by R. Cooper
“But you said that fairies got married. You were talking about David MacKenzie, remember?” Sasha pressed, genuinely confused.
“My parents are married, according to human laws. David is married to a fairy, or as close to it as we would get otherwise,” Flor cut in. “Fairies feel everything that humans feel, no matter what the myths say. But Clematis is right in that a lot of things that many humans would consider inappropriate don’t bother us. If we’re in love, then all we really want is the one we love to be happy.” Flor lowered his head and toyed with the ribbon holding the bag of taffy closed.
Sasha released a long breath. “I still don’t get it. So you and Flor aren’t…?”
Clematis didn’t want strawberries after all. “Flor and I are friends now,” he told Sasha with some pride in that fact. “We aren’t dating. But we have slept together.” He didn’t acknowledge Tarō’s gleeful holler. “Flor says he isn’t looking for serious. Does that help you understand?”
Flustered humans were precious. “He isn’t?” Sasha made a puzzled, slightly angry face. “But you are?”
Clematis straightened. His mouth fell open. “Me?” Shock made his voice rough. Sasha only continued to wait on an answer. “No one—” Clematis swallowed to wet his mouth. “Humans get spouses. Weres get mates. Fairies get laid. That’s what they said when I was younger. It’s not true. Fairies fall in love. Flor is proof of that. But, me?” His chest was tight. He put a hand over his heart and focused on the beat and slowing the rhythm of his wings to match it. “It doesn’t matter if I am,” he finished at last. He lifted his head to an arrogant angle a little too late. “There are many things I’m much better at,” he drawled huskily. “If you’re looking for serious, you should ask a fairy who keeps.”
“Keeps,” Sasha repeated. “Ah wait, we talked about that in class. Not much, I think David is going to talk about it in depth later. Something about the story of Tam Lin.”
“David is going to describe being kept by Tulip for you?” Flor asked, barely audible. “Oh. That hurts. I didn’t think it would, but it hurts.”
“Flor, come here.” Clematis extended an arm and moments later, Flor settled next to him, his face against his shoulder, his arm around his waist.
“I’m sorry,” Flor said, muffled.
Clematis sighed at the warmth of him. Flor absorbed sunshine like a flower. “You kept David very well.” The scent of the lily in Flor’s hair was intoxicating. “Flor took very good care of David,” Clematis added, to Sasha. “He wanted only for David to be happy. Just because David was in love with someone else doesn’t change that. He shared everything with David, and would have woven him a crown, I bet, if David had wanted one.”
“I used to think about it,” Flor confessed, soft, for only Clematis to hear.
“Flor knows all the old traditions like that, all the ways to give flowers and what sort of crowns to make for the person who makes him happy.” Clematis wondered if it would be okay if he put a hand on Flor’s back. This wasn’t sex. Perhaps Flor wouldn’t want it. But Flor had complained that Clematis never touched him, so Clematis settled a hand over the one Flor had on him and Flor exhaled shakily. “Someday, Flor will be the powerful sort of fairy who knows how to curse and bless and show someone the truth. He might even speak Fairy.”
“‘Fairy’ is just the archaic form of human languages that some fairies held on to for a long time,” Flor complained, then raised his head. Clematis turned toward him. Their faces were close. Flor’s eyes were dark and still. “Clematis, do you not know the traditions, or what flowers mean? Even in a city, you should have seen some of them. Your parents didn’t teach you anything?”
“My parents?” Clematis turned his head. “Anise raised me, not my parents. She’s fairy but she isn’t settled, despite her age. It probably didn’t occur to her to tell me. She was a friend of my parents’,” he explained a moment later when everyone was silent. “I call her my mom sometimes because it’s less confusing, and Stephanie says lots of people have adoptive mothers, and Anise doesn’t mind.”
Sasha cleared his throat. “Clematis, that’s—”
“Would you like to learn about flowers?” Flor offered, rudely interrupting Sasha and not seeming very sorry about it. “You could teach me some ASL, and I can teach you that. You know I’ll go on about plants forever anyway.”
“You want to learn ASL?” Clematis asked in surprise. “I’m probably not the best teacher, but all right, if you want. But you know I’ll have trouble with all those flower combinations and what they mean.”
