by Dawn Sister
“Lisa.” Stephan smiles. “I fell. Kit here rescued me. Oh, and Bessie.” He adds. At the sound of her name, Bessie jumps up to try and lick his face.
I grab her collar and draw her away. “Bessie, heel!” I gasp, shocked by her behaviour and worried that we’ll be sent away if she doesn’t behave. I’m not sure if dogs are even allowed in hotels. I’m sure Stephan’s dad would have said something if that were the case, but I’m also sure that, considering Bessie’s track record at this particular hotel, we’ll be thrown out for sure if she does anything else outrageous.
Stephan laughs at her antics. “It’s okay, Kit. She’s just glad to be somewhere warm and dry.” He turns back to the woman he called Lisa. “Lis, will you do me a favour and take my shoe off? Loosen the laces as much as you can, would you?”
The woman purses her lips and doesn’t look very happy but does as she is asked whilst the other man, still laughing, sits beside Stephan in my place. It does feel like he’s taken my place, but I suppose I did move and I don’t really have any claim to sit closer to Stephan than anyone else.
I should have helped Stephan with his shoe, but I didn’t think about it. Now he has someone else to help. I watch, trying not to stare because I know how uncomfortable people get when I do. The woman manages to get Stephan’s trainer off, with poor Stephan looking very unhappy and pale. She’s about to start with his sock when I step forward.
“No, leave the sock on,” I say, rather too loudly, shocking her into turning to me and leaving go of Stephan’s foot. He cries out as she drops it, and I grimace because that was partly my fault, but if she tries to take his sock off now… “You need to leave the sock on until some of the swelling has gone down. It’ll be easier to get it off then, and it won’t hurt as much.” I risk meeting Stephan’s gaze.
“Best listen to Kit there, Lisa. He knows his stuff.” He smiles at me and winks.
Oh! That was a little unexpected. I’m never really sure what a wink means, but in this case I assume it means he’s happy with what I’ve said. The woman, however, looks a little cross.
“Kit, this is Lisa, my sister.”
I smile and hold out my hand. “Hello, Lisa, I’m Kit.”
She stands, but doesn’t take my hand, staring at it as if it’s got spikes or something. “Er, yes. Stephan just said,” she says through pursed lips.
Oh no. Somehow I’ve managed to mess this up. I know that look she’s directing at me. I’ve seen it too many times before.
“Y-yes, of course he did. I-I’m sorry,” I mumble as I take a step back.
“Lisa, I’d love a cuppa,” Stephan interrupts before I can make the conversation any more awkward. “Do you think you could make me one, and something for Kit? He did rescue me after all.” Stephan’s request distracts his sister, and she directs her gaze at him instead of me.
“I’m not your slave,” she snaps. “Get Guy to do it. He’s quite happily sitting on his backside. You might have hurt yourself and I sympathise, but you’re still an arse for going out jogging in the first place when you’ve never jogged in your entire life, and all in the hope you might meet some bloke you’ve been crushing on who hasn’t even had the decency to call you back yet.”
“Holy crap, Lisa,” Stephan hisses at her, his head doing a funny twitch in my direction, his face stuck in some sort of tight grimace. “Could you have said that any louder? Open your mouth a bit more and you’ll fit the other foot in as well.”
“Oh god, is that him?” she whispers, turning her back on me so I can’t see her expression. I might not be very good at picking up social cues but I’m pretty sure they’re talking about me. I can’t quite work out why, though.
Stephan answers his sister, but I don’t listen. Yenta says it’s wrong to eavesdrop, even when she does it all the time. Instead, I back away, until my heels hit a wall. I don’t listen, but I do watch. Stephan hisses a few more words and Lisa leaves, directing an angry glare my way.
Half my problem is that I never know what I’ve done to make people angry. I must have done something to make her react that way, but I have no idea what. I am well out of my comfort zone here: an unfamiliar place, with no contingency plan, and unfamiliar people whom I haven’t had a chance to meet properly. The guy sitting next to Stephan keeps giving me weird looks. I should leave before I’m overwhelmed, but I don’t want to until I’m sure Stephan is okay, and he doesn’t look okay. He still looks pale, and I wish I could do something for him, but I can’t, and that makes me feel even worse.
