by R Corona
“Netania and I wanted to tell you together, it doesn’t seem like the right time to do so, but frankly, our lives burn on a short rope, compared to the speed of the universe... I wanted you to find out from us this time—first, you mustn't speak of this to anyone, especially not to Dez.” Speaking to Dez was the last thing on my list of wishes. “Netania and I aren't going to Fexorrous with Dez,” Jacknell finally blurted then waited for a response.
Who were they going with, then? How could they leave me alone with him in a land of horrors? The shock subsided when an idea manifested itself: I would be going with them. It was preferable to face Netania's lies and I actually enjoyed Jacknell's company.
“June, I cannot allow Dez to be in such proximity to Netania anymore. Her memories of our life before the House have started to progress. He always holds her back and keeps her from reaching her purpose, from being happy and feeling useful.” She was the woman he had spoken of that day in his studio.
“So the woman is alive after all?”
“She had been dead inside before you arrived.” The news wasn't a big surprise, although there had been doubts. It was clear in the way he spoke to and of her, in the way they looked at each other. “Netania agreed to go with me and start a new life. We don't owe him anything more. If someone can find Cora and your parents, it's him. Netania and I are useless to him.”
“Not to me.”
Hearing his words felt like being abandoned, yet again. “To you as well. You are equal to, possibly, more powerful than Dez. Anyone but the right person is in the way of you growing into your abilities. Besides, it will do you good to learn more about your grandfather. He is the only one who can come close to understanding you.” All expected greatness from me because a moment of triumph had expanded into the possibility of tomorrow. With the end of the days of their tomorrows, the moment's anticipation grew. Bringing Dez back hadn't been my doing, at least not only mine. Even if he had awakened only because of me, all I had done was show up at the House. I understood there was something within me, it burned with passion for life, for knowledge, but it was not greatness. It was a simple drive to live.
As the day progressed news about Gilcome's state became less frequent. The man who had tried to heal me was called in the room several times. Controller Hed was also called in. By the time she had made an appearance, Dez had joined me outside the room. He positioned himself next to me. The Controller walked inside and I focused on trying not to acknowledge his presence. “Doesn’t this feel like a distraction?” Dez asked, loud enough for me to hear. As much as I wanted to ignore him, his thoughts offered an answer wishing to be explored.
“Why?”
“There's blood on your clothes, yet you don't know why. Where were you yesterday? Gilcome was with you, wasn’t he? Yet Gilcome has been in bed since the accident. He is giving us a chance; permission to leave.”
“A chance you say? A chance for us to leave the Council. You would leave him here?”
“Definitely!” His words were harsh and unapologetic. “Gilcome is not suited for Fexorrous in this state. If by a great miracle Netania and the healers are able to re-calibrate his energy, most likely his body will be tied to a bed for the rest of his life—sorry, but I don't want to raise your hopes.” Dez’ words could never raise my hopes, even if he tried. “He wants us to go, June. Yesterday, Gilcome found a combination of phrases used to open a portal to Fexorrous. The Controller surprised him searching through her documents, thus the reason for his fall. She failed to notice he had taken the portal elements along with a set of instructions—not needed, in my opinion, as I have opened plenty of portals to, and from, Fexorrous in the past, to many other places as well.” Dez boasted. After scratching his beard he looked upwards and examined my expressions. “Something he said troubles me—Gilcome asked, as a favor, that you would read the instructions to open the portal. For some reason he believed that you did not want to go to Fexorrous. He begged me to take you, by force if necessary. I set his mind at ease by reminding him that there were people who needed you at Fexorrous. You want to help them, isn’t that the truth, June?” The bitter sound of his words melted into sadness. Looking at his appearance, the lonesome feeling that hugged him was evident. Dez missed his land, though he didn’t say. He missed Cora and damned himself for every injustice she experienced, because it was his fault. Dez had doomed his family and his land. Going back to Fexorrous would prove that he was willing to fight for those loyal to him, those he had once left behind to die in the hands of whom he thought to be an unjust ruler.
