“How’s it going? That’s what you want to ask me right now?”
“Well, I don’t really see how asking why you nearly killed me is going to get me anywhere. I came to see how my friend was doing because the last time I saw him, he was a fucking mad man.”
I press my back against a nearby wall and cross my arms. “I shouldn’t have to tell you why I wanted to choke the life out of you. A good friend would know.”
“Right. Or you heard something that pissed you off because it struck a chord.”
Something about his words cut me deeper than intended. I probably fucked up the one friendship I have because I didn’t think straight. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did, but I can’t turn back time.
“She makes you weak,” he says under his breath. “I’ve never seen you so out of sorts. Einarr needs you. We need you to start training again. The fucking Jackals aren’t going to defeat themselves. We still have another half of a wall to build and Abram, Einarr’s son, he is good, Wulf. Real good, and under your guidance, he can be one of our best, but the Warlord—”
“—Can teach him what he needs to know. He is a Warlord for a reason.”
“He can’t teach what is here,” Trident hits his chest. “You know you are worth twenty of the men we have down there.”
“I am going to be there. Warlord gave me the time I requested. She just woke up gasping my name from a nightmare that the Jackals gave her, Trident. She doesn’t remember me, but she remembers this—” I point to my chest “−−the one thing you apparently think is only good for killing people. I’m done with this conversation, Trident. This friendship? It’s over. You don’t know me. The only one who knows me is laying in that bed.” I point beyond the wall to where Lilith is, waiting for me. “I thought you understood. I truly did, but the only thing you care about is the battlefield. I have more to my life now, and I hope you shall too one day. Until then, fuck off.”
For the second time, I give him my back and go back to Lilith. I realize I’m risking everything. She doesn’t understand what I am sacrificing. It isn’t a good thing for me to be away from my duties; it’s bad for my rank. My boots carry me to Lilith and away from Trident, the one person who I thought I’d probably always have at my side. There has been one person who has ever been a constant for me. Who looked past the warrior in me, the made-to-be killer, and accepted me. She knew I’d be good at my job, but she always knew I’d lose myself in it if I wasn’t careful, and when she disappeared, I submerged myself.
The more I killed, the darker I felt, cloaking the misery that ate at me, that fuelled me every day. All that is gone now because she is back here, and she needs me. I won’t abandon her again. I learned my lesson the first time.
The chair creaks from my weight when I sit down. I tilt my head back and blow out all the air in my lungs, staring at the old wooden beams supporting the stone walls of the castle. Life has changed so much. In one split second, my world was normal, and then I blinked, and my past came roaring forward.
“You must get some rest, Wulf,” Leiva says in a soft tone, placing her hand on my shoulder. Her hands are always so damn cold.
“I’ll sleep, eventually. I just want to watch over her.”
“I can do that. It’s my job.”
Lilith turns over again, and the blanket falls down her back. What I see has me on my feet in a split second.
“Goddess,” I whisper, slowly trickling the blanket the rest of the way down until I see her entire back, the one that used to be flawless and golden. Scars everywhere. My fingers reach out, hovering over the thick ridges puckering her skin. “What did they do to you, Lilith?” I ask, mapping every inch of her back with my eyes, my eyes brimming with tears. There isn’t a section of skin that isn’t marred. It’s years of abuse. All those years that she called out for me, all those years she was alone.
And I gave up.
I would have fallen on the floor if the chair didn’t catch me. I grab the edge of the blanket and lift it over her back to cover up the scars.
“You weren’t supposed to see those.”
Her voice is small and barely audible. Lilith doesn’t turn over. She keeps her back to me, but all I want to do is see her beautiful face.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Angel.” I can’t contain the pain ridding in my voice. So much regret is weighing me down; it nearly sends me to my knees.
“There was nothing you could have done.”
“I could have found you, Angel.”
The blankets rustle, and the sound makes me lift my eyes to see hers looking back at me. “You couldn’t have. You searched for five years. I don’t blame you for stopping. I would have thought I was dead, too.”
