by H. Q. Frost
me. I hope she buys this bullshit.
"I don't remember." She sounds like she's trying to remember.
"Hey, listen, are you home?" My fingers cross, hoping she's not.
"No. Why? You want to get together?"
"Yeah I do, but you're not home so it's cool. Call me this weekend?"
"I can be home in like forty minutes." She sounds desperate and it's kind of pathetic.
"Shit, I only had about an hour."
"What about Saturday? Are you free Saturday?"
"Uh. I might be. Give me a call."
"Okay." Now she's switching from scorned to flirty; girls are too easy.
"Hey, you think I can park at your house for a few? Like thirty, forty minutes. I'm down the street from your place now, that's why I was hoping you're home." I'm actually sitting in her driveway.
"Oh now? Damn, I wish I was home."
"Yeah, me too." I roll my eyes.
Kurt's laughing again; he knows my fake charm voice.
"You can park there. You think you'll be there when I get home?"
"If I am you should invite me in."
"You know I will." She's giggly and it's annoying.
"Thanks, Maria."
"Anything for—"
I hang up before she finishes.
"Let's go." I get out of the car and wave Abner into the
driveway to park behind me. "We have thirty minutes," I tell them; I want to be gone before she gets home.
"How you want to do this?" Big D asks.
"Yeah, what if he's not a fighter? It's not like we can just start a bar fight and expect him to be down, and what if his friends jump in?" Kyle's all kinds of antsy.
"There's only one stall in this place. If we keep the stall occupied he'll have to go outside to piss."
"What are the odds he's gonna piss in thirty minutes?" Abner huffs.
"Don't worry about the thirty minutes thing." I'm getting annoyed that I didn't think this through. "So some of us inside, some outside."
"Outside." Big D raises his hand. "I'm not drinking until later and I'm sweatier than Kurt's mom's pussy right now."
"Dude!" Kurt grumbles while the rest of us laugh.
"Big D outside."
"Why do you think he'll piss outside?" Kurt brings up a valid point.
"Because you're going to get him piss drunk."
"I am? Why me?"
"It gives you the least involvement but at least you've contributed."
"I want to knock some skulls," Abner says. I think Abner might know 'the girl' that I didn't name and said was just a friend is actually El.
"I don't know if there's cameras in here. I don't want any of us on camera then seen following him outside." I'm looking around them collectively for a better idea.
"I'll go in for a beer and I'll break the toilet," Kyle says. "After I tell someone what I did I'm gonna get the hell out of there. I won't join in unless I'm needed and I'll stay out of sight of the chump so he doesn't recognize me when he comes into the alley."
"So I'll be waiting outside with Big D then," Abner says.
"And I'm spending my money on a rapist son of a fuck pig who I want to sodomize with a hot poker," Kurt bitches.
I pull out my wallet and push a hundred dollars at him. "Don't be a noob."
"I ain't a fuckin' noob!" Kurt scoffs. "I got this shit under control."
"Just don't be suspicious, man."
"I got this! But I think I'll need more than a
hundo. He was with a few other friends and I don't want this to come off as a gay thing."
I huff rolling my eyes and start walking toward the bar.
"So you want all their numbers?" Big D laughs deeply and grabs Kurt's ass.
We all suspect Big D might swing both ways but none of us are stupid enough to ever ask. Kurt's bitching about Big D groping him and we're laughing.
"Alright, shut the fuck up." I push another hundred at Kurt as we're standing on the side of the bar.
"So what're you gonna do? You're outside?" Kurt asks me.
"I'm comin' in with you and Kyle. All three of us are getting a few drinks. Our friend Kyle here is going to break the toilet then leave and we're going to humiliate him. When douche bag goes to piss I'm gonna go with him, then we're going to beat the shit out of him and I'm going to go back in the bar suggesting someone call an ambulance, or the morgue, either one."
"Dude," Abner huffs because he doesn't like this idea. "You're gonna get caught, man. Why can't you just wait outside with us?"
I don't know why I can't. I just want to see the fuck. I want to be face to face with him. I want to get him comfortable, happy, and then I want to rip all that away
from him by shoving my fist down his throat.
