by Portia Moore
I try to ignore the snide voice in my head and the condescending laugh that accompanies it.
I think things have just gotten a whole lot worse and a hell of a lot more complicated.
Chapter 45
Lauren
I wanted to tell him that, as juvenile as it sounds, I like him. I felt like it needed to be said. If there was a time to do so, it would have been then, but obviously my gauging the right time with Chris has been completely off. His signals are so mixed, it drives me crazy. Sometimes I think he’s just as confused as I am but other times it’s as if he knows exactly what he wants.
The way he looks at me has changed but I’m not sure if that's a good thing. When he used to look at me, he seemed curious, confused, and nervous. Now when he looks at me the nervousness is pretty much gone. The confusion is still there, but there’s an interest, and something else I can’t put my finger on.
I’m only going to be here another week and time has seemed to go by so quickly. Caylen has grown so close to Chris and his family. Sometimes I wonder what she’s going to do when she doesn’t wake up and see him and Mrs. Scott every day, even Mr. Scott, although he still hasn’t grown any warmer towards me. In fact, I think he may even be colder. I don’t know why he hates me so much. At first I thought he was just irritated and annoyed by me, that my presence reminded him that his family wasn’t perfect. But sometimes, when I catch him glaring at me, I think he hates me. The thing is, he’s not like that with anyone else. Not Aiden, not Lisa, or even the telemarketers that call the house, and if he hates me just because of my association with Cal, I can imagine how he treated him.
He’s one of the only reservations I’ve had about what I’ve been planning—or contemplating. Contemplating is probably a better word for it. Actually that’s a misstatement. Jenna’s the other. I haven’t had to deal with her since the disastrous skating rink night but she’s like a dormant virus you know will pop up at any time. I remind myself that my decisions can’t be based on what Jenna will think or how it will affect her. My job is to do what’s best for Caylen—for the health and well-being of my child. Jenna sure isn’t worried about that.
The thing is, if the shoe were on the other foot, and I were engaged to Cal all those years ago and she popped up saying she was in love with Chris and had a daughter with him, I would have stepped aside. I wouldn’t have hold on, asking him to abandon his child and keep the life we had. But if there were no child involved, maybe I would have played the same game she’s playing. Well, none of this is a game but sometimes I feel like everyone is on a chess board, moving pieces with their own agenda. We all have them, even Chris. I just can’t quite figure out what his is.
If this is a chess game, I guess the move I’m about to make would be big. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. Thinking is all I’ve really had time to do here, which is good but can also drive a person crazy. It started just as a thought, how nice it would be to not have to drive back and forth every other weekend or month so Caylen can see her family. Especially with rent being so cheap here. Then I actually checked out a cute little two bedroom house for rent. Lisa’s parents are renting it out for less than $600 a month, and its only ten minutes from the Scotts. Turns out that the cute little two bedroom house could come with the option to buy and for less than $70K, which would make it way cheaper to buy. It just wouldn’t make sense not to. Especially with Lisa telling me that the school where she works would be looking to hire an art teacher next year.
The pay wouldn’t be extraordinary but the stock dividends from when Cal worked at Crestfield Corp keep my bank account padded. All I would need to do is complete a few teaching prerequisites and I could apply for my teaching license. Since I’ve had Caylen, the thought of teaching elementary students isn’t as scary as it used to be. But I’m jumping the gun. I haven’t signed anything or made a serious verbal offer. I’ve just expressed interest. I want to talk to Chris about it before going any further. Though I can’t see him being against the idea. I know Mrs. Scott would love it because she’d be ecstatic about anything that gives her more access to Caylen. Even Raven wouldn’t be too upset. She couldn’t be since I’d only be about an hour and a half away from her versus the four to five hour drives we do now. The only people who won’t be happy about this are my friends, Hillary and Angela. But, Hillary isn’t even talking to me now, and Angela’s about to complete her Masters which will mean she’s going to have so much going on… But, at the end of the day, I have to think about what’s best for Caylen, which is being closer to her dad. Besides, I’d still keep the apartment in Chicago. It’s paid for and I love it.