“I shouldn’t have given up. I should have kept looking. I should—”
“—Stop, Beowulf. Stop.” Lilith lays on her back, defeated. “It doesn’t matter now. I’m here. Safe.”
“I’ll never fail you again,” I swear.
“You’ve never failed me. At least, I don’t feel like you have,” she says, unsure.
Oh, I have, but I can’t keep trying to convince her of that. The only person that needs to know is me, and I know the truth. I let it go, for now, and reach into my satchel, and the gown I bought for Lilith rubs against my fingers. It’s the finest of material. Only the best for my Angel. It’s a beautiful velvet, a bright blue. Materials like that are expensive, but since it has been me, and only me for my entire life, I have been able to save money. I can afford whatever I want within reason.
“I, uh, I brought you something.” I combed the entire village for the most perfect gift, and now I’m too afraid to give it to her. She may not like it. I pull my hand out of the worn leather bag, changing my mind.
“Truly?” she sits up, brighter than the other day. Her skin seems healthier, and her eyes are full of life. She even seems to have gained a little weight now that I have a good look at her. “What is it? I’ve never had a gift before.”
“Silly, Angel. Yes, you have. You just can’t remember.”
Her smile falls, and instantly I’m remorseful. “But you will, eventually. If not, it’s the dawn of a new age.” I dive my hand into my handmade satchel again and grab the gown. It’s light and smooth. When I first saw the long blue material, I imagined Lilith in it, smiling and dancing in the sun like she used to. I imagined her smiling while her blonde hair glittered against the burning star’s shine. The soft velvet hugging her curves and accentuating her breasts. Even though it was just imagined, my heart raced, and my cock hardened, right there in the middle of the village, imagining her in the one-of-a-kind gown.
I knew I had to get it for her.
“Okay,” she whispers. “Beowulf, show me. I’m excited.” Lilith bounces on the bed, her smile bright as a full moon. It’s the first real smile she’s had since she woke up. I can see a small part of the old Lilith in her again.
My mouth twitches, but I hold back my grin. I don’t want to scare her when I finally have her smiling. “I hope you like it.” I swallow my uncertainty and lift my arm, bringing the gown to life. I stand and hold it up so she can get the full view.
But she giggles, covering her mouth with her hand.
“What? You don’t like it? Is it too blue? I thought you’d like it. Your favorite flower was always the blue one in the meadow. You picked bundles of them.” I can’t believe I got it wrong. I was so certainshe would like it.
“It’s the most beautiful gown in the entire world. And I think it looks fabulous on you,” she giggles again, and it lightens my heart. Goddess, it’s the most beautiful sound in the world.
I tilt my head, giving her a small, genuine smile. “On me? No, it’s for you.”
“You sure?”
I look down to see what she is talking about and pull the dress to the side. Bloody hell, I had the damn thing against my own body. My face burns with embarrassment, and I look in every direction I can find, except hers.
“It brought out yo
ur eyes,” she teases, taking the dress from my grasp. I let it go without a second thought. Anything to get that gown away from me.
I want to say something smart back, but I don’t. Instead, I watch as she presses the top of the dress against her chest. Lilith runs her hands down the front of the material again and again, like she can’t get enough of how it feels.
“It will bring out yours,” I say, still glancing around the room, appreciating how clean Leiva keeps the place. It’s great. Truly.
“Beowulf.”
“Hmm?” I tilt my head up to the ceiling. It’s high. I wonder how King Leif built this place.
“It’s beautiful. Thank you. I love it.” Her hand lands on mine, bringing me out of my stupor.
I lock my eyes on our hands, and my skin ignites into a fiery dance. It takes my breath away.
“I’m glad,” I manage to say through a deep swallow.
She stands on the bed, which makes her only a few inches shorter than me. Lilith sways, and her legs begin to shake, unable to hold her weight, and I wrap my arms around her just in time before she collapses.
“What are you doing? Are you trying to get yourself hurt?”