"Justin, don't be a cock. He'll ID you." Kurt's annoyed too.
I really didn't think this plan through. "I just want to be face to face," I admit as my flesh gets hot with anger. "Fuck," I grunt almost punching the wall of the building but I pull myself together before breaking my hand. "I want him to know it's me." I'm getting more irrational as the plan goes on.
"Alright, simmer down." Abner grabs my arm and pulls me to the back of the building.
"Fuck this fucking guy," I growl. My head hurts
because I'm so tense right now.
"Yeah, fuck him. Me and Big D are going to fuck him up bad. I wouldn't tell you no if you asked me to kill him."
I look at him; he definitely knows it was El.
"If you want to go in then go in, but if you want to help me and Big D then you need to stay outside. You can't do both. You're not going to go to jail for this piece of shit, you can't leave El, man." He puts his hand on my shoulder and I don't know what to do, my brain's telling me to stay in because I'll kill him.
"Let's go fuckers!" Kurt calls and I flip him off.
"I'll stay in," I say and Abner looks at me skeptically. He knows exactly how intense I can get but when it comes to El I just might get stupider than I've ever gotten.
"I'm cool," I lie.
"Justin, if you start a bar fight and you kill this guy even out of self-defense you're still done for."
"I'm cool, man!" I snap and head toward the front of the bar.
"Let's go," Abner says to Big D.
Big D looks at me and nods reassuringly. "We'll fuck him up good."
"Thanks, man." I'm staring at my hands trying to think about El to calm down.
We're rounding the corner to go in and the only thing I can think about right now is what happened to her though. Fuck. I remember how scared she was. Her swollen face.
The blood. Fuck! I punch the wood door breaking it.
"Dude!" Kurt grabs me, throwing me around the corner and I fall.
"Justin, calm the fuck down!" Kyle says looking around frantically.
"You wait in the fuckin' car!" Kurt's bitching at me. "I'm fuckin' serious. Go. Get the fuck out of here. I know this tool fucked with your girl but you going to
jail for this isn't worth it!"
"Your girl?" Kyle jerks to look at me. "He did this to El?"
I'm still sitting on the ground and I lower my head. I really didn't want this out. I know she doesn't want it out.
"Fuck." Kyle holds his hand out pulling me up. "I'm sorry." He's gripping my shoulder tightly. "You gotta keep cool. You know Big D won't let you down. You can't get involved, Justin. You need to stay out of it. I think you
should wait in the car."
"I'm not waiting in the car!" I snap, pushing his hand off me. "I'm cool."
"You really need to be cool. I can't let you do this if you're not all together."
"I'm cool!"
We walk around the corner and I look at the door. This is just the first door to the building. Once you step inside there's a heavy metal door you have to go through to get into this shit hole. We step in and there're about six people in here. My heart is fucking pounding. Kurt heads straight to the bar and I go into the bathroom. I have to
calm down because I'm ready to start throwing chairs and shove a chair leg into this guy's chest.
My phone beeps and when I pull it from my pocket I see it's El. Of course she's fucking texting me right now, it's like she knows. She'd kill me if she knew I was doing this.
I open the text and it's a picture of her holding a mangy puppy but the smile on her face is fucking priceless. I wonder if Jacks bought this for her.
JUSTIN: That dog is mangy as hell ZP, you make him look good though. You get a puppy?
EL: It's a girl and no :( Ian won't let me, he says I have you
This makes me laugh out loud and the fact that she told me, that actually makes me happy that she's not worried about us hating each other anymore. I'm not saying shit won't change, we might be at each other's throats again, but right now things are straight.
JUSTIN: You already buy enough dog food to feed Ian,
you can't afford another bitch. Send me another picture, one
of just you, keep Ian out of this one.
EL: You guys are dorks. I miss you B. Know what would make me the happiest princess in all the land?
JUSTIN: What Zombie Princess?
EL: If you stayed the night.
JUSTIN: You know I can't do that. Maybe once you become my Zombie QUEEN
EL: What are those requirements?