Or I could possibly rent it out. Space in our building is coveted and I could reach out to Helen to have her realtor put it on the market…even though she hasn’t answered any of my calls since this whole thing started. There I am, jumping the gun again. Tonight, though, I plan on talking to Chris about all this and hopefully, he’ll think it’s a great idea.
Everything is going to be great.
Oh shit!
I very nearly faint when I see the blue Kia parked next to Mr. Scott’s truck. I try to tell myself it can’t be hers until I get out and see the license plate MEB4U, and I know its Hillary’s. What the hell is she doing here? I feel my stomach knot up as I walk up the back porch to the kitchen entrance and hear chatter.
I walk in to see Hillary and Raven sitting next to each other right there at the Scotts’ kitchen table with Mrs. Scott pouring lemonade
“Look who’s here!” my aunt Raven exclaims, her eyes narrowed in on mine. Okay, let me explain a few things. I haven’t really been talking to Raven since I’ve been here. She was just so negative about everything, that after the first few days, I resorted to sending her daily text updates, so the look she’s giving me isn’t one of a loving aunt, and Hillary, well, that needs no explanation.
“What are you guys doing here?” I ask, trying to sound enthusiastic and not shocked out of my mind.
“Well you wouldn’t answer my phone calls, darling niece, and after so many texts, I had to come here and make sure you weren’t chopped up into a thousand little pieces,” she says playfully, but knowing Raven, that’s probably what she thought. She watches way too much Lifetime and Forensic Files.
“I told her you were in one piece,” Mrs. Scott smiles tightly.
“I’m just here to see Caylen,” Hillary says flatly. She’s still mad.
Great. This is going to be fun.
“Uhm...is Chris here?” I ask Mrs. Scott. God, please don’t let him have been here to walk into this disaster without a warning.
“No, not yet,” Mrs. Scott says, giving me a reassuring smile and guides me over to the table to sit down.
“It’s so nice to meet your family, Lauren. We’ve been getting along wonderfully,” she assures me, possibly reading my deer-caught-in-the-headlights look, especially when Lisa waltzes into the room.
“So how did it go?” she asks me excitedly. Oh God, no. Lisa, do not say anything.
“What go?” I say tensely trying to give her the hint this is NOT a subject I want brought up with Hillary and Raven sitting here.
“Oh don’t worry, Lisa brought us all up to speed about the house you were looking to rent from her parents. And, your idea of possibly going back to school,” Hillary says with fake enthusiasm.
“I think it’s such a wonderful idea,” Mrs. Scott smiles genuinely.
“I would have loved to know when that decision was made,” Raven folds her arms across her chest.
God, Lisa! What the fuck!
“Nothing’s set in stone. It was just something I was thinking about. I was hoping to have a chance to talk to Chris about it. I haven’t made any decisions yet,” I say, reaching for the glass in front of me and downing it. I don’t even care whose it is.
“Where’s Caylen?” I’m looking for any excuse to get away from the pointed stares that are burning into me from my lovely surprise guests.
“She just fell as
leep. We’ve really missed her. We missed both of you,” Raven says, her expression concerned. I hear the hurt in her voice and my guilt causes me to look away.
“I’ve missed you guys too,” I say sincerely. I have, it’s just that I haven’t wanted to talk to them until I had things figured out because, God knows, they will try to figure them out for me.
“Lisa, why don’t we give them some privacy,” Mrs. Scott can sense that this encounter is about to come to a head. When we hear the door quietly close, the tight smile on Raven’s face disappears.
“I can’t believe you guys showed up here like that without even asking me,” I say in a hushed tone.
“Oh, please, Lauren. You’re the one in the wrong on this!” Hillary states defensively.
“How could you consider moving here without even talking to me?” Raven adds.
“Since when did you let strangers help you make life-altering decisions? It’s like that Lisa chick is your new best friend,” Hillary continues.
