by Emily Smith
“Oh, God, this is so humiliating. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” She couldn’t cover up her daft show of emotion. Not when Pierce’s shirt was already soaked where Cassidy’s face had been.
“What? Stop that.” Pierce pulled away, lifting Cassidy’s chin gently in her hand until their eyes were forced together.
“I’m a doctor, for fuck sake. I shouldn’t be so soft. Please don’t think I’m crazy. I swear, I’m not crazy.”
Pierce laughed and kissed her softly, sending Cassidy’s embarrassment cascading away in a waterfall of momentary peace. “You are not crazy. Not even close. And you are not soft, Cass.”
Cassidy’s stomach flipped once, then twice, at the sound of the nickname. “You don’t think so?”
“Not even a little bit. You can be strong and still vulnerable, you know. That’s what makes you a great doctor. That’s what I love so much about you…”
Cassidy noticed the pink flush in Pierce’s cheeks as her gaze shifted to the floor. “Thank you. For the coffee. For the doughnut. For letting me see your face and giving me the strength to get through the rest of this shift. Thank you for being so amazing.”
“You are very welcome, Dr. Sullivan.”
“I better get back in there. I can almost hear the nurses cursing me through the walls.”
“Ten days, right?”
Ten days sounded goddamn impossible. “Ten days.”
Pierce squeezed Cassidy’s hand one last time and turned to leave. The image was beautifully agonizing. And in that moment, Cassidy would do whatever it took to be in Pierce’s arms again for even one more minute.
“Pierce.”
She’d almost made it to the waiting-room doors, though Pierce’s pace suggested she was less than ready to go. “Yeah?”
“What are you doing tonight?”
“I was going to grill some steak tips and watch a documentary about Whitey Bulger…But my plans are pretty flexible.”
Cassidy couldn’t believe she was about to suggest this. Pierce was wrong; she was absolutely insane. “I love steak tips…”
“Is that right?” The corner of Pierce’s mouth curled into a charming grin.
“I don’t get out until around midnight, but if you wanted to come over…”
The other corner now joined, and Pierce’s face lit up into a stunning smile, revealing all her straight, perfect teeth with just the hint of a gap in the middle that made Cassidy melt every damn time.
“I’d love that. If you’re sure it isn’t too late.”
“I’m beyond sure.”
“Then I’ll save you some steak.” Pierce was still smiling as she turned to leave the ICU.
* * *
It was barely ten a.m., and Pierce had the entire day to pass before she could see Cassidy. She couldn’t stop thinking about the look on Cassidy’s face when she asked Pierce to come over—sweet and unguarded, the expression of someone who cared and knew they were putting their heart out there. It was inconceivable, but somehow, Cassidy’s heart seemed to be following the exact path of Pierce’s. The same horrifying adjoining thought crept into her head, but this time it was louder, more poisonous than usual. This can’t last. This never lasts.
She tried to whittle away at some of the hours by reading the latest Steven King. And when she couldn’t focus anymore, which came about five pages in, she shut the book and went for a walk. It was a perfect May Boston afternoon. Pierce lapped the bike path around the Charles River twice, her headphones echoing some indy singer’s latest release about new love. She mentally noted to add the song to her Spotify playlist she’d created that contained nothing but music that reminded her of Cassidy. Then she made another mental note to send the song to Cassidy. Not the whole playlist. That would be a bit much. But at least the song. She must have walked for hours before hunger got the best of her, and she stopped at a local dive and picked up a slice of pizza. Judging by the faintly dimming sky, it had to be at least six p.m.—late enough to go home and make Cassidy some of the best leftovers she’d ever had. At least that would be one more thing to distract her. But when Pierce glanced at her watch, she was dismayed to see it was only a quarter past four. Damn New England, with its stupidly short spring days.
With the slice of pizza gone, Pierce walked next door to a Café Nero, one of Boston’s many coffee chains, and ordered an iced coffee. Caffeine was probably the last thing she needed, but she didn’t care. When she walked back outside and saw an empty cab idling on the sidewalk nearby, an idea hit her.
