by Emily Smith
The waiting room had filled to near capacity since she’d been there, but she spotted one face immediately. Pierce sat, her mouth pinched and worried, flanked by Galen and Rowan. Cassidy’s heart leapt completely through her chest, and for the first time in days she felt whole again. Whatever was up ahead, she could take it, as long as Pierce was by her side.
“Jesus, you guys. You look like I died or something. Talk about a bunch of sad sacks.” Cassidy sprang out of the wheelchair, kicking it behind her so hard it almost pushed into Tweety Bird scrubs.
Pierce, who’d been apparently too busy studying the laces in her shoes, set her eyes on Cassidy for the first time, her face lighting up brighter than the late-summer sunsets that echoed off the mirrored faces of the skyline. She jumped from her seat, running to Cassidy, but stopping just before they touched.
“Are you okay?”
“I am now.” Cassidy threw her arms around Pierce’s neck, wincing at the searing pain as her underarm brushed Pierce’s shoulder. Still, she felt better in that moment than she had in days.
“What’s going on?” The perplexed squint in Pierce’s eyes said Rowan hadn’t filled her in on anything yet.
“How much do you know?”
“Literally, nothing.” Pierce threw her hands up in the air. “This crazy person,” she gestured to Galen, who was still sitting near Rowan, smiling, “came barreling down to the ED demanding I come with her because you were in the hospital. That’s it.”
“And you?” Cassidy looked at Galen. “How much do you know?”
“Me? Oh, I know everything. Rowan told me last week.” Galen shrugged, and Cassidy shot Rowan a scowl.
“I’m sorry! I can’t keep things from her.” Rowan smiled apologetically.
“I get it. But Pierce…we have to talk…”
“Last time I heard that from you…” Pierce said with a slight sneer in her voice.
Rowan and Galen stood simultaneously, Galen awkwardly wiping her palms on her dress pants.
“We’re, uh…going to go. Glad everything’s okay, Cass. You guys, uh…good luck, you two.” Galen clapped Pierce on the shoulder.
“Yeah.” Rowan kissed Cassidy on the cheek, lingering just long enough to whisper, “Let her love you. She won’t let you down.”
With Rowan and Galen gone, Cassidy and Pierce were left standing only inches apart, the only two in the room yet surrounded by other patients and families oblivious to all the things Cassidy so badly wanted to say to Pierce but hadn’t figured out how to.
“Maybe we should go somewhere else?” Pierce finally said.
They took the elevator silently down to the lobby, where Cassidy led Pierce out to a quiet courtyard on the east side of the hospital. She knew the hospital campus well. Too well, actually. And Pierce was about to find out why.
Cassidy sat on a nearby bench, the anesthetic beginning to wear off just enough to remind her she’d just had a piece of her removed. But that was nothing compared to the piece of her that had left with Pierce. Pierce stayed standing, her hands apprehensively on her hips, her mouth pursed in a straight line that screamed uncertainty.
“I have so much to explain to you.” Cassidy didn’t even know where to begin. She took Pierce’s hand and gently guided her down beside her, angling her body so their eyes met.
“Are you sick, Cass? Why are you here? Why am I here?” Cassidy imagined Pierce had far more questions than answers at this point.
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” She sighed. “I was. When I was younger. I had cancer, Pierce. Non-Hodgkins.” Cassidy wasn’t sure how to delve into the subject of her parents’ divorce and the subsequent destruction of her family and everything that came with her near-death. She had no tactful way, so she settled for blurting it all out in one long, gusty monologue. As she neared the end, Pierce’s face suddenly registered understanding.
“Oh my God. The lymph node.”
Cassidy nodded. “I lied to you. Not only by omitting all these parts of my past that still apparently contribute to my general state of fucked today, but by telling you I didn’t love you.”
“I don’t understand.” Pierce shook her head, as if it were brimming to the top with things she couldn’t process, and she was trying to free it.
“I pushed you away because I love you. When you found that lymph node, I realized I could never let you deal with me being sick. I could never put you through that.”
Pierce flushed with obvious anger. “Don’t you think that should have been my choice to make?”
