The Changing Light at Sandover

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The Changing Light at Sandover Page 59

by James Merrill

Earsplitting, mute, maternal darks

  Accepts the gift of tongues at matter’s core

  He henceforth can no more

  Speak than unlearn; it’s they who translate him,

  His pride and purpose, to white ash, baked clay,

  Delicate cauldron tints and furnace-roar

  Embrace of cherubim—

  Ah god, it takes the breath away!

  741:

  WE PAUSE TO GATHER STRENGTH 2 HERE ARE MORTAL GIVE THEM PAUSE

  JM:

  The stored wit flickers out, the spine erodes

  And pain in lightning raids

  Strikes at the tree; now charred, now sleeved in sleet,

  Miming itself to sunset, the tough rind

  Compact enough, we trust, of royal reds

  And marble slabs of meat

  Not wholly to be undermined

  As milkweed, gnat, and fumes of vinegar

  Chafe in molecular

  Bondage, or dance in and out of it—

  Midnight’s least material affairs

  Reconciling to glow faint and far

  Each atom the sun split,

  Whose heirs we are who are the air’s.

  W. H. AUDEN:

  NATURE 5TH ELEMENT IN YOUR HAND MAY THESE

  EXCHANGE INTENSITIES,

  KEEPING, AS YOU GUIDE, OUR EARTHINESS,

  AIRY FLUID ARDENT MAY THE STARS LONG

  RECYCLE THE FAIR WARDROBE, FIELDS & SEAS

  ZEPHYRS & DAWNINGS BLESS

  THIS FIVEFOLD UNION & OUR SONG

  DJ:

  Who was that?

  W. H. AUDEN:

  ME MY BOY SO MADDENING

  NOT TO REVISE THEY COME!

  DJ:

  The elements?

  W. H. AUDEN:

  YES INVISIBLE BUT HUSH THEY SPEAK

  THE FIVE ELEMENTS:

  OUR SISTER THE REMOTEST GALAXY

  BY QUINTUPLICITY

  IS LINKED TO YOU AS TO ALL THINGS ALIVE.

  OUR V WORK IS THE ONWARD DANCE OF THINGS.

  ONE OF US WAS IS SHALL FOREVER BE

  IN EACH OF YOU O FIVE

  WHO LIVE IN US. YOUR PEACOCK’S WINGS

  WE PAINTED, HIS SPREAD TAIL & SAPPHIRE BREAST,

  BUT YOUR MINDS COALESCED

  TO FORM HIS: HE IS YOURS. MIND HAS THIS FORCE,

  IS DEATHLESS, IS THE MUSIC DANTE HEARD,

  THE ENERGY WE DRAW FROM MANIFEST

  IN 5 RINGS AROUND THE SOURCE

  OF LIGHT. ONE CAUTIONARY WORD:

  THE MATTER WHICH IS NOT WAS EVER OURS

  TO GUARD AGAINST. ITS POWERS

  ARE MAGNETIZED BY FOREIGN BEACONS. BLACK

  HANDS TESTING THE GREENHOUSE PANE BY PANE.

  CLING TO YOUR UNION: 5 THRU THE DARK HOURS

  WE KEEP WATCH, WE PRESS BACK.

  AT ZERO SUMMON US AGAIN.

  JM:

  The cup appears to swoon at the last word,

  But now revives. Our incandescent bird:

  741:

  I AM FREE FREE I AM FORGIVEN! MASTER OF MY TRIBE,

  FIRST IN OUR HARSH HISTORY TO SHARE THE FORCE OF NATURE,

  THE SWEETNESS OF WATER & AIR, THE COMMON SENSE OF EARTH,

  HERE IN YOUR VERY HEARTH OF HEARTS TO BURN

  JM:

  Isn’t he enchanting? Should we know

  What “V Work” is?

  741:

  IN DEFERENCE

  TO ALL VITAL GROUPINGS OF 5 WE MAY NOW INSERT V

  WHEN NAMING WORK GUIDED BY HIGHER COLLABORATION

  JM:

  And those black hands? They chill

  The blood. It’s little wonder that you still

  Wash yours of them. We nonetheless recall

  It being said you caused them by your Fall.

  741:

  YES NO PERHAPS I STILL VIBRATE TO OUR DIAPENTE

  WE ARE MOVING TOWARD THE GREAT DOORS OUR FEET ARE BEING

  WASHD

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  I AM A RIPPLE

  W. H. AUDEN:

  & I A SEDIMENT

  WE HAD A TASTE OF PARADISE TODAY

  DJ:

  After this, what’s left for them to say

  At Zero?

