by Kate Swain
“No way,” I murmured.
The thought filled me with a dawning sense of wonder. Fear, yes – horror, a bit. But overall, I felt a sense of awe.
“Matt…” I whispered.
What if I was pregnant? What would I do? I was on the run, I was in danger and I couldn’t contact him or go to see him in case I led killers to his door – ruthless men who I thought were not above hurting innocent people or kids in order to find me.
“I can’t tell him.”
I shut my eyes, remembering the fear in his voice and the worried texts. I had betrayed him and I knew it. I had let his son down.
I couldn’t handle it anymore. I went through to the bedroom where my phone was still plugged-in and pulled it out. I texted Matt quickly.
I am so sorry. I broke my promise.
Then I took a breath and switched off my phone, slipping it into my pocket. What else could I do? I couldn’t speak to Matt – just hearing his voice would make me unable to hold any of this back, to keep away. I needed to be strong. I had to stay away from his house or risk the lives of the two people I loved.
I choked as tears ran down my face. I loved Matt and Lucas with a fierce strength. I couldn’t turn my back on them, any more than I could turn my back on myself! I loved them.
But I couldn’t bring death to their door.
I went to the bathroom again and blew my nose, then started fixing up my makeup. I should go out. I didn’t think I was going to need the doctor – strangely, my nausea was lifting now, as quickly as it arrived – though I did think I needed something for nausea, should it think to return. And, I thought, reaching for my handbag – I needed a pregnancy test.
I took the bus to the pharmacy. I hesitated to do it, because the big one – the one I wanted to go to – it was close to the hotel I’d been staying in. But, since I needed to go there, I had to take the risk.
I jumped off at the same stop from which I’d departed, hoping nobody had seen me. I tried to see if I could spot a white car anywhere, but there was a big group of people getting off the bus, and they blocked my view of the street by the hotel.
I walked along, keeping in the middle of the crowd, until I was close to the hotel. Then I crossed the street, heading to the drug-store.
When I was finished in there, I slipped out, trying to be as inconspicuous as possible. I wished I had a hat – my hair was quite distinctive, and it added to the difficulty of blending in. I could almost consider coloring it so that it didn’t give me away. That was a problem for another day, though – I would ask Laney about it and maybe she could help me with it.
I was jumpy as I waited at the bus stop. If my pursuers were going to find me, it would be around here. They definitely knew where I had been staying. I was uneasy until I sat down on the bus. When it pulled out, I noticed there were lots of white cars in the street. We were moving too fast for me to be able to see if any of them was a Toyota, or to pick out one with tinted windows.
When we reached the stop near Laney’s, I got off and had to fight the urge to run the half-block to her home. I leaned on the door as I locked it behind me, feeling safe finally.
I unpacked my purchases, putting the pregnancy test in the drawer near the bed. I would use it tomorrow if I felt nauseous again. One day was not going to make any difference, I reckoned, and I had been through enough stress today.
I spent the rest of the day distracting myself. I did the dishes, packing them neatly away. I prepared a meal with what was in the pantry – I reckoned it would be a nice surprise for Laney, and she should have some benefit from having a lodger. I settled down to fix up my portfolio, hesitating about taking the photo of the park – the one Matt had used to inadvertently give me away – as part of the portfolio anymore. I decided to leave it there, but not to reference anything about the competition or the paper. I didn’t need either of those guys to stumble on it and get ideas.
“Not that they don’t know already.”
I shut my eyes and tried not to worry about it.
I tried especially hard not to think about Matt, or Lucas, or the feeling of my phone in my pocket, likely full of demands for an answer.
“He’ll fire me soon.” I shut my eyes, not wanting to think too much about that. It had its own painful irony. I pushed the thought away and considered doing some laundry. It would be good to make use of my access to a washing machine while I had it.
I was just folding my things away when Laney arrived.
