by Nikita Singh
‘You never asked.’
‘I couldn’t! I couldn’t go back there. I had to leave that place. There’s nothing for me in my past. I can only focus on my present and my future. That’s the only way I know how to survive. I have nightmares too; I have those memories that resurface … but I can’t let them live in my head. I have to push them away.’
‘And I’m happy that you can. I’m happy that you survived. Your happiness, what you have now with Talha and the baby – that’s more than I could’ve ever asked for my little sister.’ Amir speaks with such tenderness that a sob escapes my lips. I sit down next to him.
‘But I want you too. I need you to be okay. Nobody can replace you. You’re my brother,’ I say gently, tears streaming down my face. ‘Please, please.’
‘I don’t know how to promise that … I’m really trying.’
‘And that’s okay. That’s enough for now. Just promise me that you will keep trying. That’s all I’m asking. I know it’s so hard, but please, just keep trying. We’re here for you. We’ll help you at every step. And soon, there will be a little niece or nephew to play with. Things will get better, brighter.’
Amir is silent. I can’t think of anything to say. I don’t know if saying anything can even help. It can’t be that easy. But I try. ‘You know … I never told anyone … but for the last two years, I have been feeling like I’m being punished. I … I had three miscarriages, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was what I deserved … for what we did … the abortion.’
Amir looks up at me, shaken out of his thoughts. ‘Don’t say that! It’s not your fault. You couldn’t possibly have had that monster’s baby. I don’t regret taking you to that clinic one bit. In fact, it’s the one useful thing I’ve done for you in my life. The one thing I don’t regret.’
Emotions overwhelm me, crashing inside me like wild waves. I succumb to them. Dropping my head on his shoulder, I let the tears come. ‘You have done so much,’ I say after I regain a semblance of composure. ‘But I need more from you now. Now that I finally have a baby to look forward to … it feels like I might be able to turn a page. Come with me to the other side. I can’t go there without you. We’re tied in this together. I can only be okay if you’re okay.’
‘I’m trying.’ Amir looks defeated.
‘That’s all I ask. Just try. Because for a moment there … it felt like you weren’t trying. That you don’t want to be okay.’
‘Misery feels safe. I built a home there. Hope, on the other hand, is brutal,’ he says sadly, honestly. ‘Every time I slip, it cuts like a knife. I have tried, you know. So many times over the years. I’ve tried my best, but it’s not enough.’
‘It doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter if your best isn’t enough. We also have my best, and Talha’s. That’s triple the impact. It’ll be more than enough.’ I laugh, trying to lighten the mood. Amir doesn’t join in. I speak seriously, ‘I know that it’s not easy. But we’re here for you, as long as it takes.’
Amir nods weakly. I wipe the tears off his cheeks and rest my forehead against his. ‘We’re in this together,’ I murmur. ‘We’re in this together.’
Amir’s head collapses on my shoulder, as his whole body convulses.
‘You’re not alone. I’m not going anywhere.’ I hold him, cry with him.
‘We’re in … this together.’ Amir somehow manages to string the words between shudders.
‘Yes. We’re in this together,’ I say with a rush of determination. This is going to be a long fight, but we’re on our way. It’ll get a little easier, with Amir on the same side as us, not fighting us every step of the way. It’s good to be on the same team for a change, united against a common enemy.
We stay there like that for a while, till our tears dry and our strength is replenished. Then, I rise slowly. Straightening my kurti, I say slowly, ‘It was only five minutes for him. But it’s a lifetime for us. We can’t erase it, but we can try to make it small, shove it away into a dark corner. He has taken so much from me already, don’t let him take you too.’
As I walk out of the bedroom, I leave the door behind me open.
