by Imani Black
“Hmmm,” she moaned. The small vibration from her moan sent pain through her throat and neck.
“Hey, Kels. I’m glad to see you awake.” Ms. Desiree’s soothing voice came from somewhere to Kelsi’s right, but she wasn’t able to see her. “I have something you can take for the pain, but it’s going to knock you right back out,” Ms. Desiree said.
Kelsi swallowed hard. That hurt too. She slowly shook her head up and down. She needed the pills right away. She didn’t care if that shit knocked her out for sixty days. Kelsi could not take the pain all over her body.
“Okay. Let me go grab you some water,” Ms. Desiree said.
Kelsi closed her eyes back for a few minutes before she felt the presence of someone else in the room. She forced her one good eye open. Pulsating stabs of pain shot through her forehead again. She winced.
“Don’t try to open your eyes for me. I’m here.” Big K’s voice filtered into Kelsi’s ears.
She let out a painful sigh and shut her good eye. She got hot with embarrassment for him to see her like this.
“Who did this to you, Kelsi?” he asked.
Kelsi thought the question was strange. Didn’t he know? Hadn’t Lil Kev been the one to bring her home after the fight with Scorpio? Who had finally saved her from Scorpio’s wrath? How many days had passed? Kelsi’s mind raced, which intensified her headache.
“They just left you for dead in front of the door. Desi found you on her way out to work... in this condition. You could’ve died out there like that. You’re pretty banged up. I want to know who did this shit to you,” Big K whispered harshly.
Kelsi could tell without looking at him that he was flexing his strong jaw.
“Where’s Lil Kev? Is he ok?” Kelsi mumbled through her swollen jaw, the smell of her own breath making her want to gag.
“We haven’t seen him. Rumor in the building is he knows who did this shit. They saying Lil Kev might have been there when this happened to you and ain’t do shit to protect you. I’m looking for that little punk too. Now, I’ma ask you again. Who did this shit to you?” Big K responded firmly.
* * *
“I don’t remember much about it,” Kelsi replied, blinking away the horrible memory of what had happened to her.
Detective Simpson looked like he didn’t believe her, but she didn’t care.
“I just want to help,” he said as if that would get Kelsi to tell him anything more than what she’d already told him—which, in her opinion, had been more than enough to get him off her back.
“Whatever. You’re probably just like everyone else in my life. Everything will be my fault in the end anyways,” Kelsi replied. “If there is nothing else you need to say to me right now, I’ll politely excuse myself from this bullshit conversation,” Kelsi snapped.
“Take care, Ms. Jones. You don’t look so good right now,” Detective Simpson said, seemingly unfazed by her attitude.
Kelsi frowned. She and Detective Simpson locked eyes for a few long seconds.
“I don’t feel so good either, detective. I just lost the only woman that ever treated me like a daughter. My best friend doesn’t have time for me. Her father is totally ignoring me. And her brother almost got me killed. I think I have good reason not to feel good,” Kelsi said. With that, she turned and rushed away.
Kelsi’s nostrils flared, and her eyes hooded as she sped down the Brooklyn street with a thousand thoughts trampling through her brain.
Chapter 14
Kelsi
When Kelsi got back to the Turners’ apartment, all sorts of things ran through her mind. She decided she needed to leave. She looked around the bedroom she’d been sharing with Cheyenne, and a sob bubbled up to her lips. Kelsi’s legs went weak. She flopped down on her bed and stared across the room at Cheyenne’s empty bed. Kelsi grabbed her pillow, buried her face in it, and screamed as loud as she could. She felt so much guilt as her mind reeled back through everything.
* * *
Cheyenne was correct. Her house was a “real house.” Big K even used a little card to get into the big black gates. The gates led to a hidden neighborhood with rows and rows of houses. The houses all stood alone, not connected like the buildings Kelsi was used to living in. There were grassy lawns out front with little brick structures around them. There were flowerbeds with yellow, red, pink, and purple flowers in them.
Big K turned the car into a driveway in front of a big, pale brick house. There were tall green curved, spiral, and round bushes in front. Flowers surrounded the front walkway, too.
“C’mon, Kelsi!” Cheyenne said excitedly. “This is my house!”
Kelsi followed Cheyenne out of the car in wide-eyed amazement. Cheyenne ran up the tan, brick steps that led to the beautiful beveled glass front door. She twisted the gold doorknob and bounded inside.
