by Webster, K
His laughter rumbles against me and shakes the bed. “Exactly. I was right back in that place of overwhelming desire.” He sits up on his elbow to regard me. “I fell so hard and so fast for my best friend. We couldn’t get enough of each other. For our entire senior year, we kept it a secret, only seeing each other when it was safe. By the time we’d finally had sex, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.”
“Sounds good in theory.”
“I could fantasize like you wouldn’t believe, but the idea of my father knowing scared the shit out of me.” He curses under his breath and lies back down. “Long story short, Kian came out and I stayed hidden. It ended us. My heart was broken, but I couldn’t do shit about it because I was to blame.”
“That’s brutal.”
Jaxson
Brutal doesn’t even begin to describe the pain I’d felt. I lost my boyfriend and my best friend all at once. For some reason, I need Dante to understand this about me. To explain why I’m the way I am. That I’m not a selfish man, I’m just fucking afraid. Being scared is better than being a straight up asshole.
“It wasn’t the sex or any of the fooling around that made it so special between us,” I explain, my heart thundering in my chest. “It was the friendship and the secret only the two of us knew that made it that way. The blowjobs and everything else was just the icing on the cake. I never wanted it to end.”
“Not every gay man wants the world to know,” Dante says, his deep voice soothing parts of me that are still gaping and bleeding even after all this time. “You were young. Certainly don’t need to beat yourself up about it all these years later.”
“The thing is,” I start, hating the choked-up feeling in my throat. “I wanted to come out. I knew Dad wouldn’t take it well, but the more I was with Kian, I started to not care what he thought. One day…” Tears burn at my eyes as I remember that night at dinner. “One day, I realized I might lose my entire family over something I wasn’t sure would end with Kian. Like, before him, I recognized good-looking men and women, but I didn’t lean toward guys. If he and I were to break up, I wasn’t sure I’d suddenly be into guys in the way I was with him.”
Dante remains quiet, but his hold around my back tightens, drawing me even closer. The sweet, comforting gesture calms me briefly before I’m thrust back to dinner all those years ago.
“An innocent conversation started when my brother Maxton mentioned his girlfriend’s brother, Zion, had just come out gay…” I still remember the amused smile on my younger brother’s face. As though he thought it was funny and not a big deal. “Dad slammed a fist down on the table, rattling everyone’s glasses and making Zak, who was in first grade, cry.”
Dante tenses and I squeeze my eyes shut, hating how I can still feel the tension from that night like it’s happening right now.
“He, uh, he told Maxton, who was sixteen at the time, he was to break up with Kimmy because their family was a bad influence.” I swallow down the dreadful feeling. “Mom started to tell Dad he was overreacting, but he hit the table again. He was furious. Disgusted. All I could think about was how I’d just been making out with Kian in my car outside his house before I came home for dinner. And if he felt this way about Kimmy’s brother, then what would he think about me and Kian?”
“Did Maxton break up with Kimmy?”
A chuckle escapes me. “No. He dated her in secret after that, eloped when he turned eighteen, and moved to Portland with her. They have the cutest twins now. Zion was the best man in their wedding. Mom and Dad didn’t go.”
“Fuck,” he grumbles. “What an asshole.”
I sigh because it’s not untrue. “He then went on that night to tell us if any of us pulled that ‘faggot shit’ on him, he’d disown us so fast our heads would spin.”
“You were just a kid. Jesus.”
“The threat of never seeing Zak, who was like seven at the time, or Hayden who was in middle school, made me want to throw up. Until that moment, I adored my father and aspired to be just like him. He mindfucked me that night and I’ve not been right ever since.”
“Maxton got the right idea,” Dante says. “Left that fucker high and dry the first chance he got.”
“Hayden bolted not long after. They now own an architectural firm together in Portland. It’s rare they ever make the three-hour drive to Brigs Ferry Bay. If it weren’t for Facebook, I’d probably never see my brothers.”
“I can understand why you were afraid of upsetting your father back then, but what about now?”