Real
Either Pihu came back to the hostel really late last night and then left really early this morning or she didn’t come back at all. Most probably the latter. Ever since she and her boyfriend started fucking, I’ve seen less and less of her. They can fuck all they want but does she really have to stay over and sleep with him the whole night too? We get eight ‘outs’ in a whole semester and even then our local guardian has to come to the hostel and pick us up before we are let out. And, we only get one night out. Every time Pihu has to visit her boyfriend she has to sneak out clandestinely and she could be expelled from the college hostel if she was found out. She once started to tell me the method she employed to get out but I stopped her immediately and asked her to keep me out of it because I don’t wanna be an accomplice or anything you know. She’s taking so many risks to go see her boyfriend it’s insanity. Maybe because it’s the honeymooney phase of her ‘relationship’ that’s got her so gushy and like sappy. But whatever. Her life. After her first time she said the sex was good. I’ve never heard a virgin say that before so of course she was lying that poor sweet girl. She’s just so love-struck right now it’s hard to watch because it makes me go aww and then wanna puke at the same time. You cannot believe how gentle and caring he is Gauri. I’m sooo happy. Pfft. Who the hell wants gentle and caring! Like be a real man and gimme the real thing, you know. Anyway I guess, as long as she’s happy. It’s actually for the best that Pihu isn’t home because now I can lie in bed for another hour and do whatever the fuck I want without her sitting there at her desk and judging me for wasting time. I am a very very ambitious girl and Pihu is actually the only person in the whole world who has ever accused me of something like this. I know she means it as a joke when she says your life will pass you by while you nap but what the hell. I don’t owe her anything and she’s no one to dictate how I spend my days. People like her just irk me. They don’t even realize that they’re a sad product of capitalism who have bought into the idea of productivity and they truly believe they have to hustle hard every second of every day in order to be doing enough to quench their thirst for fulfilment and meaning. Simple-minded people who have been on the wrong track all along. When she’s not spending nights with her boyfriend she goes to bed before midnight and wakes up at like 7 in the morning and immediately starts studying. By the time I wake up at like 11 she has already studied for a few hours and returned from the gym too. Who does that. Sometimes I think she does all this super-organized and punctual shit just to annoy the fuck out of me. Like to highlight the contrast between the two of us. I don’t know. She’s a sweet person though. Whenever she cooks, she makes extra for me and keeps it in one of our cheap plastic containers. She never puts it in the mini fridge though. I don’t know why. Why someone would leave food out during summer when it’s so hot is beyond me but maybe she does it so I will wake up early and eat before the food spoils, but that’s just stupid because I could just wake up and put the food in the fridge and go back to sleep. Once she made these awesome chutney sandwiches early in the morning and I smelled them on my way to the bathroom because, of course, she had just left them on the counter and the chutney was ruining the bread so I ate the sandwiches. I wasn’t able to fall back asleep and was irritated with everything all day because of my lack of sleep, but at least the sandwiches were good. All food is good actually and Pihu is such a wonderful cook too. Our stupid college doesn’t even have one half-decent cook, I tell you. Our college is so pretentious. It aims to be an institution of excellence dedicated to producing leaders of the future but the food fucking sucks. I didn’t bust my ass studying to get a scholarship and come here for this. We had to take charge of the situation, so Pihu and I sneaked in a small stove and it’s been such a lifesaver really. But there’s no food this morning because Pihu’s busy fucking her boyfriend. I hate how these girls make such a
big deal of sex. We’re in the first year of college and, like, once we graduate, we’re gonna be out in the real world, which means we’ll meet loads of boys anyway. So, what’s the rush right. I don’t get it. These girls are just so depraved it’s gross. I’ve been bunking classes and sleeping in a lot lately. Today is Sunday so that’s okay but I need to get my shit together. Finals are so fucking close it’s scary. I need to build my Twitter account too. I’ve got to tweet more regularly and get more engagement in order to keep building my following. If I am serious about getting into JNU after finishing college it’s high time I get serious about this it’s no joke. My English teacher is very happy with my essays, so that’s good. I feel like she’s the only person with brains around here. Everyone else is a sucker for whatever’s new and selling, everything superficial. But I get it. I’m on my way to becoming a part of the whole popular culture thing too. At least I’m trying. My Twitter account is the first step towards that. I should probably check on it though. I do it first thing every morning before getting out of bed. Pihu may think I’m being lazy but I’m actually working on my career already at nineteen while she’s all wide-eyed about her stupid boyfriend so what does she know. I touch the blue bird on my screen to find two new notifications on my Twitter. A like and a follow. Yay this is so exciting! Just what I needed to start my day off. I’ve had this account for over a year now and I have twenty-one followers. Twenty-two including this one. I get a follower like one or two times a month, so this is a big deal. I’m nothing yet, you know. Just a teenager with thoughts like every other teenager but I am going to stand out of the crowd soon everyone will see. I should post something new today for my new follower. Not for him like directly of course, because that would be stupid. I did that one time when someone followed me – I don’t even remember his name now – but after that post he and two more people unfollowed me so I deleted the welcome tweet and haven’t done anything like that again.
