“Necessity. Everyone has a choice to make about the path they take.” He lifted his cup to his lips. “And I noticed that you have a great deal of discipline.”
“I thought I did.” She took a sip of her coffee. “I’m a mother and a daughter, and I worked two jobs and went to college. That kind of responsibility forces you to develop discipline, or you end up a basket case.” She looked down. “Particularly in this situation.”
He acted quickly to distract her. “You’re a student. What are you studying?”
“Electrical engineering.”
“I wouldn’t have thought that would be your forte.”
“Why not? I’ll be good at it.”
“I don’t doubt it. No offense. But you don’t impress me as…” He half shrugged. “I saw that sketch of your daughter in the upper hall of your house. It was very good. I can see you as an artist or a designer. But, then, I could be wrong. Am I?”
“You’re very perceptive. I’ve dabbled at drawing in my spare time. When I’m not waiting tables at Mac’s Diner, I work for a photographer part-time doing sketches of kids and dogs. Some parents prefer sketches to the realism of the camera. I like it, but I’ve never been tempted to try to earn a living at it. Engineering is more practical and secure. I have to support my Bonnie.” She looked him in the eyes. “If I still have my daughter. That woman tonight…”
“Has nothing to do with reality.”
“I keep telling myself that. But the reality is that hope might not be enough. Sometimes I wake in the middle of the night screaming.” Her hand tightened on her cup. “I don’t have to tell you what I’m dreaming. There are monsters out there.”
“Yes, there are.”
“And you know about them, you’ve dealt with them. These last two weeks, you’ve been looking for the monster that might have killed my little girl.” She moistened her lips. “I knew that, but I didn’t want to admit it. I wanted to close my eyes.”
“That’s understandable.”
“Stop being so damn understanding. I can’t close my eyes after today. I can’t rely on hope.” She was beginning to tremble. “I have to accept that she might have been taken by one of those monsters. But maybe he didn’t kill her. Maybe she’s a prisoner somewhere. That could happen.” She shook her head and said through her teeth. “Stop looking at me like that. I know what the odds are that if she was taken by someone like that she’s probably dead. I made Slindak tell me, and he said that almost all children who were kidnapped by those kinds of monsters are killed within the first twenty-four hours. But there’s a chance you’re wrong.” She whispered, “There’s a chance I’m wrong.”
“Not a very good chance, Eve,” he said gently.
“It doesn’t have to be a good chance. I’ll take what I can get.” She drew a shaky breath. “But I didn’t bring this up because I wanted you to tell me it was likely that I’d get Bonnie back. I’ll follow every clue, every path that could lead me to my daughter alive and well. But I have go down that other ugly path, too. The one you and the police are almost sure that she’s taken. Maybe I’ll find her there.” She smiled with an effort. “But maybe I won’t, and then I’ll still be able to hope.”
“What are you saying, Eve?” he asked quietly.
“You’ve been searching for the man they think killed those other missing children, haven’t you?”
He nodded. “Among other leads. I’m not closing the door on anyone or anything.”
“What does that mean?”
He didn’t answer for a moment. “I’m looking through records on child molesters.” She flinched, and he swore softly. “It’s just routine.”
“Because the routine has proved valid.”
“Yes.”
“I want to help you.” She held up her hand. “No, not doing that. I’d do it if I had to, but I’ll skip that punishment if I can be useful somewhere else. And, I can be useful. I want you to give me copies of the cases of those children who have disappeared. I want to study them and see if I can see similarities or anything that might pop up in the way of a lead.”
“That’s my job, Eve.”
“No, it’s my job, too. My daughter may have been taken by the same man who killed that little boy who was found by the freeway. If I find him, I may find her.” Her jaw squared. “I have to try. If you don’t give me a copy, then I’ll go to the morgue or the newspaper and ask them to let me study past issues. It will be slower, but I’ll still be able to do it. But the police report would give me a head start. Will you do it?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“I’m putting you on the spot again, aren’t I?” She added wearily, “I don’t want to do that, Joe. I like you. Maybe I should go check out the newspapers.”
“Screw that. I’m not worried about being put on the spot. I’ll do what I want to do.” He said roughly, “I’ve gotten to know you. You’re going to get attached to those kids in the reports. You’re going to identify with the parents. It’s going to hurt you big-time.”
She just looked at him.
Yeah, what’s a snowball going to matter when it’s thrown at an avalanche, he thought.
“I can help, Joe,” she whispered. “No one would work harder or concentrate more on doing this than I would. Let me help find my daughter.”
“I’ll think about it,” he repeated. He signaled the waiter for the bill. “No promises.”
“And if I don’t find Bonnie by doing this, I may discover something that will help those other parents,” she said urgently.
“You don’t have enough on your plate? See, you’re already beginning to worry, and you haven’t even started.” He reached into his wallet and drew out some bills and threw them on the tray. “Finished?”
“I’d better be,” she said dryly. “I have an idea you’re about to scoop me up and throw me into the car.”
“It’s a possibility.” He stood up. “You’re backing me into a corner, and I have to get some space between us. You’re not going to stop. You’ll keep coming at me, won’t you?”
