We are moving, the clouds are moving, the earth is moving, everything is moving. There are faces around me, all moving.
I can’t fall asleep. To fall asleep is to die. The voices tell me this, over and over again. They talk and talk. They never stop. They talk to keep me awake. The voices are kind, but they hurt. It hurts to stay awake.
The hands keep me awake. The hands and the voices. Their touch is gentle, but it hurts because it keeps me awake. The hands keep my head upright. Hands on my face. Opening my eyes. A voice right in my face. Talking. I can’t see for all the light around me.
“Dude. Come on. Come on!”
“Don’t shake her like that! Jesus.”
“Hey. Feel how cold this water is? Remember that time when Ty stuffed your locker with toilet paper and you pushed him into the pool? It was so…”
Talking and talking.
It helps, a bit. I laugh at some stage. I am still awake.
It is so hot and everything is moving and I’m so tired.
The voices belong to faces that blur and swirl all around me. Fading in and out. I do not know where I am. Perhaps this is a dream.
I’m confused and helpless and afraid. I remember this feeling.
One voice. Different from the others.
This voice does not make me feel safe. This voice is pain and betrayal.
Help me.
“Don’t leave me alone with her!”
I’m afraid of her.
“Please!”
Swirling sick and hot and tired. Pain behind my eyes. Pain in my skull. A hammer. A drill.
“Gunn. Gunn! Please. Where are you? I’m hurting. Where are you why did you leave me please come back. Help me. Help me!”
A hand on my face.
“I’m here. I’m here. I’ll never leave you again.”
“I’m so scared why did you leave me there’s nobody who can help me everybody left me everything is hurting.”
“I’m here. I didn’t go anywhere. I’m here.”
“All those nights I cried for you. All those nights I prayed and prayed. You never came back. You left me alone with her. Why did you leave me? Why did…”
“Sweetheart I’m so sorry. I didn’t know. Oh God I’m so sorry.”
His voice. His hands. He’s here.
This time.
He came.
“I swear to God I will never forgive you for what you did. To her and to me. It’s the worst kind of betrayal and I hate you for it.”
The light swirling. Everything spinning. I feel so sick. The pain in my skull like a drill. I have to close my eyes. I have to lie down. Everything hurts.
“Please. I can’t take any more.”
Hands on my face.
“No. Don’t close your eyes. Stay with me. Stay with me now, sweetheart.”
“I can’t I can’t it’s too much it hurts.”
“Drink some water. It will help. I promise you.”
I open my mouth. It’s cool and it’s good.
A brief respite.
And then the agony starts again, worse this time.
There are no voices now. No touch. No swirls of color. No sweaty heat.
There is just pain.
An agony I can’t—–
Pain.
*
Light and dark. Pain and dreams and endless movement.
Snatches of sleep.
Not enough. Not enough please
I can’t get up don’t make me get up
The pain in my skull a living nightmare.
We’re moving, we’re awake. You can do this.
Good girl. So brave. Stay with me.
Movement sickness movement swirling swirling swirling
Can’t close my eyes. Can’t open them. I have to
Movement and pain.
A tar road.
A town.
So many people.
Fires fires all the fires burning burning burning oh my God I can’t take it it’s too much help me help me help me
For God’s sake get her out of here.
Help me. Help me!
Agony.
Chapter 22
The Resting State is when a Juvenile is at her most vulnerable. During this stage the doorways between the different planes of existence remain completely closed so that the fragile human body can recharge and heal from the extreme exertions demanded by the use of magic.
One unfortunate consequence of this obligatory period of rest is that the body may be severed from the soul, which during such times resides on a higher plane of existence. This, however, will only happen should the body be moved from its original location on the physical plane, which is why the body of a Juvenile who finds herself in this state may not be shifted by as much as an inch.
From Elements of Knowledge: An Instruction into Selected Wisdoms of the Black Clan (1823);
translated from the original French by Genevieve Bernard (2006)
“Jess. It’s time. I’m sorry, but you need to wake up now.”
I’m being shaken awake. Gently at first, and then more urgently.
“Come on now. We need to go.”
I open my eyes. They feel dry and scratchy, the light like a knife stabbing my eyeballs.
“Here. Drink this.”
Gunn hands me a bottle. I squint against the bright light as I take it from him. But my hand is shaking and I can’t seem to close my fingers. The bottle drops to the floor with a loud splash.
Gunn picks it up, puts his hand around mine, guides the bottle to my mouth. The water is sweet and cool and manages to clear some of the fog around my head. I try to sit up but my muscles won’t obey. The effort causes my entire body to start shivering.
“Don’t try to move. Save your strength.”
“Okay.”
Just saying the word makes my head spin. The whole world is spinning. So many colors. Round and round. The spinning makes me sick to my stomach. I have to swallow hard to keep the liquid down.
“Don’t try to talk. Don’t move. You’re not out of the woods yet. But we can’t let you rest any longer. Don’t use your energy on anything apart from staying awake. Blink if you can hear me.”
I blink once, slowly. The temptation to close my eyes and drift away is almost more than I can bear.
“Right. We’ll keep to this system. One blink means yes. Two means no. Don’t try to do anything else. Your only job now is staying awake.”
