by Fiona Miers
Lizzie sighed and nodded. “I am aware. I simply need to find something that makes me happy, truly happy and not the mere idea of happiness.”
“You will find it when you least expect it,” Will said with a smile. “I never imagined that I could ever be as happy as I am now, and I wish the same for you.”
“You make that terrible cliché worth waiting for,” Lizzie whispered and wiped another tear from her cheek.
“Will you re-join us for breakfast?” Will inquired.
“Perhaps it would be better if I didn’t. I will catch up with all of you later today. I wish to have a few moments to myself. I may even disappear into the library for a while. I require a bit of distraction, and I know you wish to see Carson. I do not want to be here when you do.”
“I understand, sister. And I am truly sorry for upsetting you.”
“I should be used to it by now.” Lizzie jokingly shrugged.
“It is never my intention to hurt you. You should never forget that,” Will stated sadly, his eyes fixed on her.
“I love you very much, Will.”
“And I you, Lizzie.”
Lizzie smiled as she watched Will quietly leave her bedchamber, closing the door behind him. She drew in a few breaths and slowly approached the window. She drew back the curtains and glanced down at Ferngrove Manor, despite every cell in her body advising her not to.
As her gaze lowered, she caught sight of Carson and Edward the gardener, removing the vines and ivy from the wall, revealing the hole in the wall that had been their secret escape for many years. It was now no longer a secret, and for a single moment, a glimmer of hope flickered inside Lizzie’s heart.
10
Nothing could prevent Carson from embracing his good friend, Will. It had been far too long since they had spent time together in each other’s company. He’d missed his friend, since Will had climbed aboard the train to Edinburgh to follow Lady Emma in the pursuit of her heart.
He had found it admirable that Will had placed so much on the line, and sacrificed as much as he had while leaving everything behind. Just so that he could be beside Lady Emma as she had journeyed to Scotland.
Despite not being able to attend their wedding ceremony, as it was on a ship in the middle of the North Sea on its way to a port in Denmark, Carson was truly happy for his best friend.
“Tell me all about your travels. It must have been fascinating,” Carson beamed, as the two men sat comfortably on the terrace, the cool breeze skimming the grass behind them. “Or did you spend all the while staring at Lady Emma and missed the magnificent sights around you?”
“She is the most magnificent sight in the world.” Will chuckled and shook his head. “Traveling with her was a wonderful experience. The places we visited were breathtaking. Denmark enchanted us both. We didn’t stay there long – a fortnight at most. Emma was worried about Kitty. She didn’t wish to miss the birth, and she had promised the duchess she would not.”
“How is Her Grace?”
“Discomfort is evident on her face, and the manner in which she walks. She is rather breathless at times. But despite all these things, she says she is well. The doctor is happy with her progress and soon there will be another addition to the Seymour family,” Will answered.
“And you and your new wife?” Carson asked.
“We have not spoken of children yet, but I have no objection to the matter. I love her and I will wait for whenever she is ready. I certainly do not wish to force her into something for which she is not ready. She is young. We both are, and we have the rest of our lives together. There is no rush.”
“Says the man who married on a ship without even inviting his best friend,” Carson pointed out mockingly.
“My sincerest apologies,” Will chuckled as well. “And you, Carson? How is your courtship with Miss Violet?”
“You heard of that already?” Carson asked, surprised and shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
“Indeed. I was informed of it yesterday at the breakfast table,” Will answered.
“You should not believe everything your sister tells you.” Carson said, annoyed that a single dinner with a stranger had escalated so quickly.
“It is not true, then?” Will inquired.
“Adrienne arranged the meeting with Miss Violet, and she was under the impression that we would be a good match,” Carson said vaguely.
“Was she wrong?”
Carson glanced out at the garden and sighed. “I do not wish to marry her. She infuriated me the entire dinner. I cannot even begin to imagine what my entire life with her would be like.”
“When is the wedding?” Will grinned with amusement.
“Do not speak such absurdities,” Carson scoffed. “I understand that Adrienne means well. She wishes for me to be happy. But she also wants to ensure that the Wallace family name doesn’t get thrown to the dogs and dragged through the mud.”
“Any more than it already has?” Will chuckled.
“I am serious, William,” Carson choked. “She means well, but I cannot allow her to make these decisions for me. I am the man of the house and she does not respect that.”
“Have you informed her of your feelings?”
“Indeed.” Carson nodded.
“And?”
“She accused me of being in love with Lizzie, and if I spent any more time with your sister then I would tarnish the family name and everything my father and grandfather had sacrificed to ensure we remain respected among our peers,” Carson answered.
“I had always suspected that your sister was rather daft, especially since she began volunteering at the hospital, but this now confirms it,” Will uttered, his jaw clenched. “She is right, though.”
“About what?” Carson asked.
“About you being in love with my sister.”
Carson lifted his chin, but could not deny the truth. “Indeed.”
“Why do you not tell her?” Will asked.
“If you were me, would you tell her?” Carson asked.
“Of course.”
