by Fiona Miers
“It would be my pleasure,” Carson answered, forcing a smile to his lips and standing, finally. “Would you care to join us, Adrienne?”
“I would not dream of interfering. This will allow you and Miss Violet to become better acquainted,” his sister answered. “Would you not agree?”
Carson’s jaw clenched for a moment and forced another smile. “Indeed.”
“Lovely.”
Carson quietly escorted the verbose Miss Violet from the dining hall, through the short hallway that led to the terrace and outside. The pathway leading to the garden gate was bathed in a silver hue of the moonlight, as the full moon proudly shone against the dark blue velvet sky. The air was fresh and cool, but it was a pleasant evening.
It was rather strange to walk along the pathway between the flowers and the trees with someone other than Lizzie. Carson realized suddenly why he felt unsettled in Miss Violet’s presence. It was not simply because she only spoke of herself and sounded like the most selfish person in the entire world.
It was because she was not Lizzie.
Miss Violet didn’t have the same bright hue of green in her eyes that Lizzie had, nor did she have a dimple in her cheek that made its appearance as soon as she smiled. Miss Violet’s laugh was forced and didn’t seem genuine at all, while Lizzie’s laughter was infectious, and he could not help but join in when she laughed.
But most of all, Lizzie’s presence completed Carson. He didn’t feel alone when he was beside her. The loneliness, however, was evident as he strode beside Miss Violet, who seemed to be in her own little world, which revolved entirely around herself.
Not even in his darkest or most desperate moments would he ever consider courting Miss Violet, not to mention marrying her. His sister had made a terrible error in judgment on his behalf, and he was certainly going to inform her of it as soon as Miss Violet departed.
“Carson?”
Carson glanced at his guest immediately, as he didn’t wish to appear rude once more and answered, “Miss Violet?”
“Is there something the matter? Am I boring you?” she inquired.
“No, of course not. I was merely thinking of my late father. He adored these gardens and had ensured they were properly cared for. I recall those days, before my mother left, when he would come here and be lost in his own world. My mother would have to practically drag him by his collar to return to the manor house,” Carson recalled sadly, the memories of his father—and mother, for that matter—flooding his mind and his heart.
“Father informed me of your mother and father’s situation, and it was quite the scandal all those years ago. It is not common practice for a married man and wife to have their marriage nullified, as Father said.”
Carson straightened, putting both hands behind his back. “Could we please speak of something other than my parents’ failed marriage?”
“Certainly. But along the topic of marriage, what is your opinion on it?” Miss Violet inquired.
Carson drew in a deep and wearisome breath and noticed the wooden bench nearby. “Perhaps we could sit?”
“That would be lovely,” Miss Violet answered.
They approached the bench and sat down.
“My parents’ marriage affected me more than it should have, and more than I thought it would. I am rather sceptical to engage in the process of courting, betrothal, and marriage as a result.”
“As you think you will end up as your parents have?” Miss Violet asked, raising her brows.
Carson pursed his lips and leaned back against the backrest of the bench. “In a manner of speaking, I suppose. I was raised to believe that everything that happens in our lives serves a purpose and will be understood in time. But my parents’ separation was one of the few things in my life that had no purpose. Our lives didn’t become better after it happened. My father was miserable until the day he passed, and I am not even certain where my mother is now. If she is still, in fact… alive. My parents’ marriage was the result of an agreement between their parents, and it didn’t turn out well. Marriage should be between two people who love one another from the start, accept each other as they are, and be willing to compromise to live happily together.”
Miss Violet shook her head at him. “That is a strange mindset to have in this world in which we live, Carson. But it does not make it untrue. And while Father will not share this opinion of yours, it is quite refreshing to have a man think with his heart, rather than his brain.”
Carson smiled, and even though the young woman sat right beside him, the only person he was able to see was Lizzie.
7
Lizzie cringed as the door behind her creaked when she closed it. The cool night air was precisely what she needed to divert her thoughts away from Carson’s meeting with Miss Violet Saunders. The young woman’s name left a bitter taste in her mouth without even saying it out loud. Just the mere thought of her beady eyes gazing at Carson caused Lizzie to become angered.
Even the walls of her bedchamber had begun to close in on her, hence she had escaped to the garden for relief. If there was ever a place where Lizzie could find peace and serenity, it was in her father’s garden. In fact, it was a space so large and vast that it spanned from Woodlock Manor onto Carson’s estate. The two neighbouring estates had made use of the same gardener in order to keep the gardens in optimal opulence.
The beautifully kept area was also the only thing that Lizzie had left of her father. A man whose footsteps had been impossible to fill, and who had left such a hole in her heart when he passed.
Lizzie quietly descended the steps that led to the gardens, leading along the side of the manor house. Soon she opened the wrought iron gate that indicated the entrance. The bright moon overhead illuminated her path, even though she didn’t require any guidance to navigate through the hedges and trees, the flowers and the fountains. Lizzie had spent most of her childhood running along the pathways and had memorized every metre of the space.
Lizzie wandered, without purpose or direction, through the garden, and eventually found herself in the area that connected the two estates.