Pihu and I decided we will use the walls next to the other’s bed to put up posters and shit. I used to have this picture of me and Mom on my side but I couldn’t fucking see it and it didn’t make sense. So last week I moved it to the wall on Pihu’s side of the room and now I can see it all the time. It’s making me a little sick to think that Mom can see me lying in bed instead of studying. My parents are all about studies, you know. Not that they could’ve ever dreamed to afford to send me to a college like this on their own. I worked super hard and got the scholarship here and when I finish college I’ll probably leave this town for Delhi. But it is the good kind of scary because I am excited too. I put up the poster I ordered from Monika Sen’s merch site on Pihu’s wall as well. It’s so good. Monika Sen is, like, my most favourite writer. She’s just everything. She’s so pretty and successful and famous and so fucking talented. I love her writing and everything else she does. I’ll be like her one day. It’s not even like she’s a listless clueless artist who’s stuck in the circle of being lost and trying to find herself in her writing; no. She’s a very smart businesswoman. She runs this organization for teenagers which is like a forum and so cool and also her powerful young adult fiction following ensures she sells loads and loads of merchandise through her website. God … I wanna be like her. She has everything and she’s only a few years older than me. That’s what has inspired me to start early you know. Everyone’s starting early and getting famous young now. If you don’t have 1 million followers on social before twenty-five, you’re basically a failure. I have to really get my head in the game and complete my manuscript and build a following through my Twitter too, so that I can be as awesome as Monika Sen by the time I’m her age. She started off at twenty, so I’ve already got a one-year head start on her. I’m not saying it will be easy but I know I’ll make it. What I’ve learned from Monika Sen is that a writer isn’t just her writing, she is everything else that surrounds her too. It’s the personality that is built around her name. I have to be that person people would want to idealize. My phone’s battery is low; I need to plug it in. I should probably get up and go downstairs to workout too. Lose those extra pounds and get back in shape you know. People say it’s hard to lose weight but I don’t buy it. It’s just a matter of a few weeks and if you are determined you can do anything. Eating clean and moving your body, that’s it; it’s not that big a deal. I put my phone down and look for the charger but can’t find it. I need a new one. I think it’s a sign that I should get a new phone. This one’s battery drains out in like three hours, this stupid thing. I think the universe is sending me signs for the whole past week to get a new phone. First, I think it’s giving me carpal tunnel and then I dropped it in class and the screen pretty much shattered and now I cannot find the fucking charger. These are definitely signs. Pihu lost her virginity a few weeks ago and can’t stop talking about sex, which is depressing because how much control are you going to give a boy over you? I think Ranjit is cute and by the way he looks at me, I can tell that there’s definitely like a pull there. But I don’t know. Who knows with boys. I should probably check if he tweeted something today. I doubt it because he’s one of the cool guys and people like that have late Saturday nights and no Sunday mornings. Especially the ones with girlfriends, I suppose. He hasn’t tweeted anything. His last tweet is a video of a cat trying to catch fish under ice. The stupid creature has no idea what ice is and it’s just so hilarious I laugh every time I watch it. I get another notification on my Twitter. This is so great; such a great start to the day. It’s a wonderful feeling to connect with people online. They have no real-life connection with you but you’re still so connected through the content you share and the conversations you engage in. I try to generate very funny and fresh content on my Twitter to fit the current trend of low attention span. Why the fuck can people not pay attention for a few minutes and concentrate on something is beyond me, but yeah okay. I give them what they want. A one-liner, a photo, a meme, a quote, nothing too long ever. This comment on my post is stupid. People are so fucking retarded it’s ridiculous how stupid people can be. I am going to delete this comment and block this girl right now. I don’t know who people think they are. Like, it isn’t even funny how much they can intrude in your life without realizing that they are overstepping their boundaries and breaching your privacy. Fuck this, I need to get up and go to the gym now. It’s after 12 and I’m getting hungry. Going to the gym in the morning is the most ideal because then you can just have some milk or fruit juice or something and just go right away. But now I would need to eat something because I haven’t had anything to eat in like twelve hours and I wouldn’t be able to workout properly because I will have no energy. I think I should cook something. I don’t cook as well