“Well, you will just have to use your imagination, because I refuse to tell you any more.”
“My imagination tells me that you were doing something in my cabin that entailed taking your clothes off. There is only a couple of things that would necessitate that. I doubt that you were taking a bath, so that only leaves one option, and I thought you were a lady.”
“I don’t care what you thought I was or am. I am not going to marry you, so what difference does it make?”
“You won’t tell me what really happened, so how can I make a judgment?”
“I don’t need you to judge me,” she insisted. “I do a good enough job judging myself!” A tear involuntarily slipped down her cheek, and she impatiently brushed it aside.
“I take it you regret what happened in my cabin?” he said softly, noting the tear.
“That and so much more,” she choked. “Are you through yet?”
“Why don’t you want to marry me, Eleanor? I am not a cruel man. I have a lot to offer you. I don’t care that you don’t have a fancy name, or money,” Sebastian cried out, changing the subject.
“I don’t know you. How do you expect me to…”
“I will give you time to get to know me. You don’t have to make up your mind right away. Just don’t act like the thought of it scares you so much until you have a chance to get to know me better.”
“I can’t marry you. I won’t marry you. So don’t waste your time trying to convince me to do it.”
“Why can’t you marry me? Why won’t you?” Sebastian reached out and took her hand in his. “Just tell me, so I will know.”
“You are just trying to get revenge against that woman who left you and married someone else. I will not be used like that.”
“Who told you about a woman who left me?” he demanded, squeezing her hand until it almost hurt.
Eleanor pulled her hand free from his grasp. “It’s true, isn’t it?” she accused.
“The woman leaving me is true. But that is not why I want to marry you,” he insisted.
“Now who is not being honest?” she asked, staring him in the eyes with her dark sizzling glare.
“I want to marry you, because I believe you are a beautiful and desirable woman. I think you are brave, and daring, and exciting. You would put spice in my life. It has nothing to do with Annie,” he insisted.
“You’re trying to forget her, by marrying me.”
“You make it easy to forget her,” he said simply.
“Well, it doesn’t make any difference. I am not going to marry you, so find someone else to help you forget Annie.”
Sebastian sat quietly, gazing into Eleanor’s dark smoldering eyes, and watched as they fell to study her hands that were laying in her lap. In a way she was right. He had planned to marry her to forget Annie and get on with his life, considering Annie was getting on with hers, with little regret, it seemed. He did want to get revenge, but only to show her that if he meant so little to her, he would not give her a second thought.
Any woman would be glad to become his wife. The thought stuck in his craw. Except for this beauty. She was refusing him, and he couldn’t understand why, because she acted like she actually liked him. Damn the woman, she was driving him crazy with her insistence that she would never marry him, while making his passion soar every time he looked at her.
She needed him, and she knew it, yet she talked like she didn’t want any part of him. The thought of her in his cabin, with someone, considering she had removed her clothes, infuriated and puzzled him at the same time. She did not appear to be the kind of person who would be cating about, yet what else could he believe, since she refused to explain to him why she was in his cabin in such a manner?
Sebastian let out a slow breath. “I will be honest with you,” he said at last, taking her hand again, and forcing her to look at him. “It is true, when I spoke to your uncle several months ago, I was looking for a wife. At the time I did not really care who she was, as long as she was good looking and had been raised as a lady. I needed to get on with my life, since, as you bluntly put it, the one woman I did choose to marry, threw me over for someone else. I need to settle down and start thinking about the future. I want to have children to teach my business to. I need a woman at my side, rather than just in my bed from time to time. But in a way, things have changed now.
“When I saw you on the dock that first day you crossed my path, I almost wished I had not been so eager to just marry anyone. I felt drawn to you, but you ran off, and there was no way I could discover who you were. Imagine my surprise when you turned out to be the woman I had agreed to marry sight unseen. So if you are refusing me, because you think I am pinning away for Annie, you can put your mind at ease. We need each other, Eleanor. You need someone to take care of you, and I need someone to fulfill my future dreams. I think you are the woman that can do that.”
