by Kate Swain
“Oh!” He grinned, his face transformed with happiness. “Awesome.” His brow furrowed. “Who the heck is Tessa?”
I had to smile. The reaction was really typical for Mark. I beckoned him closer. “You remember her? The girl in the restaurant?” I hadn’t even told him that she was my new babysitter, keeping vague about the fact that I had managed to fill the vacant position.
“Oh!” He frowned at me. “How the heck did that happen?”
I winced as his voice lifted. I didn’t want anybody else to hear this. Adam was still busy cleaning up, though, and Carter was in the office somewhere. I cleared my throat.
I explained to Mark what was going on. How I had bumped into Tessa again that day, how she had applied for the job now that Judy was going off. How she had become our nanny. When I had finished, he leaned back, an amazed expression covering his face.
“Hell, brother,” he sighed. “That is amazing.”
I grinned. “I guess.” I frowned, then. Mark didn’t seem too worried. “But… Mark…” I coughed. “You mean, you don’t think that’s wrong?”
Mark looked at me with utter shock. “Matt, how can you even think that? It’s wonderful!”
I stared at him. It was certainly a wonderful thing for me, but I couldn’t help the feeling that sleeping with my employee was morally wrong. It had been haunting me since I woke up that morning, and I couldn’t shake it from putting a side of darkness on my enjoyment.
“You really think so?” I asked again. “I mean, I am Tessa’s boss, more or less, and…” I trailed off as he shook his head, grinning.
“You don’t really think that matters?” he laughed. “Bro, have you forgotten how Carter met his wife?”
I smiled. I hadn’t forgotten – how could I? I had been there from the beginning also; had seen how our elder brother was slowly and then rapidly falling for his receptionist. I shrugged.
“You’re right.”
“Sure,” Mark said with annoying assuredness. He never doubted himself. I made a face. He laughed.
“Thanks, Mark,” I said softly. “I do feel better.”
“You silly man,” Mark said affectionately. He shoved me and I laughed and punched him. He let out a surprised breath of air and then we were suddenly wrestling as if we were kids too.
“Guys?” Adam said from the front steps, giving us a bewildered look.
I looked up at him, grinning. Mark let go of my collar and we both laughed.
“Come on,” I said, getting up and dusting myself off. “We should probably go check out that last bike before we go out for lunch.”
Mark nodded and we went out together into the parking lot. He went back in to get the key so we could bring a new bike into the work-space, and while he was gone, I felt like I could breathe easier. I hadn’t told Mark my main worry – the one that Tessa didn’t really care about me.
“Matt, you’re being a fool.”
I shut my eyes and leaned on the wall behind me. Of all the things that I – as a father of a small child, as a widower – should care about, being insecure wasn’t one of them. Nevertheless, the fact that Tessa had left, that she didn’t contact me outside of work, and that she never told me the truth about her situation – that was the thing that was wearing on my happiness, more even than my fear that what I did was amoral.
I had stopped checking my phone in the hope that I might hear from Tessa. I tried to stop thinking about my home where my son had probably just left and Tessa was tidying up. I decided that as soon as I got home I would try to talk to her. There was something bothering her and I needed to know what it was.
“Matt?” Mark asked, coming out with the keys. “What’s up?”
“Nothing,” I sniffed, realizing that I was probably quite emotional.
“Come on,” Mark said, as if he knew what was bothering me. “The faster we finish up here, the faster you can get home.”
16
Tessa
I looked up at the school building. It was early, and the kids were still inside. I glanced at my phone to check the time, feeling frustrated and confused.
“Damn it, I should have gone later.”
I sighed and covered my face with my hands. Why did it feel like I couldn’t do anything right? I had rushed off to the school this afternoon, convinced – for some strange reason – that I was going to be late to fetch Lucas. Now I was half an hour early, and I couldn’t help thinking about all the things I could have been doing with the time – finding an apartment, cooking the dinner.
