by Karina Halle
“There are ravens,” she says, tapping her hands against the glass like she’s the drummer for Tool. “Feathers and bones, mainly, but they deliver messages between Stragglers, Gods and spirits alike. Now, they don’t fly between this world and the next. The soulbirds do though, but they don’t deliver messages. Not in the way you mean.”
I sigh and look back at my reflection in the mirror. I look better than I’ve ever looked. My eyes are bright, my cheeks flushed—I have a real glow about my skin. Perhaps eating like the Gods do has really agreed with me.
Or maybe it’s getting eaten out by a god, I think, trying not to smile at the thought.
“You know, when you marry Death, when he falls in love with you, he may let you visit the Upper World,” Bell points out. “And if not, he may at least send someone to check on your father. Deliver messages and the like.”
I give her a wry look over her shoulder. “You know I’m going to miss your confidence in me.”
She shrugs and goes back to tapping her hands. “Why shouldn’t I have confidence in you?”
I shake my head. She makes it sound so easy. Yes, I’m now getting fucked by Death on a regular basis, our midnight trysts where I take it from behind and he remains this mysterious force that makes me see stars, have happened for the last few nights. But that’s as far as the progress goes. When I see Death during the day, it’s like the whole sex thing has never happened. Our interactions are brimming with sexual tension, but we don’t talk about what we do to each other at night.
“And anyway, I hope that’s not all you’ll miss about me,” she adds with a bright smile, drumming away.
She’s nervous. Tonight is the night, when the full moon will appear and I have to call upon this Kuutar to get Bell safe passage. If she has confidence in me in getting Death to fall in love (highly unlikely), I think she has a little less confidence in me getting her out of here. I don’t blame her. I’m a mere mortal, I don’t know what I’m doing here. But I’ll follow her instructions to the letter and do my damn best. And I guess there’s always the next full moon, right? Providing Death doesn’t discover her by then.
“I’ll miss many things about you,” I assure her. “But what I won’t miss is someone listening to me have sex and making notes about it to discuss with me the next day.”
She laughs melodically and then goes back to tapping.
Of course the timing of everything that’s been going on makes tonight’s mission a little more difficult. The weather has to cooperate, which means the sky must be clear, so that we can see the moon. Which means that Death has to either be asleep, or he has to be having sex with me (or just finished having sex with me). So, when I take Bell on her escape mission, I have to wait until Death is asleep.
Now, after we have sex, he usually puts his mask back on and leaves before I have a chance to see him in his natural state, or talk to him. He’s not much for the apres-fuck chitchat, and frankly neither am I. But if for some reason he were to stay, that would royally fuck shit up.
Lucky for me, I have all day to fret about it. Time passes slowly, or maybe it stands still, goes backwards, it’s hard to say.
Raila brings my dinner to my room as usual—I haven’t been the guest of honor at dinner since the first time—and I barely have an appetite, even though the cook, Pyry, has created yet another delicious Tuonela meal (birch-smoked pike with mashed fire pumpkins and grilled dusk lettuce leaves). I do drink a few mugs full of starwater mead—which tastes like an orange Creamsicle, and is apparently very rare—enough to gather up my courage.
Then, when night falls, the mist cloaking the castle in black velvet tendrils, I lie on my bed and wait for Death. I don’t mean literally, of course.
He comes in.
Takes me.
I don’t turn around, I don’t see his face.
I just submit and succumb.
Oh, and I thoroughly enjoy it.
But aside from his filthy mouth, few words pass between us, and then like usual, he’s gone.
Normally I pass right out into the deepest sleep, but not tonight. The moment the door closes behind him, I’m getting out of bed and slipping my nightgown back on. I grab a candle holder and light the candle, then go over to Bell’s tank, peering in. The candlelight makes her white scales shimmer, the flame reflected in her aquamarine eyes.
“Are you ready?” I whisper to her.
She nods. “I’m ready.”
“So how should I do this?” I ask, feeling awkward. “How long did you say you can survive outside of the tank for?”
“Hours,” she says. “We have plenty of time. Just pick me up and carry me.”
I have to admit, the idea seems weird. I’ve never picked up anyone before and carried them, not even a baby and certainly not a tiny mermaid creature.
She rolls her eyes. “Treat me like a doll if you have to.”
I laugh. “Oh you don’t want that. All my Barbie dolls were missing their heads by the time I was done with them.” Not to mention the compromising positions I always left them in with dick-less Ken.
“I trust you won’t lose my head,” she says wryly, then she reaches up toward me with her arms. “Now let’s get going while the Moon Goddess is still out.”
I still don’t feel comfortable holding her, especially since she’s part fish and probably very slippery, so I go and grab my boot and then hold it to the edge of the fish tank.
“Climb in there,” I tell her.
She gives me a look of annoyance but pulls herself up over the top of the boot and slides on in. I have big feet, size nine and a half, so luckily she looks pretty comfortable in it—and photogenic. If I had the artistic ability of my dad, I think I’d try and paint her in it.
