by Bailey James
“Not long, Gavin wants us to ring him, as soon as we are both able to. He’s been ringing us since yesterday.”
I look at Logan confused and wonder what had happened. Gavin only ever rings to talk if it’s important. Unfortunately, Logan and I had gotten drunk and stayed that way until we both passed out on the bed. It felt like it was the only way I could deal with the pain. My brain fires up, and the things Becks said keep going around my head. ‘Wait till Monday.’ “What happens Monday?” I say out loud.
“Fuck knows,” says Logan knowing what I’m talking about. It was apparently whizzing around his brain too.
“Do you really reckon it’s about the business?” I ask.
“In the cold light of day, probably not, but it seemed to make sense at the time,” Logan says.
“Let’s ring Gavin, get this over with,” I say. Gavin doesn’t pick up. Which worries us further. We finally manage to get hold of Gavin on Sunday evening.
“Right, now I just want to say this before I say anything else. I apologise if I’m about to step out of line, and you know I’m very grateful for the position I have. I am loyal to the core, don’t get me wrong. I never believe it is my business to interfere, but on this one occasion, and I promise you it will only be this one occasion, I am going to.”
“Okay,” I say looking at Logan.
“When are you going to get your head out of your arse and realise she isn’t deceiving you. I have secured everything you asked of me. But Becks is not a threat, she loves the both of you, anyone can see that. But she has had other things going on, other outside influences, and you both need to open your eyes. You are both a couple of hypocrites. If you ask me, considering the amount of secrets I’m sure you haven’t told her about your past, present and future business accounts, have you actually stopped to think about it. I’m going to give you a very big clue, look at her google search history on your tablet, Logan. I think you might find it quite insightful.”
Then he puts the phone down on us. I just stare at Logan, and he stares back.
Being our arrogant selves, we haven’t stopped to think that whatever is up has absolutely zero fucks to do with us. Logan grabs the tablet and searches the history.
His eyes widen, and I look, at the various porn sites she has visited, making me smile.
“Can’t be that right?” says Logan.
“Keep looking.” We saw she’d looked at all the documents we had told her to. So, she has done her research and seriously considered our offer. Which I admit, deep down, under the hurt impresses me. Then Logan freezes. We both read, read and read.
‘What to do with incentive trust inheritance that I can’t tell anyone about until a certain date.’
“Do you think this has something to do with her parents?” says Logan finally looking at me.
“Fuck,” I say. I felt like reaching for the whiskey again. “I have fucked up, and I have fucked up big.”
***
I am beginning to realise that I have gone off the deep end, and this is all a silly mistake. We’ve been chewed out by Gavin, then Sophia, Hunter, and Cooper had a go when we tried to track Becks down last night. But we haven’t actually managed to talk to Becks yet.
We decide to track her down today. We really need to talk and apologise for what has gone on. We walk into Sophia’s shop because Hunter had told us where they were. We walk into seeing Becks walking up and down the shop in a gorgeous dress which suited her to a T.
Becks freezes as we walk into the shop. “We really need to talk, Becks.” She nods, and Sophia gestures us out the back where there is an office space.
As soon as I get into the office, she closes the door, and we spin round to face her. “Becks, we are so sorry, we didn’t know or realise what was going on. I’m sorry we nearly messed it all up for you.”
“I got there, no worries all finished now,” says Becks casually.
“So, Hunter and Cooper say it was an incentive trust or something that you couldn’t tell anyone about,” says Logan.
“If I did, I would have lost everything, like my house. I was purposely told that it would be hardly anything, maybe a few thousand I had in my head,” Becks says.
“What? And then on your birthday you found out it was a million?” says Logan.
She nodded. “A million, yep.”
“Imagine if you had turned it down, thinking it was a few thousand,” Logan says.
“I nearly did many times. But I guess that’s why they had a condition that if I didn’t do it or failed in any way, I lose my house too. So, I would have nothing.”