She nodded as she got to her feet. “I don’t give up easily.” She preceded him out of the restaurant and paused beside the car, gazing at the river. “You’ve been very kind to me tonight, Joe. You’re right, I’ll never forget what that woman said to me. But you made some of the sting go away. I’m very grateful to you.” She glanced at him as she got into the car. “And I’m sorry that I’m going to keep on giving you headaches. You don’t deserve it.”
He smiled. “I can take it. It’s nice of you to apologize in advance.” He ran around and slipped into the driver’s seat. “And this place is only fifteen minutes from your house. I can ward you off for that long.”
“I’m done for the night.” She added, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
And she would, he realized, and keep on calling until she had the answer she wanted. He was only beginning to realize the ruthless determination that existed behind that fragile exterior. “I’ll make my own decision, Eve,” he said. “I won’t let you push me.”
“I won’t push. I’ll just remind you that there’s a decision to be made. And I have to keep you on track in case I have to take that other route.” She leaned back on the seat and wearily closed her eyes. “I’m so tired. But I learned a lot about you tonight. I know how strong you are. I know you have a balance of values that few people possess. I know there’s bitterness and independence and recklessness. You’ve told me that you could be violent, but you’re very protective of me. I feel as if I’m coming close to understanding you.”
“That doesn’t mean you can control me, Eve.”
“No, but it means I can argue and try to persuade.” She opened her eyes to look at him. “As friend to friend.”
But not as lover to lover.
Get used to it. Accept it. There was no telling how long it would be before she could even contemplate a relationship that held anything beyond the comfort of friendship. But he had made strides in understanding himself tonight. And he was
beginning to know Eve as well. Eve, the person, not the object of this crazy fixation that had struck him the first time he had seen her. It was a relief that he actually liked Eve. He appreciated her courage, her discipline, her honesty, her lack of vanity.
What the hell would he have done if he’d found her a complete bitch? Would it have negated that instant powerful attraction? Or had he somehow sensed who and what she was, and that was the reason she had drawn him to her? Who knows? Love at first sight was all very well, but it was confusing as hell and out of his realm of comprehension.
“Love.” It was the first time that he had used that word even to himself. It was too sentimental and too much of a commitment. He didn’t know anything about it. But what other word could he use for an emotion that made him feel like a cross between a knight in shining armor and a kid with his first crush. Perhaps he’d get lucky and it would go away as fast as it had come.
“Friend to friend?” Eve repeated.
He smiled and nodded slowly. “As long as you realize that it’s always a friend’s privilege to say no.”
“Of course.” She closed her eyes again. “It would be unfair to think anything else.”
But it would be hard to say no to Eve. Even if he thought that to refuse her might be the best thing for her. “I’m glad that you have such a keen appreciation for justice.”
“I do. But I’ll still phone you tomorrow…”
* * *
“YOU’VE HAD THREE CALLS.” Sergeant Castro looked up as Joe came into the squad room the next afternoon. “Two from Washington, one from Eve Duncan. They all want you to call them back.” He made a face as he handed Joe a slip with numbers on it. “I have other things to do than act as your secretary, Quinn. Where have you been?”
“I was at that park where Bonnie Duncan disappeared. Sorry.”
The calls from the Washington office were from Jenny Rudler and Rick Donald. He had no need to return them. It would be Jenny making contact and trying to inveigle her way into the investigation. Rick Donald would have been sly and a little gloating to discuss what he’d told Eve about Joe.
The call from Eve?
He knew what that was about, too.
And he’d been weighing his decision for the greater part of the day.
He stared at the message for a long moment.
Then he turned on his heel and strode out of the squad room.
CHAPTER
4
“CASTRO SAID YOU WANTED to see me.” Slindak gazed curiously at the huge pile of reports on the table beside the copy machine. “What are you photocopying? I could have had someone do it for you.”
“I wanted to do it myself.” Joe turned to face him. “I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to talk to you.”
“Yeah?” Slindak had picked up one of the sheets. “Kenny Lemwick’s missing person’s report.”
Joe nodded. “And I have the other reports on the other children. I’m making copies of all of them.” He paused. “I’m going to give them to Eve Duncan to do a comparison check.”
Slindak stiffened. “What the hell?”
“You heard me. I’m going to have her assist in the investigation.”
“Are you crazy?”
It was no more than Joe expected. “She’s smart, dedicated. I believe she could give valuable input.”
“Her kid could be one of those victims. You’re asking for trouble. I don’t know how your superiors at the FBI feel about family involvement in an investigation, but I could get fired for it if I got caught doing anything that nutty.”
“They wouldn’t like it either. That’s why I’m being up-front with you.” He stared him in the eye. “If you want to report me to protect your ass, do it now.”
“I’d rather talk you out of it.” Slindak scowled. “But I’m not going to be able to do that, am I?”
“No way.”
“Dammit, why?”
“Eve Duncan has the best reason in the world to find the man who caused those kids to disappear. She’ll do a good job.”