“Tessa! Hey, how’s it?” she called, taking off her high-heels in the doorway. She came in, dressed in a suit, her high-heeled pumps in one hand, hair loose around her shoulders. She grinned at me. “Wow! Something smells awesome!”
I blushed. “I made dinner.”
“You did?” she gave me a big hug and I had to blink rapidly to hold back my tears. Her sweet praise and careless affection was exactly what I needed right now. Sniffing forcefully, I hugged her back and then headed to the bathroom, hoping to hide my crying before she saw and asked me what was up.
“Did you have to see the doctor?” she asked as we sat down to steaming platefuls of potato bake with blue cheese and onions. Laney was avoiding meat these days. She tucked blonde hair behind her ear and I smiled to think of how relaxed she looked compared to the formidable-looking business woman who had left the house earlier today.
“No,” I murmured. “I think I’m fine.”
“Oh! Good! I hope it wasn’t the butternut squash,” she said with a frown. “Never known it make people sick, but…”
“No, I’m sure it wasn’t,” I grinned reassuringly. “You made a wonderful dinner.”
“Not like this.”
I blushed. It was good, I thought, to have friends.
I went to bed early, the weight of worry for Matt and Lucas pressing on me. I didn’t know what to do or say. Silence was all I had to give them, when I had no answers – not even for me. I drifted off to sleep, recalling that tomorrow, when Laney had left, I could finally find out whether my nausea was from what I thought it was, or something different.
I still had no idea what to think.
I woke up to find Laney already gone, a note propped up by the toaster.
I read it aloud, smiling fondly at the angular writing. “Had an early meeting – needed to be there to set up the room. See you at six. I’ll bring dinner?”
I smiled and slipped the note into my pocket. I would need to text her to reply, which meant I would need to switch on my phone and face whatever angry tirade Matt had sent. I didn’t want to think of him being anything but angry. I didn’t want to think of the pain I’d caused.
I still felt nauseous, but it wasn’t as bad as yesterday. I managed to drink coffee and eat cereal. Then I went through to the living room and sat on the couch. I switched on my phone, but before I got to check the tide of messages that were flooding from it, I heard a knock at the door.
“Laney?” I frowned, feeling a twitch of concern for her. Why would she come back so early? Had something happened?
Without thinking about it, I ran to answer the door.
I almost screamed when I saw who stood there. It wasn’t Laney, but I knew who it was, because I had seen his face behind the wheel of a car, and before that in my nightmares.
24
Matt
I was at work, a bike parked in front of me, while I was meant to try and check the pressure in the rear tire. I couldn’t think, not even for such a simple task as this. My mind was with Tessa. I had tried to call her four times already. I had got the same reply as yesterday, which was the tone indicating her phone was off. It was weird.
“Why would she switch off her phone?”
I hadn’t realized I spoke aloud until Adam replied. “Matt, you’re miles away. And why are you taking my pressure-gauge? I’m using it already…”
I sighed and put his tire-pressure equipment back where I’d found it, cheeks going red. I really was in bad shape. I hadn’t slept for days. Not right thro
ugh the night, anyway. I kept on tossing and turning, thinking about Tessa and what was happening.
“Sorry,” I murmured. “I have a lot of things on my mind at the moment.”
“I understand,” Adam agreed. “Your son’s arm and stuff.”
I shut my eyes. Lucas and his broken arm were not a cause of concern – as far as I knew, his arm was healing beautifully. I was worried for him, of course – since Tessa left, he had become quiet and withdrawn again. But other than that, my concern was all for her.
“Yeah,” I sighed. “That kind of thing.”
“Matt?” Mark came up to me as we were taking a moment for lunch. “Have you managed to find a temp to keep an eye on Lucas yet?”
“No,” I shook my head. I had mentioned to him the thought that I might have to hire somebody on a per-week basis, just to take care of things with Lucas when I couldn’t be there. Right now, I couldn’t think of anything else.