“Let’s go to my room until they get ready!” Cheyenne instructed, waving Kelsi on to follow her.
Kelsi moved slowly, taking it all in. Cheyenne walked Kelsi through a grand foyer adorned with beautiful gold-framed pictures of Big K, Cheyenne, a little boy, and a real pretty lady. The house smelled like Kelsi imagined a home to smell in her fantasies—like rose petals and sweet candy.
“Cheyenne!”
Kelsi heard a woman’s voice. The voice snapped Kelsi out of her reverie. Cheyenne had already made her way to the steps heading to her room. She turned around and sucked her teeth.
“You took too long,” Cheyenne whispered to Kelsi. “C’mon. Now we have to go see my mother before we go to my room,” she huffed, grabbing Kelsi’s hand and dragging her farther into the beautiful house.
“How are you going to try to go upstairs without introducing me to your company? How rude.” The woman’s voice filtered down the long hallway Kelsi and Cheyenne were walking through.
Kelsi was busy looking up at the crystal chandeliers that lined the hallway while Cheyenne led her like a blind person through the maze that was her house.
“Mommy, this is my new friend, Kelsi,” Cheyenne announced.
Kelsi felt her mouth hanging open, but she couldn’t close it.
The woman walked toward Kelsi with a bright, gleaming white smile.
“Oh, you’re very pretty, Kelsi. It’s nice to meet you. I’m Ms. Desiree,” the woman said, sticking out a beautifully manicured hand.
Kelsi smiled and shook her hand. Ms. Desiree was the color of the Disney cartoon character Pocahontas. She was beautiful like a Native American too, with slanted eyes, but not so slanted you would mistake her for Asian. Her hair was long and dark and lay on her left shoulder in soft, coiled tendrils. She had the most perfect mouth. Her lips weren’t big and greasy like Carlene’s; instead, Ms. Desiree had a small, heart-shaped mouth with a light tint of lip gloss on them. She wore a white tennis dress. Her long, slender legs looked like she really played tennis for a living. Cheyenne looked like the spitting image of Ms. Desiree.
Kelsi’s heart raced as she touched Ms. Desiree’s hand. She wished that the beautiful woman was her mother instead of Carlene.
“That’s Peaches’ daughter.” Big K’s voice boomed from behind them all.
Kelsi turned around and took him in entirely. Big K was tall with strong arms. His shoulders were square, but not too big. Kelsi couldn’t stop staring at his eyes. She had never seen a man with kinder eyes than his. He looked at his wife with such love. Kelsi’s heart raced, and she felt like she would throw up.
“Peaches. Mm-hmmm,” Ms. Desiree said, looking back at Kelsi.
It seemed like they were speaking some secret language about Carlene, and Kelsi could tell from their silent signals that it wasn’t good. She wanted to run away and tell Ms. Desiree that she wasn’t Carlene’s daughter; that she belonged to Nana.
“Either way, she’s a cutie pie, and you-know-who is all sold on this one,” Ms. Desiree said and tilted her head toward Cheyenne.
“Cheyenne, we’re about to go, so why don’t you and Kelsi go take a quick shower and change. You have n
ew stuff you can give her to wear. Maybe matching but in different colors,” Ms. Desiree said in an overly cheery voice. Again, she seemed to be sending some sort of silent language signal to her daughter.
“I already took a shower today.” Cheyenne pouted with her eyebrows crunched up. Her mother smiled and tilted her head again. Kelsi caught it the second time. Obviously, Cheyenne had caught it too. Cheyenne immediately changed her facial expression.
“O-kaay,” Cheyenne droned. “C’mon, Kelsi. I want to show you my room. Plus, we have to wash up and change before we get to go to the rides,” Cheyenne told Kelsi.
Kelsi understood what was going on now. There was no way the Turner family was going to take her out with them looking the way she did in her dirty play clothes. They had standards to uphold.
Cheyenne’s bedroom was every little girl’s dream. She had Pepto Bismol pink walls with white trimmings. She had a queen-sized bed with four white posts and a pink canopy. She had a plush Barbie bedspread. Her curtains were Barbie, and so was the throw rug on the floor. There was a tall dresser with crystal knobs and a grand full-length mirror with beautiful white trimming. It was like something from a queen’s castle.