“Now you are the one who is daft,” Carson muttered and leaned back against the backrest of the chair. “Where is she? Usually, she prances around the garden, soaking in the last bit of sunshine before the winter sets in.”
Will cocked his head and smirked. “You are not even aware of how lovelorn you sound, are you?”
“I am not discussing this with you any longer,” Carson muttered and stood from the table. “Can you direct me to where I would find your sister, please?”
“She’s in the library, but I do not suggest that you go there.”
“And why not?”
“She may hurl a book at your head.”
Carson gaped at his friend. “And why would she do such a thing?”
“Perhaps because she has been in a hostile and angry mood since she found out about your meeting with Miss Violet,” Will answered nonchalantly and shrugged. “Or perhaps it is something else that upset her. My sister remains a mystery. You, of all people, should be aware of this.”
Carson’s jaw clenched. “I shall not be long.”
“If you have not returned by sunset, I will assume my sister strangled you.”
Carson pursed his lips and his brow furrowed. But rather than give Will the satisfaction of seeing him react, he simply nodded at his friend and left the terrace.
Will was well-known for being a jokester, but Carson wasn’t certain if he was serious with regards to Lizzie this time. He was unsure why she would be so angry, but perhaps she would be courageous enough to tell him.
Carson stopped in front of the doors of the library and hesitated for a moment. He was not certain why, but he felt the need to practice extreme caution.
As he opened the door, it was quiet. He slowly walked along the length of the large room.
“What are you doing here?” He suddenly heard Lizzie’s voice echo through the library.
He whirled around. She stood across the room, holding a thick book in her hands,
staring at him.
“I was visiting with Will and I thought I would speak with you for a moment,” Carson answered and carefully approached her. “Although your brother advised me not to. Will said you were in a bit of a mood.”
“Oh, is that what he said?” Lizzie snapped and slammed the book shut quite forcibly.
“Indeed,” Carson answered, eyeing her red cheeks and clenched hands. “Why are you so angry, my lady?”
“I am not angered by anything, or anyone, for that matter,” Lizzie answered and turned away from him.
“That is a lie. I can see that you’re upset.”
Which was unusual form Lizzie. She wore her heart on her sleeve and didn’t usually hide her feelings from anyone. Especially not him.
“You know nothing about me, Carson,” Lizzie muttered.
Well, that was an out and out lie.
“Lizzie, I am not certain what is the matter, but if you can merely tell me—”
“I do not see the point in doing such a thing, Mr. Wallace.”
“Could you please refrain from this formality, Lizzie, and talk with me?” Carson asked. “You and I have always been able to speak to one another openly. Why can you not tell me what is the matter now?”
“You will not understand,” Lizzie stated simply.
“Should you not leave that decision up to me?” Carson inquired.
Lizzie glanced at him and shook her head. “I do not wish to speak about this any longer, and I certainly do not wish to keep you from things, or people who are more important to you.”
“Lizzie, is this about Miss Violet?” Carson inquired and stepped closer.
Lizzie whirled around to face him, her eyes flashing with anger. “Don’t you dare utter that woman’s name in my presence!”
“That certainly confirms my suspicions. You promised me that you were not upset with me meeting with Miss Violet,” Carson pointed out.
“I am well aware of what I said, Carson. And I am not upset. I wish you all the happiness in the world,” Lizzie muttered bitterly.
“You do not mean that.”
Lizzie opened her mouth to speak, but she hesitated.
Carson could clearly see that something was weighing heavily on her mind, but she didn’t wish to say it. “Tell me what is in your heart, Lizzie. Please. I beg you.”
“I cannot, as my words would be cruel, and you do not deserve anything but kindness.”
“Lizzie, please…”
“Carson, perhaps you should leave. I do not wish to hurl a book at your head.”
Carson’s brow furrowed and he nodded slowly. “Perhaps one day you will understand why I came here this afternoon to speak with you. It was never my intention to have a wedge placed between us by any other woman.”
“It is not merely any other woman. Of all the young ladies in Somerset, why did Adrienne insist on introducing you to Miss Violet? Have you asked her this question? Of course, you didn’t, because you are a man. And men do not think about how manipulative women can be. Women do things and say things for a reason, not simply because they are emotional or in a mood.”
“Then what is the reason that you are pushing me away? Are you afraid to lose me if I marry Miss Violet?” Carson inquired.
“Not in the least, Carson, as I cannot lose something I never had to begin with,” Lizzie said.
“I could say precisely the same thing,” Carson muttered softly before he turned away and left the library.
Carson had never truly understood women, how their minds worked or how they were ruled by their emotions.
It was obvious to him now that women were not to be fully understood, and Lizzie was living proof of that. She had not given him a clear answer as to why she was upset and kept him at a distance.
He could guess of course… but he wasn’t sure that would be good for either of them.
11
Lizzie stretched her legs as she turned the page of the book she was reading, beams of sunlight shining through her window and warming her. She was comfortably nestled on a large pillow on the floor, quietly enjoying the book, desperate to forget about her troubles with Carson.
She had not seen, nor heard from him in over a week. And despite her heart being shattered into a million tiny shards, she’d convinced herself that it was for the best. She wouldn’t be doing herself any favours if she kept dwelling on the past, and things she’d once wished for.
