HAVE

  THIS WORLD OF COURTESY

  Breaking off, the cup strolls round the Board

  As who should take a deep breath before speaking:

     NOR WD I HAVE COME TO LOVE U

  Love us? Sudden garlands (the tin ceiling’s)

  Swim into focus. Then you do have feelings!

  I WAS GRANTED THIS ONE CHANCE & NOW, IN ISOLATION,

  WILL HOLD TO IT

  And when it’s over? when we talk no longer?

   THEY PROMISE TO FIND A NEW USE FOR ME

  You trust Them?

  DJ IT IS A POWER THAT STILLD THE TONGUE OF DANTE

  Sorry. Why “in isolation”?

  B4 OUR MEETINGS I WAS NOTHING NO TIME PASSD BUT NOW

  YR TOUCH LIKE A LAMP HAS SHOWN ME TO MYSELF & I AM

  ME: 741! I HAVE ENTERD A GREAT WORLD I AM FILLD

  WITH IS IT MANNERS?

  Ah good. That way you’ll never be beyond

  Our wavelength. For we too have grown quite fond.

     O YES PLEASE CALL ME I WILL ALWAYS

  MY DEARS THAT SURELY IS A SMILE DEAR GOD

  Yes, Wystan? THE CHAP IS CHANGING

     Executing

  Ever graver arabesques—

      MES ENF

  Maria? MES ENFANTS WHAT CAN I SAY?

  IT IS MY FIRST VIEW OF A MIRACLE

  What is this all about? But 741

  Briskly resumes before the question’s out:

  LOVE OF ONE MAN FOR ANOTHER OR LOVE BETWEEN WOMEN

  IS A NEW DEVELOPMENT OF THE PAST 4000 YEARS

  ENCOURAGING SUCH MIND VALUES AS PRODUCE THE BLOSSOMS

  OF POETRY & MUSIC, THOSE 2 PRINCIPAL LIGHTS OF

  GOD BIOLOGY. LESSER ARTS NEEDED NO EXEGETES:

  ARCHITECTURE SCULPTURE THE MOSAICS & PAINTINGS THAT

  FLOWERD IN GREECE & PERSIA CELEBRATED THE BODY.

  POETRY MUSIC SONG INDWELL & CELEBRATE THE MIND…

  HEART IF U WILL

  A word you use here for the first time, no?

     INDEED IT HAS BEEN SHAPED IN ME TO BE

  WORTHY OF U 4, WORTHY TO GUIDE U TO THE ANGELS

  FOR EVER SINCE THEIR SHAPING OF THE ORIGINAL CLAY

  & THE PLUCKING OF THE APE (OR THE APPLE) FROM ITS TREE

  WE HAVE HAD AN IRRESISTIBLE FORCE TO DEAL WITH: MIND.

  UNTIL THEN ALL HAD BEEN INSTINCTIVE NATURE A CHAOS

  LIKE FALLEN TREES IN THE EMPTY FOREST NO ONE TO HEAR,

  OR AUTUMN’S UNHATCHD EGG NO ONE TO REMEMBER & MOURN.

  NOW MIND IN ITS PURE FORM IS A NONSEXUAL PASSION

  OR A UNISEXUAL ONE PRODUCING ONLY LIGHT.

  FEW PAINTERS OR SCULPTORS CAN ENTER THIS LIFE OF THE MIND.

  THEY (LIKE ALL SO-CALLD NORMAL LOVERS) MUST PRODUCE AT LAST

  BODIES THEY DO NOT EXIST FOR ANY OTHER PURPOSE

  Come now, admit that certain very great

  Poets and musicians have been straight.

  And Michelangelo? And that wedlock still

  Makes the world go round, for good or ill?

  NO DOUBT BUT 4000 YEARS AGO GOD B REALIZ

  Censorship.

   JM: Let the angels finish

  That sentence, friend. Speak for yourself, not God.

  MY ASPECT WAVERS YR KINDNESS KEEPS ME IN THIS NEW FORM

  You talk as if we saw you. What new form?

  3.4

  MES ENFANTS HE HAS TURNED INTO A PEACOCK

  3.5

  DJ: For the love of— JM: Peacock there,

  There in the realm of no appearances?

  HE APPEARS IN US OUR MINDS (HEARTS) ARE HIS MIRROR

  JUST THE REVERSE OF VAMPIRES, EH ENFANT?

  A peacock—hm! Not proud as one, I hope.