  JM:

  Don’t you worry. They’ll find words.

  W. H. AUDEN:

  I QUITE AGREE MY DEAR WHY NOT? WE’VE FOUND EM

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  FLOWN OFF TO PLATO POOR MAMAN, NOW WHO’LL

  CARRY HER BOOKS & WALK HER HOME FROM SCHOOL?

  BEAR WITH HER THOUGH SHE BROODS ABOUT THE GREENHOUSE:

  IS IT NATURE’S POWER ALONE THAT RUNS IT

  OR PARTLY POWERS THAT FRIGHTEN US IN MAN?

  DOES NATURE WINK AT AN UNNATURAL PLAN?

  JM:

  My science book says there are traces of

  Plutonium in us?

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  ARE WE TO THAT EXTENT

  “ATOM BOMBS”

  JM:

  Now surely—!

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  IN MY NOT

  SO THRILLING DEATH STRUGGLES I USED TO DREAM

  I WAS WORKING IN A LARGE FASTGROWING WEEDPATCH

  (THIS WAS B4 MY 2ND COBALT TREATMENT

  BUT BY THEN I KNEW) & IN THIS DREAM THE WEEDS

  SHRANK FROM MY HANDS AS FROM MALIGN POWERS.

  & DREAMED BY THE END THAT THE RAYS I HAD UNDERGONE

  WERE CLAIMING THESE POWERS IN ME RECLAIMING THEM

  AS IF I HAD JOINED FORCES WITH THE RAYS

  & WAS (INSTEAD OF SLIPPING COMFORTABLY

  INTO THE VOID) REFUELING A MACHINE

  THAT SQUEAKED & CRACKLED MES ENFANTS LIKE THAT

  FIRST VOICE BEFORE IT GREW INTO A BAT

  JM:

  Maman, don’t say such things!

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  BUT IF THE GREENHOUSE

  IS A SEALED ENVELOPE…

  JM:

  …then none of this

  Should be inside!

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  EXACTLY WHAT I MEAN

  741:

  A A A PLUS DEAR PUPILS TAKE TO HEART MM’S LESSON

  FOR IT IS PERHAPS THE MAIN LESSON OF THIS SEMINAR:

  NO UNNECESSARY DOSES OF OUR STRONG MEDICINE

  JM:

  The tone has darkened suddenly. I strain

  To think. What lesson? What strong medicine?

  741:

  RADIUM COBALT U HAVE NOT YET REALIZED MY FRIENDS

  WHY SHE IS WITH US?

  JM:

  After she died we asked for her—

  741:

  NO: SHE IS ONE OF US

  JM:

  The water,

  Yes, in our elemental union, and—?

  741:

  ONE OF US

  JM:

  What is he saying? I can’t quite—

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  ENFANTS

  JM:

  As light breaks. Horrifying light.

  Whose rays our union absorbs. We’re back

  At Square One. Presence of no color. Black.

  DJ:

  Ah, I could kill them!

  JM:

  Don’t make things harder. It’s

  Not really their fault.

 
DJ:

  So they say—those shits!

  JM:

  Months being carried back and forth from bed

  To godforsaken box of buzzing lead…

  That’s why the plant world’s taking her. She hasn’t

  Any soul left—she’s no longer human!

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  AH COME ON

  DJ:

  She said she’d see us through

  These talks. She had no choice. She knew. She knew.

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  WILL YOU FORGIVE MY SMALL CHARADE? PART TRUE,

  PART THE DESIGN. I SHALL HOWEVER BE

  ALLOWED (NO LITTLE THING) THE ANGEL VOICES.

  THANK GOD FOR GARDENS INCIDENTALLY:

  MY GREEN SHIELD SAVED ENOUGH OF ME FOR U

  JM:

  My face begins to quiver. Oh Maman—

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  POSO AKOMA

  JM:

  (Her last words, “How much more?”)

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  I CROAKED NOT TO POOR LOUROS BUT THE RAYS:

  HOW MUCH MORE WD THEY TAKE FROM ME BEFORE…

  JM:

  This is the point, I later tell DJ,

  When Dante would have fainted dead away.

  But, cloned with minerals, heartsick, eyes red,

  I see no way out but to forge ahead.

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  AH TEARS DEAR DEAR ENFANT THEY COMFORT U

  & MAKE MY OLD BLACK DRESS QUITE CLINGING & SEXY

  DJ:

  Maria used to have a “wet look” raincoat.

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  DO ADMIT THE ELEMENT OF CHIC

  DJ:

  But now, you look like Them?