as Pihu does and I miss her. I’ll just have some bread with marmalade or wait, we had Maggi didn’t we? Pihu doesn’t like it when I have Maggi for breakfast so lucky me that she’s not here right now. She can be such a mom sometimes. Refined flour is bad for you, I know, but we’re only having it every once in a while so it’s really not the end of the world. I put the laptop on my study table and pull out the stove from under Pragati’s bed. I have to wash the big bowl before I can cook Maggi. Ugh, going out in the corridor and to the shared bathroom is the worst. I don’t want people staring at me and my dirty bowl this early in the morning. Someone ratted out the girls in Room 807 to the warden once and then there was random checking and they found a half-empty bottle of Old Monk inside a sock in 807 and since then hostel security has been kind of tight. We cannot afford to lose our stove, not just because we won’t get to make our own food, but also because Papa hasn’t been sending me a lot of money lately. It sucks to be a small business owner because sometimes you have a lot of money but you don’t get to spend it because you are preparing for the days when you’ll need it for when you’ll have little to no money, which is like always, so yeah. I would like to have a well-paying stable job instead any day. I do need to get more active on my Twitter. The last time I tweeted something was like a week ago. I want to be present and vi
sible always but good subject matter is the most important thing to me. That’s one thing I refuse to compromise on. This early in my career I do need to be very careful because I have to be a smart businesswoman like Monika Sen. Soon enough Gauri Bafna will be as famous and rich as Monika Sen. It’ll happen. My manuscript is almost done. Penguin rejected it and HarperCollins and Westland but that’s okay. If they hadn’t in fact I would’ve lost respect for them, because my novel was shit. The draft that I sent them was like the first thing I’d written in my life and it was literal garbage. Since then I’ve learned so much, read so much. I’ve read all Monika Sen’s books and then rewritten my whole book. She gets it, you know. She gets her readers and she gives them what they want from her and she makes her content her own and that is what I need to do too. That’s how I need to build myself. I had sent my book proposal to her publishing start-up too but they emailed to let me know that it wasn’t the right fit for them. The girl in the hallway gives me a weird look but I keep walking. It doesn’t take me long to clean the bowl, I just run it under the shower in one of the stalls in the bathroom I have to share with twenty other girls on the floor. That’s one thing about this college I’m not going to miss at all. I’ve stopped drinking water after 8 p.m. now because it sucks to get up and walk all the way out here to pee in the middle of the night. Since I am here I might as well pee but it’s difficult holding a bowl so I keep it on the flush tank for a minute. Pihu wouldn’t approve of things like that, she’s such a clean freak it’s torture. Logic says that only the bottom of the bowl is touching the flush tank so there’s nothing to worry about. I pick up the bowl and take it back to the room. It’s too sunny and warm outside, it’s better with curtains pulled. I wonder when Pihu will be back. It takes five minutes for Maggi to cook, not two like it says on the pack. Fucking liars but I don’t really mind because Maggi is the best thing that ever happened to me. It is my survival food; I have to have it at least once a day it’s so good. I eat it hungrily but it’s too hot and tastes terrible because I haven’t brushed my teeth but I know it will get better on the second-third bite like it always does. This poster is amazing. It has a quote from one of Monika Sen’s books on it. Better put on a happy face than a gloomy one if we have to go through life anyway. Attitude is what defines our journey through the bumpiest of roads. I had to ask my friend in Mumbai to get it from a store that was selling a limited number of signed posters and then he couriered it over to me. I still can’t believe I have Monika Sen’s signature for real. It was so great of her to take the time for her fans. I touched every millimetre of the poster as soon as I got it just so I could touch the same piece of paper that Monika Sen’s fingers had held. This lady is everything I wanna be. Girls look up to her and guys go mad over her, what else could she need? I just need to lose a little weight. I will have to wait before heading downstairs because I’ve just eaten a bowlful of Maggi. At least half an hour or maybe one. I should use the time to work on my next tweet. My last tweet was a link to a video with a cat trying to catch fish under ice. So hilarious. I wonder if Ranjit noticed that I retweeted his tweet. I don’t think he did though, he’s so busy fucking his current girlfriend. Once I am published and famous and successful I won’t have to worry about getting attention from boys anymore; I’ll get too much of it actually. Like Monika Sen. I don’t think she actually signed the poster herself. She must be so busy in life you know. When I