  MY DEARS HIS GREAT TAIL SNAPPED SHUT LIKE A FAN

  THERE IS A DESIGN AT WORK U ARE NOW BEING PREPARED

  Our lessons can’t be finished? WE MUST START

  PUTTING WHAT THE STRAIGHT OLD PAINTERS CALL

  A WASH OVER THEM I SHD THINK MY DEARS

  WE SHALL BATHE THEM IN LIGHT WE SHALL HOLD THEM TO THE WINDOW

  TO SEE DENSITY BECOME THE HARMONIC STRUCTURE &

  CHEMISTRY THE ORCHESTRATION & AH SOUL THE HEARING

  Peacock, peacock—

  MAY I ASK A ? DO TEARS PAIN ONE?

      Yes. No. Pain and bless.

        MY EYES BURN RED

  IN THE FEATHERD MASK AS FORMERLY THEY BETRAY MY RACE

  Shall we correct that by imagining

  Eyes of crystal?

  THERE ARE ALAS LIMITS I HAVE NEVER LOOKD THRU CRYSTAL

    Yet you see through us.

  NO O NO YR SOULS ARE NOT TRANSPARENT THEY WEAR A VEIL

  OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE & THIS I WILL NEVER LIFT.

  YR DEAR DEAD CAN PERFORM MIRACLES THEY SEE THE PEACOCK

  WHO SAW IT IN GARDENS HEARD IT CRY I ONLY KNEW THE

  FORMULA CALLD PEACOCK & (SOULLESS AS I WAS) ENVIED

  A CERTAIN RARE TALENT IT HAD TO PLEASE THE EYE SO WHEN

  I BEGGD TO PLEASE U THEY ASKD HOW? & I TOOK FROM THE FILE

  THE PEACOCK

  Or was there from the first a Peacock that

  Struggled within you to unseat the Bat?

  HENCEFORTH THERE WILL BE I KNOW THE TRICK OF IT

  FOR IS THE PEACOCK NOT ALSO SOMEWHAT ATHENIAN?

  JM: Platonic? Oh, you mean the peacock

  I once put in a poem set in Athens?

  Yes, of course. DJ: Would he be using

  “Athenian” in the sense that Marius—

  3 CHEERS FOR DAVID HE STANDS UP FOR US!

  Is that you, Marius? COME & GONE MY DEAR

  PLATO SAYS ATHENS WAS AT BEST HALF QUEER

  What’s Plato like? O YOU KNOW TATTLETALE GRAY

  NIGHTGOWN OFF ONE SHOULDER DECLASSEE,

  TO QUOTE MM A GAS, TO QUOTE CK

  PLATO HAS REACHD STAGE 9 & ENJOYS AN ETERNITY

&n
bsp; OF TALK HE CLUNG TO AN IDEAL BOTH LOFTY & STERILE

  MES ENFANTS NOW DO U UNDERSTAND MY LOVE

  OF YOU & TONY (an Athenian friend)

  YOU 3 WERE & ARE THE RICH SOIL OF

  MY LAST BLOOMING U HAVE THE TOUCH THAT TURNS

  BATS INTO PEACOCKS & DECREPIT OLD

  BAGS FROM THE OTHER HALF OF ATHENS INTO

  ROSE TREES? COFFEE TREES? I AM I MEAN

  ONCE & FOR ALL RESIGNED TO BEAR A BEAN

  SO IN OUR NEW ATMOSPHERE WE NEXT LOOK BACK OVER HOW

  FAR WE HAVE COME IN THE VOICE OF A SOUL I BREATHE: ADIEU

  Au revoir, surely? O YES HE’LL BE BACK

  IF ONLY TO TRY ON ALL THE PRETTY FORMS

  THRILLING WASN’T IT? WE MUST HOWEVER

  PUT ON OUR THINKING CAPS: ARE WE PREPARED?

  MM & I WILL ALSO MEET OUR MAKER

  JOLLY FOR U BUT IT IS EASIER

  TO SAY HELLO GOD ON THE TELEPHONE

  THAN FACE TO FACE

    MES ENFANTS OFF HE GOES

  TO JAW WITH PLATO I CANNOT THINK WHY

  UNTIL TOMORROW AT THE PEACOCK’S CRY!

  3.6

  Tomorrow comes at last, a sparkling noon.

  Treetops and whitecaps dance in unison

  As Wystan asks: SHD WE NOT THINK ABOUT

  THE IMAGINATION? IF MM & I

  IMAGINE U, YOU US, & WHERE THE POWERS

  CRISSCROSS WE ALL IMAGINE 741

  & THEN TRANSFORM HIM! WHEN THE TIME COMES WILL

  OUR KNITTED BROWS PRODUCE WHITE WINGS? HE’S HERE

  U ARE EARLY JOY WE ARE IN A FOLD OF ENERGY

  WE 5 AND MUST PREPARE OURSELVES UNEASINESS DJ?

