by Fiona Miers
The duchess sighed. “I cannot even begin to fathom what you’re going through, my dearest Emma. I truly wish there was something I could do to help you.”
“There is not a soul alive who can do anything to make this go away.”
“Not even William?” her friend asked.
“Especially not Lord William,” Emma muttered.
“Will there ever come a time when you will tell me exactly what happened between you and him?” Kitty asked her.
Emma stared at the duchess for a moment and sighed. “Perhaps it is time I told you everything.”
“Only if you wish, Emma.”
She nodded and approached her bed where the duchess was seated. She sat beside her friend and pursed her lips. “Perhaps it is time for me to tell someone, and I would much rather it be you than anyone else.”
Kitty smiled with encouragement and sat quietly while Emma drew in a deep breath.
“As you are aware, my introduction to Lord William was nothing short of disastrous, to say the least, and we despised one another. We did not wish to be in each other’s company at all. We avoided one another as best we were able. When the duke locked us in the study, we argued and said rather despicable things to one another. Then something happened that I still cannot explain. Something rose up inside me and…”
“And what?” Kitty asked. “Was that when you threw a book at him, as the duke told me?”
Emma chuckled and shook her head. “I did not throw a book at him. I would never throw a book, Kitty.”
“That was my initial thought as well.”
Emma inhaled another breath and whispered, “Lord William and I were intimate, on the desk. The books toppled over due to that.”
A cringe formed on the duchess’s face for a moment and she pursed her lips briefly. “I certainly did not expect that.”
“Nor did I,” Emma admitted. “It happened, and as much as I tried to convince myself that it had been a massive mistake, I could not. In actuality, I couldn’t stop thinking of him, and I scolded myself for doing so. He is most certainly not a man whom I would usually spend my time with. He was everything I hated and despised in a man, and yet, I fell in love with him. I attempted to convince myself that I was mistaken and that what I felt could not possibly be love, but…”
“Love comes when we least expect it, Emma,” Kitty pointed out.
“I am aware of that.”
“And the rumors of you and William at the ball?”
“Those are true, and I do not regret it in the least,” Emma sighed. “At that moment it was exactly what I wanted. He was perfect, despite my head telling me that he was wrong for me.”
“And why would your head tell you such a thing?” Kitty asked.
She sighed and lowered her gaze. “William is certainly not the kind of man who would usually pique my interest. I will not deny that he is handsome and charming, because he is, but his beliefs regarding how a woman must behave are not something I share. That is not something I can simply overlook, Kitty.”
“Perhaps William had changed his views?”
Emma couldn’t help but chuckle. “A man as stubborn as Lord William does not abandon his beliefs, especially not for a woman.”
“At what stage did you decide to follow your head inside of your heart, my dear friend?” Kitty asked and cocked her head in question.
Her shoulders slumped.
“I was on the brink of admitting to him that I had developed feelings for him, but then he arrived at my parents’ townhouse and did something rather ludicrous,” Emma told the duchess and chuckled bitterly. “The foolish man asked me to marry him.”
“He did?” Kitty exclaimed. “What did you say? Why did you not tell me? When did this happen?”
Emma was momentarily stunned and overwhelmed by the duchess’ numerous questions and bit her lower lip. “It happened nearly a week ago. He arrived at the townhouse and insisted on speaking with me, not worried about my father’s threats if he were ever to come within a block of me, or the townhouse. William told me that he was sorry and he wished to make things right. Then he asked for my hand.”
Kitty was practically bouncing on the bed in excitement. “And what did you tell him? Does he know of your trip?”
“I had not decided on the trip at that stage. The idea only came to me the next day,” Emma answered. “I declined to marry him, as I was well aware he only suggested it to rectify my tainted reputation. It was not a proposal filled with love. It was a proposal of pity and filled with his own guilt. It had nothing to do with what I wanted. It was only his need to feel less guilt within himself, and I refused to be a part of that.”
“He was not the only one at fault, Emma,” the duchess pointed out gently.
“And what does that mean?” she asked defensively.
“Both you and Lord William are adults and the times you were intimate were consensual, were they not?”
Emma would never lie about that. “Indeed.”
“Then it is partly your duty to assume some of the responsibility that goes along with the act.”
“Kitty, whose side are you on? You are supposed to be my friend,” Emma rolled her eyes.
“I am your friend, which is precisely why I can be honest with you. I am not on anyone’s side. I only wish for both of you to realize that despite all your differences, in both opinions and morals, there are only two other people who were are as perfect together as you and William are for each other,” her friend said.
“And who is that?” Emma asked and crossed her arms with annoyance.
“The duke and I.”
Emma pouted, “But that is different.”
“How is that different?” Kitty challenged.
“Your husband did not think you ought to be quiet beside him, and submit to his every whim. That is not who the duke is.”
