by Tara Brown
“I wish she was here laughing at me,” I say.
“Me too,” Joey agrees.
Gus stands and shakes, giving me a look and then climbs onto the pyre with Lou. He rests his face on her stomach, similar to how the beagle is lying with Tanya.
“How are we going to get these dogs off here?” Leah asks.
“Maybe we should let them stay.” Joey looks up at Leah, her eyes filled with childish innocence. She doesn't understand what Leah is talking about.
The other pyres haven’t been lit either.
The kids don’t realize what is about to happen.
“Maybe we should let them have the night. To say goodbye. The grass is wet and the pyres are going to be brutal.” I don't speak of the burning that will take place. I’m pretty sure we can take care of that without the little kids seeing it.
Though I would have wanted to see it. I would have needed that closure.
But maybe my opinion isn’t one that should be taken into consideration.
“I think we can wait the night,” Leah agrees.
“I’ll organize watches.” I give Joey’s hand to Leah and get up, walking away from my heart.
My dead heart.
Chapter 30
Day One
Lou
I wake with a gasp, sitting up sharply.
It’s dark and Gus is with me. He lifts his head, breathing into my face with his hot garbage breath. “Oh, Gus, gross.” My throat is dry and raspy but for a half a second this feels normal. My dog suffocating me with his size while we share my small bed.
Except I’m cold and the ground is wet and I’m not in my bed.
Everything feels weird.
And I’m not alone. There’s another bed next to me, like the one I’m on. It’s in front a bit. It’s empty but there was someone there, I can tell by the indent in the hay. Behind me is another one, I can’t see who’s in it, just some feet facing me.
There are lights in the field, torches. People moving in the distance. Others lie on the hay beds, motionless.
It takes me a long couple of minutes to figure out where I am and what is happening.
I’m on a stick and hay bed in the middle of a rocky field filled with others just like it.
They’re pyres.
For the fallen.
I’ve totally seen this movie.
But why am I here?
Was I dead?
Does everyone think I’m dead, well everyone but my dog? “You are such a good boy, Gus.” I scratch his face and scan the area. No one else is getting up from the beds.
I turn toward the castle that’s lit up, wondering if she’s there. Gus being here is a good sign. I hope the Littles are okay.
I get up, noting the pain is gone. That’s a bad sign.
The plan must not have worked.
Dr. Jacquard’s plan.
Everything is filtering back in slowly.
Gus follows as I run along the side of the field to the path to the castle. The guards are different from before. I don't recognize the two who nod at me as I walk through the gates and onto the grounds.
There are torches everywhere, more than normal. But there are people everywhere too. Way more than normal. A lot must have survived.
I hurry around back, just in case, I don't know what’s actually happened here or who’s in charge. Maybe this hasn't gone well at all and Liam is being a psychopath again.
I open the back door to the kitchen, grabbing an apple from the table as I walk to the back stairs. Gus follows, nudging me the whole way, as I take a bite for me and a bite for him until I reach the bedroom. My bedroom. Mine and Liam’s. That makes me blush a little.
I lift my hand to knock and realize he might not answer. He might be sleeping. Should I go to Joey first?
No, I don't know where she is, and he would want to know I’m not dead the same way I would want to know if the roles were reversed.
I open the door, noting the darkness inside, and creep in. Gus follows and jumps onto the chair in the corner and curls into a ball.
Liam’s sleeping but it’s not as peaceful as it was before. He tosses and moans, “Lou,” and I grin. He must be dreaming of me.
“Liam,” I whisper softly, creeping to the bed. “Where’s Joey?”
He moves again and I crawl onto the bottom of the bed but get a whiff of myself and wrinkle my noise.
I smell like rusty blood and maybe urine and rain and dead animal.
It’s horrible and not at all how I want him to see me. I climb back off the bed and walk to the washbasin we always have with fresh water. The water is cold, but I strip off my clothes and stand in the moonlight, flinching every time the cool washcloth touches my skin. I wash everything but my hair and then steal my pajamas from the back of the chair where Gus is lying. I put them there the last time I slept in here. I don't actually know when that was. It’s shorts and a tank top, my favorite. They even smell nice, familiar.
I creep to the bed again but this time he’s awake. He stirs and sits up. His eyes are wide. I can’t see in the dark like before. Or hear. His heartbeat isn’t audible.
“Lou?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I whisper. “I need to find Joey.”
“You came back? You came to haunt us? I knew you would.”
“What?” I pause and smile. “You think I’m dead?”
“I know you’re dead. But I don't care. So long as we have the rest of my life together, that’s fine. You’re going to have to show yourself to Joey in the daylight maybe. She won’t be okay mentally with her ghost sister showing up in the dark. She’s a mess.”
“You guys for reals thought I was dead.” I’m stunned. “Where is she? I have to see her and show her I’m not.” I open the door again, flooding the room with light from the candles in the hallway.
“Lou, you can’t just show up in her room in the middle of the night and expect her to be fine with that. There’s probably some ghost protocols that have to be obeyed.” He sits up more. His eyes are puffy and his face is different than I remember it.