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  MAIS QUELLE HORREUR

  DJ DO U WANT ME TO FLOUNCE OUT OF HERE?

  JM:

  You said four stars were in your hair—

  Are they still?

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  SHALL WE BE SERIOUS

  JM:

  I am serious!

  MARIA MITSOTÁKI:

  WELL THESE LESSONS THEY

  SEEM TO BE IMPOR O J J J

  THINK: NONE BUT THE FOOL IS PITIABLE THIS

  IS THE RELIEF THE REMEDY THE BLISS

  AT LAST TO LEAVE THAT HUMAN WORLD OF BLIND

  IF CHARMING FOOLS WE LOVED (& WERE) BEHIND

  W. H. AUDEN:

  I TOO MY DEARS MY DEMISE A FORM OF LEAD

  POISONING: I WENT OFF TO MY ROOM

  TIDDLY THAT NIGHT BUT HAD IN MIND TO SCRIBBLE

  A NOTE TO CHESTER, & AS I’D DONE SINCE CHILDHOOD

  SUCKED ON A PENCIL THINKING. NEXT I KNEW

  AN ICY SUN SHONE IN UPON THE DEAD

  WEIGHT OF MY FEATHER QUILT

  DJ:

  But how does lead

  Destroy the soul? Besides, they don’t use lead—

  Graphite in pencils.

  W. H. AUDEN:

  LET THE FACT REMAIN

  (OR FABLE) THAT I SIPPED IT GRAIN BY GRAIN.

  OVER THE YEARS ANYTHING FROM AN X RAY

  TO THE COSMIC RAYS WE’RE ALL EXPOSED TO WD

  RESIDE UNDISSIPATED IN MY BLOOD

  & VITAL ORGANS. I BECAME A WALKING

  NONCONDUCTING LEADEN CASKET THESE

  PARTICULAR DESTRUCTIVE ENERGIES

  HAD FILLED WITH RADIANT WASTE

  DJ:

  Dear God…

  W. H. AUDEN:

  & NO

  BLOND BLUEEYED LATTERDAY BASSANIO

  TO LIFT THE LID. WE MAKE OUR DEATHS MY DEARS

  741:

  NOW WE ADMIT OUR SEMINAR IS THIS STRIPPING PROCESS.

  WE ARE CAUTIOUS, PREPARED AS U ARE FOR IT, NOT TO PUT

  UPON U MORE THAN U CAN BEAR. JM THE STRIPPING IS

  THE POINT YR POEM WILL TAKE UP, MOVING STEP BY STEP THRU

  SEASONLESS & CHARACTERLESS STAGES TO ITS FINAL

  GREAT COLD RINGING OF THE CHIMES SHAPED AS O O O O O

  *

  W. H. AUDEN:

  ON WITH THE WORK! THRILLING FOR U JM

  JM:

  And maddening—it’s all by someone else!

  In your voice, Wystan, or in Mirabell’s.

  I’d wanted, after Ephraim, to return

  To private life, to my own words. Instead,

  Here I go again, a vehicle

  In this cosmic carpool. Mirabell once said

  He taps my word banks. I’d be happier

  If I were tapping them. Or thought I were.

  W. H. AUDEN:

  YR SCRUPLES DEAR BOY ARE INCONSEQUENT

  IF I MAY SAY SO. CAN U STILL BE BENT,

  AFTER OUR COURSE IN HOW TO SEE PAST LONE

  AUTONOMY TO POWERS BEHIND THE THRONE,

  ON DOING YR OWN THING: EACH TEENY BIT

  (PARDON MADAME) MADE PERSONAL AS SHIT?

  GRANTED THAT IN 1ST CHILDHOOD WE WERE NOT

  PRAISED ENOUGH FOR GETTING OFF THE POT

  IT’S TIME TO DO SO NOW. THINK WHAT A MINOR

  PART THE SELF PLAYS IN A WORK OF ART

  COMPARED TO THOSE GREAT GIVENS: THE ROSEBRICK MANOR

  ALL TOPIARY FORMS & METRICAL MOAT

  RIPPLING UNSOUNDED! FROM ANTHOLOGIZED

  PERENNIALS TO HERB GARDEN OF CLICHES,

  FROM LATIN-LABELED HYBRIDS TO THE FAWN

  LETTER FUNGI THAT ENRICH THE LAWN,

  IS NOT ARCADIA TO DWELL AMONG

  GREENWOOD PERSPECTIVES OF THE MOTHER TONGUE,

  ROOTSYSTEMS UNDERFOOT WHILE OVERHEAD

  THE SUN GOD SANG & SHADES OF MEANING SPREAD

  & FAR SNOWCAPPED ABSTRACTIONS GLITTERED NEAR

  OR FAIRLY MELTED INTO ATMOSPHERE?