A smile formed on her lips as she recalled the place where Carson would climb through from his late father’s estate into hers and she approached the wall. She reached out her hand, not in the least afraid of what might be lurking inside the vines of ivy and foliage. Her fingers ran along the wall until there was a large gap. With her free hand, she grasped the vines and ivy and yanked them to the side, or at least, she attempted to. She yanked on the vines, but there was something that kept them from moving. Baffled by this, she gave up her plan and made her way along the wall until she reached the hedge. Only two windows were illuminated by candlelight, but neither was Carson’s bedchamber. A strange feeling in the pit of her stomach surfaced as she wondered if he was still with Lady Violet.
Lizzie cringed at the thought and kept moving. As she continued to walk, she heard faint voices coming from the other side of the hedge. Lizzie was not going to eavesdrop on anyone’s conversation, but as she peered over, she saw something she’d feared ever since Carson informed her of his meeting with Miss Violet.
Lizzie’s stomach lurched when she saw Carson and Miss Violet nestled cosily on a wooden bench – the same wooden bench she and Carson had spent countless afternoons on. Miss Violet spoke, of course, and Carson merely listened. Unfortunately for Lizzie, she could not make out what the foolish woman spoke of, but Lizzie was certain she was either complaining of something, or she was speaking of herself.
Anger rose inside her as Miss Violet provocatively placed her hand on Carson’s arm, and he allowed it. Warm tears stung her eyes and she pursed her lips. She could no longer watch any of this.
So, she spun around and stomped back to the gate, wiping tears of anger and frustration from her cheeks. She didn’t understand why she felt this way. Why would her feelings for Carson surface when she was aware he didn’t reciprocate them? His nonchalance with regards to Miss Violet’s hand on his arm had infur
iated her even more as she stomped along the side of the manor house, not even wishing to re-enter its suffocating confines.
Her chest tightened as she imagined Carson marrying Miss Violet and tears spilled down her cheeks. Her knees buckled from under her and she slumped down against the wall of the manor house, sobbing softly.
She placed her hand over her mouth, as she didn’t wish for anyone to hear her and she stayed carefully hidden in the shadows. She allowed all her emotions to be expelled from her body.
She couldn’t simply burst into uncontrollable sobs every time the duke and the duchess mentioned either Carson or Miss Violet. Lizzie merely needed to keep herself composed, not to raise any suspicions.
She drew in a few short breaths and wiped the tears from her cheeks. She hoisted herself up into an upright position and proceeded to walk back to the door from which she had left. She stepped inside and made her way through the dark hallways. As she passed the duke’s study, she noticed the candle flickering inside. Lizzie stepped closer to the door and saw her brother sitting at his desk, intensely studying a book.
Lizzie stood in the doorway and knocked on the door. The duke immediately glanced up at her. “Sister.”
“What are you still doing up, James?” Lizzie asked, remaining in the doorway.
“There are a few things that require my attention. Also, I am researching something I am not familiar with,” the duke answered.
“Can I be of assistance??” Lizzie asked.
“It is rather technical, and I am fairly certain it will not be of any interest to you,” he answered. “Why are you still up at this hour?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” Lizzie muttered and leaned against the doorframe.
“And it doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that Carson has a lady visiting him at his home?” James asked with a knowing smile.
Her shoulders tightened. “Does the entire world know of this?”
“Carson spoke with me earlier, before he left.”
Lizzie’s shoulders relaxed and she cocked her head. “He did?”
“Indeed. He wished to apologize for returning you home in the foxed state you were in, but he assured me that nothing untoward happened. I was already aware of that, of course. He wouldn’t allow any harm to come to you, or your reputation. Carson is most certainly a proper and honourable man. One of very few left in this world,” her brother explained.
A dreamy smile formed on Lizzie’s lips and she pressed her head against the door frame. “Truer words have never been spoken.”
The duke glanced at her and his brow furrowed. “I was under the impression that you would be upset over the fact that Carson is meeting with another woman.”
Lizzie immediately straightened her shoulders and composed herself. “Why in heavens would I be upset?”
“Because he is spending time with a woman who is not you,” the duke stated flatly.
Lizzie giggled to hide her grief and shook her head. “I couldn’t care less about what Carson does. He is free to spend his time with whomever he pleases.”
Her brother glanced at her apprehensively, clearly not convinced Lizzie was being truthful.
“Do not gaze upon me in such a manner. I am not upset.”
“Perhaps not,” the duke shrugged. “Jealous, maybe?”
Lizzie laughed bitterly and shook her head once again. “Jealous, of Miss Violet? Please do not insult me any further!”
“Lizzie, I have known you your entire life, and I am well aware of how you feel about Carson. It is only natural—”
“I do not feel anything for Carson. You are mistaken. He is my friend and I am very fond of him, but his choice in whom he wishes to marry is solely his own.”
“Who spoke anything of marriage?” the duke taunted her. “There is nothing wrong with being jealous, sister.”
“I am not jealous,” Lizzie uttered through gritted teeth.