JUSTIN: Marriage
I can't stop grinning and now I'm pissing holding my phone in my left hand and I feel like such an idiot but she makes me insanely happy.
EL: You're angering this Zombie Princess. Don't forget I bite
JUSTIN: I'll never forget
I walk into the bar and my main man has got this shit in the bag already. Kurt has already engaged in conversation with the fuck head and his pals. Kyle stands when I approach the bar.
"Bathroom clear?" he asks me.
"All clear," I say and sit next to Kurt; I can't look at the fuck.
My phone vibrates. It's a picture of El holding a kitten and it's captioned 'be my daddy'. I laugh aloud and Kurt looks over but I don't look at him.
She texts again.
EL: I want him! Please!!!???? Please Please Please Pleasepleaeplaease PLEASE!
I'm assuming Jacks told her she can't have this cat at the condo. Dick. This will get her to my place more though, but I'd rather pick one out with her.
JUSTIN: Can't we go cat shopping together this weekend?
EL: B! These need to be rescued. They're going to be put to sleep
:( Don't make me cry.
As I'm reading this she sends another picture of her making a pouty face still holding the cat and just to the right of her head I see Jacks's middle finger.
JUSTIN: Get the cat
EL: I love you, I love you! Thank you. You've made me a happy PRINCESS (not queen) again.
JUSTIN: Anything for my Zombie Princess (that will be my QUEEN one day even if I hire a fake minister)
I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm going fucking crazy. This girl makes me crazy. The idea that her and I should have a fake wedding for my friends and family is seriously a predominant thought in my head right now and I can't seem to knock it out.
EL: B don't go crazy on me
JUSTIN: You make me crazy, mental home crazy
EL: You do belong in a mental home. I'm going to pay for Herbert right now. I'll bring him over tomorrow.
JUSTIN: NO fucking way El! We are not naming our cat child Herbert. I won't budge on that one. We'll name him together tomorrow.
EL: Herbert Prince Borg
JUSTIN: You're fucking loco!
I'm laughing and Kurt keeps looking at me but I can't look up because I don't want to see that fucker Trent.
EL: I love you
JUSTIN: I love you too
Looking up at the bartender, she's a cute girl with short blonde hair and she's smiling at me.
"Two shots Goldschläger, one Guinness." I smile at her.
I finally look over at Kurt and I can see him. Trent. Sitting just behind Kurt. I feel my face getting flush and I quickly open my texts with El again and look at her pictures to try and calm down. I get a text from Jacks.
JACKS: Sucker ass bitch. You're the proud owner of a flea ball. Grow some balls Borg. I told her no.
BORG: You're a lying bitch. I know you didn't tell her no, not sure how you got out of it but you didn't tell her no
I chuckle setting my phone on the bar.
JACKS: He didn't tell me no. He's allergic. Love you- ZP
I laugh because he's such a bitch that he lets her see his
phone. I'm caught off guard by Trent and his tool friends chanting some random shit loudly. I look over and finally get a good look at this idiot. I want to shove my thumbs in his eye sockets and rip his skull in two.
The blonde's brought me my drinks and I was going to give one of these shots to Kurt but I need them both.
Justin unintentionally stared at Trent enough that Kurt had to give him a nudge. When the five guys stopped singing they laughed and turned back to their drinks. Kyle finally emerged from the bathroom and Justin chuckled quietly while staring at the bar; he'd been in there at least twenty minutes.
"Hey, uh." He leaned into the bartender and Justin knew it was killing him because she was cute. "The toilet's broke."
"You broke the toilet?" she bitched.
Both Kurt and Justin started to laugh.
"Fuck you guys!" Kyle snapped. "I don't know what happened, it just broke."
"Man, what the hell," the blonde huffed. "Yeah alright." She waved her hand at him and walked through a door to the back.
"Fuck you guys. You're paying for that." He pointed to his full beer and turned to walk out. "No, you know what, fuck you." He picked up the beer and gulped it down then grabbed Justin's Guinness and did the same.
"Prick." Justin laughed.
