challenges ended and was declared to be the champion boxer. This had all happened at Central Market. One day, Mr. Graham, my supervisor said to me, “Mario, I’ve been watching you. I have decided that you have been a boxer long enough. Effective today, I’m promoting you to the cash register!”
25 At Saragoga Racetrack
There were problems with the jockeys at Saratoga Racetrack, but everything is OK now. The issue had been publicity. Jockeys complained that they did not receive enough recognition. The management decided to make a movie honoring each jockey. Twenty magnificent movies were made depicting all that was admirable about each jockey. The five-minute films can be purchased at video stores. Ask for the Jockey Shorts. At the same time, you might also ask for the five-minute films about prize fighters. These are called the Boxer Shorts.
Hopping Powder
In the year 2001, the President of the United States proclaimed a state of emergency. He declared that our economy was being threatened with disaster. Dependence on foreign sources of oil must be reduced!
The discovery of Hopping Powder came in the nick of time. While it did not completely solve the energy problem, the new product did make up for the gap that had not been adequately filled by solar, atomic, wind, and other alternate sources of energy that had been examined up to that time.
Hopping Powder was discovered quite by accident at RPI in 1999. In his steadfast search to find a substitute for petroleum, an elderly chemist, Dr. Wilbur Nevins, accidentally inhaled a few grains of highly refined silicon. The gray-haired professor immediately felt an uncanny surge of well-being and strength. There was a spring in his step that exceeded anything he had ever before experienced. This day, he felt there was no need to ride home in his tiny electric car. He thought he might jog. But he did even better than that! Prof. Nevins hopped to his home.
Dr. Nevins began hopping everywhere he went. He immediately understood what it was that had given him this ability. It was the refined silicon. He called it Hopping Powder or HP for short.
He gave samples of HP to his friends and encouraged them to try it. They began hopping and loved it. In a few weeks, almost no one walked at RPI anymore. They hopped.
Sensing an opportunity for profit, Dr. Nevins quit his job and formed a company to produce and sell HP. He called his company, "Hop, Skip and Jump, Inc."
It was inevitable, of course, that HP would go commercial in a big way. In a matter of months, the large pharmaceutical concerns bought out Prof. Nevins and began producing Hopping Powder in huge quantities. They soon made it available in pill form. One pill in the morning was sufficient to power a person to hop for the entire day.
At first, the hops that people made were cautiously experimental. At that time, hopping exuberantly was only for the bold, but soon, hopping from point-to-point became a perfected mode of transportation. The cost of HP was remarkably low and citizens found that they could travel for pennies a hop. With practice some people were able to hop several hundred feet in a single leap. Others, could vault over towers and across streams.
So enthusiastically did people embrace HP that society became obsessed with hopping. The skies were filled with men, women, and children bounding from place to place. They resemble swarms of mosquitoes.
There were sports events for hoppers (Base Hop and Coast-to-Coast Marathon Hop). TV shows featured hopping games (Hop for the Best, and Sixty-million Dollar Hop). There were toys (Hula Hop and Cabbage Hop Dolls.) Individuals challenged each other to hopping contests. An American became Champion Hopper of the World, a great honor. Hoppers raced against electric cars and invariably won.
There were so many hoppers that traffic laws had to be rewritten. Laws that controlled the hopping of persons, as they travelled to work and play, were humorously nicknamed the Leaping Lizard Laws (LLL). In order to get a hopping license, a person had to pass a difficult test. The most demanding skill to master was hovering for one minute at a traffic light several feet in the air.
Hopping insurance was required by statute. There were several kinds of serious violations that carried stiff penalties. Too many hops per second was one, failure to yield to a hop, etc. Of course, hopping without a license literally grounded the offender.
The clothing industry made jumpsuits for use in inclement weather; newspapers carried hopping news; hospitals began increasing their staffs in order to treat victims of the increasing number of bouncing collisions.