Controller Hed exited into the hall and allowed Dez to visit Gilcome. She had relived me from having to give an answer. My feelings about Fexorrous had never been consistent. Gilcome had infected me with doubt, he was good at that and I encouraged him. Living with myself would never be possible knowing that there had been a time when I had the power to exhaust all measures, but instead my head had filled with doubts. Dez’ misfortunes reminded me that people brought on their own fates. We are responsible for every path taken, for every decision, for every answer given and we must be able to accommodate the consequences. Everything that happens in our lives, we deserve.
Dez walked out of the room after a few minutes. The other healers and Netania followed. She approached me cautiously, not knowing whether or not to speak. She closed her eyes and hugged me. “I'm sorry.” Netania whispered, “There's nothing else I can do.” Having her to comfort me made me feel strong. “Gilcome asked to see you. Your name hasn't left his lips.” Netania felt the uncertainty within me. Her face offered guidance, “You have to June, don’t do that to him, you must see him.”
I shook my head, in tears and hugged her tightly, “I don't want to say goodbye.” To see him on his death bed would destroy me.
“Then don't say it, don't say anything if you don’t want to. He needs to see you. It will make him happy.” Why did he deserve to be happy now when his happiness could not erase the vile feeling which kept me from breathing? Standing in-front of the white door, it occurred to me that Gilcome's last moment of happiness could ruin the rest of my life. I was to be the last one to see him, his last memory. He wanted to die in my arms. My presence would allow him to be at peace, leaving me restless. Finally, I twisted the doorknob and a tear led the way of my feelings as it collided down against the ground.
The walk to the bed was long. Every step tempted me to run back. Gilcome laid motionless, with eyes half opened and a tired stare. The starlight peeked through an open circumference on the wall, highlighting the dark purple spot that spread into the side of his neck and face. The rest of his body was covered with a white sheet. Gilcome smiled the way he always smiled at me, a smile difficult to explain; proud and intriguing.
The firm weakness of his voice begged, “Don't look away.” My hand had been resting by the side of the bed and he grabbed it when I wouldn’t face him. Gilcome pressed his fingers against the palm of my hand as he had done in The Sanctuary. The stare slowly heated my face. Quickly, his grip strengthened when I tried to let go. “June—” The last words were about to follow. Defeat was the reaper.
“Don’t. Fight it, Gilcome. Please, Gilcome, fight it. Don’t go. You were right—”
“—I know I was but remind me why?” He laughed.
“You can’t leave, you can’t.” I knelt down closer to him. Gilcome was the only one left. Life without him would be quiet, joyless and full of regrets. His absence equaled my damnation because just like Dez, there were feelings in me which questioned the nature of his injuries.
“From your lips, tell me why I can’t leave, June. Maybe I can reconsider.” Again, he laughed and I sobbed because he had no concern for my sorrow and the mourning left for me to take upon. Gilcome closed his eyes and murmured, “Why don’t you want me to rest peacefully?” With him, Gilcome was taking all the peace in me.
“That day, in The Sanctuary...” My throat tightened, “I regret leaving you. Gilcome, I’m so sorry.”
“Wha
t sanctuary?” He studied my face with a narrow stare.
“You were there. There were trees and blue-flower buds. Don’t you remember?” My imagination could not have gone as far as having a one sided conversation or an argument with an imaginary being. He had been there.
“Have you been dreaming of me? Is that it, June?” Having me confirm it would have pleased him. To hear that my mind created scenes in which we were together, sounded like victory bells to him. The bells of hell rang louder in my ears.
“No. It was real—I should leave.” The severity of his state had gone unnoticed.
“Wait.” In between shallow coughs, he called in desperation. “Don't leave yet. Would you promise me something?”
“What good can a promise do, Gilcome?” If the promise could not be kept? But it was Gilcome who was asking, therefore he knew what to ask for.
“Promise you will remember me. The core of the universe will know of me then.”
