by Vi Grim
As the New Year approaches and word gets out, Camilleans start turning up and Azziz's gets really busy. To kick his new Christmas off with a bang, Jesus arranges a two day Dead Heads concert featuring the dead rock stars. Apart from Tat, I'm sure every resident of Camillo makes it along. Many of them walk along the beach to say hi to us and meet the kids. It's really neat, suddenly there's a change from them and us, to just us and our asteroid. Jesus has a certain knack for doing things properly. His dad will be proud of him, if he ever surfaces again
Azziz's becomes the cool hangout for the new residents. Who knows when you might glimpse a dead celebrity?
Annie and Janice are off chasing boys. They've been making the world tour, visiting a different town every weekend. They're the life of the party where ever they go and come back with hilarious stories of their misadventures. I'd love to go hunting with them but my aching heart is stopping me. I try taking a couple of paracetamol and going, but my heart is just not in it and I sneak home early.
29
The local football league has a team from each village and two from Kastela. There's actually two leagues, one for people and one for zinodes, playing by different rules. Teroid games are played first followed by the aerobatic zinode matches. There's kids soccer too. Nelly loves kicking the ball around so I sign her up. Her first game is so exciting. We've all come along, even Jesus and Azziz, and stand on the sidelines cheering. I'm so proud when she runs onto the pitch with her new maroon shorts and stripy jersey. All the kids run around in a big pack chasing the ball, even tacking their own teammates to get the ball. I get into a fight with the mum of a boy who ankle tapped her when she was going to score a goal. Janice has to pull us apart and give me a slap.
I have a nagging worry. Up to recently, being a mum has been a stay at home job, done on my territory, on my terms. Now Nelly is five she needs running to school and back every weekday, there's football practice twice a week and the game on Saturday. That's just for one kid doing one activity, with no away games and no friends. I'm worrying about what I've let myself in for with three kids and one on the way.
Teleporting would make it a whole lot easier but I've been warned by Jesus not to. Anyone can do it; they just don't know it. Jesus would like to keep it that way because it would cause chaos if everyone was teleporting all over the place. Nelly and me get sneaky, especially if we're late or it's raining, and duck into the toilets or behind some bushes and click!
Nelly makes friends with Aurilie, a little French girl with orange hair. She's really cute and her dad's even cuter. They were killed in a car crash, so she doesn't have a mum, not here anyway. Her dad's often around and he's real keen on me, but my heart keeps holding me back. Then we get drunk and end up in bed together but it's not what I want and things get tricky for a while because he don't understand why I don't want to be with him. It would make so much sense and I'd love to have a man to cuddle up with, just not that one. Not for now anyway. I never was much of one for being sensible!
My baby is coming on. Mario is growing so big that he must be a boy. I have to have words with him because he kicks so hard. I'm thinking of going into the hospital to have him. I don't really want to though; hospitals are like where sick people go. There's nothing wrong with me and I might catch something nasty. I ask Dr Florence to come back. She's delighted and comes a couple of weeks early, just in case. It's a bit of a shock for all of us, like one of those programs on tele where the mums swap and you get a really strict Christian mum looking after the feral kids of gypsy family. She has us scrub the floors and clean the graffiti off the walls and that's just on the first day. After a week, the place is spotless, our nails are scrubbed and we're all sitting up straight at the table and eating our greens. There's a big chart on the wall for who does what chores. We get stars and stuff. Even Janice behaves and sulks when she doesn't get her star because the dishes are not stacked with the patterns lining up.
It's quite a relief when Mario finally arrives and the routine's broken. He's a lively one and comes out screaming and kicking. I kick up a bit of a fuss as well. When Mario turns out to be a girl, we call him Maria for a day or two then his name changes to Josey Elizabeth, shortened very quickly to Izzy. The cicadas start singing the very day she's born so we decide to celebrate her birthday that day every year. It's much more fun than trying to remember a date. Dr Florence doesn't really approve.