“So, what were the other conditions?”
“I couldn’t tell anyone, I couldn’t sell my house or be late for appointments. Which is why when Carrie tried to kidnap me, I was heading to an appointment, and she nearly ruined everything. It’s why I agreed to her demands just to get out of there. My main focus was to get to my appointment.”
“Shit,” says Logan.
“We really haven’t helped have we?” I say.
“You weren’t to know, I tried to lie as little as possible to you, I promise. Maybe I should have chosen love over money like the movies would have, maybe I should have just told you everything from the beginning. But that would mean me losing everything. I didn’t want to be left with nothing if we didn’t work out. I also didn’t want to rely on you two and your money if we continued. But I needed to think about myself and my future. I needed to be selfish,” she says.
“We understand, Becks, we do, we’re only sorry we reacted the way we did,” I say, feeling like this is all my fault.
“That’s because you don’t trust me, and you're still all tied up about Carrie,” Becks says, and it is like a punch to my heart. Because, at this moment, I know she isn’t going to take us back. We’d hurt her too much.
“Becks, we love you, and I’m so sorry,” I say.
“I love you too,” she says sadly, “but right now I just need some space to think about me.”
“We’ll be here, Becks, we love you so much, we will always be here for you, we are truly sorry we messed up,” says Logan.
She smiles sadly, and I can see she’s hurting and in pain.
Landen Johnson
We've had a hellish few weeks, of giving Becks some space but also craving her attention. We would both text her daily to let her know we love her. We also made sure she has fresh tea at the start of every shift. Luckily it was also a busy few weeks for business with meetings coming out of our ears. Which helps stop my thoughts spiralling. We have successfully bought the business without any interference from Carrie or her Dad. Maybe we were being overly paranoid about that too. But I’m glad we didn’t risk it.
We are now the owners of the haulage firm. We have set Ed up with digital software and brought in trainers to train everyone up. We have bought new trucks, and everything is a lot more organised and running more smoothly. Logan and I have decided to work on the trucks one or two days a week. Just to keep our hands on approach, see what little things are affecting the workers. Also, we have had a few more upper end clients that Logan and I like to take care of more personally. But we tend to take the old trucks and to leave the good ones for the workers.
We have made sure we keep out of Becks’ way but watch her from afar. She looks sad and down. I so want to make it all go away, but I just don’t know how to solve this one.
We have a meeting with an up and coming client who, if we win the contract, would mean a big business boost. I decide stupidly to take one of the old trucks with us because we have to make a decision on whether to scrap it or buy another new one. I think we both already know the answer to this. But it’s my favourite truck, it’s the one that Becks and I drove in the first time we met. It has a special place in my broken heart. Logan reminds me it’s a truck, but I can’t help reminiscing about it. Unfortunately, I really should have listened to Logan as it breaks down on the M11 on the way to the crucial business meeting. However, I realise it’s
right next to the service station I first met Becks. My heart beats faster at the memory.
We go and eat, while I ring Ed to see if anyone is close enough to help us out. If not, we’d have to get a taxi. We hear him pushing the computer keys, and then he swears, “Shit.”
It makes me laugh, as Ed is still obviously having trouble working it. “You still having trouble with the new system?” I say rolling my eyes at Logan.
“No, no, it’s not that, it’s just well, the closest person, well the only person near you is Becks.”
“Oh,” I say.
Logan pulls a face hearing what Ed has said.
“I’ll ask her,” he says.
“Tell her not to worry, we’ll get a taxi,” I say, I don’t want to push her into picking us up when she really doesn’t want to.
Becks Winter
I’m driving along in the brand spanking new truck, impressed with all the new modern upgrades. These are top of the range trucks, and I am impressed with what the twins have done. They stayed out of my way the last few weeks. Which makes me miss them more. I also can’t help noticing the tea I seem to get every morning in my truck when I start my favourite 10am shift, along with the texts. My heart hurts more knowing they are being so fucking sweet to me now that they own the joint. Even though I have tried to avoid them the last few weeks, I still can’t help watching them from afar at times.