  AS FOR THE FAMILY ITSELF MY DEAR

  JUST GAPE UP AT THAT CORONETED FRIEZE:

  SWEET WILLIAMS & FATE-FLAVORED EMILIES,

  THE DOUBTING THOMAS & THE DULCET ONE

  (HARDY MY BOY WHO ELSE? & CAMPION)

  MILTON & DRYDEN OUR LONG JOHNS IN SHORT

  IN BED AT PRAYERS AT MUSIC FLUSHED WITH PORT,

  THE DULL THE PRODIGAL THE MEAN THE MAD

  IT WAS THE GREATEST PRIVILEGE TO HAVE HAD

  A BARE LOWCEILINGED MAID’S ROOM AT THE TOP

  DJ:

  Stop! You’ve convinced us. Better yet, don’t stop.

  W. H. AUDEN:

  I SHALL ONCE I HAVE TAKEN UP YR CHIEF

  & EARLIEST ANXIETY: BELIEF.

  FACTS JM WERE ALL U KNEW TO WANT.

  WRETCHED RICKETY RECALCITRANT

  URCHINS, THE FEW WHO LIVE GROW UP TO BE

  IMPS OF THE ANTIMASQUE: RUDE SCENERY

  & GUTTURAL STOMPINGS, WHEN THE SOVEREIGN NODS,

  SOUNDLESSLY DIVIDE & HERE A TABLE

  IS SET & LAMPS LIT FOR THE FEASTING GODS.

  OBERON’S COURT (OR MY FRIEND’S CAVE) APPEARS.

  THE ELDER FACTS IN LIVERY OF FABLE

  HAVE JOINED THE DANCE FOR FACT IS IS IS FABLE:

  THIS IS OUR GIFT FROM MIRABELL MY DEARS

  *

  JM:

  Mirabell’s last lesson: things to do

  In order to get through

  A whole day without drink or nicotine;

  Then how, tomorrow afternoon, to dress

  The mind in slow transparencies of blue,

  Red, yellow, and g
reen;

  Approaching, beyond anxiousness,

  The round white tabletop—in sight of it

  A single candle lit,

  And Nature’s worldwide effigy before

  Our eyes—to think of Water, Earth, Air, Fire,

  And of each other; not a word; submit.

  DJ:

  But the new Visitor?

  His looks and manner and attire?

  JM:

  Wystan’s and Maria’s eyes and ears

  (Who now have none, poor dears)

  Will more than serve, as always. Oh to miss

  Nothing, and render it so vividly!

  DJ:

  And Mirabell?

  JM:

  Twelve last words like dry tears

  Upon the page are kiss

  And promise, threat and jeu d’esprit:

  741:

  I WILL BE THE WOUNDED BLACK HOUND OF HEAVEN AT YR DOOR

  *

  MICHAEL:

  FROM THE WINEDARK SEA OF SPACE THE INCARNATIONS OF LIFE LEADING TO THE LIFE OF MAN BEGAN.

  PLANET AFTER PLANET ROSE IN THE LIGHT, BORE ITS LIFE, AND VANISHED.

  AND YET THE RICH WOMB OF THE SUN FOUND A NEW EGG AND VISITED LIFE UPON IT.

  ORGANIC LIFE RESPONDED THE IMPULSES OF THE UNIVERSE WERE AS STEADY AS THE PULSES OF MAN.

  AND SO IT WAS AND SO IT WILL REMAIN: THE DEEP DEMANDING IMPULSE TO LIFE.

  THE GENIUS OF THE LIVING CELL IS ITS TIE TO THE REGENERATIVE HEAT & LIFE OF THE SUN

  AND SO AS YOU FACE THE SETTING SUN YOU FACE YOUR ANCESTOR, AND THE SUN LOOKS THROUGH YOUR EYES TO THE LIFE BEYOND YOU.

  SINCE THE FIRST STRIKING INTO LIFE OF A CELL THE ENERGY OF THAT CELL ACCUMULATED.

  THIS ACCUMULATED ENERGY BECAME THROUGH EONS AN ANCIENT AND IMMORTAL INTELLIGENCE

  WHICH ASSUMED AS MANY FORMS AS THERE WERE LIFE FORMS, YET AS IT GREW ABSORBED ALL THE DEAD’S ENERGIES,

 

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