Once my stitches have healed and I look like I'm coping, Janice and River take Dr Florence to Zwingly for a couple of weeks as a way of thanking her. Janice arrives back looking very pleased with herself.
'Yes,' she says, punching the air, 'I win! She's finally chilled. She's going to be staying in my beach house for a while.'
30
Luckily the school holidays start soon after Izzy is born and we don't have to go anywhere or do anything apart from what is needed to feed us and keep the household ticking over. We spend a lot of time in the garden, planting and weeding. They say many hands make light work but it doesn't seem to work like that with my kids. If I'm spending time with Nelly or Lilly, showing them how to plant corn or weed around the radishes, Vinny will be pulling up all the carrot seedling or burying the pumpkins and if I stop to give Izzy a feed, the others start fighting. Sometimes I wonder if we're best just to stay in and watch movies and buy all our food from the shops. It would certainly save Groucho Mum from yelling at the kids every two minutes.
It's great having Annie and Janice about but I could really do with some support, like a father for the kids or some grandparents, three or four of them would do just nicely.
The summer passes in a blur of pooey bottoms and stubbed toes. I wonder if our clouds have taken a holiday because we have hot, hazy, cloudless days for weeks on end. Finally on the day that Nelly goes back to school at the beginning of September, the weather breaks. The clouds pile up on top of each other forming angry thunderheads that grumble and complain, sending down torrential rain that floods the streams and turns the sea muddy brown.
I want to start kung fu again and get myself back in shape but there's just no way I can leave the kids for that long. Tat comes to see me.
'Emily, we're starting tomorrow.'
'But I can't, I can't leave the kids.'
'I'll be here mid-morning tomorrow,' he says firmly, and is gone.
He's not listening. He doesn't understand what a mum has to do.
Sure enough, he turns up next morning. 'Are you ready then?' he asks cheerfully.
'No, I'm not. I don't have a babysitter.'
It's so frustrating when people don't listen.
'You don't need a babysitter; we're all doing kung fu.'
And we do. I'm not sure if we should be teaching the kids to fight but they love it. I don't know if I would go as far as call my kids Zen, but they're certainly becoming a bit more relaxed.
'Tat,' I say. 'You're wasted sitting up the hill in your shack; you should be teaching all the kids kung fu.'
'I was thinking the same myself. I've done enough thinking for a while.'
'You can build a hut up on the bluff if you like.'
'Thanks, I'd love that,' says Tat, resting his hand on my shoulder.
He builds a rough shack tucked out of sight up on the bluff. Negrita lives with him, I think she finds me and my kids too much. If I walk up there in the mornings he's often meditating or practicing his kung fu. He spars with Enzo and we sit on the edge of the cliff drinking green tea and trying to spot whales.
Sometimes he attacks me, coming out of nowhere and taking me by surprise.
'You must be more aware,' he says. 'That'll give you the element of surprise against your hidden attacker.'
'How?' I ask. 'I can't see you.'
'You must feel.'
If I try to feel, all I sense is the dull ache of my heart. Tat blindfolds me and has me walk to my cottage and back. I trip over and skin my knees and get lost in the sugar cane but eventually start to feel, to sense the energy and emotion of each livin
g thing. The kids think it's a great game and we all walk around blindfolded bumping into things.
Tat sets up a kung fu school and becomes a teacher. It's great because he spends a lot of time with us. He's like a good natured granddad to the kids.
Lilly and River become ballerinas. They scoot over to Kastela in their leotards with their hair piled up in neat bunches on top of their heads. The teacher, Madame Snowball is really strict and throws all us mum's out so we can't peek. The end of year production in the town hall is wonderful. Our little ones are clouds floating across the stage, but crash together and fall over. It's just too cute; it's the payoff for the four years of hard work it took to get them here.
Time is speeding up, I'm sure it is. They say it goes faster, the older you get. Nelly turns six, we have Jesus's birthday, new Christmas comes and goes, my birthday flashes by, and before we know it; it's spring. We decorate the house with cherry blossoms for Lilly's fifth birthday. She gets a pink tutu and we shower her with petals as she pirouettes about the place, spinning round and round until she gets wobbly and falls over.