Pierce opened the cab’s back door. “Boston City Hospital, please.”
The cabbie, a stout man with a thick, curly beard and a cowboy hat, nodded once and put the car in drive. Most people used ride-share services to get around the city now. But the cab was already waiting. And, aside from the astronomical price, Pierce liked that most of the cabbies had little to no interest in conversing with their patrons.
It was nearly five when she pulled up to the hospital, which was just about perfect. Galen would be finishing her day by now, and Pierce stood a good shot at wrangling her into killing time with her. Especially if Rowan was on call for the night. She thought about calling, but her odds were better if she just showed up at Galen’s office door like she usually did. Pierce smiled to herself as the elevator ascended to the eighth floor. Galen had very quickly gone from stranger, to recently estranged cousin, to family. And that was everything to Pierce in a new city, where she could so easily have been alone. She could almost feel the pieces falling perfectly into place around her. Too perfectly.
“Almost done?” Pierce didn’t bother to knock when she saw Galen’s door open.
“What are you doing here on your day off? Again.” Galen had mastered the façade of perturbed older sibling who secretly didn’t mind their younger half hanging around.
“I went to see Cassidy in the unit this morning, like you said.” Pierce sat on the edge of Galen’s excessively sized desk, careful not to displace the piles of books and papers meticulously organized by some system Pierce would never comprehend.
“Hold on. I didn’t say to do that.”
“Um, yes. You did.”
“Did it go all right?”
“Better than all right.”
Galen’s pinched face relaxed. “Good. Then I did say to do that. See? You should listen to me more often.”
“Whatever. Anyway, I brought her coffee. I even stopped and got her a doughnut from Union Square on the way.”
Galen nodded. “Nice touch.”
Pierce thought so too. “She loved it. In fact, she actually cried when she saw me. Like, good crying though. Not who’s-this-crazy-stalker-and-do-I-need-a-restraining-order crying.”
“I mean, I’d cry if someone brought me a doughnut during my residency. So it went well. Then what are you doing here, Pierce?”
“Honestly? She asked me to come over tonight. After she gets home. Of course I said I would. But I’m driving myself nuts trying to find ways to kill time. I must have walked halfway across the city just for something to do to get me closer to midnight.”
“And now you’re looking for someone to distract you.” Galen shrugged and unbuttoned the second button on her shirt, kicking her feet up onto the desk.
“Please. I’m desperate.”
Galen laughed. “Lucky for you, Ro’s working late, and I was just about to head out.”
“Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.” Pierce toppled off the desk and hugged Galen so hard she nearly choked.
“Easy, kid.” Galen sputtered dramatically. “There’s one catch.”
“Catch?”
“I’m on my way to workout. You want to hang, you have to come with me. Then we can go get some food or something.”
Pierce swallowed hard. She knew Galen worked out like she did everything—with a force and intensity that often led to near-vomiting. Where Pierce was more about brisk walks and the occasional spin class, Galen spent hours a week doing CrossFit or some k
ind of martial arts. Maybe a near-death experience would be a good way to keep Pierce occupied though?
“Okay. Deal. Just go easy on me, okay?”
Galen laughed, but Pierce couldn’t help but notice her refusal to answer her plea.
* * *
The gym Galen used was even more intimidating than Pierce had imagined. She was surrounded by guys with their shirt sleeves cut off, their biceps erupting like small, sweaty mountains. They grunted and slammed their dumbbells on the ground and pranced around like they were the only ones who deserved to step foot in such a place. Pierce remembered instantly why she preferred the solitude of a gentle jog.
“Get on this rowing machine next to me,” Galen said.
Pierce hesitated but then looked at Galen, whose arms were clearly no stranger to a pullup or two. Maybe a little bulking up wouldn’t hurt.
After a progression of rowing, swinging heavy kettlebells, squatting, and something called “devil’s presses,” which Pierce thought surely came directly from hell itself, her heart was beating so quickly she realized she could only focus on how to catch her next breath. Maybe this would be a good way to push Cassidy to the back of her mind.