My hand tangles with her hair as I hold her by the back of the head. Her eyes search mine, and I get lost in the golden sea. She leans forward, puffs of her sweet breath tap against my lips and I inhale, drowning in what keeps her alive, feeding my own lungs.
At the last moment, she turns her head, placing her soft lips against the corner of my mouth.
Chapter Seven
Lilith
“You’re in a good mood today,” Leiva grins. It’s her way of prying.
“I feel good today.” I do not admit that I keep thinking about how close my lips were to Beowulf’s yesterday. I was so near that beautiful mouth, but I did not have the courage to get closer. I can’t remember if I’ve ever been kissed, so I didn’t want to make a fool of myself with Beowulf. He seems like the type of man that has plenty of experience with kissing.
I want my first time, all my first times, with him.
“It wouldn’t have anything to do with the pile of flowers next to your bed, would it?”
I bite my bottom lip when I take a look at the wildflowers Beowulf brought me this morning before he had to go train. Apparently, his men were starting to question his loyalty to his people. I never want him to have to choose between me and his home, and I made sure to tell him that when he laid the flowers on my nightstand.
“It may. Can you tell me anything about him?” I ask Leiva as she rubs the light green paste against the cut on my arms. I reach for the flowers and pluck one from the bouquet. Bringing it to my nose, I inhale and smile. The sweet scent causes my eyes to roll back.
“Beowulf? Not much to tell, I’m afraid. I do not know much of him. He stays to himself. Wulf is the best warrior we have. Warlord Einarr and Lord Grimkael depend on him greatly. That much, I know. They need him. Especially with the issues those Jackals are bringing.”
“You don’t know anything about his previous life?” I ask, slumping my shoulders from the lack of information.
“He and Trident were both twenty when they came to my village and saved us. I wasn’t much older, just twenty-two years young. Wulf was always a mystery, always so sad, so lonely. Not even Trident could get through to him.”
“Why was he so sad?” I ask, holding the flower to my chest, heart broken that Beowulf has been sad for so long.
“Sweet girl, don’t you know? You. You were the reason why he was sad. He searched for a few more years until he finally gave in to the grief. It won us wars, gained us land. His brute strength and anger slayed countless enemies. It wasn’t long before Lord Grimkael and Warlord Einarr made Wulf and Trident their generals. Their right-hand men.”
Tears fall down my face from my heart shattering into a thousand pieces. It’s my fault he had to kill men. Countless men. He lost himself, and I can’t even do him the courtesy of remembering anything about him.
“Oh, dear. I’m sorry. I… I didn’t mean to upset you. Beowulf is a good man, Lilith. That I know. He has some dark edges about him, but he is good.”
“Was he ever able to find peace? After all these years of me being gone?” Tears blur my vision as they silently fall to my cheeks. “Any at all?”
“Only recently,” Leiva explains, giving me a half-smile. “I must go get more paste. These cuts are looking better. And then we shall have lunch. I’ll be right back.” She pats my hand and bustles away, shuffling her small frame away until she is down the hall.
“Knock, knock,” a feminine voice calls after she brings her fist to the door a few times.
This woman looks familiar, but I have seen so many people over the last few days, that I can’t remember.
“Come in, please,” I gesture with my hand. One seat is full since the gown Beowulf got me is laying there, just waiting for me to get well enough to put it on. Then there is the bread and animal skins. He keeps bringing gifts. Soon, I’ll have nowhere to put them.
“My name is Lady Thyra. I’m the Warlord’s wife. You are Lilith, yes?” she asks, making sure her dress is tucked in before she sits down.
“Yes, that’s correct.” It makes me nervous that she is here. She has authority almost as high as the Lord’s Lady. Is she going to ask me to leave? I hope not. I have nowhere else to go.
“It’s nice to see you up and talking. I can’t imagine what you must be going through right now. My mother…” Lady Thyra’s lips tremble. “I’m sorry for whatever she did you to you. I swear, I didn’t know.”