“Let’s find matching outfits like my mother said,” Cheyenne said, stepping over to her double-door closet.
Kelsi couldn’t even speak. She was too busy feeling the tornado swirl of emotions surging in her head. Kelsi felt jealous, inferior, happy to be there, and sad to be there all at once. She wished she was back with Nana, but that she could still be friends with Cheyenne. It was so much to think about for a little girl. All Kelsi wanted to do at that point was lie down on that pink carpet and ball up into a knot.
When Cheyenne pulled back the doors on her closet, a lump the size of a handball formed in Kelsi’s throat. She had never seen anything like it, except on TV. Cheyenne had rows and rows of clothes—dresses, jeans, skirts, shorts, blouses, and T-shirts, all coordinated and hanging by color and style. She had stacks of shoe and sneaker boxes. There was a long hanging thingy with plastic shelves containing colorful headbands, pocketbooks, and bracelets. It didn’t even seem to faze Cheyenne. Having so much seemed to be blah, blah, blah to her.
“Okay, my mother said to find stuff with tags. So, here is four outfits. If you like them, you can have them. I don’t even want them. I never wore none of it, so they are yours to keep,” Cheyenne said with ease, tossing the color-coordinated outfits onto the bed.
Kelsi blinked rapidly. It was like Cheyenne’s closet was a store and Kelsi was on a free shopping spree. Even when she’d been with Nana, Kelsi never had it like that. There were so many skirts, dresses, and jeans in a rainbow of colors.
Outside of the closet was the same. Cheyenne had two huge Barbie dream houses in either corner of her room. She had shelves on her walls with rows and rows of Barbie dolls all dressed in beautiful dresses. She had so many stuffed animals it was like a jungle and a zoo in her room. She had a shelf filled with every board game you could imagine, and a bookshelf filled with all types of books.
Her dresser had a glass tray on it that held at least ten pretty crystal bottles of perfume. Kelsi walked over to it. Cheyenne had gold rings, chains, and earrings all laid nicely on her dresser as well.
Kelsi’s heart raced, and she didn’t even know why. She picked up a thick, shiny necklace with XOXO made of gold.
“You like that? It’s called an X and O link. My daddy gave it to me for my birthday. You know what Xs and Os mean?” Cheyenne asked all in one breath.
Kelsi quickly put the chain back down on the dresser and shook her head.
“For real? You don’t know that Xs and Os means hugs and kisses? When Daddy gave me that chain, he said he was the first man to ever shower me with hugs and kisses,” Cheyenne recalled dreamily.
Kelsi suddenly became aware that her lips were hanging open. This little girl had the world. Kelsi had nothing. Kelsi silently wondered who would be the first man to shower her with hugs and kisses.
She scanned Cheyenne’s room one more time to take it all in.
“Is your family rich or something?” Kelsi finally asked, her throat so dry the words hurt coming out.
Cheyenne stopped moving in and out of her closet and turned her full attention toward Kelsi. She smiled the same pretty, carefree smile she always put on her face. It was so effortless for Cheyenne to smile. Kelsi remembered feeling effortlessly happy like that when she was with Nana. What a difference a few days had made.
“No, silly. My daddy works. He said we ain’t rich because rich people don’t have to work. One day, he is going to get rich, and then me and my brother won’t have to work when we grow up,” Cheyenne explained to Kelsi as she continued to toss pretty items of clothing onto the bed.
What she said made sense to Kelsi—rich people didn’t work. But her family still seemed rich to Kelsi.
Cheyenne and Kelsi both put on a pair of brand-new jean shorts. Cheyenne’s were acid washed, and Kelsi’s were dark blue. Cheyenne put on a purple T-shirt with a puffy rainbow on the front, and Kelsi wore a pink one with a puffy heart on the front. Ms. Desiree fixed their hair to match, in six ponytails each, with pretty baubles and barrettes. Cheyenne gave Kelsi a brand-new pair of high-top Reeboks, and although they hurt her feet a little bit, Kelsi didn’t dare say anything because she wanted the sneakers so badly.
They all went to the rides at Coney Island that day. Big K spared no expense. He carried a knot of money in his pocket, which he also had no problem peeling from. Cheyenne and Kelsi rode every ride twice. They played every game and had arms full of stuffed animals. They had cotton candy, Nathan’s franks, shrimp, soda, and huge swirly-colored lollipops.
