Claire placed her hands on his chest, “I’m not her.”
He wrapped his hands around hers. “I know that.”
“Then why not?”
He took a deep breath, “Because you're more than that. If you disappear from my life, I don’t know what I would do.”
She placed her hand on his cheek, “So, having me in your life, by not having me does what?”
“You are meant to live an extraordinary life. I can’t give that to you.”
“You can give me more than that.”
“What’s more than an extraordinary life?”
“Love.” When she said it, she seemed unsure at first, but held his eyes.
His eyes danced from her eyes to her lips, “Love?”
She let out a small laugh, “I know we’re getting to know each other, but I know you feel what I feel.”
“I...” He hesitated.
“You what?”
His thumb found her bottom lip again, “I want to kiss you.”
Claire’s chest rose and fell, “I want you to kiss me.”
In one quick moment, he leaned down, and pressed his lips to hers. This was the most vulnerable he had ever been. Their kiss was slow, like a dance. His hands found their way into her hair as he pulled Claire up against him. He could feel his erection growing against her stomach. Their kiss became frantic as he led her backward; Claire’s butt bumping the table. He picked her up, sitting her on the surface, making his way between her legs. His hands rested on her thighs, her arms wrapped around his neck. Their lips stayed locked the entire time. He wanted her, all of her. But he pulled away.
“What?” She whispered, looking into his eyes.
He ran his hands through his hair, stepping backwards, “We can’t do this.”
“What’s wrong?”
“We can’t be together.”
“Why?” She asked with offense in her voice.
“Claire, your world is going to come down around you if we keep doing this.”
She hopped up off of the table, taking slow steps toward him, “Then let it fall. I don’t care anymore.”
He reached up placing his hand on her cheek, “You might not care right now, but I do. I care about your happiness.”
She pulled away from his touch, “You don’t get to make the choice for me. Remember? I do.”
He knew he had lost, she was right, and she had a power over him that he couldn’t deny.
She continued, “You said my world will come down, but you didn’t mention yours? Are you not worried about what happens to you?”
He took her hand, pulling her against him again, “My world has hair that smells of honey, and clear blue eyes. I’m very worried about my world.”
She blushed, reaching up, wrapping her arms around his neck, “Kiss me.”
This time he reached down, pressing his lips to her with a deep kiss; a kiss that only the corners of a heart can see. He was losing himself slowly wrapped in her arms, and he was going willingly.
He pulled back, looking down at her, “You’ve captured my heart, Claire Cunningham. I hope you know what you’re doing.”
She smiled up at him, “I do.” She placed a small peck on his lips. “I do have to go though.” She winced.
He laughed, “You make me admit my feelings, and then leave.”
She giggled, “It’s not that, I have to be home for dinner with my parents, and I only told them I was running to the store. Will you walk me to my car?”
“Of course.” He took her hand, leading her toward the door. He was still wary about their obstacles, and he wasn’t sure if this was the beginning of the end.
Chapter Twelve
Claire
As Claire drove away from Clay’s driveway, she touched her lips, breaking into a blissful smile. He was nothing like she thought he would be. He was different from anyone in her current life, and to her that was a good thing. She wanted to give herself to him, which surprised her. She and Jason had been together for so long, and she never once thought of giving herself away to him. They did other physical things, but never more than that. She always justified that she was waiting until they got married, which made sense in her mind. Now that she had this urge with Clay, she realized maybe she never really loved Jason, not in the way a person is supposed to love their partner.
She pulled into her driveway, wondering what her parents were making for dinner. She got out of the car, and let the door shut behind her.
“Claire.” Jason's deep voice appeared on the other side of the hedge.
She swallowed, and kept walking away. He grabbed her arm tightly, “Don’t walk away from me.” He snapped. “Where have you been?”
“You’re hurting me.” She winced, twisting her arm out of his grasp. “Where I've been is not of your concern.”
“You were gone until dark yesterday, and today you didn’t come to lunch with your parents.”
“I didn’t want to talk to you.”
“Well, you’re going to talk to me now.”
She laughed, “Oh am I?”
“Jenny and I are done.”
“And I’m supposed to believe that? I’ll ask her when I talk to her.”
“I told you that you shouldn’t hang out with her, your friendship is over, why make it worse?”
Claire covered her face, not believing what she was hearing, “I’m not allowed to hang out with her, but you’re allowed to stick your dick in her?”
“I said I ended it.”
She dropped her hand, staring at him, “You ended us too, but I think we were already over before you even started.”
“What do you mean? I love you.”
She sighed, “I don’t love you. Not in the way you should be loved.”
“This isn’t you, Claire.”
“This is me, finally,” She said, turning for the front door.
Claire’s parents started to walk out of the front door. Her Mom smiled, “There you two are. Are you ready for dinner?”
Claire stopped, “Dinner?”
“At the Matthews’. Meredith told me she spoke with you yesterday in town when you were picking up lunch.” Her Mom said, as her parents started to walk toward Jason’s house.