“Liam, I’m not dead. I have a bad feeling the bots are still in me, but they’re like not working awesome. I can’t see in the dark or hear your heartbeat like before. It’s kinda lame.”
“And you sound different. Like a teenaged girl.”
“I am a teenaged girl, dick.” I laugh and he jumps out of bed.
“You’re real?” He rushes me, grabbing my hands and arms and squeezing a bit hard.
“Ow, yes!” I pull back.
He steps in closer, cupping my face and tilting my head up to his. “Oh my fucking God, you are real. Your breath smells like apples and your hair smells like donkey or goat or something horrible.”
“I—wow!” I shove him back. “I didn't get to take a shower after my resurrection, sorry.”
He laughs and pulls me back to him. “I am never letting you go again.” He kisses me and it’s so foreign I don't know how to react. The smell of his breath and his body and the way we meld into each other feels odd. “You saved me, Lou,” he whispers into my cheek as he places kisses there.
“I know. But can we talk about it when we get back from Joey’s room?” I’m tense and uncomfortable and feeling like a character in a Robot Chicken video about consent.
“No, she’s going to sleep with you, I know it. I’m going to end up on the chair with the dog.” He kisses again. “I can’t believe you lived.”
“You and me both. I have no idea what happened. I fully expected to die.” I step out of his embrace and see the realization dawn on him.
“You don't love me, do you?” He steps back, stumbling and I realize he’s wearing my shirt.
I press my lips together.
“You think it’s funny”—he pauses and blinks, visibly stunned by my response—“that you made me love you and you broke my heart and now I’m here, still totally in—?”
“No.” I step forward, grinning but desperate to reassure him. “I only think i
t’s funny that you’re wearing my shirt and it’s way too small and tight and you look really cute.” I’m nervous at how annoyed he is. I remember him before, how he was.
“Oh.” He peers down and cringes, losing his anger. “Shit.” He pulls the shirt off and my breath hitches in my throat. I step closer to him, lifting a hand to his chest, but checking in his eyes to make sure this is okay. “It smelled like you and I needed that.” There’s something, maybe a lingering bit of madness, in his stare. But there’s something else I haven’t seen much of in Liam’s gaze. It’s fear. He’s scared of something and if I had to guess I’d say losing me. I hate that. I hate hurting him.
“I think the bots put us together because they sensed something about us.” I inhale sharply when my skin makes contact with his. “But I think it’s because there is something between us.”
“You feel it too?” He pushes into the contact, coming closer.
I lift my gaze to his, though it’s awkward because he’s so tall, and nod. “I feel it.”
He exhales what I have to assume is massive relief. “When you tensed, I felt like I was going to have a heart attack.”
“It’s different now than it was, not having them pushing it on us and manipulating us.”
“It’s not different for me. But maybe that’s because you died and I was left here, heartbroken with your little sister gripping my finger and your dog nudging me. Reminding me of my loss.”
“Right,” I agree. “That would make it different.”
He swallows whatever he wants to say and I can tell he’s struggling.
“Can we step back, like five paces—?”
He moves before I finish the sentence.
“In the relationship? I need this instant bot love to get out of my head so I can get to know you, the real you, not whatever they were making us.”
He flinches and loses some of the softness in his expression.
“I get it, you’re all in. And I want to be all in too. But the last time my brain worked by itself I was a completely different person. And I don’t even know who I am right now. Does that make sense?” I walk to him carefully, treating him like a cat I’m trying to convince to let me pet it.
He hears me, tilts his head, and narrows his gaze like he’s squinting in doubt of me. “You want to step back, stop being all in, and find us again? Find who we really are?”
“Yeah.” I sigh.
“So you would like to date?”
“Yes!” I clasp my hands together. “Totally. I totes wanna date and chill and get to know you and—”
“Stop. You’re ruining it with your valley-girl totes and not pronouncing all the syllables in the words.” He smiles as he mocks me. “But I accept your offer, Miss Stoddard. I would like to date you and get to know you and find out if I even like the new you.” He carefully lifts his hand and brushes my hair to the side and tucks it behind my ear. “Because I think you’re correct. I don’t like it, I hate it actually. I want to know what I’m doing and be in control and have everything be smooth and understood, but there’s a chance who I am and who I was and what the bots did to me, has altered my personality. And I might have attributed that to you.”
“You’re way too smart for me.” I wrinkle my nose.
“Would agreeing with you put your opinion of me at risk?”
“What?” I tilt my head and give it some thought. “Yes. Don’t agree with a girl who’s shit talking herself. That’s going to be lesson number one. You’ve spent a lot of time on the inside. Maybe we should cover some of the other important things to avoid. The pitfalls of dating, if you will.”
He smiles but there’s some hesitation.
“You don’t want me to talk about before? I’m so sorry. That was stupid.” I close my eyes and shake my head.
“No.” He places a hand under my chin. “It’s okay. It’s just weird for me. You know everything, don’t you?” his voice cracks and it mimics the sound in my chest of my heart cracking.
“I’m so sorry. When I absorbed the bots, I took yours first and so your story was—”
“It’s okay,” he reassures me and pulls me into a warm embrace where my cheek is resting against his chest. I hear his heart for the first time since the old bots left me. He keeps talking, saying something about how he’s sorry I have to know, but I’m not listening to his words. I’m consumed by his heart.