“Nice work. That was a decent warmup.” Galen wiped a bead of sweat off her upper lip, still breathing heavily but looking far more comfortable than Pierce was sure she looked.
“Did you…say…warmup?”
Galen laughed. “Yeah. That was, like, ten minutes. Did you think you were done already?”
“I take it back,” Pierce said, finally able to speak in full sentences again. “You aren’t a dad. You’re a bro. A giant, douche bro.”
“You want guns like this, or don’t you?” Galen winked and flexed. Pierce rolled her eyes, but for the millionth time, the thought did occur to her that Cassidy was nothing if not too good for Pierce. Dr. McSmokeshow, Pierce reminded herself. Her heart still hadn’t steadied itself yet when she flashed to the image of Cassidy, her perfect body covered in nothing, perched unapologetically next to her.
“Fuck me. Fine, let’s do it.”
In between a sandwich of burpees and pushing some heavy cart which Pierce learned was called a “sled,” Galen probed a little further into Pierce’s new love life.
“What’s bugging you about this, Pierce?”
“About what?”
“You and Cassidy. I can sense it. Something’s up. Every time you talk about her, you have this sadness in your eyes.”
Galen was more intuitive than Pierce gave her credit for. She wanted to answer but wasn’t sure she had enough wind left in her lungs.
“You’re scared of getting hurt again, aren’t you?” Luckily, Galen, whose breathing had completely normalized already, had answered the question for Pierce.
“How did you know?”
“We’ve talked about a dozen times already. Come over here. Let’s take five.” Galen walked over to a giant truck tire lying in the corner, just waiting for some lunk to come and toss it around. She took a seat on the edge, Pierce following suit.
“Yeah. I’m scared. No. I’m terrified. The more time I spend with her the more I…I don’t know how this is even possible, but I’m falling for her already. It’s only been two weeks. But I can’t deny it. It’s just right there. Plain as day. And the more I fall for her, the more afraid I become.”
“Katie really did a number on you, didn’t she?” Galen put a sweaty arm around Pierce’s shoulder.
“She really did. I can’t go through that again. I wouldn’t survive it.”
“I told you this already, Pierce. You can’t hold Cassidy responsible for Katie’s mistakes. You can either trust her, or you can walk away. But you can’t keep her around constantly worrying she’s going to crush you. And you would survive it. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but you would. I swear to you. Give yourself a little credit.”
“I just don’t see what someone like Cass could possibly want with someone like me.”
Galen squeezed her tighter, into a pseudo-bear hug. “She has every reason to want someone like you. But we’ll work on the self-esteem stuff. Maybe a few more burpees will take care of it?”
Pierce shoved her away. “You stink. You know that?”
“Like, literally? Or was that figurative?”
Pierce grabbed her nose. “Both! Come on. Let’s finish this. You need a shower. Badly.”
Chapter Thirteen
If it were possible, the day drew on even longer with the prospect of seeing Pierce later. It was longer, yes, but also happier. Much happier. Even Ginger’s incessant requests to tend to Mrs. Jones’s bad toenail fungus, which Mrs. Jones would not stop fixating on even in the setting of her failing liver and kidneys, wasn’t enough to dampen Cassidy’s high. She’d thought about offering Pierce her spare keys to let herself in while Cassidy was still at work. But that would be far too aggressive. It was frustrating that none of the usual rules seemed to apply with Pierce. It was completely impossible. But Cassidy was already falling for her.
Sometime around ten thirty p.m., the overnight medical intern straggled in, less than enthusiastic about taking sign-out from Cassidy. And after following up on a couple of CT scans, finishing a lumbar puncture, and cheerily telling the oncoming intern no, she would not be willing to stay late to help with a new admission that night, Cassidy logged off her computer and headed to the locker room to collect her things. In a moment of panic, she realized she was showing up to see Pierce in an eighteen-hour-old pair of scrubs, no makeup, and a top bun that no longer sat on top. Something told her, though, that if it had been long enough for Cassidy to feel the way she was about Pierce, it was long enough for her to see her unbridled, as her authentic post-shift self.