He looks up, talks to someone outside my narrow field of vision. It’s too difficult to follow what he’s saying, so I just lie here, trying to find my bearings.
I’m in some kind of room. Gunn is talking to someone. It’s Daniel. I recognize his voice, even if the words don’t make any real sense. I’m lying on a bed. Someone is holding my hand.
I turn my head, the slightest of movements.
The room lurches.
Ingrid is lying next to me, her right hand clasped around my left. Her touch anchors me; a lifeline to this world.
She smiles at me, but I don’t smile back. I’m not fooled by the smile either. Something is very wrong. She looks about a hundred years old: her face is gray with exhaustion, her eyes rheumy and bloodshot, her lips cracked, her skin like parchment.
“How’s the pain, little one? Are you feeling any better?”
I think about her question, then blink once.
Yes. I’m feeling better. I might not be able to move or speak, but the throbbing agony in my head has lessened to a dull, pressing ache. Which doesn’t mean that I’m not still in pain. My muscles are hurting really badly. My stomach too. My face, my teeth, my hair—everything. But the pain is something separate from me. Yesterday there was nothing beyond the pain.
Was it yesterday? I have no idea. A week could have passed. A month.
The light burns my eyes, so I keep them half-closed. Oh God, I need to sleep.
Gunn leans over the bed and lifts me gently into his arms. It hurts. Every step he takes shocks a world of agony through my unbe
arably sensitized body and I whimper, unable to help myself.
“Shh,” he says. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Everything is going to be alright.”
But I know this man. For the first time, I realize I’m not that far from dying.
The thought makes me unbearably sad. How terrible, to die like this. Without even really knowing what I am.
What I could have been.
I’m strapped into the backseat of a car. I slump over immediately, unable to remain upright.
The pain is excruciating.
Blackness.
When I wake my head is resting on Ingrid’s lap. She is talking to me while she strokes my hair, lightly. My mom always used to stroke my hair like this to help me fall asleep, but Ingrid’s strokes keep me awake now, the action just too much for my over-sensitized body to handle.
Ingrid tells me stories about my mother, her voice low and full of love. She tells me what my mom was like as a baby. A little girl. A teenager. Ingrid never talks about my mother, so these stories are precious to me. I hold on to her words, I hold…
Light and dark.
Sun outside the window. Clouds. Stars.
Hours pass, or days. There are short moments of rest.
Another room. Another bed. Another car.
I’m trapped in a nightmare that’s not a nightmare.
Ingrid never lets go of my hand.
*
It’s the cold that wakes me up. Seeping through the floor, through the air, into my bones, my body.
“We should wake her up.”
“No. Let her sleep.”
“If this is the end, she’ll want to be awake to face it.”
“She’s suffered enough. Leave her be.”
I open my eyes. The movement doesn’t cause me any pain. I’m lying on the floor in a small dark room. It’s really cold. There are boxes stacked on the floor, a wall of stainless-steel drawers. I move my head. The room spins, but not too badly.
Gunn is sitting next to me. His face is a greenish-white color and he’s clutching his stomach. Under his hands, I glimpse a dark pool of blood.
Daniel is standing against the door with a gun in his hand. His shoulders are slumped, his face pinched.
“What happened?”
They both look up when I speak, surprised.
Daniel comes over and crouches next to me. “I’m glad you’re awake. I couldn’t have left you sleeping. It just didn’t feel right.” There’s an unfamiliar darkness in his brown eyes, a woundedness.
Something is horribly wrong.
“They’re coming?” My voice is softer than a whisper. But he hears.
“Yes. I’m sorry. Things aren’t looking too good.”
“What happened?”
“Your Skykeepers did really well. We would never have lasted this long without them. It was a good idea to bind them to you; their magic was stronger than anyone expected.”
He tries to smile, but only manages to pull his face into a terrible grimace. “The White Lady had the numbers, unfortunately. The others tried to distract her; we sent people in all directions. But she had it all planned out: a big, coordinated effort. They were everywhere.”
He puts down the gun. Rubs a hand over his face.
“We hoped they wouldn’t have people this far off-route, but anyway, we didn’t have much of a choice. We had to stop for gas, so we came here. They were waiting: a dozen experienced Skyguards against our four. I couldn’t really make out too much of what happened; in the end the battle was mind against mind. But they gave it everything they had. I promise you that.” His eyes well up with tears.
“They’re dead?”
A slight nod.
“Your parents? Ingrid?”
“We had to leave Ingrid in the truck outside. She’s in really bad shape. My mom was in the car with the Skykeepers; she drove while they bonded together. I don’t know if she’s alive or dead.” His voice breaks. “My dad went to get help three days ago. As soon as we reached the first town, he stole a car and went for it. He never pledged to White, so we thought he couldn’t be traced.” A defeated shrug. “We never heard back from him.”
I try to process this, but my brain simply won’t take it in. After a while I turn my head. “Gunn?”
He looks down at the spreading stain across his stomach. “The moment they broke our Skykeepers’ magic, they brought out the guns.”
“Gunn is the reason we’re still alive,” Daniel says. “He shot open a path so I could carry you in here. Bought us a few minutes, at least.”
