by Nikita Singh
‘Okay, okay, relax, Avani di! I’ll go find Ravi Jiju and tell him to control his friends.’ Shraddha got up and left promptly. When she returned a few minutes later, Avani was still breathing hard. Shraddha asked tentatively, ‘Is anything else bothering you? Are you nervous about getting married or something?’
‘No, I’m not nervous about getting married or something!’ Avani snapped at her younger cousin. ‘We’re already married! We’ve been married for two years!’
Shraddha stared wide-eyed at Avani, and then at the two other people in the room, the girls applying mehndi on each of Avani’s palms. They didn’t look up, probably accustomed to being treated as invisible beings.
‘Kisi ko kuch bolna mat. I’ll tip you extra for keeping your mouth shut,’ Avani said to them shortly before turning back to Shraddha. ‘What? Are you just going to stand there? Don’t you want to know what happened?’
‘Are you going to keep yelling at me or will you calm down?’
Avani smiled despite herself. This is why she liked Shraddha the most in their family. Shraddha was twenty-five, and didn’t care that she was five years younger than Avani; she wasn’t a pushover. Even though she would have been dying to find out more details about this juicy new revelation, she focused on her self-respect first.
‘Come sit,’ Avani said, nodding towards a spot next to her.
Shraddha lowered herself to the floor again. ‘Don’t make me get up again for a while. The baby’s kicking like crazy.’
Avani’s eyes darted to Shraddha’s belly. She wished she could rub it, but the fresh mehndi made it impossible. ‘Don’t you want to know? This has been my big secret for two years.’
‘You’ve been married for two years? How is that possible? Tell me everything.’
‘Everything … will take a long time.’ Avani looked at her hands. She was going to be immobile for at least two more hours. She really shouldn’t be talking about this in front of strangers, and yet, she couldn’t hold it in any longer. Besides, the mehndi girls would probably not even understand most of what they were saying in English. Avani didn’t have the energy to care anymore. She was exhausted to the bone. ‘Well, there was this whole thing with this other girl …’
‘Jiju cheated on you?’ Shraddha whispered sharply.
‘Shh! And yes, not only cheat, like, once or twice by mistake. He had a full-fledged affair with this other girl he used to work with. Actually, technically, I was the other woman. When I found out, they had been together for two and a half years. And we had been together for two years. So she came first. She was cheated on; I was cheated with.’
Shraddha was stunned into silence.
‘And, oh, you’ll love this – the way I found out was hilarious. I mean if it weren’t so tragic, it would’ve been hilarious. So, get this – I never trusted him in the beginning, right? He’s reasonably good-looking, not in a traditional way, but he has money and is successful. He wouldn’t be so cute without those things, right? So, when we first met, I was twenty-seven and he was twenty-six. Still young and dumb about relationships. He seemed like a player from the beginning. Super flirtatious, too focused on sex. And I, in my situation, thought that if I gave him whatever he wanted now, I could eventually get him to become serious about us. I wasn’t really going to waste too much time on someone who just wanted to dick around and have fun.’
Shraddha didn’t interrupt.
Avani continued, ‘So I did the whole thing with him. Clubbing, crazy sex stuff; he was obsessed with blow jobs, so I had my work cut out for me.’
Shraddha’s eyes widened to a point where they were at risk of popping out of their sockets.
‘I’ll spare you the details, but it was … a significant amount of work. But, like, I wasn’t exactly easy either. You’ve gotta have mystery; so I gave him the hot and cold treatment. I was pretty high maintenance, and he had had to earn everything he got, you know? Anyway, after all of that, we finally fell into a rhythm. Maybe six to eight months after we first hooked up, we finally became official. Like, exclusive. Met each other’s friends and everything. Still kept everything off social media though at his insistence, because we didn’t want our parents to find out. I didn’t find such behaviour suspicious, because many people I knew would do the same. I wasn’t exactly dying for my parents in Jalandhar to find out about my boyfriend in Delhi.’
‘And all this time, he already had a girlfriend?’