The coldness of his skin asked for warmth. I walked back to the bed and sat on by his side, carefully. Death had taken ownership of the sheets and intended in doing so to his body but not to him because I was close; too close to see the brightness which burned in his eyes. “The universe will know of me.” A tear escaped his left eye and disappeared into the white pillow. “I will exist in your mind so that you can remember me. Don’t cry, I won’t give you time to miss me.” With a smile his eyes closed. I stood by his side, staring, trying to see beneath; knowing he was no longer there. The healers removed me from the room, insisting on allowing him to rest. Though the body remained with life, his spirit had flown out into space in search of mine. The healers said there was energy in him, trying to offer me hope. Yet, the remaining energy wasn’t his energy at all, it was traces of mine. When he squeezed my hand in fear of not being remembered, in fear of death, he extracted from me all feelings of fear. Gilcome knew that only fear could obstruct my way. It wasn’t just any fear, it was all my fears, my self-doubt. He made me fearless because my biggest fears had come to pass.
***
The members were given quarters next to one another. Dez knocked on our doors immediately after, in a rush. He had made preparations to open a portal, without Controller Hed's consent. He didn't need her consent either way, Dez was her Creator. A Creator doesn't bow down to his subjects, he must be firm.
Netania and Jacknell continued their plan to separate from Dez and his, to-be, bloodthirsty quest. Her life would resume from the limbo state nurtured by the House, next to Jacknell. For many years Netania was no one, unable to reach her own spirit. She had allowed the House to suppress her dreams and hopes but now, finally, she would discover herself. My aunt was a mystery to her own self. Living the life of a stranger results shocking when the stranger awakens. There are strangers within us all, she had encountered one of hers. Both had to live in one, until more were identified and could complete her being. Jacknell would help the process and keep her mind fresh because obsessions lead to insanity loops, terminated only by complete madness. The self is interesting and vital. Understanding it is a gift, but coming to terms with our thoughts, actions and beliefs, overtime, becomes a process that drowns us in a pit filled with the strangers’ blood. Netania was lost within, because the stranger wanted her to believe they had known each other forever. The stranger was correct. The turmoil of the self is greater than any other because the self lives in chaos, while searching for peace. Within peace there can only be found peace. I imagined the walkway of chaos was long, wide and wondered if somewhere in it, although not likely, peace could thrive.
When Dez left us, Jacknell looked at me. Then he hugged me and wished for my strength to develop. In his eyes no one deserved to be left in the charge of Dez. Having met him, we all felt the same. But everyone chooses their path in life. Sometimes we must follow others to reach the unpaved land. Jacknell and Netania had reached it, now they just had to pave their road.
At that moment, Dez and I only had each other. Hopes of reuniting with the rest of our family, were only hopes. Faithless hopes.
Alone, in the room, I thought of food. The members and I had not eaten since our arrival. We didn’t have the need, or any need for that matter. The Halls nurtured our bodies to maintain our spiritual connections. Hunger and thirst were no more, but I missed sleep and the feeling of tiredness. I did not have the need to rest and so my actions felt robotic, like that of the Controller and the rest of Existence’s residents.
A disturbance of thought marched through the corridor where we had been relocated to.
The strength of their footprints paraded through the length of the room. The noise stopped and the walls of the room became clear allowing sight of the commotion. A guard had been appointed to each door in the corridor. A bolting sound shook the barriers:
“Code Gray! Maintain visibility until target has been acquired. I repeat, Code Gray.”
Dez was allowed out of his room and ran towards mine. He argued with the guard in front of my door, as his entrance to my room was prohibited. The glass thickened and kept their voices out. Dez pointed to me and the guard fixed his eyes on me. He tried to hide the inexperience that was implied by the young appearance. A dark, red robe covered his legs loosely and was adjusted by a wide, leather belt that rested on his waist. It matched the band on his forehead which kept his black hair pulled back. With both hands he held a long, engraved cane, his grip tightened from time to time. Dez had noticed the weapon, for a second his attention focused on it, then he looked away trying not to emphasize his interest. Dez pointed to the back of the guard’s neck, then extended his arms up. The guard felt intimidated by Dez’ remarks of creation, so he bowed and let him in.