Claire’s stomach dropped. Jason leaned close to her ear, “This conversation isn’t over. Now let’s go.” He said through his teeth.
She looked over at him with daggers in her eyes from the way he spoke to her. She was no one's possession to demand what she did or didn’t do. Not anymore. She did follow her parents, because currently there was no way out of this, without an implosion of both their families.
Jason tried to take her hand when they walked into his house. She yanked her hand away and walked straight into the kitchen. Claire smiled at Meredith, “Do you need any help?” She stood in the middle of their open kitchen; Claire wanted to do anything other than be alone with Jason.
“Sure, Dear.” She handed Claire a bowl of salad. “You can take this to the table.”
She walked the salad into the dining room, where her father and Jason’s had already opened the whiskey. Claire rolled her eyes, setting the bowl in the middle of the table.
“Jason, would you like a drink? You’re old enough now.” Claire’s father asked.
She suddenly felt a frog form in her throat. The last thing she needed was Jason buzzed.
“That sounds good.” Jason said, walking over to their fathers. Their mothers were in the kitchen finishing preparing dinner. No one was paying attention to her, so she slipped out of the dining room and into the hallway bathroom.
She shut the door behind her, taking a deep breath, looking in the mirror. Every time Jason had been drunk recently he’d been irrational. Flashbacks of the night he left her came back. She closed her eyes tight, and then placed her hand on her chest, trying to calm her beating heart.
A knock on the door made her hold her breath. “Honey, are you ok? Dinner is ready.” Her Mom’s muffled voice said from the other side of
the door.
She relaxed, “I’ll be right out.” She turned the water on, pretending to wash her hands, and then walked out of the bathroom. Everyone was seated at the long wooden table. Their father’s were lost in conversation. Jason’s eyes followed Claire as she walked to her seat across from him. She didn’t dare look up, she knew she would find his angry eyes locked in on her. Everyone started to eat when she took her seat. She picked up the mashed potatoes, spooning them onto her plate.
“How was your lunch yesterday?” Jason’s Mom addressed her. “Did you get the cob salad? That’s my favorite dish they make.”
Claire smiled, “It was good.”
“I thought it was the funniest thing to run into Claire. I swear this town is so small.” Meredith took a sip of water. “Who was it that you said you had lunch with? I tried to remember when Jason asked me, but I forgot.”
Her eyes finally found Jason’s, “Logan.”
“Do you know him, Jason?” His Mom asked.
“I do.” Jason looked at his Mom, then back to Claire. “It’s funny you had lunch with Logan, because I ran into him yesterday.”
Claire had put a bite of potatoes in her mouth that now froze just before she swallowed. “Where did you see him at?”
“The gas station. He didn’t mention anything about seeing you, and it’s funny because it was around lunch time.”
She glared back at him, “It was a last minute lunch date.”
Jason picked up his whiskey taking a sip. He decided to not respond, and their parents fell back into conversation. She didn’t want to sit through this dinner any longer. Her heart was starting to beat faster again, “I don’t feel very well, I think I’m going to go home.” Claire blurted out, standing from her chair.
Her Mom caught her arm, “Are you ok?”
“I think it’s cramps.”
“You aren’t pregnant are you?” Meredith asked. “I noticed you ran to the bathroom earlier.”
Claire's eyes went wide, “What?”
“You sometimes get cramping when you first become pregnant.”
Claire turned seven shades of red, “No, I’m not pregnant. Trust me.”
“Don’t embarrass her.” Claire’s Mom laughed, and looked at Claire. “We’re just really excited about grandchildren.”
“I can’t have this conversation.” Claire rushed out of the room, and made her way to the front door.
“I’ll go check on her.” Jason said, from the other room.
She swung open the front door, and was down the steps by the time Jason made it to the door. “Claire, wait.”
“No.” She said firmly, storming her way toward her house.
He ran up to her stopping her from walking up her steps. “Stop.”
“What, Jason?” She snapped. “What more could you possibly have to say?”
“Claire, we’ve been together forever, you at least owe me a conversation.”
“I don’t owe you anything. Just let me breath. I haven’t even seen Jenny yet, and I need time to process everything.”
“Just answer me one thing.”
“What?”
“Where have you been disappearing to?”
Claire took a step toward him, “That’s none of your business.” She pushed passed him, and walked up the steps, she stopped on the top one. “Why haven’t you told anyone that we’ve broken up yet?”
He stared up at her, “Because I don’t want to lose you.”
She smirked sarcastically, “I think it’s because you’re afraid if they find out that I’ll tell them about how you acted last Friday, or that you’ve been sleeping with Jenny.”
“Our problems should stay between us.”
She laughed, “You mean the problems that you caused? What do you expect I do, Jason?”
“You said you don’t love me anymore, but I think that is your defense.”
She looked down at the broken boy in front of her that she has known since she was still playing with dolls. Did she owe him more than a quick goodbye? Was she strong enough for that? She wasn’t sure, but just because she started to fall for someone else, didn’t mean she stopped caring about Jason.