‘Yep. That wasn’t really real though; it was long distance. They met maybe once every six months, but apparently, they talked on the phone a lot. Like, several times a day, so she was fully invested. I knew of her existence. Really pretty girl, who once worked with Ravi – I followed her on Facebook. But it wasn’t until much later that I asked her for her number. I called her and asked point-blank if there was something between them. And she denied it. She said nope, he’s all yours.’
‘But didn’t you say …?’
‘Yeah, there’s more drama to the story. Fast-forward to two months later, she calls me out of the blue. I don’t answer, because Ravi had told me that she was a little crazy and was obsessed with him. So, I blocked her on WhatsApp. But then, she messaged me on Facebook, and spilled the beans. Well, actually, all she said in the message was that she had lied to me when I called her earlier, and she felt guilty about that, so she just wanted to tell me the truth, that yes, something had been going on between them. They had been together for two and a half years, and that they had broken up just a month before I called her. And so, I called Ravi, and added her to the conference call. Everything came out then.’
Avani paused to release a long breath and the words she had held close to her chest for two years came pouring out of her. ‘Apparently, she knew of me as his friend’s girlfriend. So, she never questioned my presence in his life. Also, she was, like, twenty-two at the time – this is two years ago. Ravi was twenty-eight, and I was twenty-nine. This girl just sounded like this naive, idealistic kid, who got caught in his web of lies and had her heart broken. He had told her that I was crazy and suicidal, that I had tried to drink phenyl on three different occasions, and so she stayed away from me. And he’d told me that she was crazy and obsessed with him, so I stayed away from her … for the most part. But I ended up calling her when I had this nagging gut feeling I couldn’t shake off, and she called me two months later with the truth. That was all it took for this mess to blow up in my face. That two-hour-long conference call was brutal.’
‘How did you go from that to marrying him?’ Shraddha asked in disbelief, clutching her belly, as if seeking support from her unborn child.
‘Okay, don’t judge me!’
‘I’m not judging! I’m just trying to understand.’
‘Listen, I weighed my options, okay? Love and all is good, but reality is a bitch. I was twenty-nine, and had already wasted two years on this guy. Throughout that conference call, he consistently maintained that he loved me, and she was just exaggerating and being crazy. Like, of course, I didn’t believe most of what he was saying, but, at the end of the day, he chose me and made her look crazy. It could’ve been the other way round as well. But, like, I didn’t want him to have the power, now that I finally had a clear upper hand in our relationship – so I broke up with him. And that made him chase me. He would call me all the time, send me gifts and flowers and texts. I had so much power, and I loved being on my high horse, to be honest. I kept in touch with her too, to make sure she was fine. She was the one who had broken up with him, right? Even before I had called her, he was ignoring her too much and treating her badly. So all of the new information she was provided with about his cheating only helped her realize that she had made the right decision and moving on was easier. She and I texted all through the day. She was young, was applying to go abroad for a master’s degree. But I … I didn’t have many options. I don’t have a college degree and being a flight attendant wasn’t going to be a permanent career … Our profession has a shelf life. Airline companies in Indi
a are obsessed with hot, young air hostesses. I weighed my options and based on how much attention he was giving me, and the fact that, hello, I want babies and I wasn’t getting any younger, I said I’ll take him back only if he committed fully and married me. So, he did.’
‘And that was two years ago.’
‘Yep. We had to wait for the real wedding because we still needed to figure out where we would live, when we would have kids; our parents needed to meet, I had to plan the wedding – all of that. Meanwhile, we used my flight attendant privileges to take trips to different vacation spots across Europe. It was a pretty sweet deal. He paid for hotels and stuff, I got us free tickets. Sex was still fine. I wasn’t as generous, but I didn’t need to be, because I had so much power. I feel like I actually had more power these past two years being secretly married to him than I will after this public wedding. Like, now he knows I can’t go anywhere.’
‘Do you want to?’
‘Mmm, I don’t know. I don’t know what I want.’ Avani sighed and checked her hands. The mehndi girls had moved on to the backs of her hands.