I headed out with my brother, who patted my shoulder reassuringly. As we walked across the car-park, my phone buzzed. I pulled it out immediately. If it was Lucas, he might need me. The only other person it might be was Tessa, and the thought of that filled my heart with an intense hope.
“It’s her!” I almost screamed to Mark, who stopped dead beside me, nodding.
“Great,” he said. “What’s happening?”
“Nothing,” I said, feeling my heart thump sickeningly. I couldn’t hear anybody on the other side. It sounded like it was in her pocket, maybe, or her purse – almost like she hadn’t meant to make a phone call. But her phone had been off, not two hours before! This was crazy.
“Maybe it’s in her handbag?” Mark suggested. I held my finger against my lip, asking him for silence, as I listened in. Somebody was taking on the other side.
“…we finally found you. We need to know where the money is.”
“Shit,” I breathed. I could hear a male voice, raised and berating. It sounded not unlike the voice of the man in the restaurant – it had the same twanging accent.
“Shit,” I whispered again. I heard Tessa’s voice reply, soft but clear.
“I don’t know about it,” she said. “I don’t know about any money.”
“You’re lying,” the man accused.
“Mark?” I breathed, holding the phone away from me. I gestured toward the others – Adam and Carter, who were halfway out of the parking lot already – and he understood, and ran to fetch them. I went back into the workshop.
When my brothers and our friend returned, I had set up the phone on speaker-phone, the intensity turned up so that we could hear everything clearly. This time, the man was shouting at her.
“You tell us where the money is, or we’ll get it out of you.”
“I don’t know!” Tessa was shouting now, too, but I could hear how afraid she was. I was weeping, hot tears of rage. I had to find her!
“I’m calling the police,” Carter said instantly. He pulled his phone out and went to the door. I followed him out, torn between wanting to assist him and wanting to be there to hear Tessa’s words. I couldn’t do anything to help her, but somehow walking away from the phone made me feel as if I was walking away from her.
I felt helpless. Just like I did when the accident took Amy away.
I hadn’t noticed any of it, but now it all fitted together – her reluctance to let me see her apartment, her fear and her horror about the name in the paper, her nightmares. I hadn’t noticed any of it, not even the nightmares, when it had all been right in front of me, waiting for me to be wise enough to see it.
“Damn.” I slammed my fist into my palm, wishing I could do something to help. “Ask them to trace her number!” I hissed at Carter, getting an idea.
Carter nodded. I was already running back to my phone, grabbing for a pen and paper, to take the number to him. Mark didn’t say anything as I scrambled for the number, but calmly stood beside me, listening to everything that was going on down the speaker-phone. Adam was with him, writing things down on a notebook, clearly trying to glean clues from what they were saying. I ran back to Carter.
“Here!” I said. I handed him the pad and he read the number to the police. The faster they could trace her, the faster we could get to work.
To wait was agony. I cursed the police-officers, wishing they could know how it felt to have to wait, helplessly, while somebody they loved was being threatened. I knew I was being unfair, when Mark patted me on the arm.
“They can’t fly, Matt.”
“They damn well should,” I hissed. Mark just nodded. I sighed, trying to calm down.
I was probably being unfair to the police-men because in ten minutes, they arrived. I stood back as they came over to my phone. One of them was listening to the call, while the other spoke to Mark and to me.
“We found her. These are the coordinates.”
“Damn!” I almost shouted, then winced, aware that I had probably risked giving away the fact that her phone was on. I didn’t want to endanger her anymore.
I ran through to grab my coat, already intent on going to find her myself, police or no police. Mark followed me, keying the coordinates into his own phone. The map showed somewhere on the outskirts of town, a disused truck-stop or something. I felt sweat running down my spine.
“Carter,” I said, as we walked back through the workshop. I was going to ask him to make sure somebody fetched Lucas, but he replied before I said it.
“I’ll make sure we get him from school at lunchtime, and that somebody stays with him. If necessary, I’ll do it myself.”
