by Stacy Borel
She let a small smile show. “Good. Do you want me to be there when you tell him?”
I shook my head. “Nah. I think it’ll be okay. We kind of did this alone, I should probably let him know without any spectators. Besides, if he starts yelling, I’d rather be the one he takes it out on.”
“He’s not going to yell at me.”
“You don’t know that. But I think I need a little bit of privacy. I know that sounds shitty, but if I had a hard time accepting this, then I know he will too.”
I knew she understood exactly what I was trying to say by the look on her face.
“Okay, I’ll head home. The pup needs to be fed and I’m sure the larger beast does too.” She got up and walked to the door. Just before she opened it she paused. “Listen, Macie, I know this isn’t going to be easy, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. I will always be here for you. You need me any time, day or night, I will be here. I love you like you are a sister to me. You are a sister to me.”
I was getting teary.
“Please believe me when I say this. I know that telling Dodger isn’t going to be easy for you, but I truly feel in my heart that he will be okay with it. He’s a reasonable man. He still loves you, you know that, right? He never stopped loving you. No matter what happens when you tell him, give him the time to let the news settle in, and then both of you come together to figure out what you think will be best for you and this new little nugget.” She gave me a tender look, and her eyes appeared glassy. “I hope you know that baby is already loved so much by me.” A small sniffle came out of her. “I’m going to spoil him or her rotten.”
I wiped at my eyes and looked at my friend in complete awe. She was right. And how accepting she already was, was incredible. How I could have expected anything less from her, I didn’t even know.
“I love you.”
“Love you too.”
As she opened the door, I said, “I’ll let you know how it goes.”
“Eep! I’m gonna be an aunt.” Keegan chirped just before she closed the door.
I shook my head. That girl . . . smiling, I got up from the couch and went up to my room. My parents were gone to some benefit golf game, and later there would be a gala. They wouldn’t be home until late.
Deciding to run some bath water, to relax my previously frazzled nerves, I figured it would be a good time to send a message to Dodger. Bubbles, and a candle in the corner, I undressed and sunk down into the warm water. I checked the time on my phone and thought about where he probably was right now. He’d likely be packing up to head home from the gym. I’d give it a few minutes to think about what I was going to say, and to ensure that he was probably in his car and not anywhere near stupid bitches.
I sighed and closed my eyes. I wondered if Dodger and Dana had ever done anything. I was fairly certain he had never had sex with her, but I wasn’t as positive that they hadn’t fooled around. Frankly, I wasn’t sure I even wanted to know. I’d probably throw up and not from morning sickness.
I gave myself a short reprieve before I picked up my phone and pulled up Dodger’s name. Sitting with the text screen open, I tried to think of what I was going to say.
Me: Hey. R U busy tomorrow afternoon?
I hit send and sat with the bubbles dissipating around me. My screen lit up and I got a message back.
Dodger: Yeah. I’m free after five.
I exhaled a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
Me: K. Do u mind if I stop by shortly after?
Dodger: No. Everything ok
Me: Kinda. Just have some things to talk to u about
Dodger: Sounds ominous
Me: Eh. We’ll chat tomorrow.
Poor guy, I actually felt bad for him.
Dodger: Mace everything ok? I can come right now if you need to talk
Me: NO
I put in all caps, so it sounded to shouty but, if he showed up on my door step, I wouldn’t answer the door. I wasn’t ready to tell him. Not just yet.
Me: Sorry. Didn’t mean to yell. I’m ok and it can wait til tomorrow
Dodger: You have me worried
Me: Don’t be
Not sure if that was exactly a lie, but there was no prepping him for it so I might as well let him have one more night of being in the dark.
Dodger: K. Well if you need me I’m here. I’ll come anytime
That last text made me smile and gave me a small little flutter in my tummy. That was the sweet sided Dodger I knew and loved.
Me: Thanks *winky face*
I didn’t have anything else to say. Another text came through.
Dodger: It was nice hearing from you
I had no clue how to respond to that, so I didn’t. Instead, I pulled the plug from the tub and let the water drain. It may have been an asshole thing for me to not say anything back, but I knew getting too emotional wasn’t the best idea. I had to keep myself detached. Dodger would be a good father, if he chose to step forward and support his baby, that much I was certain. But as far as anything more between us, that really wasn’t in our cards. I’d walked. I knew deep down, if given the chance, he’d take me back. But at this point, I wasn’t sure if I went back to him, it would be for the baby, or for myself.
Chapter Four
TIME HAS NEVER MOVED so slowly before in my life. I was extremely restless from a lack of sleep the night before, and here I sat, with still an hour before I was meeting up with Dodger. I was chugging water and half-caff coffee like it was going out of style. I felt grumpy. I’d tossed and turned on my overly comfortable bed pondering all the ways today would go down. But I knew that none those scenarios were likely to happen. Dodger was different. He was my constant, yet very unpredictable when it came to certain things.
