Whatever this was, it caused him pain. She could see it in his eyes. The last thing she wanted was to hurt him as well. He couldn’t be her prince. She didn’t have the right to ask more of him. And nothing he could tell her would change how much she wanted him, not ever. “Okay.”
His eyes drifted closed, and then he was kissing her again. She trailed her hand higher, her fingers drifting to the side of his throat, over the rough scars there. His neck was thick and muscled like the rest of him. Her thumb grazed over his Adam’s apple and she reveled in the pure masculinity of him. Her head swam as he kissed her so deeply it tugged low in her belly.
One of those big hands moved down between their bodies to work her jeans open and he slid them along with her underwear down her thighs.
When she lay naked underneath him, he pulled back and took her in, all of her, until she was squirming under his heated gaze. A low growl rumbled from his chest, and then his head was between her thighs, strong hands lifting her ass higher, taking complete control of her body.
Mia’s thoughts scattered as Zenon took his time loving her, bringing her to the brink time and time again until she was begging and desperate. “Please…oh God. Zenon, please.”
Relief came when he slid two thick fingers inside her, pumping in and out of her body at a slow, steady pace while he continued to suck and tease her clit. Moments later she was coming, her orgasm so powerful she cried out, body trembling uncontrollably. And then it started all over again. He took her there over and over, until she was a sobbing puddle beneath him.
She tried to pull him up, wanting him inside her, but he just shook his head and pushed her spent body until she came again. By the time he stopped, opening her eyes was impossible. Moving was impossible.
He shifted and tucked her into his side, surrounding her with his warmth. “Thank you,” he whispered.
Why was he thanking her?
Then sleep came and she couldn’t resist its pull.
Zenon didn’t close his eyes, not once through the night. Couldn’t. He didn’t want to miss one second of his time with Mia. After she fell asleep in his arms, he carried her to his bedroom and lay her down in his bed. Where she belonged. Her scent was all over his sheets, and the knowledge that she’d slept here while he was gone pleased both him and his demon.
The warmth of her body settled over him, through him, blanketing him in everything that was Mia. He’d never been this warm. The chill that lived inside him was absent when she was by his side. He’d left her naked, wanting to have every inch of her bared to him. He wanted her warm skin against his skin, without barriers, and resented the jeans he kept on, especially with her perfect round ass nestled against his groin.
But he couldn’t give that to her, that part of him that should belong solely to her. He could never have that with her, and it killed him to think he would die never knowing what it felt like to sink inside his woman, his mate. To share that with her would get him through any nightmare he would face in the future.
He wanted to be her prince. Her everything.
His stomach clenched, and he pushed the pain aside, instead focusing on the female in his arms. He allowed himself the luxury of running his hands over the satin of her skin. He did close his eyes then and let sensation take over as he skimmed over her thigh, up and over her hip, the dip of her waist, around to her soft belly then up to cup her full, soft breasts. Her breath hitched and she wriggled.
He brushed his lips against her ear. “Morning.” She made a little mewing sound and tried to turn in his arms. He held her in place. “Don’t move. Keep completely still. Can you do that?”
“Yes.” Her voice was husky from sleep and sent shock waves of pleasure through his lower belly and across his balls.
Cupping her knee, he lifted her leg up and over his thigh so she was open for him. Her breathing increased to little panting shallow breaths that lifted the hair on his arms and had his scalp tingling in a really good fucking way.
He never knew it was possible to get so much pleasure from giving it. Mia didn’t demand. She didn’t take.
Her back was plastered against his chest and he slid his arm underneath her to take over working her breasts then trailed the other down over her stomach. Yeah, he loved how soft her belly was, how all those curves felt under his hands. Such a contrast to his own body. Mia was delicate, fragile, precious.
Slipping a finger through her delicate folds, he groaned at the feel of her. So hot, so silky. “You’re so wet, Mia. That’s all for me, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” More with the husky voice, and he was gifted with another zap of pleasure through his body. She lifted her hips trying to take more.
“No moving, remember?” he whispered then sucked her delicate lobe into this mouth, biting down softly. She growled, and it sounded so damn cute he actually chuckled.
“I never knew you were such a control freak,” she said, sounding breathless.
He didn’t either. He was running purely on instinct. Somehow he knew this was what Mia needed, what he needed. “You complaining?” He brushed his thumb over her clit, and she sucked in a breath.
“Are you kidding?”
And what do you know, he chuckled again.
“I like that,” she whispered.
“What?”
“Hearing you laugh.”
God-motherfucking-damn.
He couldn’t speak after that. This moment would sustain him for the rest of his miserable life. However long that might be.
This one peaceful, perfect moment with his female would get him through all the shit to come, and he couldn’t even tell her how huge that was. How amazing she was, how important she was to him.
The beautiful female in his arms had given herself over to him fully, without reservation, without fear. He didn’t deserve the gift she’d given him, but he would take it. He had to. Would die without this moment with her.