“We can’t run?”
“The whole place is surrounded. We locked ourselves in the convenience store’s supply fridge and they haven’t been able to penetrate the steel door yet. But obviously we can’t stay here forever.”
“What now?”
“Well, since I’m the only one in this room who can still move, I’ll do my best with the weapons I’ve got.” He picks up the gun and waves it around, a defeated little movement. “But it’s not looking good. The Skykeepers outside aren’t taking prisoners. They’re here to kill you. The rest of us are basically collateral damage.”
A dull thud against the door.
Voices outside. Shots fired. Shouting.
I turn my attention inwards, try to find some shred of power. But closing my eyes only pulls me closer and closer to sleep. Dear God. It would be so easy to rest now. To let myself sink into oblivion.
No.
I open my eyes.
This is the only life I’ve got, and I’m not going to miss a moment of it.
Shots fired. Again and again. Another thud against the door.
Then a voice. High and female. “Dani! It’s me, open up!”
Daniel’s eyes immediately fill with involuntary tears. He blinks them away as he runs for the door. “Mama?”
"Soy yo! No hay tiempo, abre!"
The door is locked from the inside with what looks like a piece of metal pushed through two parallel bars. As Daniel pulls the metal tube away, there’s a sick moment of tension. Could this be a trick?
But then the door opens to reveal Sofia’s slight form, and the cold fridge is flooded with a blast of warmth and light.
She gives her son a quick, fierce hug. “The Pendragons are here; your father made it. Jonathan’s woven an Enthrallment spell to confuse the Skykeepers outside until we can get on their plane. He’s convinced the spell will be strong enough to hide the plane from the White Lady’s sight.”
She crouches next to me. “You need to stay awake until we get you to the compound. Don’t talk. Don’t move. Don’t use your energy for anything but staying awake. If you sleep now, we’ll lose you forever. You can rest once you get there. Do you understand me?”
“Yes.”
“Good. But don’t talk again. Blinking is fine.”
She looks at Gunn. “Can you walk?”
“I’ll need some help.”
“Dani, you take his one side, I’ll take the other.” As they help him up, Gunn makes a low moaning sound. They walk him out slowly, step by agonizing step.
I’m left alone in the cold and the dark, completely helpless. When the door opens again, I’m almost too afraid to look.
A dark figure hunches over me.
Those icy silver eyes. That ugly tattoo. That hate-filled sneer.
Zig lifts me into his arms without saying a word. The quick, jarring movement hurts so much that I scream in pain. Only a whimper escapes my lips.
He scowls. “The pain you’re suffering is payment for the power you wasted so rashly. If you die now, it will be your own fault.”
Everything is spinning. Each step is a jolt of agony. It hurts to even breathe.
“Please Zig… Not… like this…”
He slows his step somewhat, gentles his grip. “Calm yourself.” His voice sounds a fraction less harsh than usual. “I will not allow you to die tonight. Your death will come later and at my hands, as I promised.”
His words are strangely r
eassuring. What a beautiful word: later.
For the first time in God knows how long, hope blooms out of nowhere.
We are walking through a dream. Nothing is what it seems. There are cherry trees in blossom. There are kittens playing on rolling green lawns. There is pain with every step.
Zig won’t let me die until later.
There are blue skies and the smell of Ingrid’s garden in summer. Roses in bloom. Sunlight through trees. Moonlight on water.
Pain.
We are climbing steps onto a small plane. Everything is spinning.
The first snowfall, the world clean and white and new. A pure blue lake, deep and still. A dark green forest, alive and endless.
Unbearable pain with every step.
Zig won’t let me die until later. He promised.
I fight to remain conscious.
There are two strange men on the plane. And one I know: Jonathan Pendragon. His emerald green eyes glow bright with an unnatural light, but he looks right through me, concentrating on something I can’t see.
Ingrid lies on the floor, her body like a dried husk, cradled in Daniel’s arms. Gunn hunches over in a seat, bleeding, while Sofia pushes a large white dressing against his wound.
“Let’s go,” Zig says.
We can’t leave yet.
The knowledge settles in me like a stone.
I cannot leave them here.
“My Skykeepers,” I say.
Sofia looks up from Gunn’s wound. “They’re gone, Jess. I’m sorry.”
“No.”
I know this.
She narrows her eyes. “They’re alive?”
“Yes.”
Sofia looks at Zig. “She bound the Skykeepers to her with a formal pledge. If she thinks they’re alive, she’s probably right.”
“We can’t go back for them,” Zig says. “Jonathan can’t keep up the illusion much longer. We need to get her out of here now.”
I will not leave them. I promised.
“No.” My voice is stronger now, although it costs me. The air is spinning, the pain in my skull like a ringing bell. “Not without them.”
“We’re leaving now.” Zig’s arms tenses around me.
“No!” My scream blasts my head into a thousand pieces. There is only pain now. A hellish black agony. “No! I won’t… leave them…”
“She’s bound to them, Zig.”
“She can get more Skykeepers anytime. I’ve seen the effects of her shine.”
Fireborn (The Dark Dragon Chronicles Book 2) Page 23