Eleanor shook her head. “I am not the woman that can do that,” she insisted, lowering her eyes from his. “I am the last woman you would ever want to marry. I am not the lady you think me to be. You should be looking for a true lady, not someone with no name and…and…” She couldn’t continue with out telling him the truth about her situation, and she had promised herself no one would ever discover that secret, no matter what they assumed. She knew he suspected her of doing something illicit in his cabin. And that alone should hold him off. He had practically said as much, but she would not satisfy his curiosity, considering she did not know what happened in his cabin. And she really did not want to know. All she knew was that she was knocked unconscious, and when she woke up, she did not have any clothes on, and Ned apparently had removed them from the room, so she would not try to escape. That had been beyond her control. What she had done with Percy was willing on her part, even if she was somewhat drunk at the time, and therefore what ever Sebastian thought, was near enough the truth to make her guilty.
“Don’t judge yourself so harshly,” Sebastian said a little more sternly than he had intended. “I don’t care about…”
“But I care,” Eleanor broke in. “So it doesn’t matter what you care about. I can never consent to marry you, so please don’t bring the subject up again.”
Sebastian wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her, but he felt it would only alienate her from him, and at least for the moment, she was tolerating his company. He would have to cling to that small bit of hope, he decided.
“Very well, I won’t speak of it again, but that does not mean I am leaving. If nothing else, I plan to at least become your friend.”
“You are already my friend,” Eleanor said softly. “You have been very kind, remaining here and keeping me company. Teddy tells me you are showing him how to sail a sloop, and filling his head with tales about foreign ports. Before we know it, he will want to become a merchant marine,” she laughed.
“Do you realize that is the first time I have heard you laugh? You have a wonderful laugh,” he grinned, looking deeply into her eyes.
Eleanor looked away, feeling suddenly shy. Up until now, he had just been there for her, and she had accepted the fact, but now he had confessed his attraction to her, and his insistence of needing her, and wanting to at least become her friend. This in itself, made her feel unsure of herself all of a sudden. How could they become close friends, without her falling in love with him? She was already looking forward to the times he spent with her at her bedside. He did not have to sit up with her any longer, but the time he had done it, it made her feel safe, and…yes…loved. But she couldn’t allow him to love her, or for her to love him, and this frightened her, because she was not sure how to prevent it.
CHAPTER EIGHT
“You will have to come,” Teddy pleaded, as he sat beside Eleanor on the garden bench. It was nice to be out in the fresh air again, Eleanor thought, as she looked sideways at Teddy, who had grabbed her hand in his insistence. “Percy has invited all of us, including Sebastian, which took a lot of pluck, if you ask me. He is off
to London at the end of the week and besides it will give me an opportunity to get better acquainted with his cousin, Brenda. If you want to know the truth of it, I think it was Brenda’s idea. Percy tells me she is interested in me, and I can’t deny that I am attracted to her as well.”
“What ever happened to your undying love for me?” Eleanor queried, with a teasing smile on her lips.
“Since you keep refusing me, I am forced to look elsewhere, and Brenda is the first woman who has the possibly of turning my head away from you, sweet Eleanor. Say you will marry me, and I shall put her from my mind, forever.”
“Oh, silly Teddy. If you insist, I will come. Anything to distract your mind from constantly proposing to me,” she giggled.
“It will not be that bad. Percy has invited other people as well, though he has met few people since he arrived. I believe that Dutton will be one of the guest, and then some of Brenda’s regulars, that come to her affairs. She is new here as well, so I don’t expect there will be too big of a crowd. It seems now we have been drawn into her circle of friends, I do believe. Nelly needs to attend more private affairs like these, if she is ever going to find someone to suit her. Put her at a ball and she melts into the woodwork, but at a dinner party she will have a better chance of being noticed.”