Maxton asks me all the time why I still put up with Dad’s controlling bullshit and he has no fucking idea I’m gay. He just knows I’ve done nothing but obey Dad’s commands and followed him right into the same career.
“I’m stuck,” I murmur, hating how weak I sound. “It’s too late. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it.”
Silence fills the air, but it’s not uncomfortable. Contemplative, but not strange.
“I can’t say I understand,” Dante says, pity in his tone, “because my parents were cool as hell about it when I came out, but I can see how traumatizing that would have been for a teenage boy.” His fingers stroke up my spine, sending currents of desire shooting straight to my dick. “If Callan didn’t have support about his sexuality, it would break him. He’s too fragile and emotionally unstable as it is. That would have been crushing for him. I can imagine it was for you too.”
“I went into denial. At first, it was about what Dad had said. As long as I kept Kian a secret, I could have my happiness and my family. I wouldn’t have to choose.” Tears well in my eyes and I quickly blink them back. “It was great until graduation. I knew Kian and I were coming to a head. He didn’t know about what my dad said. I was too ashamed to tell him. Each time we were together, he pressed and pressed about proclaiming to the world we were a couple.”
A tear leaks out and I’m overwrought with a mixture of shame and sadness.
“I wanted my secret relationship with him to continue forever, but he drew a line in the sand, forcing me to make a choice I wasn’t ready to make.” Another tear leaks out. “Maybe, with time, I would’ve been able to make a decision like Maxton had. Or if I’d explained my hesitations better to Kian, maybe he would’ve given me more time to figure out a way to tell my parents.” I shrug, swallowing down my emotion. “But it was over so quickly. I didn’t have a chance to prepare. As soon as Kian was gone, I didn’t feel anything for anyone for a very long time.”
Dante rolls us so he’s on top of me, making my heart skip a few beats. His weight on top of me is the best feeling I’ve had in longer than I can remember. He brings a thumb to my cheek, swiping away the wetness there.
“If he really loved you, he would’ve waited until you were ready.” Dante’s eyes are shadowed in the dark room, but I can feel the intensity of them boring into me. “You were young and scared. Opening up about your sexuality is a terrifying thing. Don’t take all of the blame for this. It’s a pretty big cross to bear all on your own.”
His words are blunt but not delivered harshly. Facing the fact Kian and I were just young, puppy love without deep, solid roots completely erases the fantasy of the two of us happily married had only I manned up back then. It plants seeds of doubt. Makes me wonder how long we would have lasted. Most high school relationships aren’t the ones to make it to the end. Maxton and Kimmy are an unusual example.
I reach up, running my fingers through Dante’s hair. “I’m not an asshole.”
The devilish smile he rewards me with sets my soul on fire. “I beg to differ, Sheriff.”
“Fuck off,” I say with a matching grin. “What I mean is…” I sigh, my smile fading as guilt assaults me. “I can tell I hurt your feelings by asking you to park across the street and then again when you got here. It kills me to know that you think I’m weak.”
“You’re not weak.” His lips press to mine for a soft kiss. “Don’t let my shitty attitude make you think otherwise. When I told you I
was fine with fucking around in secret, I meant it.”
He kisses along my jaw before nipping at my earlobe. I groan, wrapping my legs around his waist and drawing him closer. His hips buck forward, rubbing his hard cock against mine through our boxers. Whose dumb idea was it to keep these things on? I may have murmured that last thought because he nips at my throat before sitting back to remove my underwear.
I’m astonished at how quickly he rids me of the offending material and then sheds his own. His mouth finds mine again, this time our naked dicks sliding together. He ruts against me, kissing me deep and hungrily. I dig my fingers brutally into his hips, eager for every touch and kiss he gives me.
I’ve been starving.
For eleven years I’ve been surviving on the barest essentials.
Now, I’m feasting. Gorging myself on the thing I’ve wanted for so long. It’s like unlocking a piece of me I’ve been forced to keep hidden. The relief is refreshing and invigorating. I want to gulp up everything about him from the taste of his cum, to the sound of his pleasure-filled grunts, to the expensive soapy scent that emanates from him.