I get a call through from Ed saying that a newbie has broken down, they need picking up. I’m the closest and only person available. When I note the place, I realise it’s where I first met Landen. I’m not far away, half an hour tops, I huff out a breath and say okay.
I see the truck as soon as I pull in, the same truck Landen and I had driven together, same bloody place as Landen had parked his broken one. The same situation, no one about. I sigh reminding myself I was strong, if not a bit numb inside and get out my cab. I check the truck over, and like before, the bonnet was open. I’m digging around in the engine trying to find the problem, when I feel a presence behind me.
“Hey, so what’s the issue? Did it just die on you? These old trucks tend to do that,” I say not looking as I don’t want to see who was going to replace Landen in my memories of this truck and this place. It feels too painful. “Surprised you took this one as well, it’s well known it has issues. How’d you get the keys for it to take it? I thought it was getting scrapped actually.” I say hating myself right now.
I realise whoever came hasn’t replied, and I momentarily panic I’m about to be attacked which makes my head shoot up and catch the bonnet. “Fucking piece of crap,” I say as I spun round rubbing my head. Noting I just got oil all over my face. I swipe my hair out of my eyes and can’t quite believe what I’m seeing. Right in front of me isn’t whoever the new driver is but Logan and Landen. I frown.
“Becks!” they both say in fucking unison, and I have to literally shut my eyes as a shudder runs down my body, arseholes.
“What are you two doing here? Ed says a new driver broke down.”
Logan and Landen look at each other. “He lied it seems. Don’t worry, Becks, we’ll grab a taxi, you can be on your way,” says Landen.
“What? No, I’m here now, its okay,” I say. I want to tell them I miss them but don’t.
“I need to just...” I walk off heading into the service station, not finishing.
I go to the toilets and close the door, and my tears fall out. Fuck, they’re going to know I'm crying over them. I sit for a while trying to calm myself down. If they think their driving, they have got to be joking.
I splash my face with water. Come on, I can do this. I grab food and a drink and walk back to find the twins chatting with each other in front of the truck. They both turn to see me coming. I wish I could say I feel nothing for them. I wish I could say I didn’t find them attractive anymore. But it would be a lie. I’m in love with these men, my heart is being a stubborn old mare and holding out for them. I sigh. Fine, but I will not show them how much they affect me.
“I’m driving first.” I jump up into the driver’s side and get comfortable, they’d already programmed the truck, so we are ready to go.
The first half an hour was tense. No one said much, and if they asked a question I give them one-word answers. After that, they talked amongst themselves and ignored me, which I was grateful for. I turn the music up and begin to sing along on the pretence that I don't care, I am doing what I want to do. Who was I kidding? This hurts like hell. We arrive at their destination for their important meeting.
When Landen suddenly says. “Becks, we are truly sorry.”
“Truly sorry, we're not beyond begging,” says Logan.
They both jump out before I can reply. I sit back in my seat watching them walk away, with an image in my head of them begging, naked at my feet, with their hands tied together. The word trust jumps in my head. I wonder if Logan had ever bought that whip and forgot the bet. He’d never mentioned it again. I watch them walk off not being able to help check them out. Landen turns back, and I pretend I’m not watching them.
I sit in the truck, snack on my food and drink while waiting for them to come back from their important meeting. The trouble with waiting and having nothing to do is that my thoughts start up. I might love them, I might want to fuck them. I might want to rip their fucking clothes off and fuck the night away, but it changes nothing. They still don’t trust me, they will still be expecting me to fail at any given minute, and that’s exhausting.
A few hours later I wake with a jolt, I must have slipped into a nap. I lift my head up to see Logan and Landen climbing in beside me. I’m looking at Landen while wiping the dribble from my chin and flatten my hair down. That ogre look again they must so love, I snort at myself.
