Grim
I wake up alone, the bed cold and unwelcoming. From the feel of her pillow, she left me like a fleeing mistress in the middle of the night. And with the sun peeking through the windows, I’ll say at least to mid-morning. “The little shite,” I grumble, throwing the fur off my body in an angry heap.
As angry as I am, I’m proud, too. She is defiant, but I find it to be the best quality. She knows what she wants. And I respect her for that, but if she is alone, she could run into Jackals. I pull on my pants, grab my sword, and toss my fur over my shoulder. I march out of the cabin, slamming the door behind me as I stroll down the hill.
Today is supposed to be the day I surprise her with the cabin in the village instead of the little hut in the forest. Now, I must wait, because I’ll need to get Beast saddled and start a long journey.
The thought has my teeth pressing together so hard; I think I hear one crack. I ignore it, stomping my way through the mud. The murky water splashes onto my calves as I stomp through the large puddles. I pound on Einarr’s door with my fist. I keep pounding without rest until I hear the lock slide and the hinges creak.
A sleepy, narrow-eyed Einarr stares at me, scratching his chest. “What the fuck do you want at this hour, Grim?”
“Sassa is gone. Where is Thyra?”
The sleep in his eyes disappears in a flash. “I don’t know. I put her in the guest quarters before the sun went down.” He opens the door wide, allowing me in, and I avert my eyes when I see his meat just flapping in the wind.
“Good goddess, Einarr. I don’t want to see that.”
He rolls his eyes as he slides on a pair of pants. “Don’t be jealous over what you don’t have,” he jokes.
“Please, my woman is very happy with what I can give her.”
Einarr’s face blushes a bit, and it only makes sense that he has yet to give himself over to a woman. I understand why he will never admit it; I just wish he felt like he could talk to me about it.
“Let’s go get our women,” he says, grabbing his own sword and fur.
“When did Thyra become your woman?”
“She’s mine.” The door slams behind us. “She just doesn’t know it yet.”
“That sounds like a disaster to me.”
“She isn’t as headstrong as your woman, so I doubt it.”
“There is so much more to women than that logic, old friend,” I say as we run to the guest quarters…only to find it empty. I slam my fist against the wall, putting a hole through the new structure. “Son of a bitch!” I shout. “Those two shall be the death of me.”
“We don’t know if Thyra had anything to do with this. I wager Sassa is the ringleader behind all this.”
I want to say he is wrong, but I know he isn’t. Sassa is a little defiant thing, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she did this.
“Grim!” Abram runs down the road again, kicking up dust in his wake. How does he always find me running down the damn road?
“Not now, Abram. I have a wayward wife to find,” I grumble and rub the edge of my temples as a throb in my head starts to form. She is going to have me running after her for the rest of our lives.
It gets me hard just as much as it ticks me off.
“It’s your horse. He is running free in the field with Tipsy, and they are tied together.”
“Oh, she is good,” Einarr comments. He leans against the wall and crosses his arms.
I perk my mouth in frustration and kick the wall, creating another hole equal to the one I made with my fist. “I shall have to chain her to my wrists when I get my hands on her.”
“If you can catch her.” Einarr laughs, and it’s so loud I wonder if he is going to wake the village.
“I know. Come on, help me round up the horses, and we can get on our way. Let’s just hope they are actually tied together. The last thing I need is a horse as big as Beast and have the damn thing not be able to walk a straight line.”
Einarr winces and scratches his chin. “Right… Tipsy is enough work as it is. Let’s go. You owe me one.”
“I owe you for the rest of my life. Let’s just leave it at that because with her in my life, I see myself always dragging your ass out of bed.” I sigh, watching the sun rise over the trees. “Come on. They have a morning’s head start on us. We must get going.”
“I think you’ve finally met your match, Grim.”
His words roll around in my head as we stroll toward the field to see the horses actually tied together. Fucking great. I had to wait until Beast gets his damn rocks off so I can take him, put Tipsy back in the stall, and grab Jasmine, another horse that stays in the stall. She is a bit wilder and isn’t used to being ridden, but we didn’t have another choice.
Another hour passes by before we are able to saddle the horses and get on our way. My blood is boiling at this point. I don’t understand her. I would have gone with her. Why must she always try to do everything on her own? She isn’t alone anymore. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe she thinks she needs to do it alone to prove herself to someone. But who? I’m right here. She doesn’t need to prove anything to me.
“We won’t arrive until after nightfall,” Einarr states. We leave the village behind and take the route we took last time to Leif’s kingdom. It is a trip I didn’t expect to make so soon after everything, but I know it is an important one.
Now, I want to make one thing clear; I never said she couldn’t see her father. I just never want her to travel alone. There’s a difference. So of course, she has to go prove she can and that she doesn’t need me. I never thought for one minute she couldn’t do it without me, but I want her to be able to depend on me now.
I don’t want her to keep acting or feeling like it is herself against the world. She doesn’t have to fight anymore. Or hell, maybe she isn’t fighting anything. Perhaps this is just how she is. I’m worried sick about her. All I can hope is that she is safe. Safe from what lurks in the night that she cannot see.