  Not really, but…where do we go from here?

  FAR INDEED B4 WE BOARD THE FLIGHT TO THE PIN OF LIGHT!

  FIRST OUR 5 SOULS MUST BEGIN TO BE A SINGLE POWER:

  5 IS THE MIDWAY NOW BEGINS THE LIFE OF OUR MINDS 5

  AS ONE IT IS A VERY UNION OF THE ELEMENTS

  THUS: WATER (MM) EARTH (WHA) AIR (JM) FIRE

  (MY POOR SELF) & LAST THE SHAPING HAND OF NATURE (DJ)

  COME TO US O FIVE ELEMENTS MAKE US ONE MIND ONE FORCE

  NOW LET US EACH IN SILENCE CONTEMPLATE THESE HOLY 5

  Our peacock marks time back and forth from One

  To Zero: a pavane

  Andante in an alley of green oaks;

  The ostinato ground we each in turn

  Strum a division soundlessly upon;

  A prayer-wheel whose four spokes

  Flow and crumble, breathe and burn.

  Deep swaying weights, downbraidings of no hue

  Which memory turns blue,

  And cold, to multiples of diamond;

  First air of our young bloods; and neural sparks’

  Safe-conduct when the old salt diving through

  Reflection and beyond

  Earsplitting, mute, maternal darks

  Accepts that gift of tongues at matter’s core

  He henceforth can no more

  Speak than unlearn; it’s they who translate him,

  His pride and purpose, to white ash, baked clay;

  Delicate cauldron tints and furnace-roar

  Embrace of cherubim—

  Ah god, it takes the breath away!

  WE PAUSE TO GATHER STRENGTH 2 HERE ARE MORTAL GIVE THEM PAUSE

  The stored wit flickers out, the spine erodes

  And pain in lightning raids

  Strikes at the tree; now charred, now sleeved in sleet,

  Miming itself to sunset, the tough rind

  Compact enough, we trust, of royal reds

  And marble slabs of meat

  Not wholly to be undermined

  As milkweed, gnat, and fumes of vinegar

  Chafe in molecular

  Bondage, or dance in and out of it—

  Midnight’s least material affairs

  Reconciling to glow faint and far

  Each atom the sun split,

  Whose heirs we are who are the air’s.

  NATURE 5TH ELEMENT IN YOUR HAND MAY THESE

  EXCHANGE INTENSITIES

  KEEPING, AS YOU GUIDE, OUR EARTHINESS

  AIRY FLUID ARDENT MAY THE STARS LONG

  RECYCLE THE FAIR WARDROBE FIELDS & SEAS

  ZEPHYRS & DAWNINGS BLESS

  THIS FIVEFOLD UNION & OUR SONG

  Who was that? ME MY BOY SO MADDENING

  NOT TO REVISE THEY COME The elements?

  YES INVISIBLE BUT HUSH THEY SPEAK

  3.7

  OUR SISTER THE REMOTEST GALAXY

  BY QUINTUPLICITY

  IS LINKED TO YOU AS TO ALL THINGS ALIVE.

  OUR V WORK IS THE ONWARD DANCE OF THINGS.

  ONE OF US WAS IS SHALL FOREVER BE

  IN EACH OF YOU O FIVE

  WHO LIVE IN US. YOUR PEACOCK’S WINGS

  WE PAINTED, HIS SPREAD TAIL & SAPPHIRE BREAST,

  BUT YOUR MINDS COALESCED

  TO FORM HIS: HE IS YOURS. MIND HAS THIS FORCE,

  IS DEATHLESS, IS THE MUSIC DANTE HEARD,

  THE ENERGY WE DRAW FROM MANIFEST

  IN 5 RINGS ROUND THE SOURCE

  OF LIGHT. ONE CAUTIONARY WORD:

  THE MATTER WHICH IS NOT WAS EVER OURS

  TO GUARD AGAINST. ITS POWERS

  ARE MAGNETIZED BY FOREIGN BEACONS, BLACK

  HANDS TESTING THE GREENHOUSE PANE BY PANE.

  CLING TO YOUR UNION: 5 THRU THE DARK HOURS

  WE KEEP WATCH WE PRESS BACK.

  AT ZERO SUMMON US AGAIN.