He slid his fingers inside her, loving the way she groaned, the way her muscles gripped him, pulled them deeper. He worked her body, bringing her pleasure over and over. And when she came the last time he buried his face against her throat, taking in her scent, feeling the softness of her hair, and pretended that his heart hadn’t just torn in two. That he wasn’t moments away from crying like a pussy at the hopelessness of it all.
Her body went pliant in his arms and he knew she’d drifted back to sleep. And as much as it killed him, he slid out from behind her and pulled on his T-shirt.
She didn’t wake until he placed a cup of coffee on the bedside table. Those big, soft, sleepy blue eyes blinked up at him.
Fucking beautiful.
“Are you going somewhere?”
“Yeah. I’ll be back later, though.”
“You won’t do another disappearing act on me?”
He realized he couldn’t make that promise. “If that happens, I’ll get a message to you, yeah?”
She bit her lip and turned pink. “Okay.”
“What is it, Mia?”
“I’m sorry. I, ah, fell asleep again before you got to…before you…you know.”
Fuck.
He swallowed, mouth suddenly dry. “I got everything I needed watching you, giving it to you. I promise you that.”
She frowned, little lines creasing her brow. “But I want to do that for you. I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.”
Yeah, he loved hearing that, knowing that he pleased her, made her feel good—that she wanted to do the same for him. It was better than any orgasm he could have.
But he didn’t want her to know the truth, know he could only ever be half a man with her, could never give her all of him. He wanted to smash something in that moment, kill something—someone.
Whatever time they had, he wanted it to be good. He didn’t want this hanging over their heads. “I want that, too. But”—he scrubbed his hands over his face—“we can’t take this, what we have, there. We can’t do more than we did last night and this morning in my bed.”
She bit down on her lower lip and pulled the covers higher. “You don’t…you don’t want me?”
He wanted to punch the flaccid piece of flesh dangling between his legs and scream work, motherfucker. Instead be took her face in his hands. “I wish so fucking bad that I could have that with you. I would give anything to be that for you. Don’t ever doubt that I want you, because I fucking crave every inch of you. This has nothing to do with you.”
She stared up at him, eyes round and confused—hurt. “I don’t understand.”
“There’s shit going on that’s bigger than you and me.” He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. He needed her to understand. “Please, Mia, just…I need you to accept this.”
She took his hand and threaded her fingers with his. He could still see the uncertainty there, but she tried to hide it from him. He hated it, didn’t want her hiding anything from him.
“Okay. I don’t understand what’s going on with you, but I said last night that I’ll take whatever you can give me, and I meant it.”
He wanted to cry with relief, and at the same time despised himself for what he was doing to her. Selfishly taking what he wanted. But he couldn’t lose this little piece of heaven Mia was gifting him. Not yet, not until he had to. “You’ll be here when I get back?”
“Yes.” She lifted his hand and kissed his palm. “I’ll be here.”
Jesus, he didn’t deserve this—didn’t deserve her, not when he would have to leave. “Thank you.”
He kissed her goodbye, savoring the taste and feel of her mouth. Who knew kissing could feel so damn good? He would never get enough, and wanted to keep on kissing Mia until the day he died.
And it looked like he was getting his wish.
After one last look at the rumpled female in his bed, he made his way to the control room. He planned on getting through this briefing as soon as possible, because he wasn’t going to waste whatever time he had left with Mia, not one fucking second.
Chapter 14
Mia watched him leave, her beautiful, broken warrior.
But he wasn’t hers. He wasn’t her mate.
Eve and Meredith were wrong. And though she wished otherwise—had never wanted anything more in her entire life—she’d learned a long time ago that wishing for something out of your reach brought you nothing but disappointment.
He carried so many secrets, so much pain locked inside. The way he’d touched her, looked at her. Zenon had a way of making her feel wanted, cherished, like she was precious—important. The fact he didn’t think he deserved the same broke her heart.
Was controlling the intimate side of their relationship another way for him to keep her at arm’s length? And if so, why go there with her in the first place? There was more to it, she just didn’t know what. Was he injured? Maybe there was a physical reason he couldn’t have sex? She believed him when he said he wanted her. You couldn’t fake the longing she saw in those intense yellow eyes.
Gah. She had to stop this.
She flopped back on the bed and glanced at the alarm clock.
Wasn’t there something she had to do this morning?
“Crap.” She’d completely forgotten she had a training session with James. Shoving back the covers, she raced out of bed and quickly showered and dressed in comfortable clothes, a pair of black yoga pants and one of Chaya’s old Led Zeppelin tees. It was soft and worn and made her feel closer to her big sister.
James wasn’t alone when she got there. Chaos stood against the wall. They watched her walk in, Chaos in that predatory way all the knights seemed to have, head tilted to the side, studying her like he was trying to work something out, while James gnawed on his fingernails like it was his last meal.
Great. Now what?
“How are you feeling, Mia?” Chaos asked.
Nerves assaulted her belly and she shook out her hands, trying to warm her suddenly freezing fingers. “I’m good. Thanks so much for the concern.”
He raised a brow at her obvious sarcasm but didn’t call her on it. “James tells me you had a breakthrough the night of the attack?”