“But he was,” the duchess pointed out. “Emma, you must remember they grew up with the same father, the same values and the same teachings. It is only their manners that make them seem so different, but the situation was rather similar. I desperately wished for the duke to care for me, even before we met for the first time. I had utterly wrong expectations, thinking he would be a lovely man who adored me from the moment he saw me. He did not. I was not what he expected, and it terrified him, overwhelmed him, and made him seem distant and cold.”
“He does not seem that way now,” Emma said, surprised to hear this from her friend.
“Indeed. He has grown very much since our first meeting, as have I, and we will continue to grow together.”
“How did the duke make his feelings for you known?” Emma asked.
“He found me in my mother’s garden and told me that he had been in love with me from the moment he had seen me, but he had been too terrified to admit his feelings. I was betrothed to another man, as I had broken our own a few days prior.”
“Only a few days?”
Kitty had been engaged to two different men within a week? That was unexpected!
She sighed and nodded. “My father and mother were rather adamant that I marry as soon as possible.”
Emma placed her hand on the duchess’. “I am sorry that I was not there for you during that time, my dear friend.”
“There is no need to apologize, my dearest Emma. You were visiting your grandmother and I did not wish to trouble you with my foolish dilemma,” Kitty smiled.
“Your dilemma was not foolish, even if it did involve a foolish man,” Emma sighed and rolled her eyes. “Both the Seymour men truly are foolish.”
Kitty chuckled. “Indeed. But we love them despite that.”
“Unfortunately,” Emma sighed once more. “Perhaps we are the foolish ones for doing so.”
“I often think that very thought.”
Emma and the duchess giggled together for another few moments, as they had done many times before.
Finally, Emma sighed. “I do love him, Kitty, but he has not done anything that makes me believe that h
e loves me in return. Time is running out, and no matter how much he might possibly beg me, I am not staying. This trip is not a means to distance myself from him, but rather it is something I am doing for myself.”
“I am sincerely happy to hear you say that, Emma, as you should never allow a man to have such power over your decisions. You never allowed it in the past,” Kitty said with a smile.
“And I will continue to do so,” Emma stated, “which means I will never marry.”
“Oh, do not fret. Men who think you are intimidating are cowards. And you deserve to be with a man who is better than that.”
“Do those men still exist?” Emma scoffed.
The duchess smiled with assurance and nodded. “Now, shall we continue to pack?”
Emma smiled, tears of gratitude filled her eyes and she threw her arms around Kitty’s shoulders, embracing her tightly. “I will truly miss you every moment that I am away.”
“And I will certainly miss you,” her friend answered, her voice breaking slightly. “If there is one thing I can request?”
“For you, I will do anything,” Emma said sincerely.
Kitty looked into her eyes and Emma noticed the sadness within them.
“Please promise me that you will not stay away too long. I would not wish for you to miss the birth of your godchild.”
A tear rolled down Emma’s cheek and she embraced her friend once more. “I promise. I would not miss it for the world.”
18
William absentmindedly scraped his food from the one side of his plate to the other, his jaw clenched tightly. It was quiet in the dining hall, and the air felt rather tense, despite him being the only one in the room.
Emma was embarking on a trip across the country and it bothered him severely. Of course, he was well aware there was nothing he could possibly do or say to make her stay.
Carson’s words still resonated in his mind. Go with her.
But he was certain Emma would not allow him to accompany her.
Every cell in his body screamed out to him that he could not let her leave. He just knew that if she did, she was not going to return anytime soon. He still had not told her how he felt about her, and if he never did, it would be his biggest regret.
“William?” The duchess called as she entered the dining hall. She wore a thick cape with a fur collar, as it had become very chilly during the past few days. It also made him worry about Emma’s safety and her health, as the cold could bring a variety of illnesses. Scotland was known for inclement weather.
He wished for her to be safe and happy, but he also wished to be a part of it. It was rather selfish of him, but it was the truth.
“Your Grace,” William stood from his seat and forced a smile. “You have returned.”
“Indeed,” Kitty said and slipped off her gloves. “It seems as though winter is coming early. The frigid air chills to the bone.”
“I am glad you have arrived home safely,” William smiled. “My brother is in the study. A messenger brought documents for him to sign, sent from the banker.”
“Ah, yes. He informed me of those documents a few days ago. It has something to do with his will.”
“His will?” William gasped. “Is something the matter with James?”
“Of course not. Your brother simply wished to get matters in order before the arrival of our child,” Kitty explained, and placed her hand lovingly against her slightly swollen stomach.
“I do hope that will not be anytime soon,” William inquired hopefully.
“Do not fret, my lord,” she smiled. “Our little Seymour is still safely inside, and will be for a while.”
William nodded slowly.
“Are you well, William? Your facial expression is rather morose.”
“I am as well as can be expected, but I do not wish to worry you with my foolish troubles,” William insisted.