Usually Cassidy would take the T home after work. It never went anywhere in a great hurry, but at least it was cheap. That night, she picked up her phone and hailed an Uber. Not one of those shared rides either. Cassidy went right for the fastest possible route home. If she’d had a helicopter option, she probably would have chosen it. Once comfortably in the backseat, she texted Pierce that she’d be there shortly.
Ten minutes after Cassidy arrived home, Pierce buzzed her door, enough time for her to at least change into some sweats and wash her face. But after eighteen hours, even ten minutes felt excruciating.
Pierce stood in front of her wearing a pair of tight jeans and a tattered baseball cap, and Cassidy’s mind immediately forged a picture of Pierce teetering an infant on her knee on a Sunday morning, cartoons in the background, while Cassidy flipped pancakes in the kitchen. Get a grip, Cass.
“Hello again,” Pierce said. She smiled suggestively, and Cassidy thanked the universe, and science, that mind reading was not a thing.
“Hi.” Cassidy held the door open for Pierce and gestured for her to come in. “What do you have there?”
Pierce held up the Tupperware containers she was balancing precariously. “Oh, you mean these here?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Only the best steak tips you’ve ever had. With some corn on the cob and a farmer’s salad. And I brought some extra. I imagine you don’t eat much in the unit.”
Cassidy’s chest swelled. “That is maybe the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me.”
“You aren’t going to cry again, are you?” Pierce unloaded the leftovers onto the kitchen table.
“Shut up. And while you’re at it, get over here, will you?”
Cassidy grabbed Pierce’s hand and pulled her in until they were pressed together. They stood in exquisite silence, Cassidy savoring the feeling of Pierce’s arms snugly around her waist. When the tension was just right, Cassidy put her hand around the back of Pierce’s neck and kissed her, the anticipation of touching her again melting into reality.
“What’s wrong?” Cassidy felt Pierce flinch, and when she pulled away, startled, Pierce was grimacing in pain.
“Galen made me work out with her today. It was just short of sadism, I think.”
Cassidy kept her h
and on Pierce’s neck but began gently kneading the tight, spasming muscle. “Poor baby. Come on. Let’s go into my room. I’ll rub it for you.”
“Are you kidding?” Pierce protested but leaned closer and groaned. “You’re the one who just worked eighteen hours. I should be rubbing your neck.”
“You just made me dinner for a week. It’s the least I can do.”
“Speaking of dinner,” Pierce said, her eyes still closed, “you hungry?”
Cassidy was. She hadn’t eaten anything but a hospital-issue peanut butter and jelly in twelve hours. But she wanted Pierce more. She tugged on the lapels of Pierce’s jacket and kissed her again, this time eliciting an even deeper groan from Pierce.
“I am. But it can wait. I’ve been thinking about you all day.”
Pierce smiled and ran her fingers through Cassidy’s loose hair, winding strands around her fingers and tugging softly. “I had to get rhabdo at Galen’s hands just to keep my mind off you.”
Cassidy laughed. “I’m flattered. Although I hope your renal function is hanging in there.”
“If not, I know a great ER doc…” Pierce grinned, pulling Cassidy into the unlit bedroom.
In spite of the late hour, Pierce seemed to want to take her time. She kissed down her neck, then back up to her ear, which always sent a quiver directly between Cassidy’s legs, then, just when Cassidy was writhing underneath her, Pierce moved down to her stomach, lifting her T-shirt to her chin and running her tongue down to Cassidy’s belly button. She dipped her tongue inside, and Cassidy gripped Pierce’s shoulders hard, wanting to bring her closer—wanting to merge their every cell into one. Her mouth drifting lower, Pierce reached her hand up and tugged at Cassidy’s nipple, which was so hard it actually hurt. It was the best possible pain—the torture of needing someone so badly you thought you could actually die. Pierce was hands-down the best sex of Cassidy’s life. It was as if Cassidy had never even had sex before now. And whenever Cassidy thought it couldn’t possibly get any better, Pierce somehow seemed to outdo herself.