“But that’s not the real reason, is it?” Slindak’s eyes were narrowed on Joe’s face. “You’re not the man I knew in the service. You’ve always been a loner. There’s no way you’d have taken on a partner, not even me. And breaking the rules and involving the mother of a victim? Not in a thousand years.”
“People change.”
“I can see how she’d arouse your sympathy, but there’s a reason for those rules against fraternizing with family members. There are not only the legal ramifications, but their emotional state leads them to act irrationally, and the department might—” He stopped and gave a low whistle. “But you’re not just sorry for her, are you? You’ve got a thing for her. You’re doing this to get her into bed.”
Joe wished it was that simple. “No.” He ran another report through the copier. “I’d be very stupid to think that she’d hop into bed with me because I’m letting her help with the investigation. You’ve met her. You know what kind of person she is.”
“I know she’s desperate. I think she’d do anything to find that kid.”
So did Joe. He was trying not to think about it. “I may be a son of a bitch, but I wouldn’t try to make that kind of deal with her.”
“But she’d be grateful,” Slindak said softly. “One thing could lead to another. You like women too much to go the platonic route. Are you fooling yourself, Joe?”
Maybe. He didn’t know where this path was taking him. He just knew that he had to follow it. “I’m going to work Eve Duncan and myself to the bone to solve those disappearances. I promise I’ll find who is responsible and hand him over to you.” He added curtly, “Now are you going to file a report on my making these copies? I’d like to know so that I can be prepared.”
Slindak hesitated. Then he slowly shook his head. “I may be sorry, but I’ll trust you not to make an ass of yourself and me. Keep her under control.” He turned on his heel. “Hell, keep yourself under control.”
Joe watched him walk out of the copy room.
Keep yourself under control.
He was trying. It was getting harder by the hour.
* * *
EVE THREW OPEN THE DOOR to his ring. “You didn’t return my call. Why—”
“I was busy.” He pushed past her and strode into the kitchen. He opened his briefcase and pulled out the pile of files and loose papers and dumped them on the table. “The missing children. You wanted them. They’re yours.” He met her gaze. “And mine. We work on them together.”
She stood looking at him, then slowly moved across the room. “I wasn’t sure you’d do it.” She touched one of the files with a tentative finger. “You didn’t want to let me help. Why did you decide to do it?”
“Impulse?” He smiled recklessly. “How the hell do I know? Neither would anyone else at the precinct. My old buddy, Ralph Slindak, had an interesting thought. He said that he believed you were desperate enough to go to bed with anyone who’d give you a chance to find your daughter.”
She looked up at him. “He’s right,” she said quietly. “I wouldn’t think twice. Not with Bonnie in the balance. It wouldn’t matter at all.” She met his eyes. “Is that what you want? I wouldn’t think that I’d be your type, but all you have to do is ask.”
Oh, shit.
Not his type? If he was going to feel this overwhelming emotional response for her, why couldn’t it have been confined to compassion? But even while he felt that pity, he wanted to touch her, put his hands on her, take her to bed, and make her forget everything but him. He couldn’t separate the mental from the physical. And the physical was burning hot and trying to submerge everything else.
It didn’t help that now when he looked at her that he’d remember what she’d said, that he could have her if that was the price he demanded to help her. Another thought to block, another image to try to forget.
Look away from her. Don’t let her see what you’re thinking.
“I didn’t want to hurt
your feelings, but I’m afraid you’re right. You’re not my type. You look so fragile that I’d be afraid I’d break you.” He snapped his briefcase shut. “Besides, I can get a lay anytime.” He smiled at her. “I have a lot more trouble keeping friends.” He could see relief lessen the tension in her face. “So, if you don’t mind, we’ll skip the roll in the hay.”
“I just wanted to make my position clear. I know I’m asking you to do things that are a little outside the boundaries.”
“You’re being very clear.” Too damn clear.
“I just want you to know that I value you. I felt very much alone before you came. It’s better now.”
“Then suppose you give me a cup of coffee. Then we’ll get down to going over those reports.”
“I’ll give you the coffee.” She went to the cabinet and got down a tin of coffee. “But I’m going to ask another favor. Would you leave me and let me look through these reports by myself tonight?”
“Why?”
“Because I can concentrate better if—” She shook her head as she put on the coffee. “No, I won’t lie and protect myself. You were right when you said that I’d be upset when I read about these kids. I can be tough about some things, but not about children. After I get through the reports once, I think that I’ll be okay.” She smiled with an effort. “I guess I don’t want you to see how weak I can be.”
“Then by all means read them by yourself. I’m just a guy, and I have trouble coping with tears. I’ll come back in the morning, and we’ll talk.”
“That would be good.” She glanced at the files. “There seem to be quite a few. I didn’t realize that there were that many cases.” She frowned. “I thought I read … six? And that included the little boy they found in the grave by the freeway.”
“That was all the ATLPD and the media had on their list. But they were all local and within the last five years. They checked nearby cities and came up with nothing. But I found cases in more distant cities in Georgia and Tennessee that I thought were worth looking at. And I dug down another ten years. I ran across a story about the body of a child found in a swamp near the Florida border twelve years ago.”
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