‘Wow. That’s a lot. I … don’t even know what to tell you,’ Shraddha said, studying Avani’s face. You think you know someone. When her older cousin had left home to become a flight attendant, their family’s reaction had been mixed: the older generation looked down on the service industry, the short skirts and the general freedom given to girls, and the younger generation had been in awe, dreaming of their own future escape. Shraddha had never been able to escape. Instead, she was married at the age of twenty-one, had her first child two years later, and was now carrying her second, all before she turned twenty-six. Avani’s life had gone in a completely different direction. This glamour of travel, affairs, sex and secret marriages … Shraddha had only known these to exist in twisted romance novels.
‘He said he would change. Back then. He promised. And you know how he is. When he gives you his full attention, there’s no escape. He can be so charming.’ Avani looked at Shraddha for confirmation.
Shraddha bit her lower lip. To her, he sounded like a scumbag, but she kept that observation to herself. They were already married, so there was no point in saying anything. ‘Do you love him?’ she finally asked.
‘Yes. And he loves me. I’m telling you, he does. Why else would he have gone to such extremes to win me back? Just for free flight tickets?’ Avani snorted.
Shraddha smiled back.
Avani said thoughtfully, ‘He is pretty cheap. Like he wants to look rich, but if he didn’t absolutely need to spend money, he wouldn’t. But that’s good, right? For our kids.’
Shraddha’s heart sank further with every new piece of information Avani offered. ‘And you both want kids for sure?’
‘Yes! Like, right now. I’m thirty-one and we want both our kids to be born before I turn thirty-five. That way I can get my body back fast. And then I’m free to do whatever I want.’
‘What does that mean?’
Avani paused to think of the best way to explain it. ‘Look, I’m not stupid. I zoom out and look at my life. Let’s say I live till I am seventy … eighty years old. I can only have kids probably for a few more years. But once I have them, I can do other things. I have the rest of my life. Thirty-five … forty years. I’ve already given him some of the best years of my life; so what’s some more? Sure, it’ll be great if things with Ravi work out. But if they don’t, worst-case scenario: we get divorced after I have our kids. That way, he’s tied to me with child support and spouse support and what not. Flight attendants’ careers decline after a certain age. And, as I have come to realize, serving drinks to assholes is hardly a dream job anyway. Not to mention cleaning up and being polite and smiling … Ugh, don’t even get me started on all the smiling.’
‘Wait, I don’t follow. What were you saying about divorce?’
‘Right, yeah. Worst-case scenario. But it’s not so bad, right? Considering we’re already legally married, breaking up now means getting a divorce anyway. So why not give it a few more years and then reconsider? Who else am I going to find at such short notice? My biological clock is ticking fast.’
‘You’re only going through with this wedding for kids?’ It was difficult for Shraddha to hide her disdain.
‘No, of course not!’ Avani exclaimed defensively. ‘I do love him. I’ve always loved him. I was so madly in love with him when all of this drama first went down. That’s why I took him back, married him. It was so bad when we had broken up for a couple of months and his phone calls stopped … I literally couldn’t wake up in the morning and get out of bed. He was so gentle with me. Like we always had a relationship of extremes. High highs and low lows.’
Shraddha nodded. Everything Avani said was churning in her head. She couldn’t fully make sense of things. ‘And … where are you now? Thinking about divorce?’
‘No, not really. That’s just the worst-case scenario I’m telling myself; just in case, to help myself get over this cold feet or whatever.’ When Shraddha didn’t look convinced, Avani added quickly, ‘Listen, I’m fine, really. We’re in love. We’re excited to have kids and live together. There’s so much to look forward to. I was just thinking that it was probably a little more exciting being secretly married. Felt more dangerous. But this will be fine too. I can take a break while we have kids and then eventually quit my job. And Ravi said he wants me to take some distance-learning courses, so that I can get a bachelor’s degree. Oh God, that was a dramatic fight too. I accused him of being embarrassed of me and he tried to convince me that he only wanted the best for me, and to give me the opportunities I might not have had before. So, he’ll pay for my education. And he’ll actually also pay to promote my social media. I could, like, do modelling and ads and stuff. There are so many things you can do online now.’