Landen Johnson
Seeing Becks bent over the truck digging about, I couldn’t bear to break the spell, she’d obviously not been told who she was picking up. I reminisce about the last time we were here. As she stands up suddenly and slams her head into the bonnet, she looks adorable as hell, her hair a mess and dirt is now all over her cheek. I’d do anything at this moment just to grab her and give her a hug. But I refrain as much as I’m desperate to touch her. It’s apparent she doesn’t really want it. I miss her.
We have to wait for our meeting, as our client’s running late. We sit and wait in a room alone. “I’ve fucked this well and truly up with Becks, haven’t I?” I say.
“Me too, Landen, it’s not all on you, she doesn’t think we trust her and can’t see a future. We need to somehow prove to her that we do trust her, and we need to let go of these fears we have around women deceiving us. I get what she’s saying, she thinks that we are waiting for her to fail, and so we are constantly watching for it,” Logan says.
“Yes, she’s right, we were constantly waiting for her to fuck up. So, we can prove ourselves right,” I say.
“How many times has she said to us ‘She’s not Carrie,’ but yet we continue to treat her like she is, like she’s moments away from hurting us. Yet hasn’t she proved herself time and time again. She asks us to wait and trust her, and we couldn’t do it. Could we?” says Logan.
I sigh and put my head in my hands. “We’ve lost her, haven’t we? The best fucking thing we ever had, and we lost her,” I say.
“Looks like it,” Logan says. I’m almost in tears, fuck. I pat Logan on the back. And wish for a bottle of whiskey right now. But we both need to sort our heads because we have an important meeting to attend. So, I close my eyes and try to forget everything we have lost. I try and regain my composure.
Becks Winter
The mood in the truck is sombre on the way home, the twins have decided to call in and scrap the truck, so we leave it there. Landen has explained he was trying to save it because it was the truck we first met in. My heart leaps into my throat at his words.
I get a text on my phone from Gavin asking if I want to come for dinner that night. I was a hit with his kids, apparently. It was good to reply, as
it kept my focus off sitting in the middle of these two. While Landen drives.
“So, did it go well?” I ask when I can’t bear the mood and silence any longer.
“Very, very well,” says Logan.
“He feels like he can trust us. It will be a big leap in business, possibly more trucks and staff needed,” says Landen, and I almost choke on his words.
“I don’t mean it like that, Becks,” Landen says watching me.
“I know, I know,” I say.
I’m deep in thought all the way back, and I think it’s the quietest we’ve ever been together.
“Becks,” Landen says after several hours. “I know and sense this is it. It’s over for us. I admit I thought we might make you realise we do trust you. But I see now this runs too deep. You’ve given us more chances regarding this than we even realised. Every time we jumped to the wrong conclusion or buttered up Carrie, so she didn’t go loopy. When we should have been directing our attention to you. We should automatically believe you, no questions. We fucked up bigger than we ever realised, didn’t we.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry,” says Logan.
I can’t look up because tears are threatening to fall, and I don’t want them to in front of them.
“Becks, I just want you to know, and I know it’s not enough, I see that. I see how sometimes we have treated you poorly. But I promise it was never intentional, ever. It was a blind spot we just couldn’t see. Maybe we needed to meet you later, maybe we needed to get our heads sorted out about Carrie before you came into our lives. But, Becks, you are the reason we healed. You are the reason I feel I can get on with life. Before you, we were just running through the routine. Doing what we had to, like on autopilot. You made us learn so much about ourselves. For the first time in a long time, Becks, you made us feel accepted. Like what we wanted in life wasn’t a kinky odd perverted disease. You made us feel whole, loved and wanted. I’ll never forget that, Becks, never forget what you did for us both. I/we will always love you, Becks. As much as I want to dissect you from my heart right now because the pain is unbearable, I can’t, you’ll always be there. The one that got away. The love of my life. Becks, I love you. I’m sorry for what we put you through in order to love us both back,” says Landen.