My morning was spent primping and putting on several different outfits. My poor bedroom looked like a tornado ripped through it. Whatever I put on either didn’t look quite right or didn’t fit. I certainly didn’t have a visible baby belly, but things were getting tight. Why, oh why, were most of my clothes fitted? Fortunately, I found a pretty floral print top in the back of my closet that was loose. Still had tags on it, and I remember it was an impulse buy. At least floral was in style at the moment so, yay for that. Leggings, knee high boots, and a messy bun completed my ensemble enough to satisfy me. I had no clue why I wanted to feel pretty for Dodger, but I did. Like it was going to make telling him the news better. Just like matching a bra to underwear, it always made my day a little brighter.
“Argh! This is insane,” I growled to myself.
I looked at the clock again. I’d been sitting in the kitchen for the last hour trying to figure out the precise words that would hopefully not bring the poor guy to his knees. Didn’t matter what came out of my mouth, nothing I said was going to sound good. I still had thirty minutes before I needed to head out but I couldn’t sit here any longer. I decided it was time to head to the gym. Getting up, I started toward the door. Glancing at myself in the mirror that hung in the entryway, I swiped down the front of my shirt brushing away nonexistent fuzz, and wiping a little gloss away from the corner of my mouth. Grabbing my keys, I walked out.
The drive to the gym was short and sweet. And for the first time in my life, I think, I was early for something. I still had fifteen minutes to wait. I was certain if I walked in there right now, Dodger would know right away something was up. I did a quick scan of the cars in the parking lot like I had the other night. For the most part it was the same vehicles. But I noticed Dana’s car was missing. Hmmm, must not be working tonight.
Thank God.
I found a spot and got out. When I walked inside I noted that Camden was sitting off to the left in a corner helping and older man with his form. When he saw me, the look on his face told me that he knew why I was here. He gave me a tentative smile with a tilt of his head. Keegan must’ve told him, which I shouldn’t have expected anything less. At least I knew Camden wouldn’t be the type to tip his brother off. It was my news to te
ll, and he’d leave me to it. He likely had some things he’d like to say to me about all of this, but I had no plans to head in his direction to strike up conversation. Instead, I kept my forward momentum to the back where the PT office was.
I walked past several gym patrons lifting weights and stretching. This place always had such a distinct smell to it. It was a mix of plastic gym mats, sweat, and something else I couldn’t put my finger on. It wasn’t a gross smell or anything, but it was familiar and brought me comfort. The gym had been open for quite a long time, although Camden had replaced almost all of the equipment that was here when his dad owned it. I’d been in here more times than I could count. It had become another home to me, but when I’d broken up with Dodger, I stopped coming here and started using the gym at my parents’ country club and the hospital. Everything looked pretty much the same besides the new faces.
The physical therapy space in the back was a single room. The boys walled it off after Dodger graduated college and became certified. The door was currently closed, but I knew there wasn’t anybody else behind it besides him at the moment. I raised my hand to knock. Here goes nothing. I rapped three times.
The door opened. Seeing him standing in front of me was like a breath of fresh air and an ice pick straight through my heart all at the same time. He was stood tall with his brown hair slightly messy. I noticed it had been a while since he’d gotten it cut. Wonder if he was growing it out for some new style he may be trying. Either way it looked good. When his baby blue eyes caught mine and that crooked beautiful smile of his tipped up to acknowledge me, my heart oddly felt full and picked up its pace. Dodger did this to me every time. I tried so hard over the few years I’d known him to hide what he did to me, but it was futile. He always saw right through me. Avoidance with him had been key.
“Hi, Macie.”
The way he said my name made me want to fall into his arms. I straightened my shoulders and did what I always do. I picked.
“Dodger,” I coolly greeted. “You just get back from being somebody’s golf caddie or is this the new uniform you force yourself to wear?”
That earned me a grin from ear to ear. He stepped aside and swept his hand forward as if to say please come in. “Your wit is quick, but we both know you’re not here to trade insults.”
I walked past him and entered the room. There was a black leather bed that could shift and break down to assist patients on the left side of the room. A tall green plant was in the corner, while another green plant was in the opposite corner, near Dodger’s desk. There wasn’t much in the way of decoration in here besides two sports photos of him standing next to Aaron Rogers, Green Bay’s Quarterback, and Derek Jeter, a retired Yankee. His college diploma was nicely framed by the bed. He equally split the room between office and patient rehab.
I sat as gracefully as I could on one of the two chairs sitting in front of Dodger’s large desk. He was still behind me and I hadn’t heard him move from where he was standing at the door.
“No, I didn’t,” I replied.
The door closed. “Well, clearly something big is up if you’re here. After your text last night, I had a hard time getting any sleep. So, please, put me out of my misery and tell me what you needed to talk to me about.”
I sighed. Spill it. There’s really no other way around it. Simply say the words so the man can start working through this like I have been. I sat there.
I heard him approach me from behind. He came around to my line of sight and leaned back against his desk, slightly sitting on it. The way he carried himself was really something. Like how I envisioned a million-dollar mogul would. Confident and charismatic.
“Mace, come on. It’s me. Whatever it is, I’m here and I’m listening.”
Yeah, except it’s a little more complicated than that.
I swallowed. “It’s not that easy.”