“I doubt that, and anyway, I don’t mind.” Flor put his cheek on Clematis’s shoulder. “Sasha, flowers have different meanings—that changes with different cultures and times, of course, but if Fairy was a real language, it would be in what we say when we make flower crowns and other gifts for the ones who make us happy.” He was much friendlier to Sasha now, but Clematis still thought he should eat.
“You are going to keep someone again someday.” Clematis tried to cheer him up. “You like it too much not to.”
“Maybe,” Flor admitted softly. “I would have to work hard not to fuck it up again. And someone would have to want me to.” He propped his chin on Clematis’s shoulder. “You really don’t know flowers?”
He did not seem surprised when Clematis shook his head, but he did sigh and tug the lily from his hair. “Orange isn’t your color, which is a shame.” He tucked the stem behind Clematis’s ear and spent some time arranging the flower to his satisfaction.
Clematis stared at him and could not catch his breath.
“Sasha, you shiny human, why don’t you come sit with me at the table for a while?” Tarō called out, voice melodic and coaxing. “I can tell you more about the MCC and other groups on campus, and you can tell me more about how dashing I am.”
“I… yeah,” Sasha answered hesitantly as he got to his feet. “Three steps down the slope to the flatter grass. Then onto the pavement. Where is the table, exactly?”
“Oh, Sasha, it’s—” Clematis started to answer, but then Tarō was up and drawing Sasha closer to him with careful directions.
“He’s fine,” Flor assured him. “Tarō is probably going to bore him with poetry soon. Do you mind that he’s with him? I wasn’t sure when I got here. About you and your Sasha, I mean.”
“Sasha is very shiny.” Clematis stretched to pull the carton of strawberries back toward him without dislodging Flor or the lily. He handed a plump, sweet-looking berry to Flor. “I don’t know if he wants to keep a fairy. Or even to sleep with one.”
“Hmm.” Flor bit his strawberry in half. “Do you want him to keep you? Or sleep with you? Do you want a human at all?”
“I’ve never seen any point in thinking about it.” Clematis still could not breathe normally. “But I can’t imagine Sasha holding me down, or letting me suck his cock until my jaw hurt.” He had no idea how long Flor had left him in bliss before stopping him. He vaguely remembered whining at Flor when Flor urged him back and put him in bed and brought him water and a vanilla cupcake.
Flor made a pleased little noise. “I know you’re trying to distract me,” he said first, then, “That would be hot, though, if he did.” Then, “You were recovered by morning, right? You had enough rest and cupcakes?”
“Yes.” Clematis briefly imagined being in bed with Sasha, and then Flor being there with them. He banished the thought quickly, then shivered as he realized. Flor desired him too, at least for now. It was all right to think about it, even though it likely wouldn’t happen. “It would be hot,” he agreed. “Would you tell us both what to do?”
Flor flexed the hand at Clematis’s side, then ran his thumb over the skin there. “If you wanted me to. Yes, probably. I’m bossy, and you like it. Are you still trying to distract me?”
“Do you still need distraction?” Clematis did not want to mention David. He stuffed a strawberry in his mouth and chewed slowly. “I’m not pretending when I do this with you,” he sa
id instead, staring at his reddened fingertips. “The way I do things is practiced, but I wouldn’t pretend with you. You’d notice, anyway, if I tried. You always noticed.”
“Not always. I didn’t realize when you meant it.” Flor briefly hid his face in Clematis’s shoulder again. “I should get back to the table. Ugh. I don’t want to go.”
“I am distracting you,” Clematis said in wonder. He glanced to the table. Sasha was in one of the chairs, nodding along to whatever Tarō was saying, something about heartbeats and rhythm. Beyond them, the path was as quiet as it ever got, although the hateful ones, the Human Heritage people, were shouting slogans at anyone who walked by them. “You could stay here for a while with me, I think. If you wanted.”
“Here in your bower?” Flor asked quietly without looking up. Clematis did not have a bower, and didn’t think someone else’s blanket under a tree with no blossoms counted as one. “Thank you,” Flor went on before Clematis could find something to say. But he pulled away and sat up straight.