“Got some ice.” Stephan’s dad returns at that moment with a bag of ice and lays it on Stephan’s foot as gently as he can. “Now, tell me how this happened, Steph? Were you really out running?”
Stephan starts to tell his story, and the two men draw closer to listen. Stephan’s sister returns, but by that time, I’m too stressed to notice if she’s staring at me or not. There are too many people in the room. Too many voices all at once. My brain can’t process any of it. I’m going to lose it in front of Stephan and his entire family and there isn’t a thing I can do about it.
I’m drowning in a sea of words, with no way of sorting it all out into some sort of order.
I can feel myself floating free and out of control. I clench my fists, digging my nails in as hard as I can to get the sensation of pain rather than feel the chaos threatening to overwhelm me.
Bessie pushes her nose against my hand and forces me to open it so I can pat her head. I feel calmer almost immediately.
When someone asks me what Bessie actually does, I’m never sure what to tell them because I can’t adequately describe it. She isn’t there to find stuff, or warn me, or guide me, like other assistance dogs, although she has been trained to retrieve, but that’s just in her nature. I don’t need assistance. I can look after myself. What she does do is provide an anchor. Her job is to be with me without expecting anything from me in return, and that simple action of pushing her head into my hand calms me and grounds me like nothing else ever has.
I’m still in a very stressful situation, but she’s there and she isn’t leaving me, not even when someone offers her a bowl of water at Stephan’s request. She’ll be thirsty, but she won’t leave my side until I’m ready.
“Kit?” Stephan’s voice sounds distant, echoey, and usually nothing can get through the fog in my brain once it has taken hold. Somehow, his voice finds an opening. I force myself to look at him. He’s alone now. Everyone else is gone. “Okay?” He looks concerned, but not in a bad way.
“Yes.” I nod. “I just needed some, erm, space, I’m sorry.”
“No need to apologise, mate. Take all the time you need.”
“Maybe I should go.” I still feel wobbly, on edge, but it’s not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I still might flip, though, and I can’t let Stephan see me like that.
“Only when you’re ready,” Stephan says. “I sent everyone else away. It’s just you and me, and I’ll shut up until you’re ready to talk.”
I nod, swallowing hard and feeling my mouth getting very dry which reminds me that Bessie needs a drink of water. “Drink, Bessie. It’s okay now.”
She goes to the bowl that was set out for her and drinks noisily. I focus on that sound and take some deep breaths to push the last of the panic away. When I’m sure it’s all gone, I look up and find Stephan’s eyes watching me, a soft smile on his lips. He waits.
“How do you know?” I ask him, frowning.
He tips his head to one side. “Know what?”
“What to do. That I need you to wait? Did Yenta tell you?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I just felt like that was the right thing to do.”
“And you sent everyone else away because of me. Were they angry?”
“Not because of you. They were doing my head in as well, mate. My family can be loud and they swear. A lot. It’s embarrassing sometimes, the way they fuss. And you don’t need to go repeating that to them either, because I know I should be grateful I’ve got such att
entive relatives.”
I find myself smiling. “I won’t. I promise.”
“I trust you.” He smirks. “Come and sit over here, only if you want, obviously. If you need to go, then go. I can speak to you another time.”
“Another time?”
“If you want, that is, since I assume you called me because you wanted to either make a date for dinner or tell me to go to hell.”
“I would never tell you that.” I feel horrified that he would think that. “Jesus, Stephan.”
“I’m sorry.” He lowers his gaze.
“How’s your ankle?” I ask. It’s easier for me to change the subject than to try and think of something to say in response to his apology. I walk over to take a look at his ankle now that I can. “The swelling is still pretty bad. There’s bruising too.” I point at some rather alarming discolouration along the side of his foot.
“I know.” He makes a face. “Dad wants to take me to A and E.”