With Bell in my boot in one hand and the candlestick in the other, I creep toward the door and carefully open it. I don’t know what time it is in this clockless palace, but the halls feel hushed and still. Death’s sleeping quarters are on the same floor as the entrance to Stargaze Tower, so I have to be extra quiet when going along his floor, especially since his guards are stationed outside his room, doing the night’s watch. I don’t really know why Death has so much security, since I don’t think he’s easy to kill, but maybe it just helps boost his ego.
Sometimes I think that’s why I’m here, an ego boost. Who doesn’t want a woman screaming “oh God” every night at your touch?
The entrance to the tower is on the opposite side of the floor, away from sleeping Death, and once I’m on the spiral staircase, I hurry to the top, taking the steps two at a time, careful not to trip.
I gasp. The room looks completely different than when I was here the other day. All the paintings and charts of the stars on the wall gleam and sparkle like the stars outside. There are crystals placed around the room, on shelves and desks and stands, that I hadn’t even noticed before. Now they’re all bathed in moonlight and glowing different colors. Jagged chunks of amethyst, spears of clear quartz, glowing towers of translucent teal, and wands of what look like selenite, glowing a faint silvery gold that matches the shine of the moon.
Because the moon is the real deal here. I’ve seen the moon before at night in Tuonela, quick glances out my window if I happen to wake up early, and while it’s always been gorgeous, it’s looked more or less like the moon back home.
But tonight, it’s full, so full it seems to take up all the space in the sky. Before, if you raised your hand to the heavens, your pinky fingernail might block out the moon. Tonight, I’m not even sure my fist would block it out. I can see every single crater with such clarity that it’s making me anxious and dizzy.
I’m speechless.
“She’s beautiful, isn’t she?” Bell says breathlessly, gazing up with entranced eyes. I must look the same.
“Is that…Kuutar?” I ask.
“Kuutar is in the moon,” she says. “That’s where she lives. Look through the telescope.”
I put the boot down on the table beside a glowing cluster of r
ainbow quartz, and go over to the biggest telescope that Bell is gesturing to. I peer through it and somewhere in the back of my mind I am just in total disbelief over what’s happening. Am I seriously going to help this little mermaid escape the wicked castle by looking through a telescope for a woman on the moon to appear? It’s amazing what your mind gets accustomed to, whether the harshest conditions or the most fantastical situations, because I’m actually getting so used to dealing with this new world that I have to step back every now and then and go what the fuck, is this really my life right now?
And so, when I’m looking through the telescope, I’m not even surprised to see white sand dunes. They sparkle, like each grain of sand is made of a star, and they shift under unseen winds. I have to pause and take my eye off the viewfinder and look back at the moon with my naked eye, because what I’m seeing isn’t matching up.
This time when I look back through the telescope, the stardunes have shifted even more and something is starting to rise out of them, the sand moving around in a circle of sparkles.
A tall, muscular woman slides out from the sand. She has long silver hair and white skin and pale purple eyes, and has on a gauzy thin dress of shimmering stars. She’s beyond stunning, and is wearing the most serene smile.
“I see someone,” I tell Bell, describing her.
“That’s Kuutar!” she says excitedly.
“Aren’t I supposed to chant some spell or something?”
She shakes her head. “It will be fine since she knows I’m here. Bring me to the window.”
I bring Bell and the boot over to the window and open it, the cold night air rushing in. The moonlight feels like an icy caress against my skin, making my heart dance. Below the waves crash against the tower, the moonlight shimmering, making everything look coated in silver.
“Are you sure?” I ask Bell warily as I peer over the edge. “This can’t be safe.”
“Yeet me into the sea, fairy girl,” she says with a grin. “Kuutar will grant me safe passage once I land on the moonlight.”
I hesitate. I trust Bell and there’s definitely a goddess on the moon, but it doesn’t feel right to literally throw her out of a building.
“Please, before we lose the chance,” she adds, real urgency in her voice.
“Okay,” I say with a sigh. “I’m going to miss you, you know.”
“You’ll see me again one day, I’m sure of it,” Bell says. Then she nods at the water.
I take in a deep breath, pull back the boot and then thrust it forward.
“Bye Bell,” I whisper as Bell goes sliding out of the boot, diving headfirst into the water below. She’s so tiny that she barely makes a splash, just a rippling of silver moonlight.
I exhale, exhausted from the build-up to this moment, but relieved it all worked out in the end. I was able to keep a promise to someone and that feels good. Better than good.
But I also know that I took a risk in doing it and that if I don’t get back to my room soon, there could be hell to pay.
I pick up the candle, tuck the boot under my arm and make my way out of the tower and down the stairs, praying I don’t run into anyone. I’m not sure what my excuse would be if caught.
I’m finally on my floor, creeping as silently as possible down the hall, almost to my room when suddenly a dark figure steps away from the wall.
I can’t help the cry that falls from my lips.
It’s Surma, covered in his flowing black robe, his tattered skull visible.
“What are you doing?” he asks in a sinister voice, his teeth clacking together in that horrible way.
I open my mouth to talk, to lie, but he’s fast. He suddenly reaches out and grabs me, his bone hands crushing my wrist before pushing me back against the stone wall, holding me there, pressing against my shoulder.
“I-I thought I heard a noise,” I manage to say, fear crippling me.