Flor must have been teasing. Clematis moved to sit more comfortably, with his legs crossed. Flor pulled the ribbon from the bag of taffy and left it curled on his knee.
“Come here.” Flor sighed as if exasperated but picked up a strawberry and held it out. “You bought them for yourself, didn’t you? You love fruit. So eat them. Every last fat, red berry. You should enjoy them before the season is over and you’re left with the hothouse ones.”
Flor smiled when Clematis took it in both hands and watched until Clematis finally started to eat. Then he picked out a piece of white and brown swirled taffy and untwisted the wax paper around it before popping it in his mouth. “I’m here until five,” he declared, mouth full, shoulders drooping. “It’s okay if you have somewhere else to be.” He punctuated that by plopping the carton in front of Clematis. “Did you know you moan a little to yourself when you eat stuff you like? It’s delightful and frustrating.”
“No one’s ever said,” Clematis replied faintly. “I have nowhere else to be. I can stay, unless you want me to go get you something else to eat if you’re still hungry.”
Flor looked at him, eyes hotter than the sun, with a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth. “Will you wear the flower if you go? For me? And return as soon as you can?”
Clematis nodded, then stopped before he smiled back. “What does an orange lily mean?”
“Passion,” Flor explained in a whisper, then leaned over to press a soft kiss to his cheek, his lips sticky and his breath sweet.
CLEMATIS LOOKED uncertainly around Flor’s apartment while Flor talked on the phone with his parents. Half the curtains were open, streaming summer evening sunlight over plants arranged on wire shelves and in windowsills. The shadowed corners held plants too, as did the small table in the kitchen area and the shelf by the door.
He had only been to Flor’s apartment a few times over the years, usually with the group on their way somewhere else. Flor had a lot of green plants, or at least plants that currently weren’t flowering, except for the cactus in his bathroom window. His other decorations seemed to be his TV, his shelf of video games, a large sewing kit, some framed pictures of his family and David, and about ten bright pillows on his couch. His bedroom had no door, which could have been Flor’s idea or could have been that way when Flor took the apartment.
Flor’s bedroom had two big fans aimed at the bed and yet a mountain of thick comforters on the bed itself.
On the couch next to Clematis was a copy of T. Fitzpatrick’s first book about werewolf rights and the Visibly Were movement. He wondered how it felt to be able to hide as some werewolves had done, or tried to do, through human history. He didn’t imagine it felt nice, pretending to be human, but he still wondered. A fairy was a fairy. There was no disguising it.
“An acceptable amount of trouble?” Flor asked his parents, walking back and forth in the kitchen. “Well, I haven’t been arrested.” He glanced over and saw Clematis watching. “Yeah, I know who to call if I do. Oh please, like David wouldn’t be there getting arrested with me. Yes, yes, I know my rights. You know I do. Hey, Mamá, I’ve got to go. This is making Clematis nervous. He’s starting to look scared.”
Clematis quickly faced forward, then didn’t know what else to do so he picked up the book to read the back.
“Yes, that Clematis,” Flor said, closer. “No, he—he’d worry if I got arrested.” Clematis tipped his head up when Flor stopped behind him. Flor started to smile at him, then startled at whatever his parents said. “Well, he wouldn’t get arrested. No—I mean, yes, he is a law-abiding citizen, but no, he’s not ignoring anything.” Flor stroked the lily at Clematis’s ear, though it was surely starting to wilt by now.
He abruptly tore away to go argue in the kitchen. “There are all kinds of ways to fight the power. You told me that! This way and David’s way, for example. And sometimes just existing is a fight. Yeah,” Flor declared sharply. “You said that and it’s true. If everyone is pushing for you to fail and you’re still there and still trying…. Yeah,” Flor added, softer. “Yeah. No, I get that, but—I can’t talk to you about this now. I’ll talk to you later, okay? Visit? Soon. I don’t know, as soon as work starts to slow down for the fall and winter. I’ll take the bus out since David will probably be busy. No, he’s happy. I told you. I’m… good, really. Happy? I—I’m gonna go now. Kiss everyone for me! I love you! Ugh, Mom. Seriously? Okay, bye.”
“Parents,” Flor summed up with a sigh and dropped his phone onto the counter.