“Stop it! No one is helping me make a decision here. Not Lisa, not the Scotts, no one but me. This is my life,” I tell them angrily.
“I don’t even know if I’m actually going to do it,” I tell them, lowering my voice, because it has definitely been rising over the course of this short conversation.
“Everything is moving so fast, Lauren. You haven’t even been here a month and you’re thinking about relocating,” Raven says in a hushed tone of her own.
“Chris’s bedroom game must seriously be off the fucking charts.” Hillary mocks me.
“Oh my God,” I say, covering my face out of embarrassment and anger.
“Hi.” When I hear his voice, I want to crawl under the table. How much did he hear? He picked the absolute worst time to show up.
“Are we interrupting?” When I hear her voice I want to vomit. Not now, not now. I turn around to see Chris looking on awkwardly with Jenna standing next to him, the same scowl on her face I’ve become accustomed to.
“This is my aunt Raven and my best friend Hillary. They came to check on me.” I smile weakly. I look over at Raven who seems to be scrutinizing Chris. They are both watching him, probably trying to see if he’s really Cal. It’s the same thing I did the first few times I was around him. Chris walks over to them hesitantly and sticks out his hand. Hillary only stares at him before giving him a small grin. He figures out his handshake isn’t welcome there and moves over to Raven. After a few seconds, she hesitantly takes it.
“Nice to meet you,” Raven says, awkwardly shaking his hand.
“I’m Jenna, Chris’s fiancée.” At that, I want die right here. I cover my face with my hands. There’s an awkward silence and I hear Hillary laugh.
“Oh, Lauren,” I hear Raven mutter under her breath.
That’s right.
Oh, Lauren.
Think of the most awkward day in your life. Now let’s multiply that by 100 and you’re still not likely to reach the level of discomfort I’ve experienced today. As if it weren’t bad enough for Chris to walk in amidst the talk of how good he is in bed, of all the days, Jenna decides to visit. To top off this ridiculous evening, here I sit, surrounded by my loving and not-so-loving family and friends.
In fact, the whole gang’s here; Hillary, Raven, Chris, Jenna, Mr. and Mrs. Scott, Lisa, and Aidan. The good thing is Mrs. Scott hasn’t brought out any wine. As much as I’d love a glass, I don’t think drinking will make this situation any better for anyone once it really sets in. Everyone has been pretty quiet so far. The only awkward moment was when both Raven and Mrs. Scott reached for Caylen, and she reached for Mrs. Scott. Raven’s had a pretty pissed to shit expression since that happened, even when Mrs. Scott tried to give Caylen back to Raven. She refused at that point, her feelings hurt, and of course, I’m to blame for that. Oh, and then the glorious moment when Mrs. Scott started to pray over the food and Hillary announced her preference to not participate instead of just keeping her mouth shut. Other than those two little moments, everything has been awkwardly wonderful. The good thing in all of this is that Mrs. Scott’s food is so good that once everyone starts eating, the mood lightens up a bit. Jenna still throws angry glares my way but I’ve become accustomed to that.
“What the hell is her problem?” Hillary whispers in my ear. She is not accustomed to it.
“Just let it go,” I mutter quietly.
“This casserole is absolutely delicious,” Raven says enthusiastically. She’s almost finished with her food.
“Oh, thank you. I can give you the recipe,” Mrs. Scott says cheerfully.
“Raven’s not much of a cook.” I laugh, and she nudges me in the stomach.
“I cook. I cook just fine,” she says defensively. I look at her like she has a horn growing out of her head. Maybe this is a new development.
“Thank you for being so accommodating at the last minute,” she says, glancing at both of the Scotts.
“Not at all. We’re like family now,” Mrs. Scott says warmly. I can’t help but notice Jenna roll her eyes.
“So, how have you been adjusting to fatherhood Ca—Christopher,” she says, quickly correcting herself. Aidan snickers and I see Lisa nudge him.