“Yes. It should have been.” Cassidy took one of Pierce’s trembling hands in her own. “And I’m so sorry I never gave you that chance. I love you, Pierce. You’re it for me. The only one I’ve ever wanted and the only one I could ever want.”
Cassidy fully expected Pierce to gather her in her arms and welcome her back in, ignoring the way Cassidy had discarded her only days earlier. That assumption was foolish, selfish even. Pierce did not take Cassidy in her arms. She could only seem to stare at her, her eyes narrowed and focused, not exactly angry, but not forgiving either. Pierce’s hands were balled into tight fists against her knees, her silence louder than anything Cassidy had ever heard.
“A part of me understands why you did what you did. God knows I’m no stranger to the fear of getting hurt or hurting others. But you really fucked me up, Cass.”
The cracks in Cassidy’s heart opened again. It was possible, likely even, that Pierce wouldn’t give her another chance—an outcome Cassidy hadn’t allowed herself to consider until now.
“I know. And I’m so, so sorry. If I could go back in time, I would. And I know it’s not much consolation, but I swear I’ve been even more lost than you. I need you, Pierce. I’ve never needed anyone before. It terrifies me. But I can’t run from it anymore. Please. Let me need you.”
She watched Pierce closely, her expression stern and pondering, her gaze fixed on her hands as she picked at the cuticle on her thumb. Cassidy waited. She wasn’t much for religion, although she had found herself praying quite a bit lately. It wouldn’t hurt to try one more time. She asked, begged even, God, or the universe, or whatever was out there to give her back the love she’d been so careless with.
“I love you,” Pierce finally said. She raised her eyes to look at Cassidy for the first time since they’d sat down. Relief washed over her like a fine mist, cooling her days of anguish that had scorched her. “And I will be there for you. Always.” Pierce paused dramatically, and Cassidy had a feeling there was more. “As a friend.”
“A friend.” Hope splintered around Cassidy once again, and the future, which had finally held some hint of light ahead, was once again as black as a country night.
“For now. The rest, I need to think about.” Pierce wrapped her arm around Cassidy’s shoulder and pulled her close. It was all Cassidy had been wanting for days, to be engulfed by Pierce’s faultless strength and warmth and security. Pierce was Cassidy’s home. And in her arms, she was safe.
Chapter Twenty-two
The second Pierce saw Cassidy being wheeled through the waiting room doors, she was powerless. If Cassidy was asking for her again, she would come calling. Pierce was in love, the kind that defies reason and allows for forgiveness on a level she’d never consider otherwise. When Cassidy offered her explanation to Pierce, begged for Pierce to love her again, she knew she would ultimately never say no. But she needed time to absorb the parts of Cassidy she was just now learning and to release some of the wreckage Cassidy had left, however inadvertently.
“I had a feeling I’d find you here.” Galen opened the door to her own apartment later that evening, Pierce sprawled out across her expensive Italian sofa.
“I needed someone to talk to.”
“That’s why I gave you keys. But for real, dude, can you at least take off your shoes? That couch was like ten grand.” Galen tossed her leather shoulder bag in the corner and crossed to the couch, picking up Pierce’s feet and repositioning them to the coffee table, w
here Galen’s feet soon followed. Without saying anything else, Galen grabbed her phone and began scrolling, apparently uninterested in whatever was on Pierce’s mind.
“You aren’t being very helpful right now, you know.” Pierce had her arms crossed over her chest, pouting.
“Shut up. I’m ordering Georgio’s. I assume this is going to be an all-nighter?” Galen put her phone down on the arm of the sofa and grabbed Pierce into a bear hug that sucked all the air out of her chest, which comforted Pierce more than she’d been in days.
“Got any scotch?” Pierce mumbled into Galen’s muscular shoulder, which was still smothering her.
“Do I have any scotch? Is that even a question?” Galen released her and a few minutes later returned with two tumblers brimming with Glenlivet on ice, resuming her place next to Pierce.
“I don’t know what to do.” Pierce sighed and picked up the scotch, letting the warmth coat her throat and flood down her esophagus to her stomach.
“Tell me what happened.”