“Condoms?” he asks, nipping at my bottom lip and then jaw.
I freeze, all my excitement doused in an instant as I realize he’s in the dominant position and I’m the one with my legs spread. Panic shoots through me, making my body tremble.
“Relax, boy.” His nose rubs against mine. “I know what you need. I don’t go back on my word.”
A breath of relief rushes out of me. “Same drawer as before.”
He chuckles and I’m reminded of our frantic encounter last night in my bedroom. As soon as he crawls away from me to fetch the condom, my body cools from the loss of him. I’m aching with need, pre-cum dripping from my dick, but also scared shitless I’m going to fuck this all up somehow.
I feel so close.
Too close to ruin it.
I’d certainly die if he walked away right now, leaving me hanging.
With the lube in his hand, he motions for me to scoot over before he stretches out beside me. “It’s been a while. You’re going to have to prep me.”
I swallow hard, hating that my inexperience is glaringly obvious in this moment. “Okay.”
He frowns at me. “I know you’ve watched gay porn and have fucked at least one guy.”
“Yeah,” I murmur. “The one time I fucked…”
Was frantic, rushed, and we used spit for lube. Kian cried after and I promised it would get better, though I never had the chance to make good on that promise. And the porn? They don’t focus much on the preparation.
“Practically a virgin,” Dante growls in a predatory way that seems to burn its way through my veins. “Looks like it’s time for a lesson, boy.”
I take the lube from him and pour a generous amount on my fingers. “Lead the way, Mr. Kincaid.”
His lips land on mine in a messy, uncalculated way that has me gasping in surprise. He hooks a leg over my waist, spearing his tongue into my mouth, as if he can taste my soul if he tries hard enough. Rather than wait for direction, I slide my slippery fingers down his crease, exploring him as his tongue overpowers me. My finger slides over the puckered flesh of his hole, causing him to hiss. Based on the way he kisses me more fervently, then I’d say he’s eager for me to touch him there. Gently, I rub the tender flesh, testing the resistance with my fingertip.
“Tell me if it hurts,” I whisper. “I’ll stop.”
“So sweet,” he taunts. “Sweet, precious boy.”
I bite his lip in a not-so-sweet way, making him growl.
“I won’t break, Sheriff.”
“Fuck my finger,” I command as I slowly sink it inside of him. “Prove you’re not precious and I’ll prove I’m not sweet.”
Our kiss becomes ravenous as he moves his body, fucking my finger like he was told to do. I like feeling this part of him, marveling over the way he easily stretches to accommodate a second finger. We’re both breathing heavily and our cocks are leaking.
“Put the condom on me, big city man. I need to be inside of you,” I rumble against his mouth. “I want my dick pressing right here.” He groans when I rub against his prostate. “I want you to come with me inside of you.”
He fumbles for the condom and rips it open with his teeth. With urgent movements, he rolls the condom over my dick and then starts to sit up, making my fingers slip from his tight hole.
“No,” I command, rolling on top of him. “I want you where I can look at you.”
“Missionary?” he taunts, his fingers dragging up my sides. “How very boring of you, Sheriff.”
I smirk at him as I shove his thighs apart. “I’m about to unleash eleven years of frustration on you. Trust me, Dante, there’ll be nothing boring about the way I fuck you.”
Gripping my dick, I tease his slick hole before easing into him. Despite his taunting words, I don’t want to hurt him. He’s not used to bottoming and I’m not a rapist asshole. I want to make sure I’m not going to cause unnecessary pain before I unleash as promised. The hiss of discomfort coming from him proves my point.
“Let me in, baby,” I murmur, dizzy from the fantastic fucking feeling of my dick being inside his tight hole. “Come on.”
He lets out a sharp breath but relaxes. My dick slides into him easier now that he’s not subconsciously resisting. With careful movements, I pull out slightly before pressing deeper into him. A groan rasps past his lips. It takes a few more thrusts before I’m completely inside his body. My dick throbs almost painfully with the way his ass clenches me so incredibly tight. I pause for a moment to find his mouth, kissing him slowly to allow him time to adjust to me and for me to get a hold of myself so I don’t come in three seconds.