reach that stage I know I’m not gonna waste my energy in such tiny insignificant things. Big picture. Always the big picture. That’s what’s important. But this quote really connects with me. In a weird way I feel like she can read my exact thoughts. I feel so attached to what she said. I know I have a long road ahead of me and I have to work really hard to reach where she is and farther. And I’m taking my steps towards it with a smile on my face because, like Monika Sen said, why not. This is too much. I am overwhelmed with emotion. This is so close and personal and relevant to me; how could she be reading my thoughts? Did I post this somewhere and she found it online or does she have access to my laptop somehow? Well of course she doesn’t have access to my laptop how could she I’m just being ridiculous. I don’t even remember posting this stuff online for her to have copied from there. But I definitely have it on my laptop somewhere within the folders and folders of journaling I’ve saved in the past several months. It’ll take me an eternity to check so I won’t waste my breath because it could be a coincidence you know. We are so alike as people we could both just be thinking the same thing it’s possible. For now I should really think about what to post next on my Twitter. Or maybe workout first. That is also crucial in becoming a well-rounded celebrity. Guys wouldn’t want to be with me and girls wouldn’t want to be like me if I’m fat. Not that I am. I’ve just put on a little bit of weight over the past few months. I promised myself I will workout every day like a year ago and I’ve tried my best but with the pressure of maintaining a relevant Twitter account and at the same time writing a book it’s too much some days. The first draft of my manuscript was really bad but I have forgiven myself for it. I had written only three chapters anyway. That’s how it works and that’s the smart way to do these things. Publishers need three sample chapters, a short synopsis and a brief author bio sort of thing and that’s all they need for the first step. If they like your proposal they’ll ask you for the rest of the manuscript otherwise they just say no, at which point you can start working on something new, an idea you think would be of interest to the publisher. In my case it was a little different though. I got rejections from the big publishing houses but I’m a sport and took it in my stride. But this is my story and I know this is the story that’s gonna get me everything Monika Sen has. I’m working on the same manuscript and it is almost done. I have so many great ideas for it too. I’m going to change the face of it completely and woo the pants off publishers. It just requires a little more work. I won’t let the manuscript be the central thing in my career though. I have to always be alert and know when I’m slipping from the big picture by giving too much importance to just one thing. Pihu says I’m pretty and by the way Ranjit looks at me it’s fucking evident that he has the hots for me so I know I’m not ugly at all. The Internet says I should ideally be 59 kg based on my height. Just a little weight loss and I’ll be like Monika Sen and everything will be perfect. I feel good today. A follower on Twitter, a bowl of Maggi, the funny cat video, not bad at all. I will work on my manuscript today too once I’m back from the gym. I have the whole story in my head, just need to type it is all. I should put on my gym outfit and then tweet something before hitting the gym. I pull out the pink-and-black tank top from under a pile of clothes in the closet. I got it on sale from Adidas they only had sizes XS and L left so I had to get L which was a little tight for me but I figured it would fit me once I started working out. I put it on. The pink looks amazing against my skin for sure. It’s riding up my stomach though and I think the stitches are showing because of the stretching on the sides. What the fucking hell? I’ve definitely not gained this much weight; maybe I got the XS by mistake. I struggle out of the fucking top. These mass-production companies they are all a bunch of idiots. I don’t even care anymore, I’ll just wear the T-shirt I wore to bed last night, it doesn’t matter. I open up my laptop. Maybe I can find the quote that Monika Sen stole from me here. It’s impossible for me to read all this in a day, I have so many files and folders it could be anywhere. I could use the find command but I’m sure the bitch switched the words. She’s too smart to plagiarize without thought and planning. I’d weigh myself and find out what’s going on but I think the scale is broken. It’s been showing more and more absurd numbers every time. I was surprised at first a few months ago when it showed 74 all of a sudden and then it showed more more more, then the last time I checked it showed 83 kg. Insane. I’m absolutely certain she didn’t sign those posters herself. She isn’t the kind of person who would care about her fans enough to do that kind of a gesture. All she cares about is her books selling and makin