The duchess scoffed and muttered, “You deserve one another.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“William, you and Emma truly deserve one another,” Kitty repeated. “She stated the same thing to me earlier.”
“You were with Emma?” William’s heart began to pound in his chest.
“Indeed. I was assisting her with her packing.”
William cleared his throat and stepped forward. “When is she to leave Somerset?”
“She is set to leave early tomorrow morning. She is to take the train to Edinburgh,” Kitty answered and cocked her head at William, “but you did not hear that from me.”
“Of course not,” William nodded. “How is she?”
“Conflicted, despite saying she is not. She is the kind of woman who will remain strong until she cannot be strong any longer.”
“What happens then?” he asked.
“I am yet to find out, but it can only be unsettling,” she answered. “Emma has been a good friend of mine for many years, and there was never a time when she could not withstand a situation that was thrown in her path.”
“But?”
“But she is also only a woman, with feelings and emotions. She cannot be strong all the time, and simply needs to feel as though she belongs.”
William couldn’t stand it, and burst out, “She does belong! Here, with me. With all of us.”
Kitty stared at him and blinked slowly as though she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Have you told her this?”
“I was under the impression she was already aware,” William said.
“You mean when you proposed to her out of pity and to silence your own guilt?” Kitty asked and crossed her arms.
He raised his brow and shook his head. “My proposal was never out of pity or to silence the guilt within myself, and if that was the impression you or Emma had been under, then I must inform you that it is not the case. I am in love with Emma, and I wished to marry her for that sole reason. I desire to give her the life she has always wanted.”
He smiled sadly and lowered his gaze. “But she does not want either me or the life I wish to have with her. Once again, I am not good enough.”
“Or perhaps you are good enough for Emma, but you deem yourself not worthy in your own eyes. You must first learn to love yourself before you can truly love another.”
William’s jaw clenched at the accuracy of her wards and he glanced down.
Kitty took a few steps towards the door, then turned back. “She is in love with you, William, and it terrifies her because you are not the kind of man she would usually fall in love with. Whether that is a good or bad thing, is yet to be determined.”
He looked back up, meeting his sister-in-law’s eagle-like gaze. “I am not who she needs, Kitty. She made that perfectly clear.”
“Or perhaps it was merely a test for her to see whether you would fight for her,” she said. “I am turning in for the evening. Have a pleasant sleep, my lord.”
“And you, Your Grace,” William answered respectfully.
He spent a while in the dining hall, staring out the large window that overlooked the back garden, soon realizing that he would lose the most important person to him in the entire world if he did not do something.
And he could not allow that to happen.
It was at dawn when William left Woodlock Manor in his coach. Words rumbling through his mind as he gazed out the window at the scenery passing him by. He had ordered his coachman to take him straight to the train station where Emma was scheduled to board the train to Edinburgh.
He had not a clue what he would say to Emma, but he had come to the realization that the truth was better than any flowery words. Only the truth would make Emma change her mind. Or, at least, that was what William hoped.
Although the journey to the train station was brief, it felt as though he had been confined to his coach for far too long. When it finally came to a stop, William could clearly hear voices coming from the station.
He opened the door and quickly climbed out. There weren’t many people around the platforms, and the tracks w
ere completely empty, not a train in sight.
This was good news. The train had not arrived yet, and he would still be able to speak with Emma before it disembarked. Perhaps he would even be able to convince her not to leave.
As William stepped through the doors of the small station, he glanced around but did not see her. A sinking feeling rose inside him. Had the duchess given him the wrong time and day when Emma was set to leave?
No. Impossible. Kitty was not a heartless woman.
Familiar laughter tickled his ears and he continued through the station. When he stepped outside onto the wooden platform, he noticed a small group of people, the duchess amongst them, as well as Emma, looking truly beautiful.
Her smile, although appearing happy, seemed to have hidden undertones of sadness, which was understandable. Somerset was not a happy place for Emma at the moment, regardless if it was her home or not.
He slowly approached the small group and cleared his throat. “My lady.”
Emma looked directly at him, her smile fading. Then a middle-aged man stepped forward defensively, whom he assumed was Emma’s father.
“Lord Seymour. I suggest you leave at once,” the Earl demanded, his eyes filled with anger.
“My lord, I merely wish to speak with Emma for a moment,” William answered.
“Under no circumstances,” her father spat at him. “You are not welcome here, or anywhere near my daughter.”
“It is all right, Father,” Emma said, putting a restraining hand on her father’s arm. “It will only be for a few moments. I will return shortly.”
“Do not be long, my dear. The train is approaching,” the countess said, a beautiful woman in her own right.
William nodded gratefully at Emma’s mother, who simply looked at him knowingly.
Emma stepped away from her group of family and friends, and as he turned to follow her, he noticed Kitty’s eyes on him. For a moment, something flickered in her gaze that gave William a glimmer of hope.
“What are you doing here?” Emma asked suddenly.