“All this wife and husband hunting,” Eleanor groaned. “It is beginning to give me a headache.”
“I notice you are still holding Sebastian off. He would suit you perfectly, Eleanor, even if I do say so myself. He is a man of ethics and substance, I do believe. I have enjoyed his company immensely, and wouldn’t mind having him around as part of the family, once the two of you get married.”
“That day will never come,” Eleanor said forcefully. “I have no intentions of marrying him, and if he has put you up to this…”
“No, it is my own true opinion. He has never said a word to me about it, but I see the way he keeps looking at you so longingly. It is beginning to make me feel sorry for the man. What do you have against him, anyway? He seems a nice enough person.”
Eleanor gazed off into the garden that was a riot of blossoms, with it’s perfume being lifted on the breeze to where the two sat. There was nothing she could find lacking in Sebastian. He was handsome, well off, and the perfect gentleman. It had nothing to do with him, she realized, and everything to do with her. He deserved someone better than herself. She had held herself from men of the ton because of the lack of a name or fortune, but now there was so much more to add to that account. It would not be fair to burden him with her plight, no matter how much he insisted he wanted her. Once he discovered the kind of person, she really was, he would lose that wonderful spark in his eyes, every time he looked at her. Even her playact flirting with Ned had led her to disaster. If he found out the deceit she had played to get on his ship, just to snoop about him, he would never speak to her again. Besides, she was a used woman. She would never be a decent wife for anyone. The fearful thought that, if she had not conceived with Percy, she could have conceived with Ned. She had to admit to herself, that it was most likely that Ned had used her in the same way Percy had. That fear alone continued to hold her from ever accepting Sebastian’s offer. “I hold nothing against him,” she whispered at last. “We just don’t suit, is all.”
“You don’t expect me to believe that, do you? You have been acting very strange, ever since you thought Percy had tricked you. You seem to be recovering well enough, but you are not the same sweet girl I remember before the incident in the ocean. That wild abandon in your eye, has disappeared, I believe.”
“We all have to grow up sometime,” Eleanor mumbled. “I realized after that incident with Percy, that one can’t always trust their heart, or the words people tell you. Sebastian may appear a fine person, but neither you or I know anything about him.” Of course that was a lie. She had learned a great deal about him though her conversations with Ned.
“He is being very patient, Eleanor. You can’t hold him off forever and expect him to remain ever hopeful that you will change your mind.”
“The sooner, he gives up, the better off he will be,” Eleanor responded. “When did you say this dinner was taking place?” she changed the subject, as she saw Sebastian approaching them.
“In two days. By that time you should be even stronger than you are today. Except for that occasional cough, you seem to have recovered completely.”
“Yes, I believe I will be just fine, and heaven knows, I don’t want to interfere with your infatuation with Percy’s cousin,” she smiled.
Teddy stood, as Sebastian came to the bench. “She is all your’s,” Teddy said, as he winked at Sebastian. “She has agreed to attend the dinner that Percy and Brenda are throwing. I believe attending an affair like that will be good for her, what do you think?”
Sebastian glanced at Eleanor, and then smiled down at her. “I am sure all of her old friends miss her company,” he replied. Teddy nodded, and turned down the garden path.
“It is a lovely afternoon,” Sebastian said, as he sat down beside her. “I have persuaded your cook to fix up a lunch. I thought we could go for a picnic,” he suggested. He noted a shadow cross over Eleanor’s eyes, and realized he had been presumptuous to assume she would enjoy such an outing. “or perhaps not,” he said in a low voice.
Eleanor’s eyes flew up to his. “Oh, no…it is quite all right. I would love to go on a picnic with you,” she forced a smile.
“I can see it disturbs you in some way,” he insisted.
He was so observant concerning everything about her, she thought. It was a wonder he could not just read her mind all together. However, she was thankful he couldn’t. “Not enough to turn you down,” she told him truthfully.