g money, that’s it. Is this sign even real or is it a stamp? I wouldn’t be surprised if it is. If this woman is shameless enough to take credit for someone else’s writing she is surely capable of passing off someone’s signature as her own. God, Monika Sen disgusts me. I am waiting for responses from publishers. After I received those stupid rejection emails I wrote to them telling some of my plans for the manuscript and that I will send them the newer draft very soon. I haven’t heard from them yet. I sent it to eleven. Let’s see. I hope they don’t lose interest before I am able to send them the finished manuscript. I’m working on it. The fact that I found out that Monika Sen didn’t sign the poster herself is a sign. It’s a sign that I should expose her. She needs to be cancelled. It’s not just that she didn’t sign the poster herself but the quote on it is mine, not hers. I need to expose to the world what kind of a sick human being she is. Budding writers need all the help they can get to find their footing in the publishing world and situations like these where one can’t send their manuscript to a publisher for the fear of getting plagiarized are just disgusting. I didn’t know when I sent in my proposal to her stupid start-up publishing house that she would steal my work, did I. I need to find the quote in my folders immediately. I also need to find which of her books has this quote because without it I have no proof. How can I go to the gym now? I pull out her latest book from my shelf. This one came out a few months ago after I’d sent my manuscript. I’m not quite sure what to expect from it. I’ve read it before and I loved it because I felt so connected with her protagonist and the theme. When I’d found out that her book was about amnesia too I had been surprised in the beginning. I had sent her my proposal just months before that. I remember having wondered what were the odds of that happening. But I had let it go giving her the benefit of the doubt. Things could happen with Ranjit even now but I am nervous mostly because I am not in the best shape of my life. I expect too much of myself and push myself too hard. It’s reaching a point where it’s unhealthy for me to worry so much about dieting and exercising. Oh my fucking God, this book is exactly the same as mine. This woman has disguised it so well that even I hadn’t caught on to it when I had read it for the first time. The similarities are uncanny. Too many and too much to be mere coincidences. How stupid does she think I am? Did she really think I wouldn’t find out and she would never be caught. I’m going to mention her in a tweet and ask @sen_monika hey loved your book Every Single Thing where did you get the concept for that? Let’s see what she says to that. I cannot just go ahead and attack her because then she would be alert; I need to coax it out of her. I will wait for her to reply and do some crunches in the meantime. I am so pumped I cannot settle down I have to do something to release all this energy. I don’t want to go back to Twitter just yet because of that dumb guy’s dumb comment. I’m on the floor ready to do crunches when I hear a tweet. I jump to see what Monika Sen has to say for herself. It isn’t her. Someone retweeted my tweet. I think they misinterpreted it as a real compliment. I can’t just sit and wait, I have to do something about this and now. I tweet again. @sen_monika how did you come up with the idea of AMNESIA AS THE CENTRAL THEME of the book? I open the book again to pick out more similarities. @sen_monika why did you choose FIRST PERSON NARRATION AND PRESENT TENSE specifically? I flip two pages. @sen_monika from where did you get the idea of STARTING THE BOOK IN A HOSPITAL? Holy fuck, this girl really is shameless. She even stole tiny details and not just the plot and theme. @sen_monika how did you come up with the idea of your character waking up with an OXYGEN MASK on her face in a hospital? This is too much. This woman needs to be called out on her lies and deceits. @sen_monika how would you react if you found out that someone has been STEALING YOUR WRITING AND TAKING CREDIT for it? I need to forget about the creep asking me my cup size on Twitter. I need to focus on this right now. It’s a great topic to talk about. I need to get people on my side to form a support system for me. It shouldn’t be hard. People hate injustice done towards new artists by established ones. I don’t want to write a lot though because I don’t wanna talk around it and a long post would dilute content matter too. I start a tweet thread and keep typing facts super straightforward that my work has been stolen and I need help getting it back. I conclude my plea with a Please support me in my fight against plagiarism. One person retweeted all my tweets to Monika Sen and all my tweets from this thread too. I grab the half-eaten bag of Kurkure from under my desk and dig in. I don’t usually eat too much but it just feels like with all this happening to me I should get to eat whatever the fuck I want to. Last night I looked for indications of pimples on my face but couldn’t find any so maybe that’s a sign that I can eat unhealthy oily food without getting pimples and that’s good. I’ll start dieting seriously tomorrow but right now I have to deal with this fucking thing. I switch to my laptop; too much is