“Oh. Then I should probably go.” I make a move towards the door, but he catches my hand, the touch so unexpected I jump.
“I’m sorry.” He pulls his hand away quickly. “I didn’t mean—I just wanted to make sure you didn’t run away and disappear from my life completely, because I do want to see you again, Kit.” He looks up at me. “At least consider that dinner date, please?”
“I don’t like restaurants,” I tell him.
He nods, and pats the sofa beside him, giving no indication that he thinks the way I just blurted out that fact is weird. I sit, straight-backed as I try to order my thoughts enough to tell him what I originally wanted to say on the phone.
“I’m a bit of a fussy eater, I mean, I’m not fussy in a fussy way. I don’t like it when other smells interfere.”
“Smells?”
“Yes, restaurants, they smell. Too many different dishes, everyone ordering different things, and it stops me from tasting what I’m eating because of all the other smells. Also, people get dressed up to go to restaurants. They wear perfume and aftershave, and my food ends up tasting of that as well.”
“Where do you prefer to eat then?” he asks, watching me carefully.
I bite my lip. “You won’t think I’m weird?”
“Why would I think that? What you’ve just said makes perfect sense to me.”
“Oh. Well, I like Subway. All Subways smell the same, because everyone is ordering the same things. I mean, you can smell Subway from the other end of the high street, even before you see the sign.”
“This is true.” Stephan laughs in surprise as if he’s only just realised this himself.
“Anyway, at Subway, you can order the exact same thing every time. The people there remember my order now, and they do it the same way. They even made a list to give to new members of staff.”
“That was good of them.”
“Yes.” I nod. “I mean, If I’m just ordering for myself I don’t even have to speak to anyone. They just get my order ready for me. Of course, sometimes I have to order for Yenta as well, and she orders something different each time. Actually, I’m convinced she does it to force me to, you know, be sociable.” I grimace, because I know that everything I’ve just told him is making it clearer and clearer that I’m more than different, I’m pretty damn weird.
Quirky, my mum used to say to me. “You’re not weird, Kit, you’re quirky. Just because you do and say and think a little differently to everyone else does not make you any less than them.”
“Kit, are you saying that you’d be happy if we went to eat at Subway?” Stephan asks.
Oh dear. I knew this was a mistake. Subway was never going to be an acceptable location for a first date. I should have told him about the pizza straight away.
Yenta always says I should have a plan B, and I did have something all worked out—in case Stephan hates Subway—but now, with everything else that’s happened, I can’t get it all sorted in my head. I need to read what I’ve written down, but doing that will just highlight more of my oddness.
Besides, I still don’t know why he even wants to spend time with me. “Why?”
“Why what, mate?” He frowns. I know I have difficulty keeping up with what people are saying to me, but I also know that what I say can be pretty difficult to decipher as well.
“Why do you want to, you know, go on a date with me?”
“Why do you want to go on a date with me?” he counters.
“I asked you first.”
He chuckles. “You did indeed.” He twists his lips as he thinks. “Well, apart from the fact that I could just sit and listen to you talking all night, I think you’re really kind of cute and I’d like to get to know you better. Much better.”
“Oh, okay, well, same, really. I-I mean, I’d like to get to know you. I don’t have many friends. I’m a bit too much all at once sometimes.”
“I can’t get enough of you, Kit.” Stephan’s confession takes me a bit by surprise, and I can’t really think of anything to say in response. “Kit?” He speaks instead.
“Yes?” I’m staring down at my hands, and am slightly startled when his hand appears and covers both of mine.
His skin is warm and rough and firm against mine.
“You know these contingency plans you have?”
“Y-yes,” I stutter, surprised that he’s remembered about them at all.
“Do you have a contingency plan for when someone wants to kiss you?”
“I, er, wrote one a while ago, but I’ve never used it, because no one ever wants to kiss me. Not that I’ve tried going out and finding someone to kiss. I did once, but it was a bit of a disaster. The guy didn’t want to do any kissing, he just wanted to…” I bite my lip to stop oversharing. “You probably don’t want to know about that.”