Oh god, he smells awful. He’s what I always imagined Death would smell like, rotting flesh and meat left out in the sun. The horridness only adds to the terror.
“Lies,” he hisses. “You were doing something. I told Death you had no place being in this house.”
“I wasn’t doing anything,” I protest.
“Why are you holding a boot?”
Fuck.
“A weapon,” I tell him, raising my chin in false confidence.
“More lies,” he seethes. “You are no different than your father, always trying to get your hands on our secrets, and Tuoni is too trusting of you, too soft. He’s made too many mistakes, granting life to those who should have died, people like your father, messing up the natural order of things. Tuoni brought this reckoning upon himself. If I had his power still, the things I would have done to you would be too horrific to describe. And while I can’t rule over the land anymore, it doesn’t mean I can’t do what I do best.” He hisses out the last word, making my blood run cold.
“It’s time for Tuoni’s reign to come to an end. The Old Gods will see to it. There are so many of us who will do whatever it takes to make sure that the City of Death falls. They will place me back in the role that was always mine. But you will be long dead before then.”
I open my mouth to scream but then he’s covering it with his boney hand, smelling of rot, and I’m nearly choking on it. I try to summon all my strength and power to fight back, but it’s like he has me completely drained.
“Do you know who I am?” Surma rasps on. “I was the one who killed. I was the Killerling. All feared me. The mold from my decaying body would make people go insane before they died. I should do the same to you, or I could make your death even more painful than you can imagine. You don’t belong in this world, girl. You belong in Oblivion. Let’s see if Death misses you if you’re gone.”
Suddenly my nose fills with the warming scent of sea salt and smoke.
“You belong in Oblivion,” Death’s voice growls from the darkness. “Let go of her, Surma.”
Oh thank god. That God, in particular.
“Do you know what she was doing? Sneaking around in the night?”
“She is free to go where she wishes,” Death says and though I can’t see him, I feel his presence get closer, my skin wanting to be close to his.
“I’m just doing what you should have done to start with,” Surma says to him without taking his empty sockets off me. “You never should have made the trade. You should have killed them both. That’s what the real God of Death does. You’re an insult to the job, Tuoni. And you know it.”
“Let go of her,” Death says in a menacingly calm voice. “I won’t tell you again.”
“Or you’ll what?” Surma says, pressing his hand harder against my mouth. I cry out, trying to squirm. “You hate it when things go to Oblivion. It makes you feel weak. You are weak. You’re soft and spineless.”
“Is that so?” Death says, and in a flash he’s taken off his glove, his hand bare, silver lines glowing in the moonlight. “You can call me soft and spineless, but I always keep my word. And my word is that Hanna belongs to me. Not you, never you. And it will stay that way.”
Before Surma can say anything to that, Death reaches out and grabs Surma by the throat. He crushes the bones of his neck into white dust and Surma’s awful scream fills the air and his body collapses into a horror show. Every bone is pulverized, leaking black fluid, pus, and dust, and the pain of his death is so great that I can feel it in my fillings.
It feels like I’m dying myself.
Fear floods my body, the adrenaline kicking in, telling me to run from the one that just killed someone in front of me. It doesn’t matter that I know Death, it’s that I just saw Death do what he does best, and that’s too much for any mortal soul to handle.
So I turn and I run to my room, throwing open the door, trying to find peace, an escape from the madness.
I don’t get far.
“What were you doing out so late?” Death growls, coming after me, putting his glove back on. I get halfway across my room
before he’s grabbing me by the arm and pulling me to him. “You know you can’t trust anyone here. Why would you put yourself in that position? What if I hadn’t shown up to protect you?”
I shake my head, near tears. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
I want to run from him and run to him all at once.
“Don’t ever do that again,” he says, practically barking. “I told you that you’re mine—I don’t want to send everyone that tries something with you to Oblivion, even if they deserve it.”
“Stop saying that I’m yours, I’m not!” I yell, the adrenaline turning my fear into anger, tired of feeling like a possession, like I don’t have a soul and feelings, like I’m not a person with my own agenda.
“You are mine!” he roars, his grip growing tighter. “That was what you agreed to! That was part of the deal. You’re mine, Hanna, and you will stay mine for the rest of eternity, whether you like it or not!”
“Then I don’t like it and I never will,” I sneer at him, trying to get free of his hold. It’s fruitless.
“You lie,” he growls, yanking me even closer to him until I’m flattened against his chest, his other hand going to my back and holding me there. “You like it when I’m deep inside you, you love it when I’m making you come. You can’t get enough of me, and you know it, and that’s what makes you so angry, because you want me just as much as I want you.”
“You barely want me,” I tell him, feeling far more vulnerable than I should be. “You won’t even show me your face. You fuck me in the dark, from behind, you have a mask on the rest of the time. You keep as much distance between us as possible. I think…” I breathe in deeply through my nose, “I think I deserve a little better than that now.”
He stares at me through his skull mask, this one red with devil horns, made of some kind of stone I’m sure can only be found here.
“Is that what you want?” he says, his rough voice lowering to a hush. “To see me? Will that make you happy?”
My brow goes up. “Do you even want to make me happy?”