going on. No new updates on Ranjit’s Twitter. I wish he would just dump his girlfriend and come to me you know. Why is he with her anyway, she’s so skinny, she’s like a skeleton and she’s not even that pretty he can do so much better. I close the tab with Ranjit’s Twitter profile. He’s not posting anything new which means he’s still fucking his girlfriend, I don’t know what the big hype is about sex. Another person retweeted one of my tweets to Monika Sen. Maybe my tweets need to be more hard-hitting. I have to come up with something that’s suitable for my situation but at the same time is universal and retweetable. I shouldn’t think too much, just say it, follow my instincts. It’s a sign from the universe that I need to uncover this otherwise why in a country of 1.35 billion people would I be the one buying this book and reading my stolen manuscript; what are the odds of that happening? It’s definitely not a coincidence I hate that word people who keep saying that everything is coincidence when it’s clearly destiny. People need to have more fucking faith in the way the world works. You can’t just disregard these things simply because your brain is too small to comprehend the meaning of it. I go to my email and search for the proposal. There it is, sent on 11/10/19, so over four months ago. I google the release date of Monika Sen’s book but can’t find anything concrete. I go to her Instagram page and scroll down down down. God she posts so much shit this woman is such an attention-seeker. Her launch pictures finally start showing up. The very first one, the one that happened in Bengaluru, happened on 15 December so like two months ago it adds up. Look at her smiling motherfucker at the camera holding my book in her hands so fucking shamelessly she’s so disgusting this is too much. I don’t think the quote on the poster is from this specific book actually so it might not be mine. Well even if I didn’t have it written down I at least thought it first for sure. What kind of writer does that steal someone else’s work and claim it as their own no sense of integrity and being a writer she should know how much work goes into finishing a manuscript how could she do this to another writer. I’ve been working on my book for so long now and only have three shitty chapters of the first draft to show for it even though I have the entire final draft in my head of course all of it. My writing is really progressing if only I had the time to sit down and type it out that’s all. In my head it’s a fucking bestseller it will be because I understand the business I know how this works. I wonder when Pihu will be back it’s late afternoon now. Monika Sen just tweeted about Valentine’s Day what the fuck she’s so vain no one wants to know that her V-Day plans include her cooking Chinese food for her single girlfriends or whatever it looks delicious but so what. She stole my shit and now how dare she ignore my tweets and tweet about fucking V-Day like for real is that more important than plagiarism. Nothing should be more important to a writer because it’s like actual stealing of thoughts ideas time effort just come up with your own original content you know. If you don’t have anything new to say don’t say it what gives you the right to copy someone else’s work and pass it as your own ludicrous ridiculous insane. @sen_monika thinks her #ValentinesDay plans are more important than the burning issue of plagiarism. #JusticeforGB #FightAgainstPlagiarism I take a screensho
t of the first page of my manuscript it’s not copy-edited so there are some typos shit like that but that’s not the point. It’s a story about a girl who wakes up with amnesia in a hospital with an oxygen mask on her face and is disoriented and hears medical equipment beeping and figures out she’s in a hospital. It’s written in first person and present tense and well I could go on and on about this. All this can’t fucking be coincidence. I know what she’s going to say she’s going to say she hasn’t even read my manuscript which is fucking convenient for her I won’t let it rest I have to raise a voice against this important issue can’t keep silent and endure it anymore. Like the professional I am I am going to write emails to Monika Sen’s publisher that published Every Single Thing and the start-up where I sent my manuscript. I shouldn’t email her directly should I no that won’t be appropriate. I’m not going to handle this like an amateur. It’s so fucking hot in here I stink I’m fucking worked up this fucking T-shirt sticking to my body. I should take a shower I will take one after my workout. It doesn’t make sense to take one now then again after exercising that’s fucking retarded. I wonder if sex is actually as good as people think it is. Pihu seems so happy nowadays it’s sickening and disgusting. I am composing the emails when I hear another tweet this woman is so fucking unrepentant she’s just tweeting random shit ignoring me over and over again as if I do not exist. @sen_monika are you silent because you have nothing to say because you plagiarized from me? #plagiarism #JusticeforGB I am starting to get responses now from people I don’t know. One person is livid he thinks I’m lying