“I guess you could call it that.” She was still uneasy around Chaos. He’d been so angry with her after Zenon brought her in, but he’d pulled it back as quickly as he’d lost it, like he’d flicked a switch and turned off his emotions, just like that. That steely control was what scared her most.
Zenon wasn’t the only one who had built up a wall, but when Chaos’s walls cracked, she got the feeling all hell would break loose.
He took a step closer. “How did you feel right before it happened?”
“I don’t know. Angry, scared.”
“Which was it, Mia? This is important.”
She gritted her teeth, biting back the smart-ass comment on the tip of her tongue. “Anger?” She tried to put herself back there. “Yeah, more than anything else I was angry.”
“You sure about that?”
She rolled her eyes. She couldn’t help it, he was so damned arrogant. “Yes, I’m sure.”
The door opened and they all turned to see Zenon storm in. His cold stare landed on James. “You weren’t there when I got back. You didn’t tell me you were seeing James today.”
Was he…jealous? “I forgot I had a training session until after you left.”
“I don’t think you want to be here for this,” Chaos said, breaking the stare down Zenon and James had going on.
His wide shoulders stiffened. “Why?”
Chaos gave him a hard stare. “You might not like my methods.”
Mia’s gaze moved between the two hulking males. “What do you mean?”
They both ignored her. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Chaos watched Zenon for several silent seconds. The tension was so thick Mia wanted to squirm. “Suit yourself, but if you interfere, you’re out.”
Zenon didn’t reply, but she got the feeling he wouldn’t be easy to remove if that was what it came down to.
“Mia, look at me,” Chaos all but barked. She jumped and turned away from Zenon, but could feel the heat of his stare burning into her back. “What were you thinking right before you killed that demon?”
She flinched. She couldn’t help it. It was stupid. That thing would have killed her if she hadn’t done what she had. Still, it freaked her out that she was capable of destroying another living creature with her bare hands. She heard Zenon shift behind her.
Chaos sneered. “You don’t like that you killed that monster?”
“No, it’s just that I—”
“They would have tortured you, Mia. Taken turns with you. Mutilated you until you were barely recognizable.”
Her stomach lurched. “Stop. I don’t need to hear this, I—”
“What were you thinking?”
“Why are you—”
“Tell me now.” He was yelling at her, but Mia knew he still had complete control.
Oh God. She didn’t want to think about that night anymore.
He stepped forward and got in her face. Mia stumbled back. “Have you lost your mind?”
“Are you a coward, Mia?”
“No…I’m—”
He moved back in, crowding her. A quiet growl came from behind her. Zenon.
Chaos’s angry gaze darted behind her then back. “You know what I think? I think you’re afraid. You’re afraid of gaining your full powers because then you’d have to start all over again, start a whole new life, and that terrifies you.”
She shook her head. “No.”
“Yes, I think—”
“I was thinking about my sister,” she yelled. “Of never seeing her again. The pain losing me would cause her. Missed experiences…never knowing what it was like to be…”
“What?” Chaos shouted.
“Loved, all right? Of never knowing what it was to be loved, the way Lazarus loves Eve, like Kryos loves Meredith.” The room went silent, but it was too late. That feeling built inside her chest, and like that night it didn’t stay buried
there. It flew through her limbs. “Oh God,” she moaned. She couldn’t see them, could only hear the sound of their boots on the floor, moving toward her. “Stay back,” she screamed as energy shot from her fingers.
Once it left her body, she collapsed to the ground.
There was a shout followed by shuffling feet, then it went quiet, deathly so. Mia didn’t open her eyes, couldn’t. The acrid smell of burning plastic hit her the same time someone grabbed her shoulders. “Mia?”
Zenon.
She forced her eyes open and gasped. A basketball-sized hole was singed into the padded wall behind him. “I did that?”
“Yeah.” He brushed the hair back from her face.
“Oh my God. I’m a monster.”
He looked down at her, fierce, tender. “No, you’re not.”
“Mia?” James crouched down beside her and she felt Zenon’s grip tighten. “I know that was hard, but you did really good. Trust me, it can only get better from here on out.”
“I hope so.” She looked up in time to see Chaos’s back as he left the room. “That guy has the charm of a python.”
“He didn’t mean any of that, what he said to you.” James shrugged. “I didn’t have the heart to do it.”
Zenon stood, taking her with him, and she squeaked. “Let’s go. You’ve done enough for today.” He strode toward the door. Mia only had time to wave at James over his shoulder before they were moving down the hall.
“I can walk, you know.”
He grinned and nuzzled her neck. “I know.”
“Yet, there you are, still carrying me.”
“I like carrying you.”
“I’ve noticed.”
He chuckled and her belly tightened. He didn’t take her to his room, but instead to the fifth floor and out to the balcony, putting her down long enough to pull off his shirt. She gasped when his leathery wings snapped out.
“What are you doing?”
“I thought you might need some fresh air.” He smiled. God, she loved that smile. He looked so young, so beautiful.
“You’re taking me flying?” She had to stop herself from bouncing with excitement.
“Would you like to?”
Knight's Salvation (Knights of Hell Book 2) Page 15