“Not even slightly? You are the last Seymour sibling yet to marry,” the duke stated.
“I am well aware of that fact, James. You don’t need to remind me every chance you get! I have accepted the fact that I will probably never marry. Why can you not do the same?” Lizzie exclaimed.
The duke stood from his chair and held his hands up in defence. “There is no need to overreact, Lizzie. I apologise for teasing you when you are in pain.”
“I am not in pain,” Lizzie defended once more, but a tear ran down her cheek.
James cocked his head. “It seems as though you are.”
“The only pain I am in is that of uncertainty. I am truly happy for you and Her Grace on the impending birth of your child, and I am happy for William that he found love with Emma, but when will I be happy? When is it my turn to find a man who makes all these terrible feelings of loneliness and anguish disappear?” Lizzie cried, desperation in her voice.
Her brother slowly approached her and opened his arms to her. She didn’t hesitate, but instead ran into his embrace, one of the few places she still felt safe.
As her eldest brother, James had always taken care of her, ensured that she was happy and safe. He’d even held her hand while she fell asleep at night when they were younger.
Lizzie had relied on him for comfort in her darkest days, and he was a hero in her eyes. The duke had defended her when rumours had spread about her and Lord Dorset, and he had vowed that he would continue to do so for the rest of his life.
Her brother was the only man she could depend on, it seemed.
Not even Carson fit that bill any longer.
Carson now had Miss Violet to care for and make happy.
The thought immediately made tears stream down her face and she sobbed in her brother’s arms. Much to her surprise and relief, he began to softly murmur the lullaby he had sung to her when she was afraid to go back to sleep after a nightmare.
The sound made her sob even more.
James’s heartbeat drummed against her ear, and it soothed her aching soul and broken heart. She relished in this special time with her brother. The duke had many things on his agenda and he barely had time for himself, not to mention spending time with his wife. He was spread thinly across all his responsibilities.
Lizzie didn’t hold it against her oldest brother. She understood that with the title came the responsibilities as well, but she missed this closeness to him.
She drew in a deep breath as the lullaby came to an end and she pulled out of his embrace. “Thank you. I truly needed to hear that.”
“Lizzie, you are my sister and I love you very much. I only wish for you to be happy, and if you are not, you can tell me.”
“I love you as well, James,” Lizzie expressed sincerely and placed her palm against his cheek. “I know you mean well, but there are some things you cannot fix.”
“I can attempt to.”
Lizzie smiled as she lowered her hand. “Always such a gallant man.”
The duke shrugged nonchalantly, which made Lizzie chuckle. “Perhaps I should turn in for the night. I am exhausted.”
“Sleep well, sister.”
“You also, James.”
Lizzie turned and as she walked to the door, the duke spoke her name.
“Elizabeth?”
“Yes?” Lizzie glanced at him over her shoulder.
“You are welcome to stay at the estate for as long as you need to,” the duke said.
Lizzie lowered her gaze for a moment before glancing back at the duke. “I would not want to impose.”
“My child is blessed with a wonderful aunt in you. Having you here would mean the world to me,” her brother said, sounding sincere.
A smile formed on Lizzie’s lips and she nodded gratefully before leaving the study. The smile soon disappeared when she couldn’t stop the tears of sadness from streaming down her cheeks once again.
8
Carson stared at the plate of food in front of him, and even though he was ravenous with hunger, he didn’t have an appetite. After Miss Violet had departed F
erngrove Manor, he had spent the remainder of the evening evaluating his life, and he had decided on the choices he wished to make. He was in charge of his destiny, and he would not allow anyone to dictate to him which path he must take.
The evening with Miss Violet replayed in his mind and his jaw clenched. It had been a rather painful experience for him, not even to mention how much he had despised the person Miss Violet was. She was a young woman who was used to things going her way, and if they didn’t, she made it known to everyone, whether they cared to listen or not. She had both bored and agitated Carson to no end.
Footsteps sounded in the hallway and the maidservant entered. “Is the food not to your liking, Mr. Wallace?”
Carson cleared his throat and his shoulders eased slightly. “It is not the food, Sophie. It is delicious as always. I have merely lost my appetite.”
“Something serious must be wrong,” Sophie expressed, and Carson simply glanced at her.
Sophie had been with the Wallace family for many years and she seemed to know Carson quite well, especially when he didn’t eat everything on his plate.
Carson, like his father, had a larger than usual appetite. He’d been told by Sophie before that it was a clear sign, if either of the men had much on their mind of a serious nature, they left their food untouched.
“Of epic proportions, Sophie,” Carson answered and sat back for her to remove the plate from in front of him. “Please do not offend Charles and Judith. Their food is always stellar.”
“I will give your compliments to them. I am certain they will not be offended in the least,” Sophie stated. “I am available if you wish to talk about it.”
Carson sighed heavily and ran his fingers through his hair. “I do not even know where to start, Sophie. It is much too complicated for me to even arrange in order.”
“Does it concern the young woman who visited last evening?” Sophie inquired. “Judith thinks she should crawl back into the hole from which she came. Such a rude and uncouth young lady.”