“Fuck, Jax,” he grinds out. “Anyone ever tell you your dick’s too big?”
A laugh tumbles out of me. “No, but you can tell me. It’d do fabulous things for my ego.”
“As if you need any help with that.”
I slide almost all the way out of him and thrust again, harder this time, loving the groan that escapes him. “Tell me how much you like my dick stretching you out.”
“Aww, Big Dick Sheriff needs his ego stroked,” Dante teases.
“Asshole,” I complain, but I’m grinning like a fucking idiot because it feels so damn good being inside of him.
Our playfulness fades when I lean in for a kiss. Grabbing hold of his thigh, I push up, taking him deeper than before. It must feel good and hit him in the right spot, because he damn near bruises my bicep as his fingers bite into it.
“Fuck,” he hisses. “Fuck.”
I drive into him faster and harder as I nip at his lips and suck on his tongue. We’re both slick with sweat, growling like fucking animals.
Taking hold of his other thigh, I push back, spreading him crudely before me, and grind into him. He makes a keening sound that has me confident I’m rubbing against his sensitive prostate. I buck into him over and over, my gaze fixated on his face.
Fuck, he’s hot.
The light from the television gives his skin a pale blue hue, making me think I’ve captured the vampire and now he’s mine. His dark lashes are fanned over his cheeks and his full lips are parted in pleasure.
“Ungh,” he croaks out, his body tightening around my cock.
I drag my stare from his wet lips to his dick as it begins jetting cum out all over his stomach. It’s so fucking sexy that I lose control in an instant. My mouth finds his as I desperately chase after my own orgasm. A moan slips from my lips and pours into him as my nuts tighten in a delicious way. Cum jolts out of me, filling the condom while I ride out the wave of ecstasy with increasingly slowing thrusts.
When I’m wrung out from pleasure, I slip from his body, rip off the rubber, and tie it off before falling against his slick stomach. I press my lips against his throat, loving the feel of his vein pulsating wildly beneath them. We’re quiet for several minutes, long after his cum between us grows sticky.
“I should go now,” he murmurs, his fingers lazily stroking my shoulder.
“Nah,” I say with a nip to his neck. “You should stay because I’m not done with you, big city man.”
A terrifying thought enters my brain.
I don’t know that I’ll ever be done with him because what we shared felt like just the beginning of so many more moments even better than that one.
“I’ll stay a little while longer.” His voice is filled with amusement, making me smile.
“What I have planned takes all night.”
“Give him an inch and he takes a mile.”
“I’m pretty sure I gave you at least nine inches,” I tease with a chuckle. “I earned that mile fair and square.”
“Sheriff’s a smart-ass.”
“He sure is. Now come take a shower with me so I can wash your filthy ass.”
Dante
“Are you going to love me forever?”
I smile against his lips. “Always.”
“Even when you get mad at me.”
“Especially then.”
“Why especially then?”
“Because it’ll get me through the hard part and back to the good part.”
His fingers stroke through my hair. “What’s the good part?”
“This.” I open my eyes, staring into Toby’s bright green ones. “Feels pretty damn good to me.”
“Do you think every day will be like this?”
“I sure as hell hope so.”
His voice cracks and he breaks away from my stare. “Me too, Dante.”
Every muscle in my body tenses as the past melts away and the present comes into focus. The man beside me isn’t Toby McAdams. It’s Jax. A hookup, not my fiancé.
Ex-fiancé.
Bitterness roils in my gut. I slowly trudge through the hard memories of good times with Toby to get back to the fantastic ones from last night. As much as bottoming isn’t my favorite, I enjoyed every second of Jax inside me. He’s just so intense. Took the time to savor each moment between us like it was going to be his last. Having hooked up with so many different men over the years, it was nice to feel so utterly wanted. Unfortunately, it reminded me of a time when I’d been hopelessly and madly in love. Before I went through the most heart-wrenching times in my life.