River Star turns five a few weeks later and suddenly life gets a little easier with me and Janice sharing the school runs. With just four kids, the house seems empty during the day.
31
'Backgammon?' asks Castor. 'We haven't played in ages.'
'Maybe in my old age, Castor. I just don't have time. I'm a frazzled housewife, can't you see?' I say.
'You could drop by and say hi.'
'I'm too busy, there's the school run, soccer, ballet, laundry, cooking and I have a baby, if you hadn't noticed,' I rant.
'We'd like to see you,' says Castor calmly.
I must go and see them. My life has become so kiddicentric that I've forgotten about my friends. When I've fed Izzy and she's having her siesta, Annie babysits while I go visiting.
I see Pollux first.
'Long time, no see,' he says.
'How long,' I ask, my sense of time having gone out the window long ago.
'Too long,' he says. 'It's over a year.'
'Life's got busy.'
'I can see. You should get a husband.'
'I wish,' I say, rolling my eyes skyward. My heart gives a pang.
'You're doing a great job, all three of you. You have wonderful kids.'
'Thank you,' I say, giving him a kiss and zipping across to see Castor.
I give Castor a big kiss.
'It's lovely to see you,' he says. 'You really must visit more often and do bring the kids. We love kids.'
I feel guilty. I really should have been up more often. They haven't even seen Izzy yet. I blame the kids. They're like a black hole that sucks my energy. I can't even think straight any more. I've got a brain like a goldfish.
Castor looks worried.
'What's up?' I ask.
'Earth,' he says.
Earth, I haven't spared it a thought. They're all praying away madly in their churches and mosques looking for guidance from me, and I'm up to my elbows in poo and dirty dishes. Don't they realise. It's tricky being a mum.
'Earth?' I ask.
'Things have changed. There's been a subtle shift. The air of optimism has gone. The weather has turned nasty, there's natural disasters and there's regional conflicts that threaten to turn into wars. People are dying.'
'Why?'
'We don't know.'
'What about Petra and her book?'
'Don't know, can't see.'
'Fat lot of use you are,' I say grumpily.
Castor looks really hurt.
Oops. 'So sorry Castor,' I say. 'I didn't mean it badly, I'm just out of sorts.' I give him a peck on the cheek.
He brightens up immediately. If only all of life's woes were so easy to fix.
'What about Shade?' I ask. 'He looked like someone going places. Is he running the place yet?'
'No,' says Castor. 'He has completely disappeared. He went off the radar a year ago. It's very strange because people don't just disappear, we know. He was on luxury yacht in Hvar when he disappeared; literally, just vanished into thin air. People don't do that.'
'I do,' I say, clicking my fingers.
Click!
32
I'm back in my cottage.
It's not only me that can teleport. I told Annie and Janice that Zeus gave me special powers, that's stopped them trying, but you can't pull wool over the kids' eyes so easily.
Blip!
Nelly, Lilly and River tumble on to the floor in their maroon and dark green school uniforms.
'Where's Janice,' I ask, when I've got over the surprise.
'She never turned up,' says Nelly.
Sounds like Janice. She gets side-tracked, she's lovely but sometimes it's like she's in her own little bubble. She'll meet someone and they'll fall in love or go and make music and she'll forget all about everything else, like River Star and my kids.
Nelly throws down her school bag, grabs a hand of bananas off the bench, gives me a quick kiss, then taking Lilly and River by the hand, says, 'See you later, Mum,' and disappears.
'Castor, where are they?' I demand.
'Give me a moment,' he says. 'Oh no! They're on Kojiki, the Jurassic asteroid.'
I grab the photon canon out of the wardrobe and, taking Annie by the hand, teleport.
Blip!
Sploop!