Clematis put down the book. He’d never met Flor’s parents, but he could imagine what Flor had told them about him.
He looked around Flor’s apartment again, not sure what he was doing here. If Flor was starting to feel more comfortable in this building, even though he might run into David and Tulip, then he probably didn’t need Clematis around anymore. But Flor had asked him to come back with him after his shift at the MCC table, so here he was.
“Um,” Flor added after some silence. “That is, parents can sometimes be a pain, even when you love them.”
“I’ve seen people interact with their parents before, Flor.” Clematis didn’t roll his eyes, but he considered it.
“Sorry.” Flor was uncharacteristically hesitant. “For that, and for my parents. It wasn’t as bad as you might be thinking. Mostly, it was the usual stuff they ask whenever I— Hey, listen, they don’t know about you and David. At least, they didn’t hear about it from me. And they wouldn’t blame you for that anyway because they know David. I’m pretty sure I’ve only mentioned you to them as part of the group. I… might have called you shallow, but that was before I really knew you. And admit it—you thought I was annoying when you first met me.”
Clematis exhaled. “Do you really play all these games?” He nodded toward the shelf of them beneath the television.
“Yeah. Of course. These are all old, though. I don’t have the time or money for the new games or a nice laptop to play them on or anything. Shoot ’em ups aren’t really my style, anyway. They make me too tense,” Flor answered, distracted. “Nice way to change the subject, by the way. Clematis, are you nervous being here?”
Clematis did not jump at the question, but his wings did. “I could blow you, if you want.”
“It’s not that I don’t want, it’s that you don’t seem comfortable.” Flor stayed in the kitchen. “Although, that does seem to relax you.”
“I don’t have to think. I just feel good.” Clematis glanced over. “And people like it.”
“Yeah, you looked… peaceful, like that.” Flor’s voice dropped. “And hot. And beautiful. But mostly content. I hated to make you stop, but you needed a break. And so did I, a bit. It was nice, you know, lying next to you afterward.” He stretched to try to catch Clematis’s eye. “Did you, um, think that was nice?”
Clematis nodded quickly.
“Are you blushing?” Flor asked with open glee. “You blush at the weirdest times.”
“Sorry,�
� Clematis apologized, only to have Flor fly across the room to hop onto the couch and hug him.
“No, don’t be sorry. It’s great.” Flor smushed his face into Clematis’s neck, drawing out a huff of surprised laughter from Clematis. “You went all subby and zoned out on my dick, but you blush when I mention actually sleeping with you. I love it.” He rubbed his nose beneath Clematis’s ear, making Clematis laugh again before he covered his mouth. Flor cackled as he pulled back. “You want an iced coffee? I have some.”
He got up without waiting for an answer and went to the refrigerator. He pulled out one of the same brand that were now regularly in the cooler at the MCC table and grinned. “They don’t sell these in cinnamon, only vanilla and chocolate and caramel. But did you know you can buy cinnamon syrup? I’m going to get some for you. Here.” He came over to give Clematis the bottle, then paused and went back for his phone, which buzzed against the counter. He picked it up, read the message, then put it back down.
He got himself a soda and came over to the couch. He scrunched up his face into an expression somewhere between defiant and annoyed. “I went to go see that movie with Virgil because we’re friends and he said no one else wanted to see it with him. But now I think I shouldn’t have. That he thinks it was more. Even though I told him, and anyway, we haven’t fucked in a while. But I could be wrong.” He sighed. “I don’t want to hurt him. I tried not to hurt him. This whole thing was his idea, and, argh, now he wants to hang out.”
“Hang out like this?” Clematis asked.
Flor looked sideways at him for a long moment. “No, not like this.”
“Because you might date him?” Clematis opened his coffee to hide his confusion.
He received another long, pointed look. Then Flor groaned and dropped his head. “Clematis, I’m not dating him. I’m not going to date him. I wouldn’t—I’m not the best boyfriend. I haven’t tried it much, but I have tried, and I messed up. But even with that, I wouldn’t cheat. If I’d developed feelings for Virgil, I would have said, and I wouldn’t have had sex with anyone else. Unless he was into that, obviously.”