“Tessa – what is wrong with you?” I asked myself, feeling annoyed. I had been jumpy and distracted all day. It was like I couldn’t settle to anything, but I had to move onto a new task every few minutes. I leaned on the steering wheel. I knew what it was.
I was trying not to remember my night with Matt.
I sighed. I couldn’t help knowing, deep in my heart, that it had been a terrible idea. Matt was my boss, but that wasn’t why I thought that. It was because I might get myself killed, and I didn’t have the right to go making people attached to me.
“Damn it! This is a mess.”
I shut my eyes and tried to fight the overwhelming urge to talk to Dad. I hadn’t thought about him since his death. I didn’t want to think about him. Thinking of him meant I acknowledged he wasn’t here, which would mean knowing he was dead…which led to a screaming, mindless horror that would, if I chose to think of it now, make me lose my sanity entirely.
“Tessa, stop it. Get out of the car and go keep yourself busy.”
That was the only thing I could do right now. I needed to take my mind of Matt, and Lucas, and the fact that Dad was dead and I was on some crazy hitman’s list. If I didn’t do those things right now, and fast, I would go insane.
I got out of the car, slammed it shut, and walked briskly to the school building. I had my phone in my pocket, and so when I noticed a beat-up car, I could pull it out and take a picture. The paintwork was peeling, and it looked so incongruous against the newly-painted wall. The car was so ugly that it was actually beautiful. I took a picture and got an idea.
The kid’s playground was on the other side of the wall. I walked over and started taking pictures of the empty swings and climbing frames. There was nothing more poignant, I thought, than an empty playground. The wind making the swing creak seemed so desolate, the emptiness in this place of innocent play so stark and cruel.
I managed to get some good pictures and then headed back to the car. I remembered, as I did so, that Lucas was going to be later than usual today – he had hockey practice.
“Damn,” I told myself, annoyed. I considered my options – either I could stay here and wait in the car, which would mean the worry and introspection might drive me crazy, or I could go somewhere else.
“What’s that over there?”
My eye had alighted on a gate. I walked towards it, noticing a similar collection of children’s play-equipment – swings and slides and monkey-bars – only these were of a different style and more colorful. It was a park, I realized. Seeing the opportunity to take a few more pictures, I headed in.
People walked dogs, two old ladies sat on a bench in the late-afternoon sunshine. A man was doing some sort of exercise on the lawn, surprisingly elegant and graceful. I didn’t want to take pictures of him – people were always awkward about that sort of thing – so I headed down the path towards the fence, wondering if there were any more things to see in here.
I was half-way towards some interesting shrubs – I wanted to see the flowers from closer-to – when my phone rang.
I frowned, pulling it out. It was an unknown number, but for some reason I felt compelled to take it. Shaking a little – after all, it could be the hit-men for all I knew – I pressed the reply button.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Hello? Ms. Anders?”
“Yes,” I replied, feeling my brow wrinkle nervously. “Who is this?”
“Hello – this is Mrs. Wyatt from Gree
ndale School? I’m calling about Lucas Brand. I understand you’re his care-giver?”
“I’m his nanny, yes,” I said automatically, my heart twisting painfully in my chest. “Is Lucas…”
“Sorry, Ms. Anders, but he was injured during hockey practice. If you could come and fetch him..?”
“Oh! No! Listen…I’m right here…” I ran across the street towards the lot, feeling my heart thudding painfully in my chest. I couldn’t believe it.
Please. Let him be okay. Please.
I could feel my heart thudding and I didn’t know how fast I could run as I ran across the lot, towards the school doors.
“Where is he?” I asked, tearing up to the front desk, almost collapsing against it. I was panting, unable to talk properly. I realized I must look a little silly, but I couldn’t help it. I was frightened for Lucas.
“Ms. Anders?” the woman – evidently the secretary – said gently. “Lucas Brand is in the nurse’s office. Shall I take you there?”
“Yes,” I nodded. “Please.”