It’s singing to me the same as it used to.
The sound of the beat is everything I need to remember.
Pressing my eyes shut more, I listen to the rhythm and the beat and the strength of it all. Hot tears burst from my eyes. They must touch him because he pulls back, and his tone becomes even softer, “Hey, are you okay?”
I open my eyes and there he is.
A smile spreads across my face, opposite to the look he’s giving me.
“What?”
“I remember you. I remember this.” I point between me and him. “I needed to hear your heart.”
“What?” He lifts an eyebrow and offers a skeptical look.
“Just listen.” I grab his face and plant his head against my breast. I try to breathe as softly as I can and hope he hears the same thing.
But when he lifts his head, he doesn’t seem to have had the same moment as I did with his heart.
“Did you hear it?”
“Yeah, but I already heard it. I felt it. Whatever it is you’re feeling right now, I never lost it. That’s not true. I forgot it when I woke up. In fact, I was on a mission to find you and kill you for ruining the bot thing for us all. But by the time I saw your body in the wreckage, it was back. There was no heartbeat, but the second I touched your skin, everything was back. Except the evil I think you sucked out of me. For the most part.” He cups my cheek and I close my eyes and lean into it. “Now that we have that squared away, we need to find Joey. She needs to see you. As do the Littles. And Leah and Erin and Lee and Miles and all those other annoying people you managed to bring here with your siren call.”
He turns and walks me to the open door, leading me down the hall.
Joey’s room is right next to his.
He opens the door and brings a candle from the hallway so we can see. Gus pushes his way into the room, sniffing the heads of the girls in the massive bed.
Julia lifts her head first. She squints and then smiles, crawling to me. “I knew it! I said Gus knew you were still alive!” She dashes into my arms and hugs tightly.
Joey and Lissie wake together, both of them are crying before they reach me.
“I told you I would come back,” I say to them all, clinging to the bodies of the girls as their small fingers dig into my arms and back. “I told you I wouldn’t leave you.”
Liam’s right about one thing: the girls do not let me leave. I end up sleeping with them in my bed and he sleeps in the chair with the dog, refusing to leave either.
Chapter 31
Tanya
I wake with a sharp inhale and a stabbing pain in my chest. It’s over so fast I’m reacting to nothing. It’s minutes before I catch my breath. I lie still, confused and blinking multiple times before anything registers. Light filters into my eyes but I can’t place it. It’s an inconstant glow. Is it heaven? Did I die?
The question is answered the moment I think it.
Buster’s tongue washes my entire face in two sweeps. I groan and the rest of the room comes to life.
“I told you!” Mason says excitedly in the background. “Tan!” He shrieks and his little hands dig into my ribs and arms. He’s hugging me with the dog.
“I made it?” I whisper, scared to move because I’m certain I’m going to discover something hideous, an injury that will never heal. Or better yet, that this was all a nightmare and Lou’s at her place and I’m at mine. Maybe I was in a car accident and it’s all part of the coma, a bad dream.
“Don’t try to move too quickly,” my mom says soothingly. “I can’t believe you’re okay,” her voice cracks as she rests her head o
n my shoulder. She’s crying and the dog is licking us all.
The last thing I remember is pain, but it doesn't hurt to be touched or to be in this position. My throat’s dry and my eyes struggle to focus, but there is no more pain. I’m thankful for that.
The memory of Lou holding me down and puking her bloody bots into my mouth makes me shudder.
“You cold?” Mom moves blankets, but I’m not.
“No. I just don't understand how we’re here. I was so certain I was gonna die. Is Lou okay?” I force my eyes to open and stay that way as I lift my head a little and see I’m in the castle. I’m in a bed in one of the rooms. It has the same smell as when I was here before. “Does Liam know we’re here? Is he angry?”
Mom bites her lip, holding something back. But Mason speaks as if this is a casual discussion of no real importance, “King Liam is with Joey. He was sad.”
“Sad? Why? What happened to Lou?” I’m terrified of the answer. “Where is she?”
Mom’s eyes tell me everything I need to know. Lou is dead. She is dead and I lived, and chances are she somehow made that happen. She sacrificed herself so I would make it.
“Where’s Joey?”
“Asleep, finally.” Mom sighs, rubbing Buster’s long beagle ears. “She and Liam are both asleep. It was a bad night, Tan. We were certain you were both dead. I checked your pulse myself. There wasn't one. But it must have been so faint I couldn't hear it or feel it. Mason was certain he saw you move. I got Mitch and Jeff to carry you in here. Just in case.”
“Where are they?”
“Sleeping. It’s late, middle of the night. Mason and I were about to go to bed ourselves, but he heard you make a noise again.”
“What happened?” I can’t recall the details clearly.
“We don't know. It was chaos. The people with the bots were everywhere, thousands of them. And they were convulsing and the bots were leaving their bodies, fleeing like they were under Lou’s spell or command or whatever you want to call it. You girls got into the helicopter. It lifted off, hovered for a long time. I thought everyone on the ground was dead. I was trying to find Joey and Lissie and Julia. It was madness.”