“Not right now, no,” he agrees. “Maybe some other time, when I’m not trying to kiss you.”
“Kiss me?” I squeak as I finally meet his spring-light gaze. “You want to kiss me?” It’s all very intense, and I can see everything reflected in that sky blue.
“Yes, Kit, I do. May I?”
“Y-yes, because I really want to kiss you. I have since I first saw you.”
“Oh, Kit, me too.” He leans closer, and I hesitate, just a fraction of a second, but long enough for him to stop. “Okay?” he asks, waiting.
I take a little time to sort it all out, the kissing thing, in my head, and then I nod.
“Yes.” And I press my lips to his.
They’re drier than I expected, and warm, and soft, and they move against mine so gently I can barely feel them. That’s no good, because I want to feel him kissing me.
I reach up and lace my fingers through his hair, pulling him closer and opening my mouth just a little. I’m rewarded with a feathery touch of his tongue against my bottom lip.
With a soft moan, I press further, my tongue seeking his, tasting him and finding that I like the taste very much. It’s different, but not bad. I guess he hasn’t eaten recently as I can’t taste any food. He doesn’t wear strong aftershave, but I knew that about him already. All I can smell is some sort of mild-smelling shower gel, and sweat, because he was running, but it’s not overpowering. I can also smell mud and grass and snow. I quite like the smell of snow.
Correction: I quite like the smell of snow on Stephan.
I never know when kisses are supposed to end, and this one ends a bit awkwardly, with me pulling away while he’s still trying to lick my bottom lip.
“S-sorry.” I watch as he slowly opens his eyes and smiles at me.
“What are you sorry for?” he asks, drawing a finger down my cheek and making my entire face tingle in a good way. I catch my breath and return his smile.
“I-I don’t know, I just thought that was a bit…”
“Awesome,” he finishes the sentence for me, and everything about the way he said the word, and the way he’s looking at me, and the way he’s touching me, is just that. Awesome, and I’ve got this warm feeling in my stomach, and in oth
er places too, that I haven’t felt for such a long time, because I haven’t met anyone that I’ve wanted to feel that way with, until now.
Oh, I know if I tell him all of this right now, I’ll probably send him running for his life, even with a sprained ankle, so I keep my mouth shut. I’ll get the chance to tell him eventually, I hope. Right now though, I think I need to go.
Out of the corner of my eye I can see Stephan’s dad hovering in the doorway, and it’s pretty obvious, even to me, that he’s waiting to take Stephan to the hospital to get his ankle looked at.
“I have to go.” I start to gather my stuff: backpack, coat, Bessie’s lead. Stephan catches my hand in his and pulls it to his lips to kiss the back of it.
“Thank you,” he whispers.
“What for?” I ask with wide eyes.
“For everything. For rescuing me. For being so bloody adorable, even though you don’t know that you are, but that just makes you even more so.”
“Bollocks.” I chuckle. “I think those painkillers your dad gave you are starting to kick in.”
He grins. “Maybe, maybe not.” He looks up at me as I stand, releasing my hand as I do. “Should I call you to let you know how my ankle is?”
“Yes, er, could you text me instead, please?”
“Of course.” He nods. “But how will I get to hear your voice again if I can only text you?”
“I could come and visit tomorrow,” I suggest, not finding it at all difficult to think of this contingency plan. “I know the way here now, but is it okay if Bessie comes too? I don’t know why, but she does seem to get a bit over-excited around you.”
“I know the feeling.” Stephan tells me, his smile broadening. “Of course she can come. I’ll see you tomorrow then, Kit.”
“Okay.” I nod and then turn to leave, clicking my fingers to get Bessie’s attention. She follows obediently.
At the door, I stop and look back. Stephan is watching me, that smile still on his face. I put that smile there. Me. I find that quite incredible, that such an awkward kiss could have such a positive effect. Anyway, I might get a chance to try that again tomorrow, unless he decides it wasn’t so awesome after all. At least if he doesn’t want to do anything more, I think I’ll have made a friend.