Aware that my hair was wild and that the secretary must think I was a little odd, I straightened up and did my best to look dignified as I followed her from the office and up the hallway to find Lucas. We reached a small room painted pale green and smelling of disinfectant. I went in and found Lucas sitting on a bed. His gray eyes wide with pain and he was holding his arm. I found my eyes riveted on the arm – it was badly swollen, the bruises red and hard.
“Lucas,” I said swiftly. “I’m taking you to hospital right now.”
“It’s not necessary…” a woman said from the door, appearing before me and subtly blocking the path. I felt my hair rise on the back of my neck.
“I will say what’s necessary,” I said. My voice was quiet, but the anger rose inside me and I couldn’t have stopped it if I tried. I saw the woman’s eyes stretch open and she stepped back a fraction.
“Miss…” she began.
“Ms. Anders,” I said. “I’m Lucas’ nanny, and I am here to take him to hospital. If you would get out of the way, I’m taking him right now.”
I bent down to Lucas, who was sniffing and looked scared, though he seemed too much in shock to cry. I looked into those wide, scared gray eyes.
“Lucas, sweetie… Your arm looks pretty bad. I bet it’s quite painful, isn’t it?” He nodded and I continued. “Well, I’m going to take you to the hospital to have it checked out. We’ll call your dad and ask him to come with us.”
“I already telephoned Mr. Brand. He’s on his way,” the woman in the doorway said. I looked at her and she looked at me, probably deciding that she would do better not to say anything else. I looked back at Lucas.
“We’ll head out to the car and find your dad. Then we’ll all go to the hospital. How does that sound? I think your arm might be broken.”
Lucas nodded. “It’s sore,” he said.
I smiled, nodding back to him. “I am sure it is. You’re a very brave boy.” I smiled and took his other hand and he stood and slipped his hand into mine and we walked together to the door. I looked at the woman who was standing in the doorway.
“Thank you for contacting Mr. Brand,” I said levelly. “But we will manage this on our own from now.”
The woman just opened her eyes wide, as if she was offended or something. I didn’t really care what she felt, I reflected mildly. All I wanted was to get Lucas to the hospital. I was way too tired, suddenly – too tired to deal with her or fight anybody. I just wanted to get Lucas cared for, and then I wanted to go somewhere and sleep.
Luckily, the woman stepped back without any bickering, and I walked with Lucas down the hallway.
“Where is Dad?” he wanted to know. “Why did it take so long for them to call somebody?”
“I’d love to know,” I said grimly, then realized I was scaring him. “It’s okay, Lucas,” I said softly. “It’s going to be fine now. I am sure Daddy is going to arrive at any moment.”
As we headed out into the car-park, I saw him. Lucas saw him too, a second before.
“Daddy!” he yelled, and ran towards him, momentarily heedless of his broken arm. I ran after him, not wanting him to get hurt. Matt bent down and wrapped his arm around him, luckily missing the broken arm. Lucas held onto him, talking urgently and quickly into his ear. Matt saw me coming and looked up from where he knelt on the ground, his arm wrapped around his son caringly.
“Matt, he has a broken arm,” I said quickly. “At least, it looks broken to me. He broke it at hockey practice. He needs to have an x-ray so they can set it. Soon.” I spoke quickly and emphatically. I knew that the longer we left it, the harder it would be to set it so it healed properly. I was imagining what I would like to do to that teacher who had delayed our being called. It wasn’t pretty.
Matt shot upright, nodding at me. “Lucas, sweetheart, Tessa is right. You need to go to hospital. Tessa… did you drive here?”
I nodded. “The car’s over there,” I said, indicating his car where it stood near the entrance of the building. Matt lifted Lucas tenderly, avoiding contact with his right arm, and I walked to the car and opened the back door. We put Lucas on the seat and I got in beside him to hold him. Matt jumped in behind the wheel.
“Let’s go,” he said.
I nodded. Lucas was sticking to me, his small body pressed to my side as if he was frightened I would disappear any moment. I held his hand and stroked it and talked reassuringly to him.