“We need to be careful. We don’t know what happened to all of Krane’s men. They could be preparing another attack for all I know.”
“They would be fools,” he spits, sitting atop of his horse, proud and strong.
“They would be wise to attack us in the depth of night. We are at our weakest.” The hooves click against the rocks as we are getting farther away from home. At least it isn’t snowing anymore. That’s a good thing, isn’t it? It’s another reason why the ground is so muddy. The snow is finally melting, but the mud, the mud is thick and dangerous. If we aren’t careful, the horses can get stuck in it.
Then we will never get there.
“Grim?” Einarr asks over the croaks of the frogs.
“Yes, Einarr?”
“What’s it like?”
“What’s what like?” My horse swishes his tail, whipping me in the arm. Damn, that stings.
“Loving someone like you love her. I don’t understand it.”
Sometimes I forget that Einarr is a little more emotionally inept than the rest of us. He tries to bond and to comfort. He tries to care, and I think he does, but when it comes to showing it, he is like a lone wolf looking for a pack. He wanders aimlessly through the motions of survival, simply because he doesn’t know how to do anything else.
“Oh, how to explain love,” I reply, staring above to see the stars twinkling and showing off their ethereal beauty. “Your heart is always full and feels like it is about to burst. You’ll do anything for that person. You want to get to know them, care for them, pamper them, keep them safe. You’ll give your own life up if it means they keep theirs. It’s like looking at the stars every day. They are so beautiful, right? You love seeing them, and then the nights that they aren’t there, the world feels empty.”
Einarr nods slowly. “I think I understand where you are going with this. When I see Thyra, I feel like my heart is about to explode, and my cock is hard as nails when I think of her.”
“Well, I don’t need to know that part, but if Thyra i
s what your soul desires, then you must try to get her.”
“Maybe I should steal her from home like you did Sassa.”
“Now then. I didn’t steal. Don’t swoop in and take. That’s not what we do. We are not like Krane.”
“But I want her, Grim.”
“And you must get her properly. I don’t think she will forgive you if you take her from her home. Would you want her to be mad at you for the rest of your life?”
“No!” he shouts with panic.
“Right then. You need to control the desire you feel for her. What of that party she invited us to? We can all go, and you can get to know each other better.”
“I must wait a month?” his voice low and forlorn, carrying off into a wistful dream.
“It will be worth it. I promise. When we get to the castle, you shall be able to see her. Remember that.”
“But then I must leave her. I don’t think love is for me. There is much to it, Grim.”
“Love is the matter of the heart, Einarr. Just follow yours.”
We stay quiet like that for a few hours, traveling along the worn path from South to North. There is still a chill in the air, but not as bad as winter’s. This chill promises warmth in the spring.
“What shall we do if her father dies? Who takes over the castle? Wouldn’t it be Sassa?”
“Aye, Einarr. I suppose we can move our people there. It will be safer, but that is something I must discuss with her. I won’t bring it up right away, though. She deserves to mourn over her father’s death. It won’t be easy.”
“Losing a parent never is,” Einarr says with an even, calm timbre.
Losing my mum hurt, but losing my dad felt like relief. Does that make me a bad person? I keep thinking I need to feel the same as everyone else, but still, all I feel is happiness for killing that bastard, and if I had to do it again, I would. Only this time, I would stab his front so he could see who killed him.
An old oak that has been in the same spot for centuries comes into view, and I let out a relieved sigh. Only another half day to go and I can get my ass off this saddle and spank hers. She knows that this little stunt of hers shall earn her a spot over my knee. A part of me can’t wait, but the other part of me knows I need to be careful.
This is a sensitive time for her, and I don’t want to make it worse. Sassa is the kind of woman that needs her space to think freely and process her thoughts. I can respect that. It is what I love most about her. But after that, after she thinks, I’ll spank.
My hand twitches from the thought of it.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Sassa
I come to a stop in front of the castle and roll my eyes when I see Kai and Achim standing at attention. My father really needs to hire more guards if this is the best he can do.
“Name and reason for requesting an audience with the King?” Achim asks with a straight face.
“Funny. As if you don’t know who I am. Let me through.”
“Kai, Achim. Let the princess through. Remember why she is here. Giving her a hard time now is very inconsiderate.”
I glance over at Thyra, impressed that she finally stuck up to these sticks in the mud. “Thank you, Thyra.”
Kai and Achim finally move out of the way, and I slide off the horse Thyra and I rode in on and walk through the gate. “If my father dies, you two shall be the first to go. Mark my words.” I look to both of them, watching them swallow with nerves. “Not so big and brave now, are you? Just think, I’d have this place overruled with Vikings. Where would your place be?”
Sweat drips from their brows, and I leave them pondering their unknown future.
“That was just mean,” Thyra says to me.
“It was the truth. I can’t stand them. I’m just not in a good mood either,” I explain. “Thank you for bringing me home.”