“It’s different, but thankfully, Lauren and my family have made it easier than I thought it would be. Everyone’s been great helping out, and of course, she’s pretty easy to fall in love with.” When Chris’s eyes find mine my heart almost jumps out of my chest.
I have to be reading that wrong.
“I’ve adjusted pretty quickly to being an uncle,” Aidan interjects, prompting laughter from around the table. I smile at that. He’s even bought her a toddler-sized jersey of his favorite football team, which just so happens to be the rival to Chris’s favorite team. And of course he had have her wear it immediately.
“We’ve all taken to her. I don’t know what we’re going to do when she’s gone,” Mrs. Scott says sadly.
“I completely understand. I miss her to pieces,” Raven says, eyeing me.
“How do you plan on working out the visiting schedule if Lauren decides moving here isn’t the best idea?” Raven blurts out, and I shoot her a shocked glare.
“You’re thinking of moving here, Lauren?” Chris asks. He actually sounds really excited. Jenna’s eyes look like they’re about to jump right out of her head and roll across the table.
“It’s just an idea I’ve been tossing around. I wanted to talk to you about it first,” I say quietly.
“Don’t you think you should take more time to think about making a move like that?’ Mr. Scott interjects.
“I agree,” Jenna says sharply. Chris shoots her a warning glare. I feel my patience wearing thinner and thinner by the minute.
“All of these secret and private conversations are really getting to me, Chris. Don’t you think this is something that you should have mentioned to me?” she continues, turning to Chris.
“Aren't you listening, Jenna? She hasn’t talked to me about it yet,” Chris says defensively.
“Everyone, I think we should all calm down and finish dinner. Later on Chris and Lauren will talk about this, but until then, there’s no reason for anyone to get upset,” Mrs. Scott pleads.
“No, this isn’t just something for them to talk about. I am going to be Chris’s wife. This involves me!” she says pointedly to Mrs. Scott.
“Do you understand that, Lauren. You two are over. You should start acting like it. No more talks between you and Chris. Anything you say to him needs to be said to me as well.” Her tone is acid.
“Jenna, this is not the time,” Chris interjects.
“Are you kidding?” I ask her in disbelief.
“No I’m not kidding, and since we’re on the subject, when are you signing the divorce papers?”
“What divorce papers?” I ask, feeling my heart in my throat. She whips over to Chris who looks down guiltily. Everyone at the table is completely silent.
“You didn’t give her the papers yet?” Jenna asks Chri
s pointedly.
He’s going to give me divorce papers? Is that why he’s been so nice to me? He’s been buttering me up to get me to sign divorce papers?
“This isn’t the time, Jenna,” Chris says, his voice stern. I look at him and his eyes avoid mine.
“No, it’s exactly the time!” she yells.
“Shut her up or I’m going to shut her up,” I hear Hillary say.
I’m frozen, like I’m in a dream and everything is going in slow motion.
Chapter 46
Chris
Lauren looks like the wind has been knocked out of her. All the color’s drained from her face, but this time, her eyes won’t leave mine. She looks embarrassed, hurt, and most of all, betrayed, and that’s what hurts me the most.
“You’re going to shut who up? I know you’re not referring to me?” I hear Jenna screech. “…are you’re going to let this trash threaten me like that?” I feel a push on my shoulder.
“Trash?!” I turn to see water coming at us. Lauren’s best friend has just thrown water in Jenna’s face.
“Whoa!” Aidan says. Jenna is about to return the favor but Lauren’s friend has nearly leapt over the table, ready to grapple. I quickly grab Jenna, pick her up and drag her out the door.
“What was that in there?” I say, barely able to contain my anger.
“Are you yelling at me, after I basically got attacked?” she screeches.
“You kind of deserved it.”
Her mouth drops open. “Why would you bring that up in there?” I ask her, and she looks at me in disbelief.
“Because it should have been brought up!” she yells back.
“You did it to embarrass her, to hurt her,” I say pointedly.
“This isn’t my fault, Chris. If you would have told her when you were supposed to that wouldn’t have happened! How do you think it makes me feel that you haven’t done it already?”