Shraddha inhaled deeply. The baby was kicking. Her life couldn’t be more different from Avani’s. After this conversation, Shraddha felt thankful for the normality in her life. Sure, it wasn’t nearly as dynamic as her cousin’s, but at least her relationship didn’t have a trace of infidelity or betrayal either. And, in that moment, it felt like a true blessing. She sighed, rubbing her bump. In any case, she was invested in Avani’s story now, and wanted to see how it ended. In order to remain in Avani’s good graces, and be privy to her future secrets, she had to hide her judgement and show her support. She said, ‘Listen, it sounds like you know what you’re doing. Given everything, I agree: it’s best to go through with the public wedding ceremony. You can always revaluate the marriage in a few years. You’ll actually be in a better position then. Get your education, and your social media following. Plus, with the pregnancies out of the way, there’s no ticking clock, and, like you said, he’ll have to pay child and spouse support. You can quit your job, and like … date?’
‘Yes,’ Avani said with conviction. ‘But like I said, that’s the worst-case scenario. I’d obviously want the marriage to actually work out.’
‘Obviously.’
‘Because I love him. I just don’t trust him. I can’t, after everything …’ Avani was thinking about the messages she’d found on his phone just the week before. She kept that part to herself.
‘You’ll be fine. And I’m always here whenever you need to talk,’ Shraddha said, dropping her head on Avani’s shoulder and inspecting her mehndi. She mulled over everything she had learned during this interaction. All said and done, no one was completely innocent in this situation. It really sounded like Avani and Ravi deserved each other. Shraddha would even go as far as to say that they were made for each other.
How Would They Know?
‘So, this is it? Your last night of freedom!’ Mohit slapped Ravi on his back. His voice was barely audible over the thumping beats of the music. The bass reverberated inside their chests, the air was humid from the steam released through nozzles situated strategically around the nightclub, making the light effects look especially dreamy. Ravi was surrounded by the sweaty, dancing bodies of his f
riends and cousins.
‘Looks like it,’ Ravi shrugged dismissively.
‘Arey, his life is toh full aish only!’ one of the other boys roared. ‘The wife-to-be is full-on hotness, and then there’s the matter of the free flight tickets …’
‘The world is literally at your feet, na? How does it feel, Mr World-travelling Overachiever?’
‘Pretty good. Not gonna lie!’ Ravi said with a smile. But his jaws were clenched, hiding the saltiness he felt. The way his closest, oldest friends and cousins were behaving, loud and obnoxious, was getting under Ravi’s skin. He had to keep reminding himself that this would only last another day. Within twenty-four hours, he would be free of his drunk, boisterous companions.
Ravi would be transferred to a different type of prison, tied to a tall (half-an-inch taller than him, a fact he deeply resented) woman who would continue to bear grievances and look at him with dissatisfaction through eyes half-hidden under the thick lashes she stuck to her eyelids with scary-looking blue-coloured glue. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw her without those eye umbrellas. Or without a fully painted face. At the moment, she was nowhere in his vicinity, and yet, when he pictured her, Ravi could actually smell her overwhelming designer perfume.
He used to admire her meticulous attention to detail when it came to doing her hair and make-up when they first met. As a flight attendant, she had to follow the exact same make-up routine every time she had to fly, which was every time they saw each other. That’s what drew her to him in the first place. Just the memory of her arriving in Delhi, walking towards him in her high heels, her trolley suitcase trailing right behind her aroused Ravi even now. He used to drive her back to his apartment and promptly undress her, mess up her perfectly lined bright-red lipstick, undo her bun and let her long black hair loose. But leave her stockings on. The following day, when it was time for her next flight, she used to sit in front of the mirror in his bedroom for hours putting everything back together. He would watch her every step, imagine reversing everything she was doing, when she would return a few days later.