“Your mother? Everyone here has been so kind.” I reassure her.
She narrows her eyes and dabs the tears away with a cloth. “Did Sir Wulf not tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“My mother is the Queen of the Jackals. She was here, captured until she recently escaped. I came by here to tell you how sorry I am, and that if you need anything at all, please, I’ll do whatever I can to make sure you feel at home.”
Her mother is the Queen of the Jackals, run! The voice in the back of my head urges me. My fear is on overdrive. Everything in my body is telling me to get out of here. This place can’t be safe if the daughter of the Jackal Queen lives here. She is probably telling her mother everything. This poor village. These poor people! I must tell the Lord.
“Please, I see the mistrust in your eyes. I do not wish for that. My mother abandoned me when I was just a young girl. My father raised me. I had no idea who my mother was, until she came back, pretending the Jackals had captured her all these years. Believe me; I want her dead just as much as you do.”
She isn’t her mother. She isn’t her mother, I tell myself, trying to quiet the panic screaming in my mind to get out of here. It’s not like I could leave anyway. I can’t leave Beowulf. I feel… bound to him. If I leave, I’d only be leaving a piece of myself behind—that’s what I truly believe.
My entire body quakes with fear at the unknown. This woman could be lying to me right now. Who am I to be a good judge of character? I shake my head and cover my mouth with my hands. “Please, go,” I say. “I can’t do this. Please, not right now.”
“Lilith, I’m so sorry,” Lady Thyra sobs. “I truly mean you no harm.”
“Get out! Get out! Get. Out! I do not want your kind around me. Do you hear me? I hate you! I hate all of you. Leave me alone!” I scream at the top of my lungs. My voice echoes through the empty space in the tall room. I sound like I’m losing my mind.
“No, please. I’m nothing like her. This place is safe. We are all family here.” Lady Thyra tries to defend herself and this place. This place that let an evil woman inside. They have no idea who they are up against. They have no idea just what her mother is capable of. I’ll have nightmares for the rest of my life of watching people, my friends, the family I made in those dungeons, die before me because she raised a blade and cut their heads from their bodies.
“Please, go!” I cry. “I do not wi
sh to speak of this. I never want to speak of this or your mother. Go away!”
A stampede of heavy boots pound against the floor in the other room. It’s loud, and every step makes my bed vibrate the closer they get. I’m crying at this point. I just don’t know how to handle what Lady Thyra has to say right now. I’m not well enough. I’m not ready.
“Please,” she reaches for me, but when her fingers touch my wrist, I yank it away.
“Do not touch me. You are of her blood! I want nothing to do with you,” I seethe, tears pouring down my face.
“What is going on here?” Beowulf’s voice booms.
“I simply—” Lady Thyra stutters as she tries to explain herself. I know liars do that.
“She is related to that woman,” I yell. “The woman who killed so many. Don’t come near me.” I reach for Beowulf, and he gathers me in his arms, pulling me close to his chest.
I breathe him in. Safe. I’m safe.
“Lilith, please,” the daughter of the traitor begs.
“Lady Thyra, I think it’s best you go,” Beowulf says in a low tone, running his fingers through my hair. Suddenly, his fingers are gone, and Warlord Einarr has Beowulf slammed against the wall.
“You shall not ever tell my wife what to do. Do I make myself clear?” the Warlord shouts, gripping Beowulf by the neck.
“Lilith has asked Lady Thyra to leave, and she has not. Her presence is upsetting Lilith. I did not mean it maliciously,” Beowulf chokes, grabbing at his Warlord’s hands that are wrapped around his neck. “Warlord, you know I never mean disrespect.”
Warlord Einarr releases his hold and curls his lip, stomping away from a coughing Beowulf, and tucks Lady Thyra against his side.
“Let’s go. This isn’t over.” The large man with a terrifying scar down his face points at me. “We shall talk about this because this shall never happen again. Do I make myself clear?”
“It isn’t her fault she is frightened. You don’t know what she has been through!” Beowulf comes to my defense.
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