"Fuck you guys," Kyle said again flipping them off and walking to the door.
"'Ey! Look at him, that fuck broke the toilet!" Kurt laughed, pointing.
Kyle kept his head down, still flipping them off and walked out of the bar.
The bartender entered the men's room then came back out. "What the fuck! Oh my god! Where is that
guy?" she shouted.
"He left."
Trent and his friends laughed.
"What the hell!" She kept bitching all the way back behind the bar. "He didn't even pay for his beer!"
"I got it," Justin said with a chuckle.
"You know that guy?"
"Uh, no. I don't know him. He might." Justin thumbed toward Kurt.
"Never seen the guy." Kurt started to laugh and held up three fingers for her to bring him three more beers. One went to Justin, one to himself, and the other to Trent.
"You're all-fuckin'-right." Trent patted Kurt's back.
"Hey, you were the top scorer tonight. They should be buying you drinks too." Kurt looked back at Trent's friends.
"Yeah, you fucks! Buy me a beer!"
Justin stayed focused on his beer and he wasn't sure why he opted to go in instead of wait outside to pummel him.
"So the bathroom alright?" Justin asked after his first beer.
"Oh hell no!" she bitched. "It's fucked. You can go in the ladies."
"I'm straight on that. Back alley?"
"Hey, I don't care. I'm not getting the ticket."
"I'm not pissin' in the girls'!" Kurt complained.
"Yeah, fuck that," Justin said.
"Men piss in the street! I'm a fucking man!" Kurt raised his beer and Justin laughed, clanking his bottle with Kurt's.
"Men!" Trent bellowed doing the same.
"Right, so I'm gonna take a leak," Justin muttered walking toward the back door.
He observed the hall closely as he exited to make sure no employees would interrupt.
Big D was leaning on a dumpster smoking and he looked over. "Lucky I didn't jump you." He grinned.
"Where's Abner?" Justin faced his back to them to urinate on the bui
lding.
"Back here," Abner called from behind the dumpster.
"Cameras?" Justin glanced up then down the alley.
"No," Kyle said from behind the dumpster. "I made
sure to look 'cause your dipshit ass didn't think all this
through."
"Yeah, I didn't." He zipped his pants.
"You're not having second thoughts, are you?" Kyle asked disappointedly and came around from behind the dumpster.
"No. This fuck is the type of guy we'd start a bar fight with just 'cause his dialogue." Justin glanced at Big D. "Pull your hat down, man, your big ass bald head is shinnin' in the moonlight." He walked back in and sat, noticing Kurt had his arm around Trent who had his arm around one of his friends and they were singing loudly.
"Another shot?" the blonde asked him.
"Yeah, thanks." He glanced at her then back at his beer.
"You don't look too happy to be here," the blonde said putting yet another shot down.
"Nowhere else I'd rather be." Justin smiled at her then took his shot.
"I knew this was the place to come," a female's voice bellowed at the
entry.
Justin turned on his stool to see Maria. "Fuck," he muttered.
"Where those tits, Maria?" Trent called out and she giggled.
Justin slowly looked over at Trent. Him and his group of friends began cat calling her and crudely insulting her but she took it as flirting. He wasn't surprised Trent seemed to know her, but he knew there was going to be trouble.
"Hey." She approached Justin who stared at his beer.
"Hi." He smiled playing it cool.
"I knew you were here. No clubs around." She giggled and Justin followed suit. "So?" She kept giggling.
"So?" Justin glanced around.
"You gonna come over?"
"More than likely." He turned back to his beer.
"Maria." Kurt smiled at her and she scowled.
"I don't even remember your name." She rolled her
eyes.
"Yeah you do," he teased cruelly. "You were singing it that one night."
"You fucked her too?" Trent slapped Kurt's back.
"Who hasn't?" One of Trent's friends boasted and they all laughed.
"You guys are dicks." She giggled and Justin looked at her disgusted by the fact she wasn't offended.
"Sit down!" he barked at her, pulling the stool out next to him.
"Maria, you want to see my three fifty?" Trent grinned.