“Hey.” He demanded my eyes.
I looked up, and concern was etched in his features.
“I’m sure that whatever it is, it’s not that big of a deal and we can figure it out. I’ll help you figure it out. Okay? But you gotta tell me. The way you’re looking at me right now is a little disconcerting.”
That gorgeous face of his was about to morph into something I’d probably never seen on him before. Hate, disgust, anger. The words started to form on my lips. I braced myself in the chair like I would if I saw a speeding car coming at me on the highway head on.
“Something’s happened.”
He stayed silent.
My hands gripped the arms of the chair a bit harder, my nails biting into the underside of the wood. “This isn’t easy for me to just come out and say what I need to say, but I feel that it is only fair to you, to let you know.”
Really, that was the biggest hint I could have given him besides handing him some sort of baby onesie and expecting him to put the pieces together. Had this been a joyful announcement, I’m sure that’s the way I would have gone. Jesus Christ, this office was hot. I felt sweat forming just around my hair line. The way he was watching me after my small insight, he appeared stoic and still clueless.
“Let me know what, Macie? I may be good with charades, but I’m totally not following you.”
“About a month ago I started to feel . . . I don’t know. Sort of off.”
“Off how?”
“Well, I was tired all the time, my body hurt, food wouldn’t settle right with me.”
“Have you seen a doctor?” He sat a little more forward.
“I’ve spoken to one, but I haven’t been seen just yet.”
“If you’re still feeling like that, then maybe you need to make an appointment.”
I shook my head. “No, you’re not understanding.”
“Understanding what? I mean, I know you don’t like needles and all that, and I’m sure they will likely do some blood work, but I could be there to hold your hand if you need me to.”
I put my palm up in the air and said, “Dodger, stop. Okay. Just stop. I’m not freaking out about a little fucking needle. And I don’t need anyone to hold my hand.”
His brows came together. “Then what does all of this have to do with me, Macie? You’re going to have to come out and say it because I’m clearly not reading between the lines, nor am I in the mood for your games.”
“Games?”
“Yeah, games. I thought you wanted to talk. And so far all you’ve done is talk circles. You haven’t spoken to me since the wedding, you don’t come over to my parents’ house anymore, and then you text me out of the blue saying that you needed me. I’m here, but you’re not being your usual forward self. So whatever it is, just come out with it. Otherwise, I would like to get home and take a shower. I’ve had a long day.”
Your day is about to get a little longer.
“I’m pregnant.”
In the moment, blurting it seemed like the right answer. But, as the seconds ticked by, and I watched his face morph from confused, then to shock, then to pondering, then to something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, I wasn’t so sure my brashness was the way to go. Not that there really was any other way to soften the blow. Dodger was never really an aloof person. I couldn’t always read his every emotion, but right now, staring at him I could practically read the words rolling through his head like he was an illustrator drawing me pictures.
Breaking the silence, I spoke his name. “Dodger . . . please say something.”
He tilted his head slightly, still having a mental battle with himself. “Who is it.”
Confused I said, “What? Who’s who?”
He held his hand out in front of him, palm up waving it back and forth. “Who’s the person that did this to you?”
My mouth dropped open. I was tired and really didn’t care to keep up the façade that I was going to make this as easy on him as possible. A small giggle bubbled up my throat, even though it wasn’t funny.
“Shit on a stick, Dodger. Are you really that dense?”
“Dense abo
ut what?”
I started ticking off my fingers. “Let’s see. I said about a month ago I was feeling crappy. I learned that I was knocked up. Since it takes about six weeks to feel like I’d been hit by a MAC truck, I’d calculate that this little incident occurred, ohhhh, about the time of the wedding.”
His eyes went wide. “The wedding.”
“Yes.”
He stood up and plopped down on the chair beside mine. Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees. “But we . . . we used protection.”
“No we didn’t.”
He glanced at me. “You sure?”
“Sure enough that I’m now in this predicament and carrying half of your DNA.”
He shot a pissed off look at me. “Don’t joke, Macie. This isn’t the time.”
I stood up. “You see me laughing?”
He closed his eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be so abrasive. I’m just . . . not sure what to do with this information. Give me a minute to process.”
I let him sit there with his thoughts and waited for him to say something else to me. I wandered around his small office space. I inspected that leaves on his plants, straightened his hanging frames that were likely already level, and tried to figure out his PT table. That sucker looked complicated. By the time he spoke to me again, his voice made me jump.
“So, the baby . . . it’s mine?”
As much as that question grated my nerves, he had every right to ask. We’d not been a couple for a long time, and our one night together resulted in some pretty big consequences. He had no clue about my personal life anymore unless Keegan kept him up to speed. I didn’t really picture Dodger asking any questions though.
“Yes. I’ve not been with anybody since you. And before the wedding, it was only you.”
He jerked back. “Nobody?”
“No.”
“Macie, we hadn’t been together for over a year. You’re telling me you’ve not had sex with anyone in that time?”
I rolled my eyes. “For fuck’s sake, Dodger. Is it really that hard to believe that I am capable of being celibate?”