Ms. Desiree and Big K danced in front of the Himalaya ride while Cheyenne and Kelsi rode it forward and backward. Kelsi couldn’t stop watching them. It was her first time witnessing love between a man and a woman. Big K held Ms. Desiree by the waist and hugged her from the back. He kissed her gently on her neck and acted like she was the only person there, even though there were hundreds of people around. They picked Lil Kevin up out of the stroller and held him between them, showering him with kisses. It was like Kelsi was watching a show on TV. The Turners were the perfect family.
When Cheyenne and Kelsi were done riding, they both ran to Cheyenne’s parents.
“Y’all enjoyed that?” Big K asked with his warm smile.
Both girls chimed, “Yes!” in unison.
As they walked around the rides, Big K held Kelsi’s hand on one side and Cheyenne’s on the other side. He called them his girls the entire night. Each time he did, Kelsi got a funny feeling inside. She immediately felt like she loved them all. Each one of the Turners touched her in a different way. Kelsi got so lost in being a part of their family that she altogether forgot that she had to return to the hellhole where she now lived.
When Big K pulled his Range Rover up to Carlene’s building, Kelsi’s stomach immediately knotted up.
“You want to go with me to walk her upstairs, Chey?” Big K asked Cheyenne.
Cheyenne looked like she would cry. Kelsi bit her jaw inside to keep her own tears from falling. Cheyenne and Kelsi moved as slow as molasses through a straw getting out of that car that night.
“Don’t forget your clothes,” Cheyenne said sadly. She grabbed a big bag of clothes and shoes she had picked out of her closet for Kelsi.
Kelsi held onto the biggest stuffed animal that Big K had won for her.
“Stop acting all sad. There’s always tomorrow and the next day. It ain’t the end of the world,” Big K told them as he took an armful of Kelsi’s stuff from the rides to carry.
As soon as they all exited the elevator, Kelsi felt flush with shame. The hallway stank like burning hair and cat shit. Of course, there was a pile of garbage on the floor in front of the incinerator chute.
Big K walked strong and confidently as if the stench and dirt didn’t faze him. Kelsi didn’t have to lead him to Carlene’s apartment. He knew exactly whe
re it was. Big K used the knocker and banged on the door like he was the police.
God, please don’t let Carlene answer. God, please don’t let Took answer. God, please let them be gone so I have to go home with Big K. Kelsi chanted prayers inside of her head.
Big K banged again. Then he screamed out, “Peaches! Took!”
Finally, the door opened a crack. The odor of rotting garbage mixed with bad fish wafted out of the apartment and shot straight up Kelsi’s nose. She knew Cheyenne and Big K smelled it if she could. Kelsi looked at Cheyenne, but Cheyenne kept her eyes down toward the floor.
“Yo, Peaches, open the damn door all the way,” Big K demanded.
Carlene opened the door a little bit wider.
“I’m bringing your shorty back,” Big K said, peering inside.
Carlene had turned off the lights so Big K couldn’t see inside.
“Thanks for taking her,” Carlene said dryly.
Big K looked at Kelsi pitifully, as if he were taking a stray dog to an animal shelter to be put to sleep.
“I’m going to come see you tomorrow,” Cheyenne piped up sadly.
Kelsi nodded and stepped toward Carlene.
Big K handed Carlene the bags and all of Kelsi’s goodies. With her stomach in knots, Kelsi stepped inside of her reality and moved around in the darkness.
“Yo, Peaches. Clean up this fucking place. You got a real good kid right there. She don’t deserve to live like this. What you do as an adult is your business, but a kid don’t ask to be here. I’ma be checking on that little one, so you better do the right thing by her. Clean up this rat trap before I do something about it,” Big K lectured and warned at the same time.
Carlene shifted her weight from one foot to the next like she had to pee.
Kelsi felt that funny feeling inside again. It couldn’t be anything other than her immediate love for Big K growing. Kelsi didn’t know which grew faster, her love for Big K or her hatred for Carlene.
Big K kept the promise he made that day. Over the next year, he checked up on Kelsi daily. He kept Carlene in line, which made life a little bit easier for Kelsi. Between Big K and the welfare caseworker, Carlene had no choice but to put Kelsi in school that September. Kelsi had turned nine years old the month before school started.