“Or I can,” suggested Adam helpfully.
“Thanks, guys,” I said, feeling my heart twist. I had trouble recalling the last time I felt so cared about. I had never realized how much my brothers cared. I could wish that I had noticed it sooner, but I’d been blind to it until now.
Smiling my thanks at Carter, I ran to my car, Mark following me.
“Let’s go,” he said, as he slammed the door. “We don’t know how much time we have.”
25
Tessa
I tried not to show how terrified I was. That was hard, because I had already reached the threshold of what I thought was the limit to fear. I was starting to realize just how bad it was. I looked out of the window, not wanting to make eye-contact with the man who was in the doorway – the man from my nightmares.
“You aren’t going to tell us, are you?” he said.
I felt my sanity fray. “How can I tell you about money that doesn’t exist!” I pleaded. “I never heard my dad say anything about any inheritance. He gambled away all our funds!”
I let my head hang. I was crying, which I knew would probably only excite a person like this to greater lengths. I had only been here for three hours, I guessed, but I already knew that he was not the sort of person to whom it was wise to show pain. I sniffed and tried to stop crying.
“Nice one,” he said, and I tensed as I heard him walk closer. I was sitting on a box in what I assumed was once a store-room. The walls were unpainted and the place had an air of neglect. If I were to guess, I’d say this had once been part of a factory, and that we must be in the old industrial area, out of town.
I flinched as he took two steps into the doorway. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. I was almost certain this was one of the men who had killed my father. I was angry, shocked, and more fearful than I had ever been in my life.
“You know you only have to tell us. What’s money, to you?” he asked. “Is it worth more than your life?”
“No!” I screamed, seeing him take out a knife. I wanted to run. I wanted to attack. I wanted to hide. I couldn’t do anything, and so I cried. “Please,” I whispered. “Please. Just leave me alone. I just want to live.”
I shut my eyes, and I didn’t hear him get any closer. I froze, hoping he wasn’t looking around. I had kicked my phone under the pile of tarpaulins and other trash, the call button on and to Matt’s number. I had no idea if it was still transmitting, if
he had answered, or if it had switched off, or the battery ran out. I couldn’t risk looking, and I didn’t dare so much as glance in that direction. If he found it, I was as good as dead.
“You aren’t going to tell me, are you?”
“I can’t,” I said. This time, I wasn’t crying. I was too tired. I had no idea how to tell this man that there was no secret wealth hidden away, nothing to support me. What they had taken from the house had been everything we had, and if the debts were unpaid, they were going to have to stay that way.
“I don’t believe anything you said.” His words were flat and cold. This man had killed my father, I was almost sure of it. He had the same airy tone of speech, the same expressionless eyes.
“I am telling you the truth.” I felt myself get to my feet, my anger for a moment overwhelming my fear. “If I had money, do you think I would have been hiding out in that dirty hotel? Do you think I would be babysitting? That I’d be here?”
He shrugged. “How would I know?”
I covered my face with my hands, the horror returning. I was tired and cold and sore. I had been driven here in the car trunk, and for two hours I’d been being interrogated by the man from my nightmares. I was frightened that, if this carried on longer, I was going to lose my mind.
“Please,” I whispered. “I haven’t done anything. What my father did was not my fault. Please, let me go?”
He raised a brow, as if my performance was unimpressive. I saw him take out the knife again, and I stepped back, prepared to fight if I had to. I wasn’t going to sit here and let him cut bits off me until I told him what? I had told him everything already!
“No!” I screamed, and as he lunged at me I realized that I had never so much as wrestled somebody before, not even in school. I had no practice fighting at all, or of how to start or what it felt like to grapple with someone. All the same, there seems to be some sort if knowledge in our bodies. I kicked a box at him and he roared as it hit into his knees. I used the moment to run for the door, but he was too fast for me. He got to his feet and ran at me, howling.