“It’s all going to be okay,” I told him gently. “In the hospital, they’ll check if it’s broken, and then they’ll give you painkillers and put it in plaster. You won’t be feeling pain from it for much longer. Just a few moments more.”
“We’re almost there,” Matt called back. His voice was higher than normal, and I knew it was tension. He was clearly really worried about Lucas. I knew why – seeing Lucas in this much pain was painful for me, too. He wasn’t crying, but his small face was crinkled with pain and he was breathing rapidly. His hand was clamped over the bruised mass of his arm and I could see how tight his knuckles were.
“There!” I called out as we pulled in at the hospital parking lot. I jumped out and reached for Lucas and Matt lifted him gently and we ran towards the building.
“The E.R.’s over there,” I said, pointing towards the sign that I noticed as we moved. Matt nodded gratefully and we ran in that direction. Lucas was deathly-pale and I could see how hard he was trying not to cry.
“Here we are,” I said gently as we ran into the emergency room and Matt gently set Lucas down on one of the plastic chairs and then went to register at the desk. I sat with Lucas.
“How long will it be before they make it better?” he asked. I felt my heart twist. I would have torn the building apart with my knuckles to find a doctor, but I bet that wouldn’t help our case much. I took a deep breath.
“We’ll see somebody soon,” I promised. “It probably won’t take more than a few minutes.”
I looked around. At this time of day, the place was relatively empty. There were three other people there, which, in itself, seemed miraculous. I hoped that my guess was right – that it wasn’t going to take too long before somebody came through to see us.
I watched Matt filling in forms. His back was stiff and his one knee was wobbling – a habit he had when he was tense, I thought. He looked up and straight into my eyes.
“All done,” he said. “Now we just have to wait. How bad is it?”
He was looking at me, and I shrugged. “I think it would be best if we saw someone soon,” I said.
“My arm’s sore,” Lucas informed Matt. He was trying to keep his voice level, but I could hear the wobble in it. I reached out to hold his hand, and he gripped mine.
“It’s going to be okay,” I said. I spoke for Matt as much as for any of us. He looked more tense than I had ever seen him. He stood up and started to pace. I could see the stress in his body and I ached to help him to calm down, but there was nothing I could do to help. We ha
d to wait.
“Mr. Brand?” a man in a white coat said. We both turned around swiftly, my heart filling up with relief.
“Yes?” Matt demanded.
“I’m Dr. Millerton. If Lucas can come with me?”
“I’m going with him.” Matt and I had said in unison.
The doctor looked at both of us, and we looked at him. He shrugged.
“Alright,” he said mildly. “No reason why not.”
Letting out a breath I hadn’t known I had been holding, I fell into step behind the doctor and Lucas, and Matt walked beside me.
“It’s going to be alright now,” I murmured.
Matt nodded.
We waited while the doctor x-rayed Lucas’ arm. He pronounced it broken, but only in one place. It needed a cast and it would be mended after six weeks, he estimated.
“And he can take some meds for the pain,” the doctor added, writing out a prescription. I felt myself relax. I glanced at Matt, who was sitting beside me. His hand was next to mine and his fingers tightened on mine. I felt my heart almost stop. He flushed, and I think he realized then how automatic the gesture had been.
Lucas went through to another room with the doctor, and Matt went with him. I watched from where I sat. Matt turned around more than once, his eyes nervous, and I held his glance, reassuringly.
When the doctor had finished, Lucas was almost asleep – the painkilling medication was making him distinctly sleepy. Matt lifted him up, his bandaged arm hanging down beside him, stiff and unnatural-looking against that soft, restful body. We went out of the room and out to the parking lot.
Matt gently laid Lucas on the back seat and I climbed in beside him, just to make sure he didn’t fall over and damage himself as we drove.
Matt didn’t speak much, but I caught his gaze on me more than once in the mirror.
“Thank you, Tessa,” he said softly, as he got out of the car, reaching to carry Lucas to bed. “I am very glad you were there for him.”
I shrugged. “I love Lucas,” I said before I had realized what I was saying. It was only as it left my lips that I realized it was true.