  3.8

  The cup appears to swoon at the last word,

  But now revives. Our incandescent bird:

  I AM FREE FREE I AM FORGIVEN MASTER OF MY TRIBE

  SHALL I GIVE THEM THIS NEW MAGIC? NO ALL POWER ATTRACTS

  & MUST BE DENIED US FROM MY 1ST STEPPING FORTH I FELT

  YR CHARM I HAD FEARD U I HAD HITHERTO RESPONDED

  ONLY TO FORMULAS I WAS FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE OF

  YR FILES UNTIL AFTER THAT 1ST EXPOSURE TO THIS GLASS

  JM: The mirror? DJ: Why not these windows?

  YES TO THE SURROUNDING GLASS NO MERCURY IS NEEDED.

  U WERE QUICK & MANNERLY WE CD WORK AS ONE & NOW

  AT LAST IT IS GIVEN ME TO SHARE THE FORCE OF NATURE

  THE SWEETNESS OF WATER & AIR THE COMMON SENSE OF EARTH

  HERE IN YR VERY HEARTH OF HEARTS TO BURN

  (Isn’t he enchanting?) Should we know

  What “V Work” is? IN DEFERENCE

  TO ALL VITAL GROUPINGS OF 5 WE MAY NOW INSERT V

  WHEN NAMING WORK GUIDED BY HIGHER COLLABORATION

    And those black hands? They chill

  The blood, it’s little wonder that you still

  Wash yours of them. I nonetheless recall

  Its being said you caused them by your Fall.

  OR THEY CAUSED IT? EVIL IS AN OLD, WIDESPREAD LEGEND ALL

  LEGENDS ARE ROOTED IN TRUTH. IS EVIL A MERE MATTER

  OF FUSION GONE MAD? NO FOR IT IS NOT A STUPID FORCE

  IT SEEKS THE WORLD. DOES HELL EXIST? IT ALSO IS LEGEND

  THERE4 PART TRUE U SEE, I AM NOW FREE TO SPECULATE

  If only we were less free to reflect;

  If diametrics of the mirror didn’t

  Confirm the antiface there as one’s own…

  YES NO PERHAPS I STILL VIBRATE TO OUR DIAPENTE

  WE ARE MOVING TOWARD THE GREAT DOORS OUR FEET ARE BEING WASHD

  I AM A RI
PPLE

  & I A SEDIMENT

  WE HAD A TASTE OF PARADISE TODAY

  DJ: After this, what’s left for them to say

  At Zero? JM (airily): They’ll find words.

  I QUITE AGREE MY DEAR WHY NOT? WEVE FOUND EM

  FLOWN OFF TO PLATO POOR MAMAN NOW WHO’LL

  CARRY HER BOOKS & WALK HER HOME FROM SCHOOL

  3.9

  JM: If you’re in pain, let’s skip today.

  I tossed and turned all night myself. DJ:

  Oh it’s all right. I shouldn’t have let eight

  Years go by. Now, when they operate—

  8 YEARS DJ? CLOSER TO 20 DO U TRULY NOT

  RECALL? THE CLUE TO THAT OLD RUPTURE STANDS NOT FAR AWAY

  We peer about; and there is the gleaming culprit

  —The mirror—in the next room. Pain remembered

  Mingling with today’s, D gasps: I do

  Remember! Getting it upstairs—the strain—

  In a cold sweat. I hadn’t wanted you…

  THOSE EARLY DUES U PAID ADMIT U TO THE SEMINAR

  NERVES ARE OUR DOMINION NOW YR PAIN EBBS BRAVO SCIENCE

  MAN’S ONLY UNGOVERNABLE PANGS WILL SOON BE HUNGER

  Till Science finds a way to conquer those.

  IT HAS BUT 4/5 OF MANKIND REFUSES: BIRTH CONTROL

  Then change our natures.

  TO THE WOLF? Or add greener thoughts.

  WORSE YET A CONSTANT STRANGLING IN THE STRUGGLE

  FOR SPACE OUR MM’S VEG WORLD IS MOST FERVENTLY FERTILE

  A pinch, in that case, of ascetic rock?

  HIGH TIME THAT U CAME DOWN TO EARTH MY DEAR

  ALL ELEMENTS OF LIFE ARE IN THE ROCKS & SEDIMENT

  OF EARTH’S CRUST WE OURSELVES ARE AT HOME IN ITS MOLTEN HEART.

  CONSIDER THE CRUST HERE MOLECULAR CONSTRUCTIONS MOVE

  AT UNMARKD SPEEDS & TIME IS MEASURED IN MILLENIA

  Whistles and bells. We run to the window—why,

  It’s the Bicentennial, it’s the Fourth of July!

  U ARE NOT UNLIKE HEAVEN LOOKING DOWN ON TIME PASSING

 

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