There were problems in the land of course, but there was also a feeling of acute exhilaration. The nation had faced the challenge and succeeded. The United States began importing less and less energy products from foreign countries. There was a great deal of optimism for it seemed that our Western Desert contained enough sand to allow the production of hopping powder for hundreds of years.
OPEC was dissolved. Its delegates went home thoroughly demoralized. But suddenly, in the year 2031 it was found that America's silicon reserves were nearly depleted. The sand in Death Valley and from the Grand Canyon had been entirely used up. The nation began to import sand from SPEC (Sand Producing and Exporting Countries) at the cost of three dollars per cubic yard. This was a very reasonable price for sand and there was no great concern, but as the demand for this energy source grew, its cost began to rise. In 2065, the price of sand leaped to almost four thousand dollars per cubic yard. This was a price that the hopping community could not afford.
Our economy was being threatened with disaster. Something had to be done. The President proclaimed a state of emergency.
The Great Witch Hunt
In Hamlet City
The citizens of Hamlet City were stunned when they saw their mayor on television stating that he was a fraud and should never have been elected. With that one announcement, he walked off the set, and, after a pause, the station went to a commercial.
A reporter from the Hamlet City News immediately went to the mayor's home and rang the bell. It was instantly opened by the mayor and he invited the reporter into his home. After the obligatory pleasantries, they sat in the living room.
"What prompted you to make that remark on television," the reporter asked timorously?
"That wasn't me! I was not on television. I was at home when someone, who impersonated me made that phony statement."
"How can you say that it wasn't you? You are one of the most recognizable citizens of the city. Do you have a twin brother?"
"No, I don't have a brother at all. I don't know how it was done. I've seen the clip that shows someone who looks like me making that statement. That individual looks like me, but it wasn't me!"
"I understand that you will be talking to the City Manager about this tomorrow."
"Yes, that's true. I hope to convince him that it wasn't I that the people saw."
"Thank you for the interview, Mr. Mayor. Good luck with the City Manager."
That evening, it was reported on the news that Police Chief Hannigan had been arrested for stealing two notebooks at the dollar store.
The acting Chief asked him why he had done such a foolish thing. Chief Hannigan responded that he had not done this. Despite the fact that the store's camera showed him in the act, someone had impersonated him, he said. Fellow officers at the Station did not believe him.
The inhabitants of Hamlet City were astonished to learn that two of their most distinguished citizens had been accused of reprehensible actions.
They could not have been more surprised when, on the third day, the City Manager was seen forcibly taking a baseball from a small boy on Sixth Avenue. When interviewed by a news reporter, Mr. Wilson denied that he had done this. Nevertheless, he was ordered to report to the police station to explain his side of the charge.
News of what was happening in Hamlet City spread to neighboring localities. The news anchors on several regional channels were having a field day with the astonishing events. Why had these esteemed pillars of this respectable community been involved in such despicable conduct, they were asking?
The
Controller for Hamlet city was surprised to receive a phone call from an individual who stated he had important information for him.
"Mr. Benson," the caller had asked?
"Yes, this is Controller James Benson."
"My name is Frank Mandrake. I am President of an organization that I will name later in this conversation. Right now, I believe I can explain what has been happening in Hamlet City."
"Please do, Mr. Mandrake. The city can't believe that these well-regarded individuals could be guilty of the actions they have been accused of."
"This seems to be the work of a person named Wilhelmina Ferris. I don't wish to alarm you, but I must tell you that she is a witch. From the news reports that I have read and heard about, what has happened is the kind of evil tomfoolery that this person does. I know her because the organization of which I am President is called WAA, Witches Association of America. You have probably never heard of this organization, and I can tell you why; we do not want to be well known. However, this association is known to all witches in the country, and all but two of the 381 witches in the United States are members."
"This is hard to believe," said the Controller. "But, tell me more."
"There truly are witches, Mr. Benson, there are good witches and there are bad
Eighteen Stories With A Touch Of Humor Page 10