to taint his favourite writer’s name the other two believe me are asking for more details. I retweet and favourite their tweets. I’ll keep doing that it helps to let them know you’re listening and their support is important to you. All I need to do now is take pictures of the first few pages of Monika Sen’s book and post both mine and her pages online for everyone to see anyone with half a brain would be able to see that she’s a fucking thief. I worked on my manuscript for so long I am not going to let her get away with stealing it no never. The dates add up I mean four months is plenty of time for her to have stolen from me written her book and published it right. She’s a professional commercial writer for fuck’s sake of course she can do it. I got the idea of amnesia stuck in my head when I read this Sophie Kinsella book Remember Me of course The Bourne Identity and Ghajini. I wanted to explore it further that’s why I wrote what I wrote. It’s insane that Monika Sen would steal from me. I upload the pictures online. This is escalating now there’s only so much stuff I can fit in 140 characters so I keep adding one tweet at a time. I upload everything highlight similarities in yellow mention them in ALL CAPS keep using the hashtags #JusticeForGB #FightAgainstPlagiarism I could sue her the truth will come out and she’ll be defamed. Papa probably can’t afford a lawsuit I can ask. Plagiarism laws are so fucking twisted though with enough money influence she will wriggle her way out of it which is the last thing I need right now. I need to get other people involved. I am not enough I need more people. I have a friend who has 273 followers on his Twitter and he posts book reviews and shit I’m sure he’d be happy to take on this issue and post about this. Maybe even interview me or something that’s a brilliant idea. I’ll show this bitch what she gets for plagiarizing my content. I hit send on emails to the publishers retweet the rest of the tweets I’m getting I got seven now. I tweet some more maybe it’s a coincidence one person is saying what a brainwashed moron. I won’t entertain that thought for even a minute. Monika Sen chose a female protagonist yeah okay obvious choice she’s a girl herself. She chose present tense well that’s like one of the two ways to write a book generally. She chose first person narration which could be coincidental but I don’t know put together there’s just too much similar stuff. What about the fact that her central theme is amnesia and her character wakes up in a hospital with an oxygen mask and beeping sounds and is disoriented at first. I’m not completely stupid I know that taken separately all this sounds like harmless or whatever but the reason her book is selling is because of a mixture of all these things. I’ve read the fucking reviews on Amazon and people love that she got into the head of her character which I know is because she wrote in first person and argh. There’s just too much too much I cannot think of this as a coincidence I cannot back down now I will look like an idiot. Maybe it’s not too late there are only a few people responding it’s not gone viral yet so she’s technically not cancelled yet. I should think this through plagiarism is a big accusation to level against a writer. What if she sues me for defamation or harassment or mental distress or some other shit? Not that I’m backing down because I’m scared or anything because I’m not. I just need to take a deep breath and think this through; what the fuck is the matter with this woman now she’s tweeting pictures from her vacation on some island fuck her fuck this I need to take a shower so bad but workout first I need to look good when I’m on television talking about standing up against plagiarism. Fuck the emails I need to take this public. I need more writers involved in this I get up pull on my pants and tie up my hair. I’ll show this fucking bitch she can’t get away with this. I think my friend with 273 followers would be home I’ll ask him to interview me right now would he need a picture I have to look good but wait I can give him that picture of me I use everywhere because my face looks skinny and it’s taken under the sun so the lighting is perfect and makes me seem fairer than I am and my dirty brown eye colour pops for a change. I can see that picture plastered all over news channels when they cover this yes great that’s perfect. I can write a book about this experience too people would love to read that and it could be my debut novel after my intended debut novel got stolen wow that would be so awesome media would jump to grab that story. It wouldn’t be a novel it would be an autobiography and it’s going to be spectacular it takes courage to raise your voice against these biggies you know. Maybe I should post something about bullying it’ll get a lot of retweets I’m sure. I can see my entire life unfolding in front of me and it’s magnificent and Monika Sen will be remembered only for being a fucking thief people will loathe her and love me. Where the fuck is Pihu, she’s not here yet, I can’t ask for her advice but what the fuck does she know anyway, she’s just a dumb teenager; all she’s interested in is fucking Ranjit.