“She wants me back. She told me the whole breakup was a lie, that she’d always loved me. She was just trying to protect me.”
“Yeah. I know.” Galen unbuttoned the first two buttons of her shirt and reclined with her hands behind her head.
“You know?”
“Rowan told me. The night everything went down, she confided in Rowan she was going to do it. And she told her how much she loved you. I can understand why you’re hesitant. And what she did was really stupid. But she’s telling you the truth.”
“Sure. Now she is. But how do I know she won’t keep things from me in the future? Or run off when she thinks I need to be saved or whatever.”
“Interesting…” Galen nodded thoughtfully.
“What’s interesting?” Pierce snapped at her.
“I’ve had this same conversation before.”
“You have?”
“I was you. A few years back. When Ro wanted me back, I couldn’t imagine trusting her again. I felt like I would be betraying any sense of self-worth by letting her back in. I actually asked myself these same questions. What would stop her from doing it again? And the answer I kept coming back to over and over again was…nothing. Nothing was going to stop her. It would always be possible. And was I pushover for taking her back?”
Pierce thought about it. “Of course not. Look at you two now.”
“Really, it didn’t matter, Pierce, whether I thought it was right or wrong to forgive her. My heart wanted Rowan Duncan. I never had a choice. I knew from the second she left that if I had the chance to love her again, I would without a second thought.”
Pierce didn’t have a second thought either. She knew from the minute Cassidy told her she still loved her that she would never turn her away. And she took solace in learning that Galen, the most impenetrable person she knew, had found her Achilles heel as well.
“Do you believe her? Cassidy?”
“More important, do you?”
Pierce didn’t hesitate. The answer had been swirling around her head all day. She felt it in a place so innate she couldn’t even identify it. She trusted Cassidy. She believed her reasoning for breaking Pierce’s heart, and she believed Cassidy had honestly thought she was doing what was right.
“Yes.”
“Can you get past this?” Galen asked.
“How did you do it? You know, with Rowan?”
Galen smiled reflectively. “It’s surprisingly easy to forgive someone when their heart’s in the right place. When you love someone the way I love Rowan…the way you love Cassidy.”
Pierce didn’t respond, only plucked her cell phone from her pants pocket and hit speed dial.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m calling her,” Pierce answered simply, as if it was the most obvious solution in the world. And it was.
Galen just bumped her fist against Pierce’s thigh in approval and smiled while Pierce waited for the call to connect. It only took one ring before Cassidy answered.
“Pierce? Hi.” Cassidy’s voice was laced with an excitement that made Pierce’s arms tingle.
“Can I see you?”
“Now? Yes. Of course. I mean, please. Do you want me to come over? Or I can meet you somewhere. Anywhere.”
“Are you home right now?”
“Yes?”
“Good. Stay put. I’ll be right over.” Pierce disconnected the line, smiling proudly. She stood from the couch and was already at the front door before Galen had a chance to call out to her.
“Go get her, buddy. Go get her.”
* * *
Still draped in the same ragged sweats she’d worn to the hospital that morning, her hair up in a hapless bun, Cassidy raced around her apartment trying to put herself together before Pierce could get there. It was ridiculous, as if putting on some fresh makeup and a change of clothes might convince Pierce to let her in again. But she could use whatever help she could get.
It must have been only seven or eight minutes before the buzzer to her apartment rang. She was expecting the jingle of Pierce’s overstuffed key ring but then remembered Cassidy’s spare sat on the kitchen counter still, after Pierce left the key that night. Jesus, she got here quickly. Cassidy figured she must have been coming from Galen and Rowan’s. She hoped they’d swayed Pierce back to her, but she didn’t deserve that.
After smoothing down some stray hairs, Cassidy exhaled a gust of hot air and buzzed Pierce in. She heard Pierce’s clomping footsteps, which always seemed disproportionately louder than her short frame, and the familiar fist in her chest clenched, this time overshadowed only by an overwhelming excitement of what this visit must mean.
Pierce knocked tentatively, and Cassidy opened the door. She was standing in front of Cassidy, sturdy and sure, a tight white T-shirt spread across her strong chest and firm arms, accompanied by an even tighter pair of black jeans that always made Cassidy’s legs unsteady. Cassidy had never wanted anything more in her life than she wanted this woman. Forever.