We are up to our armpits in mud and goop in a primeval swamp. It's really noisy, there's whistles and hoots and chirping. Big whistles and big hoots. Massive trees tower overhead, blocking out the sunshine, just a few beams breaking through the canopy and slicing down through the twilight. Bats flicker through the shafts of light, making ear-spitting whistles as they swoop down at us, claws at the ready.
I grab a palm fond and pull Annie and me clear. We wriggle out of the mud and dive into the safety of some roots. I blast a couple of bats. The others retreat making harsh screeches.
'Heeelp,' whispers Annie.
There's a giant centipede crawling up her neck. I stab it with my fang. Then we dance around like mad things, screaming and trying to stomp on the other ones. We're in their nest. We scramble out into the open and bat each other to get rid of the centipedes then run through the jungle, pushing our way through giant ferns and bouncing across beds of moss. There's creatures nearby, I can sense them. It's so scary. We need to find the kids and get out of here.
We run out into a clearing, blinking as we try to see in the bright sunlight.
'Help me, Castor,' I yell. 'Get the moons to help.'
'Sorry Em, I can't. Part of the attraction of Kojiki is the risk. That's why it's so popular. Once you are there, you're on your own. Tourists pay a fortune to be allowed on the ground like you are.'
'Where are my kids?'
'I'm sorry, they won't tell me.'
A string of bubbles appear hovering around the tree tops. Tourists peer down at us taking photos.
Word is out that we're on the ground. We're probably being shown live on reality TV across half of the universe. A moon passes slowly overhead.
'Don't mess with my kids,' I yell in its direction, and shoot it down.
I turn the power down a bit and point the canon at the tourist bubbles. 'Gunkai,' I snarl, firing some warning shots. A couple of bubbles crash to the ground; sending the rest of them scurrying quickly out of view.
'Gunkai?' asks Annie.
'Eff-off in Chinese.'
I hear distant squawking and look up to see pterodactyls circling high overhead. A few break formation and dive down at us. I blast them and they crash flaming to the ground. Raptors run out of the jungle and start fighting over the carcasses. More pterodactyls dive down uttering harsh squawks as they swoop at us. We run. I blast at everything that moves. Every toothy monster on the asteroid seems to be homing in on the action. There's tourist bubbles all around, trying to stay out of sight behind the trees. It's like a movie I once saw with all the Romans sitting in an arena watching the Christians battling with tigers and a
rmoured giants with maces. Unfortunately we’re the ones about to get eaten.
'Gunkai,' I shout, blasting at them. I don't miss.
'Peel!' shouts Annie.
'Peel?'
'Yes peel. Bananas!' she yells, pointing to the ground.
The kids can't be far away.
'Nelly,' I yell.
Whooph!
I get knocked flying by a raptor. It spins around and pounces on me, swinging its razor sharp claws.
Blam!
It gets blasted out the way. Annie appears out of the smoke holding the canon. She helps me to my feet. There's blood all down my side, my arm has been slashed open. Trying to hold the wound shut with my other hand, we keep running, Annie blasting anything that comes near.
I catch a glimpse of the kids up ahead, toodling along in their school uniforms eating bananas. River and Lilly look a trick still wearing their school bags. 'Nelly!' I scream. I stumble and fall. I'm getting weak.
Annie swings around and takes out a pterodactyl that's diving on us.
I'm struggling to stay conscious. Nelly appears, looking down on me with a worried look on her face. 'Mummy,' she says. 'Hold my hand, Mummy,' and takes my hand.
Blip!
I wake up in the hospital. My arm is heavily bandaged and I have tubes sticking out of me.
An Indian doctor comes and examines me. 'You're fine, you can go.'
As I get up he adds, 'How did you do this, again?'
'I um...err fell through a plate glass window,' I answer.
'Well Miss Taylor, do take care next time. You nearly lost your life.'
'Thank you,' I say, kissing him on the cheek.
When we're home I go for a walk along the beach with Nelly.
'Promise me you will never do that again,' I demand.
'I promise,' she says, avoiding my eyes.
I don't believe her an inch. She's going to be trouble, that one. They all will.