Eighteen Stories With A Touch Of Humor

by Mario V. Farina

witches. Fortunately, most of them are good witches. You never hear of their good works, because no one would believe that witches do good works. Unfortunately, a few of the witches in the country are evil. This does not mean that they steal, and murder. They simply do malicious things; often simply for the fun of it. I have talked to them, but their natures are difficult to change."

  "Is Ms. Ferris a member of WAA?"

  "Yes, she is. Since hearing about Hamlet City, I have been trying to reach Wilhelmina, but she has a penchant for staying out of sight, especially when she has done something wicked. She has a hatred for high officials and harasses them constantly. She's well known in the witch community as the witch with the dog familiars."

  "How was she able to do what she did in Hamlet City, Mr. Mandrake?"

  "She developed the art of identity theft to a new level. She can actually become the person she is impersonating. She performs deplorable actions with impunity when the victims are not able to provide an alibi for where they were at the times of the events."

  "How can she be stopped," asked Mr. Benson?

  "First, I have to find her, and then I'll speak to her forcefully. I believe I can convince her of the wisdom of abstaining from these kinds of activity."

  "And the reputations of the victims?"

  "There is a way to restore those reputations. First, I must locate her."

  "If she is a witch, how can you do this?"

  "This can be accomplished with the help of Gladys Vincent. She is a witch that also does good deeds. She is a finder of lost persons! I will ask her to trace Wilhelmina, at which time, I will have an opportunity to talk sense to her."

  "And the reputations?"

  "That will be the job of Henrietta Loveland. She is another witch that does good deeds. She has the ability to control minds. Despite the fact that three high-integrity individuals in your city have had their reputations placed under a cloud, she will be able to restore their former reputations in the minds of those who were affected."

  "When can you start," asked the Controller anxiously?

  "I'll begin right away," said Mr. Mandrake. "I'll call you tomorrow."

  They hung up.

  In mid-afternoon on the following day, Mr. Benson's phone rang. It was Mr. Mandrake. "Ms. Vincent located Wilhelmina and got her phone number," he said. "I called her and informed her that her actions in Hamlet City had been appalling, and she needed to stop. If she did not, I told her, I'd ask the other witches in the organization to ostracize her. She understood that I was serious and promised that she would not perform any further actions of the kind that she had been doing."

  "I'm very happy about that!" exclaimed Mr. Benson.

  "Then I talked to Ms. Loveland. I explained what Wilhelmina had done and would she please restore the minds of the people that she had befuddled to their former conditions. She willingly acquiesced and did what I requested. It will be as if the three unfortunate events never occurred."

  "Why are you doing this for us, Mr. Mandrake?"

  "Because I'm a warlock, a male witch, Mr. Benson. I deem it my call to seek where injustices exist and do that I must to rectify those conditions."

  "I don't know how to thank you! I would like to repay you in some way! How can I do this?"

  "You can understand that, as a witch, I would like to keep a low profile with your city. Your appreciation is all the thanks I need."

  They hung up on that note.

  The next day was a beautiful summer day. The sun was shining and the humidity was low. There was a feeling of goodwill in Hamlet City. That is, until 6:00 p.m. Suddenly, on television, the image of James Benson, Controller of Hamlet City was seen as he was about to make an announcement.

  "People, of Hamlet City," he began. "I have been Controller of this illustrious city for several years. It is now my duty to tell you, that I have been stealing money from your coffers since I began this job. I am a thief and deserve to go to jail!"

  Witch, Wilhelmina Ferris had misbehaved again!

  Voyage To Mars

  My name is Rex Snyder. I'm not an astronaut but Mrs. Snyder and I are on our way to Mars. We left Earth on January 1, 2040. Today is March 1, 2040 and we're a little more than half way to our destination. A great deal of progress was made last year in power generation and space technology. A new form of propulsion was discovered named fusion flame. A luxurious space vehicle was built by NASA, which enabled my wife and I to begin the trip and travel in relative comfort while underway. 

   

  The distance from Earth to Mars varies from moment to moment. The minimum distance between the two planets is about 40 million miles but in traveling from Earth to Mars, we'll need to travel many more than 40 million miles; actually about 150 million. Because of this, NASA chose a happily married couple to make the trip. My wife and I are living in a bullet-shaped vehicle that doubles as a space ship and a luxurious home. It has every modern convenience that happy home owners could wish for. We won't need to do any "driving" since our entire trip has been computer programmed. When we get to Mars, we'll simply orbit the planet, then return home. There will be no landing. The entire trip was planned as a political coup. Several competing nations have been preparing to travel to Mars and our President decided it was imperative that our country be first. The voyage was begun even though the planning for it was only partially complete.

  During the time the voyage was being planned, there was a contest throughout the United States to select the most eligible childless couple to go,  Happily Lucille and I were chosen.

   

  It's been fun so far. On January 1, 2040, there was a short dash on a runway at Dallas airport. When Mars One reached a velocity of about two hundred miles per hour, it  rotated skyward and escaped Earth's gravity within a few seconds. Our ship is traveling at about 25,000 miles per hour. Lucille and I spend our time looking out the picture windows, enjoying elegant meals we prepare using the Fusion-powered range, reading, watching TV, listening to music, and, otherwise simply enjoying a life of leisure. We'll be returning to Dallas on or about March 1, 2041.  We'll arrive at Mars on or about July 1, 2040.  We'll need to stay in orbit with Mars for a few days before the window for a return trip to Earth opens. During those orbits we'll be taking thousands of pictures.

   

  This trip is tedious despite the comforts.  Lucille and I knew this when we were chosen to make the trip, but it will all be worth it because of  the service we're providing for humankind.   I know she and I  will be greatly honored when we return and I've been composing our arrival speech.

   

  May 1, 2040

   

  Something important has happened since I wrote the first part of this story. After March 1, life continued happily until today. NASA hadn't told us but several weeks after Lucille and I had begun our trip, further advances in space technology were made and another couple was launched to travel to Mars. Their ship was Mars Two and it was twice as fast as ours. Around lunchtime, as we were looking out our starboard picture window, we suddenly observed Benny and Helen Brown looking out the picture window of another space ship as it overtook and passed us on its way to Mars. We learned later that Benny and Helen were going to arrive at Mars well before us, and that our ship had been turned around for a return to Earth. This was disappointing but, at least, we thought, we'd arrive on Earth in plenty of time to get a small amount of glory.

   

  May 15 2040

   

  Today, as we were speeding toward Earth, we were looking out the port window and unexpectedly saw Grace and George O'Brien looking out the starboard window of still another space ship aimed toward Mars. This was Mars Three. Even further advancements had been made in technology and this ship was much faster than Mars Two. It was going to arrive at Mars before Mars Two. The latter ship had also been turned to return to Earth. This was bad news but we thought we'd arrive back on Earth first.

   

  June 1, 2040


   

  Alas, this will not to happen.   We've just seen Mars Two forging ahead of us on the way to Earth. A few days from now, Mars Three will go by in the same direction. NASA told us that, actually, Mars Three will be first to arrive at Dallas. This will be on July 1. Grace and George O'Brien will get all the honors. Three weeks later, Mars Two will land. Lucille and I won't get back until September 1, 2040. Our ship has been declared obsolete. There will be no welcoming ceremonies for us. What is worse, our ship will not even land at Dallas. As a convenience to NASA, it will be redirected and parked at a huge storage yard in Houston.

   

  NASA has scheduled our return to Dallas to be by bus but, at our own expense!

   

  Note: The author of this story reads one of his stories on Youtube every day. To see and hear, open www.youtube.com and search for "Grandpa Mario reads"