Without thinking, Cassidy threw herself at Pierce, clasping Pierce’s neck and pushing up hard against Pierce. She stayed there, breathless, eyes closed, breathing in the sweet musk of Pierce’s skin that had become so fundamental to her mere existence, the warmth of Pierce’s strong body wrapped around her own.
“I’m so happy you’re here,” Cassidy finally said, never disconnecting herself from Pierce.
“Me too.” Pierce slowly pulled them apart, but only enough so she could look into Cassidy’s face. “I understand, Cass.”
“You do?” The tears that had become all too frequent visited Cassidy once again, and this time she didn’t care when a couple slipped out beyond her puffy lids.
“I do. I mean, I don’t like it. And I wish you’d just told me the truth. But I love you. God, do I love you…And I want to do this with you. Whatever’s up ahead, whatever that biopsy shows, I want to be here.”
Cassidy’s feet nearly left the floor, and she was suddenly bulletproof, even the monster unable to touch her. “Are you saying you’ll take me back? That you’ll love me again?”
“I never stopped.” Pierce took one hand and cupped Cassidy’s cheek, the tears now unapologetically flowing down her face and bouncing off Pierce’s skin. Pierce wiped several away, then leaned in slowly, not with trepidation but with security and purpose, and kissed her. A soft, pillow of warmth descended upon Cassidy, settling between her legs in a surprising arousal. She hadn’t realized how starved she’d been for Pierce until now.
“I will never lie to you again. And I will never push you away.”
“I know.” Pierce held her around her hips, keeping them pressed tightly together. “I’m here. No matter what happens next, we’ll do it together.”
It was the single most comforting sentence anyone had ever spoken to Cassidy. Something about the safety and security of Pierce’s words and the feel of them still joined, pressed so close Cassidy was sure Pierce could feel the heat coming off her jeans, se
nt Cassidy spiraling into a fit of desire.
Pierce clawed at her, cupping Cassidy’s ass as she went back to kissing her, this time, harder, with an urgency that said she’d never have enough time with Cassidy, even if that time lasted forever. Pierce lifted her, placing her securely on the kitchen table, her hands moving now from her hips and landing in Cassidy’s hair. Cassidy inhaled her, took in her every cell, her every atom. Cassidy freed Pierce’s shirt, pausing to run her fingers down Pierce’s stomach to the band of her jeans. She kissed Pierce’s bare chest as Pierce held her close, still stroking the strands of her wild hair.
“I want you always, Pierce.” Her words were soft and breathy, but they released the anchoring weight of every fear that had been plaguing her. Cassidy was free. Pierce moved her hands to Cassidy’s hips again and lifted her off the table. Cassidy’s legs wrapped tightly around her, Pierce carried her into the bedroom as they fell into a heap on the unmade bed.
Whatever happened, whatever came next, Cassidy had Pierce. Everything else was just background noise.
Chapter Twenty-three
“I don’t know, Pierce. Something just feels…off.” Cassidy paced the living room, cell phone in one hand, the other anxiously pulling at a stray piece of hair.
“What are you saying?” Pierce’s already racing heart picked up its pace, and she rose from the chair she was sitting in to go to Cassidy.
“He should have called by now. It’s almost three p.m.” Cassidy tapped the screen of her phone again, as if willing it to ring. Pierce came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her waist, forcing her to stand still, if not for just a moment. She could feel the muscles of Cassidy’s body, wound up like a clock, release just a little into Pierce’s embrace. Her eyes closed, and she leaned farther into Pierce’s chest.
“He’ll call. He said by three, right? I’m sure he just got caught up in something.” Pierce stroked the smooth, soft skin of Cassidy’s arm, but the fear wasn’t lost on her. One call from Dr. Lucas Hedges at Children’s Hospital could change everything. Pierce didn’t know what the rest of their day, their week, or even the rest of their lives would look like. In fact, Pierce didn’t know much of anything. But she was absolutely sure of one thing. And that was Cassidy.