“I’m going inside. Goodnight.” Claire said softly, and turned to walk through the door. When she got to her room, all she wanted to do was talk to her best friend. Claire stared at a picture of her and Jenny from two summers ago that was sitting on her nightstand. She wanted to tell Jenny all about Clay, but she couldn’t.
Claire’s bedroom door opened, making her jump. Jason walked into her room, closing the door behind him.
“How’d you get in here?” She panicked.
He held up a key, “Spare key. It’s like you forgot that I’ve been sneaking into your room for years.”
“Oh right.”
“I wasn’t done talking to you.”
“I was.”
He sat down next to her, “Can we make a deal?”
She looked at him warily, “A deal?”
“We’re being honored at the Country Club’s Summer Ball. Stay with me until then. After that if you still want to leave me, I’ll let you go. It’ll kill your Mom if we separate before summer is over. It’ll be all anyone talks about.”
Claire sighed as she thought about the domino effect of them publicly separating would cause. She didn’t want to hurt her Mom. Claire might not care about what the town says, but her parents surely did. She also cared about Jason’s parents, and she didn’t want to hurt them either.
She turned to face Jason, “Publically I’ll pretend to still be with you, but in private we aren’t together. We’re free to do whatever we want.”
“What are you saying?”
“I want to be free of your hold on me. That’s the deal I’m making.”
“You want to be free to see other people?”
“Yes. Go be with Jenny if you want.”
“And what will you do? Have you met someone?”
She gave him a flat smile, “I’ll do whatever I want. It’s my summer.”
“Claire, I do love you.”
“You think you love me. You wouldn’t have done what you did if you truly loved me.”
He stood, “You’re making this hard.”
“Not harder than you already made it.”
“So, the deal is we stay together until the Summer Ball, and decide what to do after that?”
Claire stood, “And our private lives are exactly that, private. Don’t ask me to tell you anything.”
He pulled Claire against his chest; she hesitated before wrapping her arms around his middle. They stood in silence for a few minutes, as if they were slowly saying goodbye to what they had. Even though Jason had agreed to her terms, she didn’t for a second believe he was going to let go of her this easily, but it was a step in the direction of her being free of the life she had known.
She looked up at him, “I want us to be happy. If Jenny makes you happy, then go to her.”
“You’re giving me permission to cheat on you, you realize that?”
“Not really. We’re already broken.”
He kissed her forehead, “I’ll fix this, Claire.”
Don’t. She said to herself, closing her eyes tight.
Chapter Thirteen
Clay
The taste of Claire’s lips still lingered on Clay’s Monday morning. The lull of the normal busy work day kept him distracted enough. He had Brett help him at a house that was getting renovated. Clay didn’t really need that much help, but he knew Brett needed the work. The last touch on the couple’s house was a brand new deck for entertaining which they hired Clay for. The town they lived in was small, but the people who lived there sure knew how to spend money. It wasn’t Clay’s position to have an opinion on people’s spending habits. They kept him and his father in business after all.
Clay drove him and Brett into town once they were finished for the day. He had to deposit checks that people had dropped off over the weekend. The sun was at its gold
en stage, and people were starting to get off work causing the streets to be busy. He parked the truck in front of the Shake Shop which was a short walk down from the bank.
“How much are you paying me today?” Brett asked Clay as they got out of the truck.
Clay laughed, “How much do you think you were worth?”
“I mean if you’re asking me a million bucks.” Brett rubbed his chest.
“I was thinking a little less than that.”
Brett shrugged as they walked toward the bank, “Ok, I’ll take half.”
“I’ll give you half of nothing if you keep at it.” Clay ran the checks through his left hand. “You have that interview this week. You’ll get it.”
“Yeah. Hope so.”
After depositing the checks, Clay and Brett walked back toward the Shake Shop. They didn’t break for lunch while working on the deck, and a burger and shake were calling their names.
“Gloria wants to have you over for drinks soon. She wanted to invite Nat too, but I told her that you were for sure over. She’s trying to get you to work it out.”
“Nat and I are over.”
“I know.” Brett pulled the door open, but stopped in front of it. “Isn’t that your girl?” He nodded down the street.
Clay looked where he gestured; sure enough, Claire was walking across the street. It was as if she had a gravitational pull toward her. He wasn’t sure if he should approach her, or where she was going. Then she spotted him. She stopped mid step, and a warm smile appeared on her face.
“I’ll be right back.” He told Brett.
They met halfway to each other. “Fancy running into you.” Claire said, still smiling with her eyes.
“I just deposited some checks. Me and Brett were about to go get a bite to eat.”
Claire looked behind him at Brett who she waved too. “I’d like to meet your friends sometime.”
“It’s just Brett, but I’ll introduce you formally when he smells better. He worked with me all day”
She laughed, “You’re so considerate.”
“I try.” He smiled. “I wanted to ask you something.”
“Ask away.”
“Can I take you out this week?”
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