“What disturbs you about having a picnic?” he asked, taking her hand in his, and rubbing his thumb across it. He had done this many times before, and Eleanor had to try and still her heart every time he did so, because it made it all the harder for her to keep holding him off. He seemed to know the very things that comforted her, and he was so attentive, she was having a hard time keeping her resolve not to allow herself any feelings for him.
“I love picnics,” she told him.
“But apparently you had a bad experience concerning one,” he said intuitively.
“It is not important,” she lied. “When shall we leave?”
“The basket is already in my carriage and my horses are waiting patiently to be off,” he admitted.
“You were so sure I would come.” She looked at him with bright eyes.
“I was so wishing you would come,” he smiled back at her.
“Then I suppose your wish has been granted,” she laughed.
“Not all of my wishes,” he said quietly, “but at least this one.”
“Do not wish for something you can never achieve,” she whispered back.
“I am a very determined man. I do not give up easily,” he warned her.
“And you may have figured out by now, that I am also a very determined woman. I do not give in easily,” but the words stuck in her throat, because she had given in so easily to Percy, she thought chastising herself for her weakness.
The road they took was the exact one that she had traveled down with Percy at the reins, and Eleanor was having a hard time keeping from trembling, at the memory of the whole affair. Sebastian kept glancing over at her worried face, with a frown on his. “If you would rather not go…” he said, reaching over and touching her hand.
“No, no, I am perfectly fine. It has just been a long time since I have been out. I am feeling a little timid. You will just have to put up with my silly mood,” she said, turning her face and looking out at the country side that was passing by as the horses kept up a steady trot.
“I will turn back if you wish,” he offered.
“No. I should get over it. Please continue,” she pleaded, but then took in her breath, as he turned the team down the self same path that Percy had taken.
“I don’t kn
ow the countryside here very well, so I asked Teddy about the best place for a picnic, and Percy happened to be at the club with Teddy, when I asked him, and suggested this place.
Eleanor narrowed her eyes. He did it on purpose, she fumed angrily to herself, knowing Sebastian would bring her here and it would make her feel uncomfortable in his presences. “That was very kind of Percy,” she said, trying to keep her voice from shaking.
“Was it? You don’t seem to like it here. Why are you looking so worried?”
“It is nothing. I was caught in a rain storm here one time, and had to take refuge in that dilapidated barn. It was quite a harrowing experience.”
“Well there is no sign of rain today, so your fears can be put aside. Besides I could pull the top up on the buggy, if it did start to rain, and then bring you safe and sound back to your home.”
“That is a relief,” she breathed.
“Are you sure you still want to do this?” he asked, putting his arm over her shoulder and pulling her closer to him. “We could go to some other place, if you wish.”
“No, this is a beautiful place. I thought so, the last time I was her, had the rain storm not ruined it all.”
“Then we shall pray for continued sunshine,” he smiled, as he drew the buggy up and tied it to the same post that Percy had tied his buggy to, it seemed like an eternity ago.
Sebastian lifted his hand to assist her down from the buggy, and she stepped down, but her foot slipped and she found herself falling into Sebastian’s arms. He steadied her against his strong chest, and remembered how she had felt in his arms when he had carried her to her room on that fateful night she had almost drowned.
“Careful,” he breathed, against her ear, as she clung to him, and though she could have pulled away, and gained her balance again, she continued to cling to him a few minutes longer.
The smell of her hair filled Sebastian’s senses, and it was all he could do to keep from brushing his lips against her cheek. “There,” he gently pushed her from him, which took every fiber of his will power to do. “I think you will survive. Let me help you over here, and I will spread the blanket for you.” He held onto her elbow, and led her to a place, which was a totally different place, from that she had shared with Percy. Instead of the shad tree, he took her to the side of the house, where it cast a shadow against the soft green grass. There he released her, and spread the blanket for her. “Now you sit there, and catch your breath, while I go get the basket,” he told her with a wink.
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