“June, we must go.” As he spoke, the wall separating my room from Netania’s cleared into the thick glass and Dez exhaled with relief. From his pocket he took a silver box and a glass flask. The box was laid on the floor. After having breathed into the flask containing a black liquid, he doused the box with its contents. The silver box opened and began spinning the air around it. Dez signaled her to let herself in my room. Jacknell had joined her. “We must go. The portal won't hold much time—what are they waiting for?”
She looked at him with sadness and guilt, but Jacknell was there to stand by her wishes. He tapped the glass and pointed to the guard on our door, whom had noticed the formation of Dez’ gravity field. The man panicked and banged the door repeatedly, but it wouldn’t open.
“Go!” Netania mouthed, followed by “I love you.”
Dez called her name but she couldn't hear. He placed his hands on the glass separating us, Netania did the same. Then she lowered her hand and turned away as I pulled Dez’ jacket. "We have to go, Dez. They want to stay."
The guard pressed the alarm code and raised his weapon as a warning. Dez pushed a button on the side of the box, and the gravitational force became stronger. The guard gave a flip to the cane and as it fell into his hands, a slim sharp metal extended from the bottom. With it, he carved out a piece of the glass. Dez noticed and sent an energy wave towards the guard, pushing his body away from the room. The magnetism from the box pulled us in closer. I snatched a bag Netania had prepared for me and hung it across my body. “Dez, they’re coming.” The footsteps came back, an army of them. Their shadows, painted the corridor red.
“Hold on.” There wasn’t any time to hold on. The young guard had recovered his balance and was now charging towards us.
“He’s coming, Dez!”
“Jump,” Dez yelled. As I stepped both feet in, the young guard burst into the room with his weapon raised against Dez. Strained by the guard, Dez managed to push me deeper into the portal and I fell through, without him.
Chapter Ten
A thick fog floated slowly from in-between the trees. Like a scared child, it approached me and drove me closer to the warmth of the setting star rays. The portal’s opening had long closed, there was no going back. Nightly shades had begun to color the sky, when a ringing of bells startled m
e. The sound came from a towering structure visible in the distance, at the center of two peaks. Ear-piercing screams followed the ringing and a multitude of cries accompanied the cold, moist air. A stench of rotten flesh flowed in and around the trees, clinging to my nose.
Darkness evened out over the sky and a glimmer of light sparkled at the foot of the tower. The ringing of the bells returned, followed by ailing calls and the putrid smell of blood infused with pus. Then, quietness. Even the wind paused for a second, but then sped through the branches. It was then when the scariest of all noises came, the soft crushing of dried leaves: footprints. By the echo, I figured there were two of them. Carefully, I rose, trying not to give out my location but our paths were joined and it was a matter of seconds before they would find me. I searched through the bag, wishing Netania had packed the dagger Jacknell had gifted me. Dark tree shades made it impossible to find anything and I, quickly realized, looking for the dagger was useless. The thought of separating someone’s skin with it was non-existent, using it was out of the question. My best bet was to remain motionless, hoping not to be noticed. The bag fell, hanging from my shoulder. As I stepped to the side of the tree, the full force of a man pinned me against its trunk.
“Oh June! For greatness, I’ve found you.” He stumbled on the tree branches as he hugged me. A sigh of relief escaped him and safety reigned for a few seconds. We squatted between the trees searching for wood to build a fire. The ringing of the bells began once more. Dez’ face hardened and he closed his eyes deeply, trying to ignore their screams. But even when their cries for help had evaporated from the air, a mist of anguish remained.
“The bells mark every hour. Every hour marks a death show. The screams are not from those physically suffering, but from their loved ones.”
“How can people gather to watch such a thing? How can people stand to live under corruption and fear?”
“That’s why we are here. Not everyone is a leader, the people need guidance and most of all, hope. They are all broken. All those years ago, I thought my absence would allow Lord Seb Creat to grow into a fair leader. I thought the torturing of those who knew me, would end.” Dez handed me a few twigs. “Those ripped from an evil core want to spread roots, even if they are fed pure water.” When we had gathered enough logs, I set them together. Dez began mumbling words to his fire-calling spell. “I should have written my callings somewhere.” He ran his hand through his head and assured me he was on the right track. “What was that last word? It started with an…ugh. Maybe an…agh?”