She had to move on with her life and forget about Carson. Perhaps she should do what Emma had done, and go on a journey to discover herself.
Perhaps she would meet a charming man who spoke with an Irish or Scottish accent. A man who’d know nothing of the rumours of Somerset. A man who would only know the real her.
She could even change her name to something else and turn over a new leaf.
A soft knock on the door broke her concentration and she glanced up from her book. “Who is it?”
“It’s Kitty and Emma.”
Lizzie pouted as she retrieved a pressed wildflower – given to her by her father before he passed – and used it as a bookmark. She closed the book and placed it down beside her. “Come in.”
Lady Kitty and the duchess appeared in the doorway with hopeful smiles, and Lizzie immediately knew something was brewing between them.
“My lady, Your Grace,” Lizzie greeted them formally with a furrowed brow. “Is something the matter?”
“Indeed,” Emma said. “I have only been here at the estate for a week, and I already feel as though the walls are closing in on me.”
“I certainly am familiar with the feeling,” Lizzie mumbled.
“That is good news, certainly, as Kitty and I would like to invite you to accompany us to the tearoom this afternoon,” Lady Emma said with a smile and fluttering lashes. “Please agree to join us.”
“It doesn’t sound like something I would enjoy,” Lizzie answered with a cringe. “But you are most encouraged to have a lovely time.”
“But you must join us, Lizzie. It would be a good thing for you to interact with other women once more. By now all the rumours have been put to rest, and no one gives a fig about it.”
“Indeed,” Kitty uttered in agreement. “They are all too busy gossiping about Lady Augustine, who had an affair with Lord Franklin.”
“A married man?” Lizzie gasped. Then she realized quickly that she had fallen for the bait that Lady Emma and the duchess had so deviously laid out for her.
Emma and Kitty grinned with satisfaction and Lady Emma , “Please join us. It will be a delightful afternoon.”
Lizzie bit her bottom lip and nodded slowly. “Very well, but I do not wish to hear a single word about Carson and Miss Violet.”
“Who?” Emma asked with a frown and mock confusion.
The three women giggled with amusement, which lightened Lizzie’s heart.
Within the hour, Lizzie, Emma and Kitty were dressed in their best day dresses, and on their way into town. The coach travelled slowly along the road towards the tearoom, and a strange feeling filled the pit of Lizzie’s stomach.
She hadn’t gone to the tearoom for a very long while, even before her intoxicated evening at Lord and Lady Wealing’s ball. Once the terrible rumours concerning her and Lord Dorset began to circulate, she had withdrawn from most social events. Unfortunately, many of her “true friends” had shown their true colours over the past months. And although she was grateful to know the truth about them, it still hurt, nonetheless.
However, she was feeling anxious about being in those same women’s presence once again. She’d be forced to pretend that nothing was the matter and that she had moved on from what had happened.
Emma and Kitty attempted to casually converse in the coach, hoping to make Lizzie feel at ease, but the atmosphere was still strained.
As soon as the coach came to a halt, Lizzie’s heart pounded in her chest, her body frozen.
“Are you all right, Lizzie?” Emma inquired, reaching her hand out Lizzie.
&n
bsp; She drew in a breath and nodded. “I am perfectly fine. You need not worry about me. I can take care of myself.”
“I agree. We are all tougher than the world thinks we are,” Kitty stated.
The three women climbed out of the coach and made their way across the street towards the tearoom. The bright green paint on the doorframe and the window frames was inviting, and it still appeared to look the same as the last time Lizzie had been there. As they stepped inside, Emma placed a reassuring hand on Lizzie’s arm, which Lizzie appreciated more than she was able to express in words.
They entered the large room with tables scattered strategically around, women of all ages chattering happily, sipping their tea and nibbling on cakes, fruits, and pastries that were available. Lizzie exhaled slowly, as she hadn’t realised she’d been holding her breath the entire time. She felt light-headed.
Then, the ladies in the room began to notice Lizzie’s presence and their voices lowered into whispers. The whispers Lizzie had grown accustomed to, but despised, nevertheless. The humming sound of the whispers intensified, but it had no effect on Emma or Kitty, who sauntered to an open table, which had been reserved for them. It was certainly one of the benefits of being part of the Seymour family.
Once seated at the table, the proprietress of the tearoom, Miss Abigail Roslin, approached. “Good afternoon, Your Grace, my ladies. How are you all this wonderful afternoon?”
“Simply marvellous, although the journey here made us quite parched,” the duchess answered.
“The usual?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Miss Roslin nodded and hurried away from the table as hastily as she had approached it.
“My lady, and Your Grace,” Lizzie said with a smile, “I do apologize for being rather withdrawn the past week. I had a few personal issues that required my attention. I didn’t mean to be rude or not spend time with you both. But I am glad I decided to join you today. It is quite lovely.”
“Indeed. They serve the most scrumptious cakes.” Kitty grinned and placed her hand on her swollen stomach. “At least the child will be happy and well-fed.”