“Of course I did. I knew you would want to be here. Go to him. I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
“Thank you.” I lean forward and give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She takes the horse down the stone walkway, disappearing through an archway to where the stables are. I stare up at the castle that had been my home for twenty-two years. It’s a stranger now. I know what it promises when I walk in.
Goodbye.
That’s all this castle ever gives me.
I take a deep breath and push the large, wooden doors open. The lobby is just as beautiful as I remember it. A large table sits in the middle, with a winding staircase to its left. The ceilings are high, and when I tilt my head up, I see the part of the roof that caved in, but Father put a window in it so I could see the stars at night.
I run my hand along the wooden rail as I take each stair with shaky movements. I can’t believe I’m here for this reason. I always thought I’d get married on these steps and have a baby here. My father would still be alive and run after his grandchildren but again dreams are only dreams. Life will never be that kind.
My light beige dress drags along the staircase as I take a lamp from the shelf on the wall, letting it guide my path. The flame flickers, setting an intimate glow. It takes me back to the night Grim took my virginity. Well, he didn’t steal it or anything, I gave it to him, but the glow from the lamp even is getting me hot from the memory of it.
Damn, what a man if he does that to me.
Once I take the last step, I glance around to see painted portraits of my mother and my father before I was born. Father never took them down. He never remarried; he never had another love, at least, not from my memory. It doesn’t mean he didn’t bed anyone else, but he never loved again. My mother stole his heart.
I take a shaky breath and push another door open. It leads to another corridor full of steps. My father loves being on the very top floor, away from everyone and everything. I climb the steps holding the material of my dress, so I don’t slip, taking one step after another to my dying father.
The only thing going through my mind right now is Grim. I shouldn’t have left how I did. It is something I need to work on if I don’t want to ruin the relationship I have with my new husband. I wish he was here. Because of my stubborn head, I’m doing something I never wanted to do alone.
I get to another door and push it open, but don’t open it all the way. I knock, letting him know that I am here. “Hello?” I ask, peeking my head through the crack.
“Oh, your Highness, you made it!” Aala runs to me and throws her arms around my neck. Her tears soak my shoulder but for some reason, mine never come.
Perhaps there is a limit of how much one can cry in a lifetime. I’ve cried so much lately that I think I’ve used my tears all up. I’m sad, I’m in shock, but my eyes stay as dry as the desert. “Of course, I made it, Aala. He is my father.”
Her old voice shakes. “I know. I didn’t doubt you wouldn’t come, my lady. I was just hoping he stayed alive long enough to say goodbye.”
“May I see him now?” I ask.
“He is sleeping, but if you like, I can pull a cot for you in here and leave it next to him. So you can be with him.”
“I’d like that very much. Aala?”
“Yes, ma’am?”
“How long has he been sick, and no one thought to tell me?” I sit the lamp down on the counter and fold my hands in front of my dress, staring at my father’s frail, prone body.
“His Majesty has been sick for about two years, ma’am.”
“Two! Two years, and no one thought to tell me. How rude… How rude to keep me in the dark about my father’s own health. I had a right to know!” I whisper harshly.
“Aye, I told him that, Your Highness. But he ordered us not to say anything. He pushed to have you married so you weren’t alone. This is why.”
“He can’t be saved?” My voice chokes. And there are the tears. I’ve been waiting for them.
“No; no medicine can cure what he has, my lady.”
“I can’t believe he didn’t tell me. I don’t know how to feel right now,” I say in a trance.
“I understand, Aala. I just wish he told me. I might have been different toward him.” I take his frail hand in mine and catch a sob in my mouth. How did I not see how weak he was before? His hand is a skeleton. He skin is pale and weak. His veins are large. I must be the worst daughter in the world for not noticing how he has faded over time.
“He didn’t want you to be different toward him, Sassa. He loves how you are. He didn’t want that to change, so he kept it to himself.”
“May I be alone with him?” I ask.
“Certainly, my lady, I’ll go get that cot.”
Aala closes the door behind her, and I take a seat next to my father, never letting go of his hand. His lips are chapped, and his chest is nothing but skin and bone. His breaths come out in sharp wheezes as he struggles to fill his lungs.
“Oh, you’re mad, old man. Why didn’t you tell me?” I stroke the top of his hand, gentle with hardly any pressure so I don’t hurt him. I’m afraid he will disintegrate.
I reach for the salve on the nightstand and put some on my finger to rub against his lips. He groans and stirs but doesn’t wake. Another thought hits me. What if he doesn’t wake up ever again? I’ll never be able to say goodbye.
“I’m sorry for everything, Father. You raised me to be strong and independent, and I thank you for it. But I don’t know what I’ll do without you in the world. Knowing you don’t exist in the world; it shall make life very hard. So, you must not give up. Do you understand? I need you here. I need you here so deeply.” I lay my forehead against his hand and sob quietly.
His hand squeezes mine, and I snap my head up to see old, tired eyes staring back at me. “Father!” I wrap my arms around him, careful not to squeeze too hard. “I’m so happy you are awake.”
“It’s hard to get any sleep with your crying waking up the entire kingdom,” he croaks, rubbing his lips together.
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